Struggling on day one
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 1,149
Hi Smudg I'm right where you are myself.
Day 2 today for me also.
Like you I still feel till a bit rough but it's better than yesterday!
Hang in there. Lets both just simply not drink today.
Day 2 today for me also.
Like you I still feel till a bit rough but it's better than yesterday!
Hang in there. Lets both just simply not drink today.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Congrats everyone on day 2... the first day is the hardest...every day after gets a smidgen easier...at least it died for me because I was doing a lot of work to make sure it got easier:-)
I don't count days...at first it was kind of hard not to...especially when I was in the single digits:-) by the time I made it to triple digital I actually missed the day...I realized I was around 100 so I counted and I was on 101...lol! Not counting days has helped me:-)
I don't count days...at first it was kind of hard not to...especially when I was in the single digits:-) by the time I made it to triple digital I actually missed the day...I realized I was around 100 so I counted and I was on 101...lol! Not counting days has helped me:-)
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: near London, UK
Posts: 582
How are we doing this evening? Im very tired and work was not good so have a stress headache but managed to call in Tesco and blinker myself from the hundreds of offers trying to persuade me to buy some booze. Got lucky - half price rump steak reduced even further in the discounted bit so steak for everyone for dinner tonight without too much expense. Need a little bit of a rest before I start cooking - i'm still obviously feeling quite rough as well but its good to think tomorrow should be a bit better again.
PS
PS
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Location: England
Posts: 79
Hey guys.
Hooped - I'm with you on that. Agreed
It's obvious really, that's why we're here - but it reinforces things saying them out loud, doesn't it?
Pumpkin, yeah, I am drained also. Kept busy by taking the kids to sports lessons.
Odd really even though it's not 36 hours yet, the craving isn't so bad this evening. It's still there - but I'm on top of it.
I think I'm going have a bad stomach tomorrow though... from all the peanuts I'm gonna eat tonight
Hooped - I'm with you on that. Agreed
It's obvious really, that's why we're here - but it reinforces things saying them out loud, doesn't it? Pumpkin, yeah, I am drained also. Kept busy by taking the kids to sports lessons.
Odd really even though it's not 36 hours yet, the craving isn't so bad this evening. It's still there - but I'm on top of it.
I think I'm going have a bad stomach tomorrow though... from all the peanuts I'm gonna eat tonight
Last edited by Smudg3r; 11-09-2010 at 11:57 AM. Reason: typo
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: near London, UK
Posts: 582
Im in bed early again - cant seem to stay up once i've had dinner and and cuppa with a treat (tonights was a chocolate tea cake). Still can definately say I have made it through this day without a drink - I shant be venturing out in the cold for one now! Not that I want one - my danger time starts when I leave work and increases throughout until the time I have dinner - esp when Im preparing it. I did have a few sudden urges when I was making dinner tonight even but batted them away. Tomorrow I should feel an awful lot better (if I sleep ok) - this is when I start to flounder and the struggle is much harder though.
Well done all - may the strength continue in us tomorrow.
Well done all - may the strength continue in us tomorrow.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: near London, UK
Posts: 582
Yeah - hoorah for us!
I think I slept ok apart from having to get up for the loo what seemed like every hour - maybe this is a common part of detoxing? I noticed it last time when I got to 4 days as well.
Quite stressed and full of resentment today - wont go into it too much but I am not in a position to be able to do anything about it apart from accept that the person causing my resentment is going through their own stuff right now - might be struggling later on in the danger zone. I hope work isnt too stressful today. Those doubts and alcoholic thoughts are with me quite strong and EARLY today I dont know how to stop them and feel a bit scared.
Its still great to feel that the last lot of poison should be out of my system by now.
How are you feeling Smudg?
PS
I think I slept ok apart from having to get up for the loo what seemed like every hour - maybe this is a common part of detoxing? I noticed it last time when I got to 4 days as well.
Quite stressed and full of resentment today - wont go into it too much but I am not in a position to be able to do anything about it apart from accept that the person causing my resentment is going through their own stuff right now - might be struggling later on in the danger zone. I hope work isnt too stressful today. Those doubts and alcoholic thoughts are with me quite strong and EARLY today I dont know how to stop them and feel a bit scared.
Its still great to feel that the last lot of poison should be out of my system by now.
How are you feeling Smudg?
PS
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: near London, UK
Posts: 582
I hope so - plenty of projected conversations going on in my head - I wish I could tune into my iphone all day that might shift it but I cant at work and I need to be able to converse with people. Gonna try saying the serenity prayer over and over in my head - i'm not religious and have no higher power (yet perhaps) but someone at an AA meeting said it helped them sometimes and I cant think of anything else to just drown out the devils voice.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Location: England
Posts: 79
Not feeling so bad actually Pumpkin.
I knew I couldn't drink today because of work, but at least I made it to work...
Thinking about tonight.... but I feel I can do it. And these little conversations are a major factor in that.
(I also have that loo issue, didn't want to mention it as I thought I was the only one
)
Got a really important meeting tomorrow that will determine (in no small way) my future.
If I'm not straight for that, I'll screw up and yet, I get these crazy thoughts telling me to have a drink so that I will be well rested tomorrow.
I won't though. I'm sure I won't.
I knew I couldn't drink today because of work, but at least I made it to work...
Thinking about tonight.... but I feel I can do it. And these little conversations are a major factor in that.
(I also have that loo issue, didn't want to mention it as I thought I was the only one
)Got a really important meeting tomorrow that will determine (in no small way) my future.
If I'm not straight for that, I'll screw up and yet, I get these crazy thoughts telling me to have a drink so that I will be well rested tomorrow.
I won't though. I'm sure I won't.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Granville, MA
Posts: 8
This is another Day One for me. I also am freaked out of my mind. I have been on my computer all morning, just researching things that will help with the cravings. I was sober for 5 days last week (I already posted that on another thread, but will write it again here, since I see a few people equally freaking out with one or two days behind them.
Since February I have managed to stay sober a total of 120 days, but not consecutively. I was attending AA 5 days a week. There was one guy in my AA room that seemed to make it his business to count my days. When I didn't pick up my chip one month he came up to me after the meeting and asked me why I didn't. I told him because I drank two days this week. Then I told him all the sober days I did have under my belt. He looked at me in disgust and said, "Yeah, but not consecutively!" This hurt me so bad, I went out and drank for a few days.
I didn't want to go back to the AA meeting. But 99% of the people there are great and I really like that meeting, so I did go back and then in June dropped out and began a 5 month drinking spree. I beat myself up every minute-but still kept drinking. Then this November I stopped cold turkey for 5 days. On that day I went out and got booze (I never drink in public, I am an alone at home drinker-except when my husband gets home and finds me drunk again). I drank the last 4 days very heavily. For whatever reason, this time that I have decided to quit, I have been really scared. I am afraid I will fail again and never be able to get sober. I don't want to be a drunk the rest of my life! Every minute today seems an hour long. At 10 a.m. I knew the package store was open and I had all I could do not to get in the car and go get booze. A huge problem of mine is boredom. Drinking gave me something to do. Since I have fear of leaving my house, that doesn't help pass the time while my husband is at work. Nothing interests me except drinking. But I know I have to do something about it now, while I am still (hard to believe) relatively healthy. I have a lot of mental health issues on top of alcoholism. But needless to say the booze only makes all of it worse. I am pretty smart, but pretty darn stupid also. I know what I need to do to stay sober, but it seems easier just to drink. Anyhow, just want to say I can totally relate about the first few days. For someone (me) who actually managed 59 days without drinking...well, it was nothing short of a miracle. AA really did help me, although I hated having a sponsor ("fired" her) because I don't like anyone telling me what to do, and I (for now) refuse to do the steps/work the program. I do listen and I also do contribute to discussions though. And I always feel better after a meeting.
So, agoraphobia or not, if I can leave my house to buy booze, I can leave my house to get to an AA meeting. I will go tomorrow. For today I just need to try and do something about my severe anxiety that I am feeling!!! I did take 1 mg of klonopin, which kind of helped a little. I refuse to take more than that. I don't need to get addicted to yet one more thing. I am also addicted to nicotine gum in a BIG way. I know that is the next addiction to fight, once I get some sober time under my belt again. I just feel so utterly hopeless right now!!!!!!!!!! I feel very angry! I sobbed this a.m. and prayed to my Higher Power for help to get me through this latest mess I have gotten myself into.
Since February I have managed to stay sober a total of 120 days, but not consecutively. I was attending AA 5 days a week. There was one guy in my AA room that seemed to make it his business to count my days. When I didn't pick up my chip one month he came up to me after the meeting and asked me why I didn't. I told him because I drank two days this week. Then I told him all the sober days I did have under my belt. He looked at me in disgust and said, "Yeah, but not consecutively!" This hurt me so bad, I went out and drank for a few days.
I didn't want to go back to the AA meeting. But 99% of the people there are great and I really like that meeting, so I did go back and then in June dropped out and began a 5 month drinking spree. I beat myself up every minute-but still kept drinking. Then this November I stopped cold turkey for 5 days. On that day I went out and got booze (I never drink in public, I am an alone at home drinker-except when my husband gets home and finds me drunk again). I drank the last 4 days very heavily. For whatever reason, this time that I have decided to quit, I have been really scared. I am afraid I will fail again and never be able to get sober. I don't want to be a drunk the rest of my life! Every minute today seems an hour long. At 10 a.m. I knew the package store was open and I had all I could do not to get in the car and go get booze. A huge problem of mine is boredom. Drinking gave me something to do. Since I have fear of leaving my house, that doesn't help pass the time while my husband is at work. Nothing interests me except drinking. But I know I have to do something about it now, while I am still (hard to believe) relatively healthy. I have a lot of mental health issues on top of alcoholism. But needless to say the booze only makes all of it worse. I am pretty smart, but pretty darn stupid also. I know what I need to do to stay sober, but it seems easier just to drink. Anyhow, just want to say I can totally relate about the first few days. For someone (me) who actually managed 59 days without drinking...well, it was nothing short of a miracle. AA really did help me, although I hated having a sponsor ("fired" her) because I don't like anyone telling me what to do, and I (for now) refuse to do the steps/work the program. I do listen and I also do contribute to discussions though. And I always feel better after a meeting.
So, agoraphobia or not, if I can leave my house to buy booze, I can leave my house to get to an AA meeting. I will go tomorrow. For today I just need to try and do something about my severe anxiety that I am feeling!!! I did take 1 mg of klonopin, which kind of helped a little. I refuse to take more than that. I don't need to get addicted to yet one more thing. I am also addicted to nicotine gum in a BIG way. I know that is the next addiction to fight, once I get some sober time under my belt again. I just feel so utterly hopeless right now!!!!!!!!!! I feel very angry! I sobbed this a.m. and prayed to my Higher Power for help to get me through this latest mess I have gotten myself into.
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Baghdad
Posts: 2,822
Originally Posted by Siouxsen 
This hurt me so bad, I went out and drank for a few days.
Welcome!!!
I drank for any number of reasons, or so I thought.
And believe not or not, I have more potential excuses for drinking today than I did back then.
Keep coming back, you'll find a lot of support here.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: near London, UK
Posts: 582
Smudg I hope you are ok this evening? Well done for so far and try not to pick up - for today only - you need to not be suffering for your meeting tomorrow. If you have trouble sleeping Lavender oil can help - a few drops in the bath or on your pillow at bed time.
Hi Sioux - your story is so much like mine - I wish you all the very best luck and hope you can make it through today.
I am struggling this evening - wont say any more
We will all get there - eventually - hopefully sooner rather than later.
PS
Hi Sioux - your story is so much like mine - I wish you all the very best luck and hope you can make it through today.
I am struggling this evening - wont say any more
We will all get there - eventually - hopefully sooner rather than later.
PS
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
Hi Siouxsen
A big welcome to you too
I really hope you make it to that meeting - it's the action we take and the chamges we make that really make the difference and break the cycle.
Seeing a Dr might be helpful too. I think sometimes we need that outside perspective medically, and detox can be rough - I have the damage left to prove it.
Joining our community will help too I'm sure - you'll find a lot of support here
Feel free to start your own thread if you like and share more of your story - up to you of course but it's probably better for you to have your story in more or less one place than in many different threads...
let us know how you go with the meeting
D
A big welcome to you too
I really hope you make it to that meeting - it's the action we take and the chamges we make that really make the difference and break the cycle.
Seeing a Dr might be helpful too. I think sometimes we need that outside perspective medically, and detox can be rough - I have the damage left to prove it.
Joining our community will help too I'm sure - you'll find a lot of support here
Feel free to start your own thread if you like and share more of your story - up to you of course but it's probably better for you to have your story in more or less one place than in many different threads...
let us know how you go with the meeting
D
Last edited by Dee74; 11-10-2010 at 12:58 PM.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Location: England
Posts: 79
Hi guys.
Pumpkin! You and me both.
Yes, I am twitchy and very stressed this evening and I know that the short term answer lies at the bottom of a bottle.
Funny thing is.... I'm thinking of you.
...and even though I have no idea who you are, I feel a certain empathy with you as we've started so close together.
(Don't worry - I'm a family man, so nothing 'creepy' intended
)
Stick with it Pumpkin, we can do another evening and let tomorrow sort itself out!!!
@Siouxsen
We (Pumpkin and I) were on day one just a few days ago. Stick with it.
Loads of support here. We are all in the same boat.
Pumpkin! You and me both.
Yes, I am twitchy and very stressed this evening and I know that the short term answer lies at the bottom of a bottle.
Funny thing is.... I'm thinking of you.
...and even though I have no idea who you are, I feel a certain empathy with you as we've started so close together.
(Don't worry - I'm a family man, so nothing 'creepy' intended
)Stick with it Pumpkin, we can do another evening and let tomorrow sort itself out!!!
@Siouxsen
We (Pumpkin and I) were on day one just a few days ago. Stick with it.
Loads of support here. We are all in the same boat.
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