mckats

Thank you for the replies.

My father never did AA. He went to the U.S (Live in Canada) and did a 90 day intreatment program. Relapsed week one and then continued to drink until my mother threatened to leave him along with my siblings.
He wasn't the same type of alcholic as me (if there are types I dunno), he used to drink hard liquor, alone, and sneak it around the house and at work.

From reading from your experiences I can understood the methods behind total sobriety. I guess because I've never tried to quit before that I figured with the help of my counsellor I could moderate rather than eliminate.

He seems to think its a viable solution and i'm likely speaking from ignorance but right now I feel amazing. No more depression (usually it would take me until tuesday just to feel somewhat normal).

So I guess at this point I'm torn...I understand what can happen but I feel mentally strong at the moment. I'm not sure what to do...I know most of you are likely thinking 'oh gosh..been there done that...with a doomsday scenario looming' but at the moment I'm confident in what I'm doing and the progress I've made.

Anyways its been like 3 weeks and I owe thanks to this forum for this progress. Will update after the weekend~!!!

Thanks again all...

M

mckats

Another successfull week No much to add but feels good! Although I have been eating more??? lol I think i've put on about 5 pounds since this started. lol

-Depression has lifted completely and still experiencing some good mental clarity
-Really enjoying the smaller things in life that I never took the time to care about
-Just generally nicer to friends and family

However
-I've been over endulging in food as said before. On sat (well tonight) I ate a whole large pizza and wings while watching t.v. with the gf...I felt really insecure about not drinking tonight with buddies who were heading downtown...
-I had some serious cravings for booze and/or pot but managed to stay away

Thanks again....and I'm going to start posting some encouraging words in people threads..I'm a textbook 'lurker' but hopefully i can contribute something for someone.

OLa!

M

Kmber2010

Good stuff Kats. If moderating works for you then all the best. I found that ummmmm over time (many of us here can attest to it) that no matter what our reason for wanting to cutback per se didn't always seem to pan out in the long run. It wasn't the life we were leading as much as the pull and desire towards drinking that didn't seem to go away when we tried the cut back approach.

Keep going and sharing. Everyone has a unique experience but at the end of the day if we are happy with ourselves and how we live our life then that is what matters.

mckats

Not one drink consumed this weekend...and have been slowly spreading the word to friends (through actions moreso than speech) that i'm off the booze.

PPL are generally supportive...but most are kinda dumbfounded..it seems like almost they feel insecure when i'm there and not my usual blasted self.
I've been hitting the gym hard which is helping but still the cravings not so much for one drink or two...but to get wasted are still there.

Amount of money I saved this month was rediculous...and my body and mind still feel good. Have a lot of holiday parties coming up so that will be a test but I WILL succeed...

The one thing that worries me is my current resentment of being around drunk people. God knows I've done more stupid things while intoxicated than 95% of the population..but i've been really annoyed lately when someone is drunk around me. HOpe that passes because those friends are all great people to me.

THanks alL!! esp previous poster for her support!

M

Dee74

Glad you had a sober weekend McK

I found people got used to me - a lot of people expected me to be the drink police I think.

I got used to other people too, the more I went along - I still dislike being around drunk people, but I don't resent them.

hope you continue to have good progress
D

LaFemme

Hi mckats! Glad the moderation thing is working for you. Just an idea but maybe after the holidays give the alcohol a break for 3 months and see if the cravings to get wasted go away...you can always go back to your moderation plan at the end of the 3 months.

I try not to hang around people who are wasted...but by the end I was a solo drinker....I used to party like a celebrity...thought I was so cool drinking my Kit Royals at the Bowery Bar...wish I had stopped at 26.

LaFemme

Oh...I didn't see anyone answer your question...there are as many different types of alcoholics as there are people who are alcoholics:-)

mckats

Thanks guise and girls for your replies.

Yea I think it may be a good idea to abstain totally for a while. Had two drinks this week both on Friday night while watching a comedy show. Everyone else was blasted and chirping me while ordering a coffee but I held strong.

Some general things i'm noticing

-Nicotine cravings wayyy up from before. Craving cigs. Not daily smoker..would smoke only when drinking but now I find myself craving them more
-Eating more. Not sure why this is but my food consumption is getting outta control.

Plans moving forward obviously involve cutting/eliminating cigs/glutony.lol

Strictly speaking about alcohol however
-Did not have the urge at all to party hard this week which is a good sign
-The holiday festivities are in full force however and I know some big challenges lie ahead
-Sleeping seems tougher than normal esp thurs-sun. Up till 2-3am still

but all in all i'm happy with this and life in general. No depression or anxiety whatsoever :-D

Thanks again and I will continue to update

M

mckats

Hello all.

Had an epic xmas party on Saturday. I drove but still have 5 drinks (beer) over the course of 4 hours.

Not bad considering everyone else there was hammered to the point that they could hardly speak. Guys/gals included.

Still upset tho, t I turned down the shots but ended up drinking the beers while watching the UFC PPV at the house.

at 6'2 230 was still sober enough to drive..but still I wanted to keep it to 3.

Thoughts

Not sure why but on the way home I SNAPPED on my gf for no good reason. Think I was dissapointed in myself for having that many drinks. (still good tho as previous years at this gala I wouldnt have left without having 20 plus).
Was in a bad place...but that will change.
-Added up my drinks over the last 5 weeks or so doing moderation and am under 15 total for the time...A success overall indeed.
-No drinks until new years! at which point I plan on only having a couple!

Thanks to all and to all a good sober week!!

M

Mcribb

Same story but 3 years older. You are 26 something is going to give before you are 30, either you are going to get in trouble and go through enough pain to quit, or you are going to be that dude buying 21 year old woman shots while you are balding.

Mcribb

The main thing for me was he weekend party was the only time I got a glipse of relief from Anxiety trouble, worry the week provided me. I could make it a weekend without drinking, but it would never stick until I was 29 and finally ready to give in to get help

mckats

Hello All its been a while since I updated but here goes.

In the three months I've been trying to stay sober I have only gotten 'drunk' one time. That was this past Saturday.

I had behaved fine and was normal and no signs of depression while hungover. However I did not have a good time and will not get drunk ever again.

Other than that all is well and my alchy consumption is still at an all time low. I have no desire to drink.

Thanks to all as I still read other threads and they give me good support!!

M

mckats

Well I feel off the rails....

Past few weeks have been really tough.

Drinking like a mad man.

Slept in my car numerous times as i was too drunk to drive.

Broke up with a girl that loves me over cheating while heavily intoxicated.

Verbal abuse to that girl as well.

Depressed and having suicidal thoughts.

Pretty much have been hung over or drunk for the past month every day.

FML....time to start over....this moderation thing doesnt work for me i guess.

M

Mcribb

this is normal mkats from what I have seen. I strugged to do it on my own as well. I needed a program (I use AA) I had to have a program that made it clear that it was more worthwhile to be sober than to be drunk. Getting into a program for me has provided friends, love, daily support, and direction. Hope it works out and take action to start your way to a better life.

Mcribb

I will say that it is cool you are posting on here. When I was your age I was still believing the lie, that the way to happiness is partying like a rockstar, doing drugs, being crazy. The lie is that is what sells cd and gets you to watch movies etc. It is a lie to get you to buy stuff. So the next time you see or hear someone "partying a rock star" remember they are selling a lie to seperate you from your money, they don't care about you.

Hevyn

McKats - I missed talking to you when you first joined - very glad to see you posted again & are ready to start on your journey to a sober life. You have learned something that many never do - alcoholics can't moderate.

Like Mcribb, I was late in acknowledging my destructive behavior. I drank all my life, and tried to manage & control it with dangerous results. 3 dui's, ruined relationships, humiliating behavior, financial ruin, health issues - the list goes on. This doesn't have to be you, McKats - you can salvage everything and have a beautiful life without booze. It wasn't ever needed in my life - but it's looking back that I finally see it. I sure didn't see it at the time - but you have. Congratulations on your decision. We are here for you.

mckats

thanks for the support...very heartfelt....

last 5 times i drank i also did coke....sooo i'm scared as ****...

I need this to work.....and thank you all!

M

Dee74

I think it was actually a great thing to genuinely realise moderation didn't work for me...it was like turning a corner.

I really hope it will be for you too McKats

Welcome back
D

Supercrew

Thanks for bringing this thread back up, although I am sorry to hear the moderation thing didn't stick with you. I found that out plenty of times over the last 27 years, but never truly believed it until June 2010.

Hopefully other newbies will read this thread in its entirety and see how many people's recoveries start out. A lesson can be learned. You have a 15 year head start on me so enjoy those 15 years sober! You can do it!

ReadyAndAble

Good for you, mckats.

Moderation was such a struggle; it was a relief to finally quit the endless game of counting days and hours and drinks. Your Dec. 14 post reminded me of how even when I thought I was winning the battle with alcohol, I was losing. It's just an exhausting, unsatisfying way to live. The thought of giving up alcohol terrified me. But now the only thing that scares me is the thought of going back.

It's really great to see you back here.