May my soul find its way
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Hi Ed and welcome! Might not be a bad idea for the gf to spend the night. The clean sheets will be nice when you are sweating tonight:-)
As for prayers for the cravings...I prayed that God would make me hate the taste of alcohol...guess what He did...I kept forcing it down my throat for awhile even after but that was my problem...lol.
Keep us posted and stick close to SR...its a life saver. If you think you are going to cave post here first and let us talk you down:-)
As for prayers for the cravings...I prayed that God would make me hate the taste of alcohol...guess what He did...I kept forcing it down my throat for awhile even after but that was my problem...lol.
Keep us posted and stick close to SR...its a life saver. If you think you are going to cave post here first and let us talk you down:-)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 13
Made the meeting. I kind of felt like it was nutty. They have there inside jokes and mannerisms, that unfortunately were just a bit much given my single focus and desire to get drinking.
It was worthwhile though, and I know the people are genuienly supportive.
It was scary driving to the meeting. I wanted to stop at a store so bad. Beyond reason bad. AFter the meeting I made sure to get on the phone with my girl. I simply can't have her here tonight. She is full of Atta-boys and how she is proud of me. I just can't hear that. I don't deserve anything. Hell until midnight it isn't even 24 hours. But having her on the phone as I drove home kept my mind off of stopping for a bottle.
About now I do have the shakes. Some pain in my chest and oddly leg sockets. Go figure.
I'm keeping things on this thread low key but there is a line from a movie that I have been saying over and over.
"It's a beautiful F'ing War."
It was worthwhile though, and I know the people are genuienly supportive.
It was scary driving to the meeting. I wanted to stop at a store so bad. Beyond reason bad. AFter the meeting I made sure to get on the phone with my girl. I simply can't have her here tonight. She is full of Atta-boys and how she is proud of me. I just can't hear that. I don't deserve anything. Hell until midnight it isn't even 24 hours. But having her on the phone as I drove home kept my mind off of stopping for a bottle.
About now I do have the shakes. Some pain in my chest and oddly leg sockets. Go figure.
I'm keeping things on this thread low key but there is a line from a movie that I have been saying over and over.
"It's a beautiful F'ing War."
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Wayfarm,
Glad you went and yes it felt the same for me on the first one. Congrats on holding off. It appears you are ready to face your fears and do anything to make it, even an AA meeting. Now you see they aren't fearful whether you use AA or not. Don't forget that if it gets rough you can always call the docs and get some help. I don't remember if you said you have done this before or not. As well in some AA meetings one or more folks may offer you their number and if you did get that kind of contact number use it if you feel overwhelmed by detox and won't call a doc. There are people here all night because of different time zones do post here too if you need any info or advice.
Glad you went and yes it felt the same for me on the first one. Congrats on holding off. It appears you are ready to face your fears and do anything to make it, even an AA meeting. Now you see they aren't fearful whether you use AA or not. Don't forget that if it gets rough you can always call the docs and get some help. I don't remember if you said you have done this before or not. As well in some AA meetings one or more folks may offer you their number and if you did get that kind of contact number use it if you feel overwhelmed by detox and won't call a doc. There are people here all night because of different time zones do post here too if you need any info or advice.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 13
I did it, I did it, I did it!!!!!!!
24 hours no drinking! It has to have been some 4 years since I have gone a day without drinking. Last week was an all out binge from the weekend that went through the week with a break for Wed. This time last week I was cutting, and well into another 750ml bottle of gin.
What an express elevator to hell the last hours have been. I can cope with the chest pains, i can even deal with the silly shakes. My hip sockets are screaming. Who would have thought? Pain in my hips? My feet are unusually cold. Don't know what that means.
The anxiety of trying to figure out life without drinking is consuming. I am thinking of silly-silly stuff. What am I going to do this w/e? What about thanksgiving? How do I ever go into a grocery store again? How do I fly on an airplane without getting pissed on single serve beverage?
Tell me this gets easier? I'm trying to be smart about all this. I need a shave and am doing it tonight. If the shakes get worse there is no way I will be able to shave tomorrow.
I'm going to bed and hoping to get some shut eye.
24 hours no drinking! It has to have been some 4 years since I have gone a day without drinking. Last week was an all out binge from the weekend that went through the week with a break for Wed. This time last week I was cutting, and well into another 750ml bottle of gin.
What an express elevator to hell the last hours have been. I can cope with the chest pains, i can even deal with the silly shakes. My hip sockets are screaming. Who would have thought? Pain in my hips? My feet are unusually cold. Don't know what that means.
The anxiety of trying to figure out life without drinking is consuming. I am thinking of silly-silly stuff. What am I going to do this w/e? What about thanksgiving? How do I ever go into a grocery store again? How do I fly on an airplane without getting pissed on single serve beverage?
Tell me this gets easier? I'm trying to be smart about all this. I need a shave and am doing it tonight. If the shakes get worse there is no way I will be able to shave tomorrow.
I'm going to bed and hoping to get some shut eye.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Lomita, California
Posts: 200
Ed, you body is going thru detox. You are going to get worse before you get better. All I can suggest is Gatorade, V8 juice, some ice cream for the heaves. Lots of liquids, you have to get that evil liquid out of your system.
I needed Zanax, but you need to get to your Dr. for that. And be warned, it's as addictive as alcohol. I'm sending you a PM.
I needed Zanax, but you need to get to your Dr. for that. And be warned, it's as addictive as alcohol. I'm sending you a PM.
Dismember
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: The Mitten, USA
Posts: 1,641
Hey Ed,
Welcome. And congratulations on that first 24 hours.
There's no standard time frame of how long the drying out process takes. It can take a few days to a couple weeks, depending on your body and your past usage. If you can find a free clinic or something like that it's to your benefit. Someone to at least check your vitals.
And I am also a Christian in recovery. I don't hold the hope that in prayer I can ask away the cravings. I just ask for the strength to resist the temptation.
Also, I believe it was Anna, made a very good point about acceptance over strength. Alcoholism is to me similar to diabetes, both require a person to abstain from some substance in order to stay well. A diabetic does not become "stronger" than their diabetes, but learns to adapt to it. So with us and alcohol.
God bless.
Welcome. And congratulations on that first 24 hours.
There's no standard time frame of how long the drying out process takes. It can take a few days to a couple weeks, depending on your body and your past usage. If you can find a free clinic or something like that it's to your benefit. Someone to at least check your vitals.
And I am also a Christian in recovery. I don't hold the hope that in prayer I can ask away the cravings. I just ask for the strength to resist the temptation.
Also, I believe it was Anna, made a very good point about acceptance over strength. Alcoholism is to me similar to diabetes, both require a person to abstain from some substance in order to stay well. A diabetic does not become "stronger" than their diabetes, but learns to adapt to it. So with us and alcohol.
God bless.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Germany
Posts: 2,058
Welcome Way! Glad you are here and got your day one down. Everyone has a different experience so if things worry you then please do visit the ER or look up a free clinic.
For me....the first day was the worst but each day a bit better. Keep in mind bit. Detoxing at home....well it isn't pretty. I did it but I also knew that I had no other choice and I couldn't live the self destruction of alcoholic anymore. I also wasn't afraid to go to the ER if need be. I had done that plenty of times during benders when the panic attacks and associated chest pains kicked in.
What I do assure you of is that with a good program of recovery that you can learn to live a positive better life without alcohol. Hard to see when we are drinking or detoxing but yes you can. You never have to go through this again.
Way I saw it was that the horrible withdrawals I had was just one more huge red flag of the damaging effects that my chronic alcohol use had on me.
Focus on today my friend and please keep up with the support. I am blessed everyday in my sobriety and I am finally the better person I believed myself to be.
Keep it going.
For me....the first day was the worst but each day a bit better. Keep in mind bit. Detoxing at home....well it isn't pretty. I did it but I also knew that I had no other choice and I couldn't live the self destruction of alcoholic anymore. I also wasn't afraid to go to the ER if need be. I had done that plenty of times during benders when the panic attacks and associated chest pains kicked in.
What I do assure you of is that with a good program of recovery that you can learn to live a positive better life without alcohol. Hard to see when we are drinking or detoxing but yes you can. You never have to go through this again.
Way I saw it was that the horrible withdrawals I had was just one more huge red flag of the damaging effects that my chronic alcohol use had on me.
Focus on today my friend and please keep up with the support. I am blessed everyday in my sobriety and I am finally the better person I believed myself to be.
Keep it going.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
Hi Ed
I can't recommend enough seeing a Dr - many times, sure, detox is safe - I detoxed at home on my own hundreds of times - but my last detox was a doozy.
I'm still dealing with the ramifications of that decision - I alrady have cerebral palsy but I had a number of small strokes on top of that...
I have a variety of health issues still with me nearly 4 years on - mostly annoying in nature but they'll never leave me.
The smart money is on getting medical supervision, Ed.
D
I can't recommend enough seeing a Dr - many times, sure, detox is safe - I detoxed at home on my own hundreds of times - but my last detox was a doozy.
I'm still dealing with the ramifications of that decision - I alrady have cerebral palsy but I had a number of small strokes on top of that...
I have a variety of health issues still with me nearly 4 years on - mostly annoying in nature but they'll never leave me.
The smart money is on getting medical supervision, Ed.
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 13
solid advice given. I'll see a clinic to monitor vitals.
Sleep was a joke. In bed approx 1:30, but tosssing and turning. No real rest there. everything is annoying right now. I have tinnitus that I normally don't notice, it is all I hear. Roars like the ocean in my headspace.
change of shirt back to bed.
Sleep was a joke. In bed approx 1:30, but tosssing and turning. No real rest there. everything is annoying right now. I have tinnitus that I normally don't notice, it is all I hear. Roars like the ocean in my headspace.
change of shirt back to bed.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 13
Just checking in. I did manage to get better sleep from 6 to 8 this a.m.
In just a few minutes i'm 36 hrs clean. I have zero apetite, but am drinking water like its my job.
For those of use in our first days, I have said a prayer, even shed a few tears for us all. I am going to go into work, but there is no way I'm staying a full day.
Ohh Chloraseptic has helped to get that nasty taste out of my mouth I can't brush away.
Ed
In just a few minutes i'm 36 hrs clean. I have zero apetite, but am drinking water like its my job.
For those of use in our first days, I have said a prayer, even shed a few tears for us all. I am going to go into work, but there is no way I'm staying a full day.
Ohh Chloraseptic has helped to get that nasty taste out of my mouth I can't brush away.
Ed
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Way to go on 36 hours! Just keep taking it an hour at a time for now (and worry about that other stuff later, like little bottles on an airplane and Thanksgiving). You have enough to deal with right now, so just plan to think as little as possible at least for another couple days!
Lots of water is good and any kind of juice, Gatorade-type drinks, B vitamins, etc...... and a doctor if need be.
We're rooting for you!!! It really is possible to be free from this addiction.:ghug3
Lots of water is good and any kind of juice, Gatorade-type drinks, B vitamins, etc...... and a doctor if need be.
We're rooting for you!!! It really is possible to be free from this addiction.:ghug3
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 13
42.5 hours in. I have been coniving so many ways to get some booze.
What does it matter if I drink tonight, etc, but I wrote those words from yestarday and I know they damn well mean something.
I did get some food in me about noon. No appetite really. Fed and watched my young one eat spaghetti. I actually washed my dishes right after. I never do that.
Oddly, I am way fogger than I normally am. Well except when I'm trying to figure out how to rationalize some booze. Sick stuff. Like just one and these damn cramps would go away.
I have had a few headache type throbs, but they come and go. Thankfully no heaving just a nasty foul taste in my mouth. TMI, but no BM since this started.
I should have said it before, so many thanks for the kind words and PMs.
Now that its night time, it is where the sick thoughts come in. Gotta take my little one back to her mom, NO STOPPING ANYWHERE. NO WHERE.
What does it matter if I drink tonight, etc, but I wrote those words from yestarday and I know they damn well mean something.
I did get some food in me about noon. No appetite really. Fed and watched my young one eat spaghetti. I actually washed my dishes right after. I never do that.
Oddly, I am way fogger than I normally am. Well except when I'm trying to figure out how to rationalize some booze. Sick stuff. Like just one and these damn cramps would go away.
I have had a few headache type throbs, but they come and go. Thankfully no heaving just a nasty foul taste in my mouth. TMI, but no BM since this started.
I should have said it before, so many thanks for the kind words and PMs.
Now that its night time, it is where the sick thoughts come in. Gotta take my little one back to her mom, NO STOPPING ANYWHERE. NO WHERE.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: IL now
Posts: 218
Hey Ed, welcome to SR... its a battle thats for sure, but I'll reassure you it does get better after week one, or it did for me at least...
I'm down in Newport Coast if you want to grab a cup of coffee with someone, PM me.
I'm down in Newport Coast if you want to grab a cup of coffee with someone, PM me.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 13
60 hours in and failure.
I seriously needed sustanance. My palpatations were mini panics and withdrawl was moon high. Plus, I hadn't really eaten much in a few days. As in more than water, so I went to a store, knew what I was doing and sure enough.
So....I'm going to reorganize. Now I know the reality of coming down.
As I attempt to make excuses, I'd like to share this. I didn't come into this to fail. White knuckling these 60 hours told me that you need a F'ing plan, not a fly by the pants.
I have my bananas, vitamins, gatorade, broth, and soups for after the fact. And thank god, I had a BM, because that was uncomfortable. I don't know if it was because of the withdrawl or what, but my stomach cramps last night were on the hard side of life.
Your thoughts and prayers were not in vain, I'm coming back to this. Just sorry that I took this as easier than it was.
Day one was physcological, past 24 hours it was tough on the body. I won't say specifics, but hell, you successful peeps know.
I will be back. I'm no hack.
I seriously needed sustanance. My palpatations were mini panics and withdrawl was moon high. Plus, I hadn't really eaten much in a few days. As in more than water, so I went to a store, knew what I was doing and sure enough.
So....I'm going to reorganize. Now I know the reality of coming down.
As I attempt to make excuses, I'd like to share this. I didn't come into this to fail. White knuckling these 60 hours told me that you need a F'ing plan, not a fly by the pants.
I have my bananas, vitamins, gatorade, broth, and soups for after the fact. And thank god, I had a BM, because that was uncomfortable. I don't know if it was because of the withdrawl or what, but my stomach cramps last night were on the hard side of life.
Your thoughts and prayers were not in vain, I'm coming back to this. Just sorry that I took this as easier than it was.
Day one was physcological, past 24 hours it was tough on the body. I won't say specifics, but hell, you successful peeps know.
I will be back. I'm no hack.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
You do need a plan Ed...and not just for the withdrawal.
Discuss the withdrawal with your Dr, and think about some kinf od recovery programme for after that - it's a hard fight - get all the support you can
D
Discuss the withdrawal with your Dr, and think about some kinf od recovery programme for after that - it's a hard fight - get all the support you can
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 651
Free your liver then worry about your soul! I wood "quit" for a week without withdrawl symptoms then the last time they kicked my ass! It took that for me to get it through my thick skull....hey this **** plays for keeps!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: So Cal
Posts: 4
I'm back. What a ride it has been. Early this fall I detoxed at a hospital. Planned for 3 days, they kept me over an extra 2. Took Librium at 2 pills every 4 hours for days. I was to do a after treatment that was outpatient, but I got thrown out for silly stuff. Made me mad enough that I was able to get my 30 days in. Just because I wanted to take the chip and nail it to the facility door.
During the end of the first 30 sober days time I was a productive busy beaver, and found myself enjoying work, and quite optimistic. Things on the marriage front were tough because so much damage had been done. But, to her credit, she was up with me every morning for my early a.m. AA meeting.
The AA meetings were good. I actually found some enjoyment. Did a few shares. My wife went into full panic when I got thrown out of the outpatient facility, but it was a huge sham. There were two counselors that were awful. But .... I really enjoyed the company of the fellow participants. Mostly, I'm sorry I'm not there just to know that the good people I meet made it through. My mind was so blown that I had to take notes to remember anything, but the two "best counselors" were adamentally against this. Even though I had spoken to everyone in my group to insure their comfort.
After my first 30 days I got the idiotic idea that I could drink. I actually hated my first drink, but decided to drink another. Some 14 days later My wife put her foot down and said, she wasn't going to live a life like this. I can't blame her. This past Tuesday we had a counseling apt. The Therapist is highly regarded, but I didn't get the warm vibe from her. At one point in the meeting she said that she smelled the alcohol on me. I find that difficult to beleive as I had nothing to drink, but Monday night I did have a banging bender. So, who knows. However, she is one of those doom and gloom therapists and I don't think that experience will be fair.
So, I am starting over. I didn't know what to expect when I walked into my usual AA meeting. They knew I had failed, I could see it in their eyes. I had the shakes, bloated face, heck, I was having issues getting my coffee thermos to my mouth.
The drive home this morning I was an emotional wreck. Feeling like I had so much work to do, so much to earn back. I got a weird cough that had me gagging and spitting up. When I got home I stood over the sink, arms shaking and discharging the saliva, I prayed and prayed until the feeling went away. I did get a feeling of support from God when the panic and gagging quit.
I'm hoping Detox will go easily. After all, I already had a 30 day break from alcohol. Just in case, I have the wife bringing home Gatorade, V8, and bananas. As oppossed to my first detox, I do have a small apetite.
I do feel a bit scared, but having the confidence of my established bond to the AA meeting I attend helps. When I first got to SR, I really thought it odd that people were so encouraging, but now I understand and get it.
So, we are in this together, and this time, I know the outcome. Sobriety.
During the end of the first 30 sober days time I was a productive busy beaver, and found myself enjoying work, and quite optimistic. Things on the marriage front were tough because so much damage had been done. But, to her credit, she was up with me every morning for my early a.m. AA meeting.
The AA meetings were good. I actually found some enjoyment. Did a few shares. My wife went into full panic when I got thrown out of the outpatient facility, but it was a huge sham. There were two counselors that were awful. But .... I really enjoyed the company of the fellow participants. Mostly, I'm sorry I'm not there just to know that the good people I meet made it through. My mind was so blown that I had to take notes to remember anything, but the two "best counselors" were adamentally against this. Even though I had spoken to everyone in my group to insure their comfort.
After my first 30 days I got the idiotic idea that I could drink. I actually hated my first drink, but decided to drink another. Some 14 days later My wife put her foot down and said, she wasn't going to live a life like this. I can't blame her. This past Tuesday we had a counseling apt. The Therapist is highly regarded, but I didn't get the warm vibe from her. At one point in the meeting she said that she smelled the alcohol on me. I find that difficult to beleive as I had nothing to drink, but Monday night I did have a banging bender. So, who knows. However, she is one of those doom and gloom therapists and I don't think that experience will be fair.
So, I am starting over. I didn't know what to expect when I walked into my usual AA meeting. They knew I had failed, I could see it in their eyes. I had the shakes, bloated face, heck, I was having issues getting my coffee thermos to my mouth.
The drive home this morning I was an emotional wreck. Feeling like I had so much work to do, so much to earn back. I got a weird cough that had me gagging and spitting up. When I got home I stood over the sink, arms shaking and discharging the saliva, I prayed and prayed until the feeling went away. I did get a feeling of support from God when the panic and gagging quit.
I'm hoping Detox will go easily. After all, I already had a 30 day break from alcohol. Just in case, I have the wife bringing home Gatorade, V8, and bananas. As oppossed to my first detox, I do have a small apetite.
I do feel a bit scared, but having the confidence of my established bond to the AA meeting I attend helps. When I first got to SR, I really thought it odd that people were so encouraging, but now I understand and get it.
So, we are in this together, and this time, I know the outcome. Sobriety.
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