new here, just needing support right now
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2
new here, just needing support right now
Hi all. Well where to start... I was pulled over for my second DUI on my birthday Friday night. Just a week before this happened I was ready to stop drinking and find treatment, but I couldn't figure out how to do it. Well now there is a SCRAM bracelet on my ankle and I can't drink a drop, or else I go to jail. Funny how life looks out for you sometimes.
Since I am aware of my drinking problems and ready to make a change, I am planning on going through a deferred prosecution where two years of rehab and AA meetings are required in exchange for no jail time. I have been feeling really good about this decision, thinking that sobriety will be my birthday present that I didn't ask for. I've always wanted a family, and I think that God is giving me this chance to get healthy enough to have children finally.
Up until now. Now I am scared that I won't be able to quit drinking forever, that I don't really want to quit drinking forever. Sure I know I can quit for a year or two, but my mind keeps telling me that I'll be able to drink again eventually. All I can think is "why oh why can't I be one of those people that can have just one drink and be content with that!?" It's really hard for me to face the reality that I'm going to have to be completely sober for the rest of my life.
I have been working at a restaurant/wine bar for the last year, and that is where the majority of my drinking has taken place. I realized I had to get away from there, so my last day was Sunday. My husband is being really supportive and is giving up his vices as well. He is willing to help me pay for a lawyer, SCRAM fees, etc. The only problem I am having with him is that he doesn't understand why I quit my job and wants me to go back and work there. I try to explain to him that I just can't be around that type of environment, and he says all I have to do is just not drink, and I try to tell him it's just not that easy! I am supposed to go with him to see my favorite band tomorrow night, but I'm so scared that I won't have fun since I'll have to stay sober.
I know I'm jumping around a bit, but I haven't had a chance to talk to anyone except my husband about all of this, and I'm just wondering if anyone has any advice or even just kind words. This is all sorts of new for me, and I'm afraid that I don't know how to be myself without being the fun girl who goes out and likes to have a good, drunken time.
Since I am aware of my drinking problems and ready to make a change, I am planning on going through a deferred prosecution where two years of rehab and AA meetings are required in exchange for no jail time. I have been feeling really good about this decision, thinking that sobriety will be my birthday present that I didn't ask for. I've always wanted a family, and I think that God is giving me this chance to get healthy enough to have children finally.
Up until now. Now I am scared that I won't be able to quit drinking forever, that I don't really want to quit drinking forever. Sure I know I can quit for a year or two, but my mind keeps telling me that I'll be able to drink again eventually. All I can think is "why oh why can't I be one of those people that can have just one drink and be content with that!?" It's really hard for me to face the reality that I'm going to have to be completely sober for the rest of my life.
I have been working at a restaurant/wine bar for the last year, and that is where the majority of my drinking has taken place. I realized I had to get away from there, so my last day was Sunday. My husband is being really supportive and is giving up his vices as well. He is willing to help me pay for a lawyer, SCRAM fees, etc. The only problem I am having with him is that he doesn't understand why I quit my job and wants me to go back and work there. I try to explain to him that I just can't be around that type of environment, and he says all I have to do is just not drink, and I try to tell him it's just not that easy! I am supposed to go with him to see my favorite band tomorrow night, but I'm so scared that I won't have fun since I'll have to stay sober.
I know I'm jumping around a bit, but I haven't had a chance to talk to anyone except my husband about all of this, and I'm just wondering if anyone has any advice or even just kind words. This is all sorts of new for me, and I'm afraid that I don't know how to be myself without being the fun girl who goes out and likes to have a good, drunken time.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 8,326
shimmersea,
For me, I have to just think about today. Today I'm not drinking. I haven't had a drink for almost three years! Just focus on today and what you can do for today to make your life better.
I can get too overwhelmed if I try to think too far ahead.
I hope this helps.
Love,
Lenina
For me, I have to just think about today. Today I'm not drinking. I haven't had a drink for almost three years! Just focus on today and what you can do for today to make your life better.
I can get too overwhelmed if I try to think too far ahead.
I hope this helps.
Love,
Lenina
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: home
Posts: 205
Welcome. That's good you're seeing this all as a good thing - a good time to change. I'm still in the beginning but I understand the thought of "no more alcohol? I can't do that" goes. It's a scary and terrifying thought, but you have to put it in perspective and say everyday for today i will not drink. Makes it more doable.
That's great your husband is supporting you financially, but I think it's very hard for someone who isn't an alcoholic or addict to have any idea what it's all about or why it's so much more than just stopping. Right now it's rough for him, but maybe when you are working the program and doing a lot better he will see how much it benefits you to stay away from the alcohol.
That's great your husband is supporting you financially, but I think it's very hard for someone who isn't an alcoholic or addict to have any idea what it's all about or why it's so much more than just stopping. Right now it's rough for him, but maybe when you are working the program and doing a lot better he will see how much it benefits you to stay away from the alcohol.
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Shimmer,
How many days have you been alcohol free or are you going through detox right now? Regardless, we have all been there and been scared, hopeless, fearful, powerless against the dis-ease of alcoholism, and for a short while we are rattled and scared. What a great alternative as in jail you would not be drinking or have the option to go to see your favorite band and not have fun. Perhaps you will find that you can enjoy it, but at least you'll be free to go and find out . . . can't do that from jail.
You might see if your hubby could try a few Alanon meetings for families of alcoholics, or have him come here and read some of the threads in that section here. My wife is very supportive too, but sometimes she doesn't understand and we sit down and talk about it. Like me, she is willing to put up with the rough edges of the newly sober and knows that eventually everything will smooth out. Oh sure we'll have rough patches, non drinkers have them too you know. But we are tickled that we have made it from I could not stop for even a day and physically was going downhill fast, to 43 days sober. I am not fully recovered yet, but one day at a time it gets better. I don't wish I was normal and could take one drink and enjoy it as many seem to say, because that does not come from a normal mind. It comes from my alcohol mind that tries to convince me that one drink would make it better, but that is delusion because I won't get relief from one drink. And I know that, yet the delusion seems so real. I have many friends who don't drink, and some that have one or two. Before my alcoholism until age thirtysix or so, I had a lot of fun and was not drinking at all while having it. And I have already had fun sober many times, after decades of being an alcoholic. I never had fun in the mornings while I was drinking, and was more isolated than sociable as a drinker. But breaking the routine was scary. So don't think that far in the future, just today.
How many days have you been alcohol free or are you going through detox right now? Regardless, we have all been there and been scared, hopeless, fearful, powerless against the dis-ease of alcoholism, and for a short while we are rattled and scared. What a great alternative as in jail you would not be drinking or have the option to go to see your favorite band and not have fun. Perhaps you will find that you can enjoy it, but at least you'll be free to go and find out . . . can't do that from jail.
You might see if your hubby could try a few Alanon meetings for families of alcoholics, or have him come here and read some of the threads in that section here. My wife is very supportive too, but sometimes she doesn't understand and we sit down and talk about it. Like me, she is willing to put up with the rough edges of the newly sober and knows that eventually everything will smooth out. Oh sure we'll have rough patches, non drinkers have them too you know. But we are tickled that we have made it from I could not stop for even a day and physically was going downhill fast, to 43 days sober. I am not fully recovered yet, but one day at a time it gets better. I don't wish I was normal and could take one drink and enjoy it as many seem to say, because that does not come from a normal mind. It comes from my alcohol mind that tries to convince me that one drink would make it better, but that is delusion because I won't get relief from one drink. And I know that, yet the delusion seems so real. I have many friends who don't drink, and some that have one or two. Before my alcoholism until age thirtysix or so, I had a lot of fun and was not drinking at all while having it. And I have already had fun sober many times, after decades of being an alcoholic. I never had fun in the mornings while I was drinking, and was more isolated than sociable as a drinker. But breaking the routine was scary. So don't think that far in the future, just today.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,384
Hi shimmersea
Welcome to SR
I absolutely agree with Lenina - when I first got sober, not drinking again was utterly inconceivable to me - but not drinking today I could just about manage.
I worked on myself, I changed my life - and now I like this Dee - the real Dee - so much
I want to stay this way.
I'm sorry that your husband doesn't quite understand about yr job, but I'm glad you do.
I hope he'll come round to supporting your decision.
I know you'll always find support on here anyway
D
Welcome to SR
I absolutely agree with Lenina - when I first got sober, not drinking again was utterly inconceivable to me - but not drinking today I could just about manage.
I worked on myself, I changed my life - and now I like this Dee - the real Dee - so much
I want to stay this way.
I'm sorry that your husband doesn't quite understand about yr job, but I'm glad you do.
I hope he'll come round to supporting your decision.
I know you'll always find support on here anyway
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Holden, LA
Posts: 6
Hi, I'm new to this forum too. Just being grateful that your husband is being supportive. You can still go out and have fun. The alcohol doesn't allow us to have fun it just allows us to be more relaxed therefore we don't have any inhibitions of what we are doing. Stay strong!:
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,760
Don't think about forever, that's too long to comprehend. Just focus on not drinking today. The days will add up until one day you'll realize you've been sober for quite a while and hopefully it won't still hold the attraction it does now. I too didn't think I could stay sober 'forever' but now that I'm at 11 months I can't imagine drinking - it's a foreign concept and an unlikeable concept as I no longer want to drink. The further I get from my last drink, the less I want to drink. Take it one day at a time. Don't think about forever, just for today.
Welcome to SR!
Welcome to SR!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2
Thanks everybody for your kind words and supportive advice. I really am lucky that I have the freedom today to go see a concert after the mistakes that I've made. I can do this and do my best to start learning how to enjoy life sober. Thanks for making me feel so welcome.
Danielle
Danielle
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
Welcome! Two or three things come to mind. You are absolutely right to stay clear of alcohol related places, particularly at first. This also includes parties. Sorry but that's the way it is if you want to give this your best shot. It's far too soon to think way into the future and speculate whether you will ever be able to drink moderately. However, I know that I never could drink moderately since I tried to do that for forty years and failed every time. Now I've been sober for 22 years. Which gets me to my third point, namely that now I don't have any uncomfortable feelings about being around folks who drink. I even serve them drinks. I just have no craving for alcohol left at all. I hope that this happens with you too. There's a lot of potential happiness out there and you deserve to have your share of that. So take advantage of the headstart that your unfortunate brush with the law got you towards recovery. The courthouse is a rough place but at times those folks can be the best friends you will ever have! Good luck.
W.
W.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome shimmer! You're making a lot of changes right now, so be patient with yourself. It takes time to learn a new job, get over a loss, or move to a new town...... sobriety is like that. I think you should be proud of yourself for what you're doing and I'm glad you're here!
Definitely follow the "one day at a time" advice, too.:ghug3
Definitely follow the "one day at a time" advice, too.:ghug3
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