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Old 11-04-2010, 03:22 AM   #1 (permalink)
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What do you tell people...


...when they ask if you want to go out drinking?

Its going to be xmas soon and I tried quitting last year and ended up drunk and crying (same as the year before)

So when all the xmas drinks and parties start to kick in, what does everyone say?

Thanks.
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Old 11-04-2010, 03:35 AM   #2 (permalink)
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There was just a post about this, I think this worries a lot of us. http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...do-you-do.html
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Old 11-04-2010, 03:37 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Not thanks, I'm driving. Can I get you something from the buffet?
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Old 11-04-2010, 03:53 AM   #4 (permalink)
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I don't go to holiday parties anymore. Try it, you are really not missing anything.

If it is a work party or something you really have to go to, offer no explanation and if asked just say you'll let everyone else drink for you. Also non-alcoholic bosses and bigshots actually look at who gets sloshed at these parties and who doesn't. Trust me this came up at review time.

Also you know the only people that really care if you are drinking or not? Other alcoholics.
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Old 11-04-2010, 05:47 AM   #5 (permalink)
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I'd just say "no thanks, alcohol doesn't make me feel good anymore so I'll pass". It's no one's business why you're not drinking either so you owe no explanations to anyone.
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Old 11-04-2010, 06:04 AM   #6 (permalink)
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I'd just say 'No, thanks' and end the conversation. It's really no different than turning down the steamed cauliflower, or something else you don't want.

For me, I couldn't be around alcohol for quite some time when I stopped drinking. It just didn't work.
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Old 11-04-2010, 06:07 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Old 11-04-2010, 06:09 AM   #8 (permalink)
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I know, I know, how much fun can a bunch of sober people be right?
A lot more fun than a bunch of drunk asswipes. I just say no.
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Old 11-04-2010, 06:43 AM   #9 (permalink)
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No thanks! Trust me, you're feeling more anxiety about their thoughts with this than they are.. people really don't care about what you do nearly as much as you think they do.
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Old 11-04-2010, 06:52 AM   #10 (permalink)
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I agree with smacked.

We tend to put a lot of pressure on ourselves - we assume that because drinking was so important to us it must be equally as important to everyone else too.

For those who didn't know me in my drinking days, it's not an issue - I'm the guy who doesn't drink (as well as the guy with the cane, the guy who plays bass, the guy who lives down near the beach...etc etc)

For those who did know me - it's usually still not an issue because they know how I used to drink - and overwhelmingly most people have told me how glad they are I stopped, cos they feared I was gonna die.

The only time I've ever had had any kind of an issue is with drunk people, members of my largely alcoholic family, or some of my old drinking buddies - and that says a lot more about them, than it does about me.

A 'no thanks' is all anyone really needs to know - like Anna said, at a dinner party would you feel pressured to explain in detail why you don't like sprouts or broccoli?

D
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Old 11-04-2010, 06:54 AM   #11 (permalink)
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If you know in your heart you are going to have a tough time...don't go...you can beg out of the office party by coming down with something unexpectedly :-)

If you feel up to it I find having a beverage at all times helps. People are less likely to ask if you havens glass of tonic water in your hand already (how do they know there is no gin?). For the drunk a$$ who keeps trying to buy you a drink a smile and a "no thanks, I'm good" is enougg...plus you can appreciate what a douche he is being.

As For friends I have told them I no longer care for the taste or the way it makes me feel. This is the truth, just not all of it, and I have never had to explain myself in greater detail.
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Old 11-04-2010, 07:11 AM   #12 (permalink)
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No thanks! Trust me, you're feeling more anxiety about their thoughts with this than they are.. people really don't care about what you do nearly as much as you think they do.
Most ADULTS don't care. I'm in my 40s now and people generally don't try and pressure me into drinking. The two people I have explained my alcoholism to are supportive even though we use to drink together. As for people who try and pressure anybody into drinking who doesn't want to....they can go sex themselves.
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Old 11-04-2010, 07:44 AM   #13 (permalink)
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I don't go to holiday parties anymore. Try it, you are really not missing anything.

If it is a work party or something you really have to go to, offer no explanation and if asked just say you'll let everyone else drink for you. Also non-alcoholic bosses and bigshots actually look at who gets sloshed at these parties and who doesn't. Trust me this came up at review time.

Also you know the only people that really care if you are drinking or not? Other alcoholics.
I can't help thinking that you are absolutely right about that, it's always someone with an alcohol issue thats concerned about our not partaking!!!
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Old 11-04-2010, 07:45 AM   #14 (permalink)
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For me, it depends on the party. If I think it's going to be nothing more than a bunch of people getting drunk, I'll skip it. If it's a party or get-together and I feel like people aren't going to be there just to drink I'll go. If offered a drink, I say "no thanks" and get something non-alcoholic to drink. In this type of party at least, more than likely no one is going to care if I drink or not.
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Old 11-04-2010, 08:44 AM   #15 (permalink)
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...when they ask if you want to go out drinking?

Its going to be xmas soon and I tried quitting last year and ended up drunk and crying (same as the year before)

So when all the xmas drinks and parties start to kick in, what does everyone say?

Thanks.
I made a whole new circle of friends after I got sober. Therefore I don't get asked to go out and drink because they are all sober too.
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Old 11-04-2010, 09:08 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Early in sobriety, I just made an excuse up (if I was feeling wimpy) or I'd just say "no thanks" (if I was feeling a less wimpy than usual)

When I was recovering, I used to tell ppl I thought it would be best if I just stayed away from "that old lifestyle that I'm trying to recover from," and they were cool with that. Well, the immature ones weren't.....they kept pushing.....until I shut them down.

Now-a-days... I go to those parties. I may not go to all of them and I may not stay till 3am like I used to. I don't get loaded like I used to, thank God. But even when I do go, I always make sure BEFORE I SAY YES to have some sort of "escape" available to me - be it a ride home early, a reason to leave early, a reason to not stall till "it's over," and so on. Even now, 3+ yrs of recovery......you sit me around the right/wrong partiers for too long and my alcoholism is bound to start working on my head..... when "those" thoughts start....it's time for me to leave - period.

See....I'm an alcoholic, I'm NOT able to drink or even do drugs like non-alcoholics are. But if I watch them doin it long enough....I'm bound to forget my past (which proves beyond a doubt I don't party like "regular folks"), I won't remember to think through the drink, I'll forget all those silly catch-phrases and before I know it I'll hop right back in "just this once......just to see if I can handle it THIS time."

Early in recovery, like Dee did, I knew not to trust myself around too much temptation. Don't worry though. Get sober.......get recovered......and you'll have the rest of your life to watch those absolute armatures pretend to drink and party as if they're rock-stars. You'll have plenty of time to watch them half-drink a beer, "lose" their drinks, hear them say "oh, not yet....I just had a drink a little while ago," watch them start to catch a buzz and not know how to handle it at all...... lololol
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Old 11-04-2010, 11:50 AM   #17 (permalink)
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i never much cared for christmas parties anyway, so it's easy for me to say no in that context. but generally speaking one of my major defects is people pleasing. it took some practice and wasn't comfortable at first but now i'm willing to simply state my response and be done with it. no means no. i'm not doing this(whatever it is) because i don't want to. don't like it? tough.
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Old 11-05-2010, 01:20 AM   #18 (permalink)
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I've been really struck in my sobriety by the realization that normal drinkers don't find it completely abnormal when someone doesn't want a drink. Who knew?

I'm also quite surprised that everyone was not getting as trashed as I thought they were...it was mostly me!

If someone has a big problem with me not drinking, that is about them, not me.

"No thanks, not today" rings pretty honest for me these days.

And I don't spend a lot of time around people socializing for the sole purpose of drinking. It's boring and just not a good spiritual place for me to be. I'll show up if there is a reason but if I can't be around it and not bothered by the drinking, I take my sober butt elsewhere.
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Old 11-05-2010, 07:12 AM   #19 (permalink)
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furthermore, now that i have a little time under my belt my friends have mostly changed and i have little to no desire to be around people drinking and using, period.
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