Researchgal

I have Crohns disease and a brain tumor and many physical ailments. Long story short, I went to a PM doc and he put me on norco. Well, my little norco facination led to my needing too many (20 a day) to control my pain. So he switched me to Opana ER. Because of my Crohns disease, I never absorbed the Opana ER correctly. So he put me on Opana IR and this is where my troubles with addiction really began. I learned that you only absorb 10-20% of the drug orally, so what did I do? I began shooting it.

2 months later and I am bruised head to toe, have no viable veins left and whenever I try to get off them, I suffer the absolute worst withdrawals. I am trying to taper right now, because I took that first step and admitted what I was doing to my wife and my PM doctor. My wife has been wonderful! And my PM doctor has given me Librium and clonidine (which makes my bp bottom out) and another short supply of Opana so that I might taper down. Problem is, I can't seem to get past the wicked withdrawals long enough to stop. I want off these pills so badly, but I can't take time off of work, and I certainly can't go to work withdrawing. I will be out of pills soon and hope that this weekend I can just stop cold turkey and face the consequences. I desperately want off these things and need help from others who have tolerated the withdrawals. Please help me, I am at my wits end and have even considered suicide because I feel weak and useless. I can't do inpatient treatment, although if someone offerred, I'd do it in a heartbeat. I simply can't afford it or afford to lose my job. I am the sole provider for my family of 5 as my wife is disabled. Can someone please talk to me? How did you all do it? I am so very desperate to get off these things I can't even tell you. Any advice, any support, just any positive words would be appreciated.

Lilly03

Welcome! Has your doctor given you any advice on how to stop??? I also spent some time using to help with a disease - only to later realize I was using beyond health reasons.

least

Take a look at our substance abuse forum.

Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

We also have a pain management forum and I'll post that link too. Welcome to the family!

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...in-management/

Researchgal

My PM doc just gave me more pills, although much less than usual. He wants me to taper with the use of the Librium and the clonidine. I woke up today shaking and fearful and sick sick sick, so I took the pills. Now, of course I feel fine. But this can't last long. I have my bosses coming on the 22nd and 23rd and I have to be off them by then. I will be out of pills by then anyway, but can't take any more time from work. I also have very busy days on the 13th. I am so scared thinking about this that it throws me right into wanting to use and feeling normal so that I can work. Crying right now just thinking about it. I have written down local NA meetings and there is one tonight by my house. But I am very anxious to try and go to one by myself and I don't think my wife will go with me. Although I haven't asked. My worst time is late at night when I wake up in full withdrawals. Everyday I say "today is the day I'm not going to take any more pills" but I get really sick and wind up taking them. I'm gonna run out eventually and won't be able to, but that will be right around the time my bosses come and how can I be sick when they are here checking up on me and my team? This is the worst thing I have ever done to myself Amani can't find anyone to talk to when I get the urge. My wife is pretty supportive, but since she is disabled I can't rely on her to take care of me when I am sick in bed. Please won't someone just talk me through this? Anyone out there stuck on shooting morphine? How long will the sickness last? And besides the Librium and clonidine what can I do to relieve the withdrawal symptoms so that I am not completely useless? I don't want my kids to know. I am totally embarrasses and feel like a useless human being whondoesnt deserve to live. The guilt I feel is enormous. I just need a sober friend who's been through this to tell me everything is going to be alright. Because I feel like a horrible human being not being able to carenfor my family and my wife. I need help, please!

Researchgal

If I'm posting in the wrong forum let me know and I will post somewhere else.

Isaiah

I'd be pretty fiercely trying to work this through with the doctor. There's no perfect solution for withdrawal, but if the choice is still between using or not being able to work due to withdrawal, then I don't know what to say but maybe keep trying to find options with the doc.

I've never been to NA but I've been doing AA a long time. Getting the courage to go to that first meeting is hard, it was terrifying for me. But I assure you, meetings are a lot like SR, you'll be surrounded by people who have been there and know what you're going through. The atmosphere at meetings is like the atmosphere here.

You can also try looking up non-chemical tips for dealing with withdrawal. Nothing is really popping to my mind right now, but I know there are things out there.

This is the right forum for you, as you are a newcomer. But you might find the other forums helpful as well.

Best of luck to you. :ghug3

Researchgal

Just laying here reading trash magazines and doing the puzzles and waiting for the sickness to start. At least I like readingvtge trash, so it's keeping my mind off of being scared. LOL!

Dee74

Hi researchgal

This is not the wrong forum - it's the weekend and things always slow down a little.

There are other forums too - like Substance Abuse - that may have a greater concentration of people with experience more akin to yours. I encourage you to look at that forum too

I doubt you'll hear anything too different in the way of advice tho.

My drug of choice was different but I think it's far to say sooner or later we all get to the basically same point - we need to get through the withdrawal if we want to get to the other side.

It's very important you do this as safely, and preferable as painlessly, as possible - so
I encourage you to work very closely with your Dr....ask questions, discuss your fears.

Have you thought of a recovery programme like NA or SMART etc? They are other useful avenues of real time support.

I know you'll find a lot of support here too

good luck
D

Anna

You are definitely in the right place.

I feel how scared you are, but you know you can get through it. Please keep in close contact with your dr. And, please above all, keep your priorities straight. You say you can't take time off work while you detox, but I suspect that your job will be in jeopardy if you continue along this path.

Please keep reading and posting. We do understand how difficult this is.

artsoul

Welcome to the forum - I really feel for you and what you're going through. Is your doctor fully aware that you've been injecting and how much you're taking?

Another option: Why not go to the Emergency Room and let them detox you? Also, rehab centers often take patients in for acute withdrawal as well (usually 2-4 days).

I know it's hard to think about taking time from work, but sometimes we have to put our health first...... After all, we wouldn't question someone going to the hospital for any other kind of emergency.

Prayers and hugs going out to you.....

Researchgal

Thank you all for posting. I was going into withdrawals about two hours ago and I took the Librium and just a quarter of the clonidine at the same time. I layed down and put something mindless on my Roku box. Fell into a light sleep and when I woke up the bad withdrawals were, for the most part, not there. It didn't stop my brain from immediately wanting a shot even though I felt fine. I guess that's the deep psychological addiction. I'm determined to go all through the night without one. That would be a monumental first step. Night time is my worst time. Especially at 1-3 am when everyone is sleeping.

I'll let you know how the night goes. I've only got a few days to stop so I hope I can do this as quickly, but safely, as possible. And to answer everyones question, my PM doc does NOT know I started shooting. I really thought he would drop me from his practice like a hot potatoe if he knew then I would have NO help. He knows I took way and beyond what the prescription called for and I felt that was enough. Wish me luck on my first clean night! I'm gonna do it!

Dee74

I really recommend you always be honest with your Dr.

A large part of what they recommend is based on what we tell them - if we omit bits, we really not doing ourselves any favours.

D

Itchy

Dee is right.

Researchgal

Made it through the night until 6 am. I woke up not feeling too badly so I stayed up a little and went back to bed until 10. I felt horrible at 10 so I, orally, took one pill. I feel pretty good now. Idk. Going to try and go to work tomorrow and not take anything. We will see what happens. Just going to relax today, finish up my familys laundry because my wife is having a bad two days. She has failed L5-S1 surgery or FBSS (failed back surgery syndrome) and can't help me at all today or yesterday. So I'm pretty much alone in this today and probably for the rest of the week.