Why did I do that?
 

Hey Guys,

So, I had about 20 days clean... and last night I went out.. foolish... In the past 20 days I had gone to the same place... and was successful in not drinking a number of times. But, not last night.

God the guilt is eating at me right now. I have no idea what do/say. I mean I really could have hurt someone last night with my driving. I could have had a second DUI. I could have lost everything.

First thing I did this morning was call my sponser. I really should have called her last night.

I am so damn mad at myself right now.

Thanks for listening everyone.

I'm sorry you slipped, and I thank God that you didn't hurt yourself or anyone else. Im glad you called your sponsor and I hope she can help you. I don't really have anything more to add, just wanted to give support!

Maybe you got drunk again because you're an alcoholic and failed to perfect and enlarge your spiritual life and/or work with others? That's the most common reason I see anyway..... well, that and believing one can stop chronic alcoholism with will power (which could be called avoiding the spiritual life altogether).

"For if an alcoholic failed to perfect and enlarge his spiritual life through work and self-sacrifice for others, he could not survive the certain trials and low spots ahead. If he did not work, he would surely drink again, and if he drank, he would surely die."

Forgive yourself, learn from it, and move forward again. Maybe try something different this time.:)

Good Point DayTrader... I totally understand and get what you are saying. It is the biggest part of this journey I have had to learn... the spiritual side... I haven't quiet grasped that yet. I guess I am waiting for it to hit me upside the head or something... Maybe that is what happened last night... ;)

Least -- Personal forgiveness is the hardest thing for me to accept.. but, I am doing it.

Glad you're safe.. and everyone else is too. Sounds like you need a new plan! I'm glad you came back here and posted!

Maybe stop going to that place, at least for now... Make some changes because what you are doing isn't working. Sorry that you are feeling so low right now, the great thing is that you are alive and not in jail... now keep it that way!!

I'm so glad you are nipping it in the bud so to speak.
Get right back on the wagon. Don't let that one slip turn into a nightmare again.
Good luck, be strong. Don't drink today

Untreated alcoholism. It's the only answer I know that explains it. You are aware of the consequences. You know what could happen if you drink. And yet, there you are, with that strange mental blank spot, picking up a drink.

Maybe consider what you are doing with your sponsor. Are you doing the things outlined in the BB, the things others have done, to bring about a spiritual awakening and freedom from alcohol?

Hi Saliena, going to the same place where there is drinking does not sound like a wise decision to me. If you were trying to lose weight would you hang out in a bakery often? Recovery isn't just about stopping drinking it's about evolving into a new and better person and you can't do that w/o changing your daily habits and quite often w/o changing the people you associate with. Best to you.

I agree with jamdls. Going to the same place, where alcohol is present, would never have worked for me. Big changes are necessary in early recovery and I had to stay away from alcohol for quite awhile.

Good for you for coming back!

Glad you shared and know that you don't have to go through this again. Use the support available to you, avoid drinking settings until you are strong in your recovery (even now I rarely go to a pub/drinking event....just no interest for me) and stay with your support.

You can do this so now pick up and learn from it. Let this strengthen your drive to get sober and to work your recovery for everything it has to offer.

Keep it going.

Thank you everyone for your support. Today is looking better. I am going to talk to a Physiatrist today about a drug called Vivitrol. It is suppose to help people with an addition crave it less.

I agree about not going to my old haunts... but, haven't found an outlet for some new ones yet... *poop* Got to do that.

I would make it a PRIORITY to find a new routine that doesn't involve serving alcohol and being exposed to it right now.

spirituality or not, you need to have a different environment today...like someone told me the first few weeks, it's a slippery slope...a 2nd DUI will not only harm you, it might harm others.

booze can have a real snowball effect in so many terrible ways...I hope you do not have to experience them.

Forgive yourself, and never forget yourself again. Repeat as necessary.

Hi Saliena

I agree with Anna - recovery means change.

For me, it meant there were certain places I could not go and certain people I could not be around if I wanted to stay sober. Period.

For years I struggled with that - I did NOT want to change my life, I just wanted not to drink...and truth be told most of time I just wanted to not drink as much...

I was on a hiding to nothing.

I finally realised alcohol is just no good for me ever...and I realised staying sober means more than anything else to me, because without my sobriety I'll lose everything else.

D