worth a shot?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 4
worth a shot?
Hi everyone
I'm wondering if anyone out there has a similar situation and maybe can offer some wise words...
I'm married now 18 years to an otherwise amazing woman- except for her love of wine. Every single night for the past few years, once I come home from work she gets drunk. She usually denies that she is despite slurring her speech, bumping into things, forgetting what anyone says to her, and carrying on senselessly to me, our kids , and whoever else is around. She is also really embarrassing to go out with because she can get really overtly sexual with my friends once she starts drinking. A couple days ago she was really going off in front of our kids and their friends, despite promising that she would never be intoxicated around them. This generated a written ultimatum-type letter from me with somewhat vague but dire consequences if it happened again.
Our finances are pretty stable, our kids are high achieving nice people, and we are otherwise healthy 50+ ers. So why is my stomach always in a knot about this? I have nothing to complain about but this and it really feels like it is going to destroy our marriage. BTW I am not averse to being a single parent. The two older teen girls are very much aware of this situation and have both given her grief about it. The two younger ones (6,9) are a little worried but don't know what's going on.
She is sure that she is doing nothing wrong and that I am persecuting her.
She regularly points on that doctors-types on TV say you should drink wine every day so I must be wrong. (She can't just have 'one glass')
If I sit back and do nothing I am showing our very observant kids that this behaviour is acceptable. They ask me time and again if she's 'drinking again'.
I don't think this is going to end well on the current track so I'm looking for some fresh perspectives! Thanks for listening!
I'm wondering if anyone out there has a similar situation and maybe can offer some wise words...
I'm married now 18 years to an otherwise amazing woman- except for her love of wine. Every single night for the past few years, once I come home from work she gets drunk. She usually denies that she is despite slurring her speech, bumping into things, forgetting what anyone says to her, and carrying on senselessly to me, our kids , and whoever else is around. She is also really embarrassing to go out with because she can get really overtly sexual with my friends once she starts drinking. A couple days ago she was really going off in front of our kids and their friends, despite promising that she would never be intoxicated around them. This generated a written ultimatum-type letter from me with somewhat vague but dire consequences if it happened again.
Our finances are pretty stable, our kids are high achieving nice people, and we are otherwise healthy 50+ ers. So why is my stomach always in a knot about this? I have nothing to complain about but this and it really feels like it is going to destroy our marriage. BTW I am not averse to being a single parent. The two older teen girls are very much aware of this situation and have both given her grief about it. The two younger ones (6,9) are a little worried but don't know what's going on.
She is sure that she is doing nothing wrong and that I am persecuting her.
She regularly points on that doctors-types on TV say you should drink wine every day so I must be wrong. (She can't just have 'one glass')
If I sit back and do nothing I am showing our very observant kids that this behaviour is acceptable. They ask me time and again if she's 'drinking again'.
I don't think this is going to end well on the current track so I'm looking for some fresh perspectives! Thanks for listening!
Dismember
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: The Mitten, USA
Posts: 1,641
Best advice I could give is to look further down for the Friends and Family of Alcoholics forum. The people there have experience in dealing with loved ones with drinking problems. Newcomers, we welcome you, but most people on this part of the site are working on stopping themselves.
I will say that your concerns are definitely not unfounded. She does not seem capable of recognizing or admitting her actions under the influence. Clearly, no doctors say to "get drunk" on wine. And calling you out for "persecuting" her are all signs that something is likely wrong.
I will say that your concerns are definitely not unfounded. She does not seem capable of recognizing or admitting her actions under the influence. Clearly, no doctors say to "get drunk" on wine. And calling you out for "persecuting" her are all signs that something is likely wrong.
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