bhn

My older brother (62) has been an alcoholic and multiple drug user for most of his adult life. He lives 2000 miles away I have had an on-and-off relationship with him for many years. He has become so negative about anything and everything that I recently told him I couldn't be a part of his life anymore ("you've burned your last bridge"). I am a disabled brain tumor survivor so I have my own issues but I still manage to work part-time and have a good life. From time to time, I feel the urge to get in touch but then I ask myself why?

I've tried to research the "lingering effects of alcoholism/addiction on siblings" but have found there has not been a lot of studies. Wondering if anyone can direct me to a particular forum, blog, or have a link???

brother of spn3

Hevyn

I hope someone will know of a helpful place. Meanwhile, you should check out the Friends & Family forum here - it's wonderful. I'm glad you found us & are seeking help for yourself.

Dee74

welcome bhn

Being negative is often a corollary of long term alcohol or drug abuse I think - it certainly was for me.

I despised myself for getting high or drunk, but despised the moments when I wasn't that way too, and I despised the world for pretty much everything all the time.

I hope your brother finds his way eventually, but I think you did right in making a decision based on your well-being.

I know you'll find a lot of support and ideas on how to live with your decison in our Family and Friends forums. I encourage you to check them out

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/friends-family

D

Brucel

Howdy, sorry to hear about your situation with your brother. It sucks when we can't help our family. I have never been to an alanon meeting, but I think that's right on the same road that you are on. I kind of have the same thing, and I found out all I can do is pray for my brother, and when I do talk to him, I do so in a position of neutrality about his affliction. I show him love without being co-dependent. I'm sure someone hear has a connection with other support that might help. Good luck.

least

Welcome to the family! I hope the friends and families forums can help you thru this.

Itchy

Hi bhn!

Since you're asking there are Al Anon groups in New Hampshire and you might want to go to their website and do some reading. And maybe even attend a meeting or two and listen to the effects on others and ask some questions of your own from those who have been there.

Sorry to hear about the disability, several of us here have disabilities and like you we make the best of the hand that is dealt us.

Here's the link to NH Al Anon which is NOT AA.
NH Al-Anon Alateen

Here is an article about them from here on SR:
Alanon Information | Sober Recovery Articles

bhn

Thanks Dee. I go through alternating periods of anger combined with the reality of the situation as being hopeless. At age 62, any chance of him changing a behavior which is now so much a part of his "normal" life is almost nil....

"I hope your brother finds his way eventually, but I think you did right in making a decision based on your well-being...."

bhn

Thanks, Bruce. I may try Al-Anon if there any meetings locally.

Dee74

I think there's always hope bhn - I'm 40ish but I stopped after a lifetime of heavy drinking and I'm not out of the ordinary here ...I know folks here around your brother's age too...

The sad thing is it has to be his decision....so, as I said, I hope he gets it
I'm glad to see you're thinking of things like AlAnon for yourself

D

bhn

Thanks for the encouraging words, Dee. Here's the thing:

He's quit several times, gone to AA for a while, but every relapse is worse. I can't even carry on a conversation with him anymore (email or phone). His last visit was to my place the year after I got out the hospital (2006) and I wasn't getting around very much. He (and his wife) came to help me with things that I can't do anymore - sounded like the brother I knew was in there somewhere. Well, the first thing they unpacked was 2 cases of beer, which they went through in less than 2 days. Total consumption for 5 days was in the ballpark of 6 cases (but who's counting?) Now they did manage to get a lot of work done - in record time. I found out why when he told me confidentially that they had a big fight over "her" cocaine usage. He finally admitted he had "had a problem" in the past. My comment?? There is no such thing as "had a cocaine problem. My right side was still very weak and uncoordinated from the brain surgery or I swear I would have killed him! I was never so happy as when they left....

The reason I don't hold out much hope is my mother's alcoholism. She became increasingly bitter and angry when her health started failing (from 55 years of cigarettes and booze). My Dad and I were a lot alike, as were my Mom and my brother. Both artistic and now both seem headed down the same road. I've seen the movie....

BHN

Dee74

I'm sorry - it sounds rough.

The important thing for you is to look after yourself in all this - you can't change your brother, but maybe you can change you? change the way you react to it all...I think thats where things like AlAnon and Naranon come into play...

I really hope you can find some peace

D