stellaloella

Hi all,

I have met what is known as "rock bottom." Yes, I almost burned the house down and my husband is taking our child away to another town. He put notice in on our house so at the end of the month it is up to me to secure housing near them. It sucks so bad and I can't believe I never heeded the call of my need to change. He lost his job mid-September right when my grandmother became ill and died. I have been completely out of sorts since and went on the mother of all benders and did some really outrageous things, many of which I don't recall. He won't compromise. It's up to me to earn the trust back. I know it sounds weird but I'm actually grateful now. Please understand that I've never taken my child's life for granted, but this is a wake-up I can't ignore. I'm now on day 10 -- looking at my long-term life without any booze. Ever again. Just can't. I'll die or kill others. I think I finally got the message.

juliej71

Hey stellaloella,

Are you getting any support with your current situation? Would recommend you getting to an AA meeting ASAP if you havent already. I have been at rock bottom myself. There is hope and help out there for you. Dont pick up a drink today and God bless you.

mtnmagic

Hi Stella - Just wanted you to know that I understand your pain.
Congratulations on 10 days. I see you started here in 2007. It
is a long and painful journey isn't it?

I want you to know that you are way ahead of me. I started here
in December of 2006. The most days I've put in sober since then
is 40. I am currently on my first day. again for the billionth time.

Please keep it up. I'm right behind you. Reach out for support.
Find a recovery program that works for you. Lot's of great people
on here. Please keep posting.

For now, how about we just put another day together sober, even
if it is an hour or five minutes at a time.

I'm sure more members with much more experience, strength and hope
will come along shortly.

I usually just read and try to hang on. Your post touched me
in so many ways.

Dee74

I'm really glad noone got hurt Stella.
I know you can make the most of this and you can make this whole episode your turning point. You never have to be in this place again.

You can do this
D

Isaiah

I was going to say something about hitting rock bottom, but instead I'll just say the thing that's actually important: glad that you're seeing the right road ahead. All of us are standing behind you.

Opivotal

Blessings come in many ways Stella. If this is what it took to open your eyes and seek help then you are on your way to a better life. You were saved an awful tragedy. I wish you the very best. It won't be easy but well worth the effort!

least

Wishing you all the best as you build yourself a better sober life. It takes effort and changes but it's so worth it.

jamdls

Hi STella, welcome aboard. I too had to hit 'rock bottom' before I could see the right path, I journaled about my rock bottom and the week I spent in the hospital near death, so that I never forget what I did to myself and in turn to others, I don't ever want to go back there.

stellaloella

Thanks for your good wishes, everyone. I have not attended AA since my "incident" but I do feel supported here. I read a lot of things here and frankly, it's scary to even consider what happened a few days ago. I don't even want to share the details because it was so grossly negligent. It's a horror to me. I could have lost everything. Literally. I'm no a new path now and cannot imagine straying from it because there is no way the memory of what occurred could ever leave me. I still smell the odor of smoke here in the house as I type. It could have been all over. Frankly, I'm scared to ever think of alcohol in my body again.

Itchy

Stella,
Forgive yourself, but never forget . . . yourself.

artsoul

Welcome to the beginning of a new life, Stella - glad you've joined the forum. Life is soooo much better without alcohol.

Kmber2010

Wishing you well Stella.