Where do I start?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Corona, CA
Posts: 3
Where do I start?
I need to stop drinking, but I don't know how. I know I need to just STOP, but...I just don't know how to stop. What do I do? Do I just walk into an AA meeting? Is there a book? I feel lost...every Monday I wake up and say "this is going to be the week", but by the evening I've already got a glass of wine or a bottle of vodka in my hand. Please, please, please...somebody tell me where to start.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Dallas, Tx
Posts: 2,405
Hi Lakes, welcome to SR I think you did just start by reaching out here, good for you. And yes you just walk into an AA meeting, the few meetings that I went to the people that had been there a while instantly recognized me as a first-timer and welcomed me practically with open arms. You can win.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
Going to an AA meeting would be a great place to start, as everyone there has been where you are now and they have a solution to being stuck in the trap of alcoholism. It might also be a good idea to ask your doctor for help in getting safely and comfortably thru the initial physical withdrawals.
I've been trying to get and stay sober for the past three years and thanks to the support of my friends here, and my terrific addiction counselor, I am now nearly 11 months sober.
I used to think I was hopeless, doomed to a miserable life, but am now living a wonderful life, better than I ever thought I deserved to live.
Ask for help, from anywhere you can get it, and hang on tight to sobriety. It takes effort and a lot of changes in your life, but the sober life you'll have is worth the effort it takes to get there.
Welcome to the family!
I've been trying to get and stay sober for the past three years and thanks to the support of my friends here, and my terrific addiction counselor, I am now nearly 11 months sober.
I used to think I was hopeless, doomed to a miserable life, but am now living a wonderful life, better than I ever thought I deserved to live. Ask for help, from anywhere you can get it, and hang on tight to sobriety. It takes effort and a lot of changes in your life, but the sober life you'll have is worth the effort it takes to get there.
Welcome to the family!
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: chico, ca
Posts: 321
Welcome, and yes, just walk right in. Just listen, you dont have to share unless you want to. If you find some similarities and hear people with a solution, then go back. It's the answer I was looking for. Good luck.
Adventures In SpaceTime
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
Drinkers stop drinking because they have good reasons to stop. Those reasons make enough sense to keep stopped or else the drinker gets help to continue to stay stopped by finding reasons other than their own selves. One of the saddest things about alcoholism is that without outside help, alcoholics will just drink themselves to death, one way or another. Hard to mebbe accept at first, but there it is, nonetheless. 
So asking for help is always the safest going forward no matter our past or present circumstances.
Depending on the initial reasons makes all the differences in the world. Alcoholism is an illness and so needs its own solutions if sobriety is to be ensured. Hard drinker or social drinking is all about personal choices and living styles, so those kinds of solutions work effectively.
Deciding if you're alcoholic is an experience in itself, and can't be decided just by sitting down and thinking about it. It's not as simple as just connecting the dots of our past, linking that with our drinking, and declaring ourselves alcoholic. People who do that , imo, ultimately fail to keep sober.
Be honest about moving forward with not drinking. Stop drinking, and be honest with what goes on from there. Share with others, you'll be welcome at AA if you want, and hang out here on SR and read, post, and share. Become interested in your new found sobriety.
The best help in discovering how to help ourselves with drinking and alcoholism is share back and forth with others about drinking and not drinking who also are doing the same thing: getting sober and staying sober.
You've started already! Best of luck!
Rob
So asking for help is always the safest going forward no matter our past or present circumstances. Depending on the initial reasons makes all the differences in the world. Alcoholism is an illness and so needs its own solutions if sobriety is to be ensured. Hard drinker or social drinking is all about personal choices and living styles, so those kinds of solutions work effectively.
Deciding if you're alcoholic is an experience in itself, and can't be decided just by sitting down and thinking about it. It's not as simple as just connecting the dots of our past, linking that with our drinking, and declaring ourselves alcoholic. People who do that , imo, ultimately fail to keep sober.
Be honest about moving forward with not drinking. Stop drinking, and be honest with what goes on from there. Share with others, you'll be welcome at AA if you want, and hang out here on SR and read, post, and share. Become interested in your new found sobriety.
The best help in discovering how to help ourselves with drinking and alcoholism is share back and forth with others about drinking and not drinking who also are doing the same thing: getting sober and staying sober.
You've started already! Best of luck!
Rob
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Brussels (from Ireland)
Posts: 221
Hi Lakes,
Welcome to the SR community and congratulations on taking this first, very important step!
The others have given you great advice above and you will get a lot of very useful information here on SR, but also a lot of excellent support, comfort, advice, encouragement and friendship. I wouldn't be almost 9 months sober if it weren't for my friends here on SR!
Keep coming back here as often as you can - if you get the urge to go out and buy drink logon here and get support! It will be important to get a little routine in your life and to change your usual 'routine'/drinking habits. Maybe avoiding bars/certain 'drinking buddies' for a while. You'll come to realise that you'll have so much extra time on your hands when you're sober as you'll have the full weekend/mornings! No thumping hangovers in the mornings - no hazy fog or blackout blurs... You won't believe the difference a day, a week or a month will make to your life!!! Make that difference and take the step now!!!
Big hugs,
Almath
Welcome to the SR community and congratulations on taking this first, very important step!
The others have given you great advice above and you will get a lot of very useful information here on SR, but also a lot of excellent support, comfort, advice, encouragement and friendship. I wouldn't be almost 9 months sober if it weren't for my friends here on SR!
Keep coming back here as often as you can - if you get the urge to go out and buy drink logon here and get support! It will be important to get a little routine in your life and to change your usual 'routine'/drinking habits. Maybe avoiding bars/certain 'drinking buddies' for a while. You'll come to realise that you'll have so much extra time on your hands when you're sober as you'll have the full weekend/mornings! No thumping hangovers in the mornings - no hazy fog or blackout blurs... You won't believe the difference a day, a week or a month will make to your life!!! Make that difference and take the step now!!!
Big hugs,
Almath
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
Hi LakesS
Have you considered seeing your Dr as well? Not always, but sometimes detox can be tricky...they may have other ideas on what you can do too.
You can this do this - I was lost and bewildered when I came here too. SR helped me turn things around
D
Have you considered seeing your Dr as well? Not always, but sometimes detox can be tricky...they may have other ideas on what you can do too.
You can this do this - I was lost and bewildered when I came here too. SR helped me turn things around
D
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Welcome Lakes!
Good first step! Some like me use SR and AA, some one or the other.
I would start by going to an AA meeting now! Today. Tell them what you just told us. Whether you decide to stay with AA or not, the amazing thing about us alcoholics is that we have no idea of the medical, treatment centers that might not cost a penny, and support options to help us get through it. Some of us regret not having that info from experienced sober recovering alcoholics who have traveled the same road you are starting successfully. Your local AA group will have that information and can point you in the right direction fast. Go online and google AA meetings "your town and state or whatever in whatever country" and you should come up with a central office and online meeting schedules. You don't have to already be quit, just get help fast and start to determine the best way for you with some solid info. I am not pushing AA, but there are few local and safe places to get the info aside from your Doc.
Good luck and hope you make it soon.
Good first step! Some like me use SR and AA, some one or the other.
I would start by going to an AA meeting now! Today. Tell them what you just told us. Whether you decide to stay with AA or not, the amazing thing about us alcoholics is that we have no idea of the medical, treatment centers that might not cost a penny, and support options to help us get through it. Some of us regret not having that info from experienced sober recovering alcoholics who have traveled the same road you are starting successfully. Your local AA group will have that information and can point you in the right direction fast. Go online and google AA meetings "your town and state or whatever in whatever country" and you should come up with a central office and online meeting schedules. You don't have to already be quit, just get help fast and start to determine the best way for you with some solid info. I am not pushing AA, but there are few local and safe places to get the info aside from your Doc.
Good luck and hope you make it soon.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 16
Hi LakeS,
Welcome! There is a lot of good advice here already. Personally I don't use AA but it could be a very good first step for you. For me, I try to just get through this one day at a time. I think if I thought to myself, I'm never ever drinking ever again it would be overwhelming. But I can make a promise to myself to not drink for today. And then the next day I tell myself the same thing. You've come to a good place here at SR and there are a lot of people who can give you support and encouragement. There are also a lot of resources available here as well. There is information about AA as well as a number of other more secular options if you belive that would be more fitting for you.
The only way you really stop is just to stop. I wish it was easy, but its not.
We're all here for you, good luck!
Emma
Welcome! There is a lot of good advice here already. Personally I don't use AA but it could be a very good first step for you. For me, I try to just get through this one day at a time. I think if I thought to myself, I'm never ever drinking ever again it would be overwhelming. But I can make a promise to myself to not drink for today. And then the next day I tell myself the same thing. You've come to a good place here at SR and there are a lot of people who can give you support and encouragement. There are also a lot of resources available here as well. There is information about AA as well as a number of other more secular options if you belive that would be more fitting for you.
The only way you really stop is just to stop. I wish it was easy, but its not.
We're all here for you, good luck!
Emma
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: England
Posts: 196
Welcome Lakes,
Please stick around, read new posts and post yourself if you need support. Its much easier to give up the drink when you have others to help you through it..Like others have said, AA is the smartest thing to consider, it will give you the kick start you need!
Good Luck xx
Please stick around, read new posts and post yourself if you need support. Its much easier to give up the drink when you have others to help you through it..Like others have said, AA is the smartest thing to consider, it will give you the kick start you need!
Good Luck xx
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 438
Congratulations on coming to SR and posting about your desire to quit...that IS a great start. I agree with what other people have already said, but I just wanted to reiterate the suggestion about consulting with your doctor or a detox facility if you have been drinking heavily. I went to a local detox center (more than once, I'm afraid) after drinking myself stupid for days, and it was great...they gave me some medications to help with the physical withdrawal symptoms and they also had classes, meetings, and counselors who helped me get a good head start in recovery. The detox center referred me to a local outpatient program which has been an important part of my journey in sobriety, and I also am a very enthusiastic member of AA; I generally go to 4 or 5 meetings a week.
Keep us posted about how it goes, and best of luck to you!
Stephanie
Keep us posted about how it goes, and best of luck to you!
Stephanie
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Corona, CA
Posts: 3
Thank you all so much...I read again what I wrote this morning and am stunned at how desperate I sound. But I guess I am desperate. My biggest thing today is this...I know I NEED to stop drinking. My husband is planning for his retirement in a few years, and all his plans include me. I need to be healthy for him. I need to be alive for him. I know in my head that if I keep drinking, that won't be possible. But there's a huge part of me that doesn't want to quit. I'll miss the buzz. Not the negative stuff that has come with it lately, but the feeling of lightness and relaxation and inhibition. Does there ever come a day when I won't miss it? When I won't be scared to go a day without it? Does the need ever go away? I just don't know if I can go through every single day feeling the need and denying it.
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Lakes,
regretting what you wrote in the AM when you had a hangover and getting ready to drink again? We've all been there. How long it takes for you to feel comfortable in your own skin varies with each person. I am at day 43 and don't have that need you describe, just a reflex now and then, and I pop a mint and drink a glass of tea or lemonade and press on.
Desperate? Heck none of us would have quit had we not been beyond desperate. Every songle person here has been that kind of desperate. That is what it takes to change.
All of us felt the same as you do. I think I will be a recovering alcoholic for the rest of my life. My other option is to be a drunk and see how long the rest of my miserable will be.
All I can tell you is that for me, I intend to find out if I feel that way for the rest of my life, because I already did the alcoholic actively drinking and it only progressively got worse and worse.
If I keep feeling better every day as has happened thus far, with an occasional feeling of fear or a craving that is strong, the operative term is occasionally, that beats waking up every morning physically ill, emotionally fearful of what I did, and depressed that I did it again.
So my cost benefit analysis goes like this:
1. Every day miserable in the morning and messing up evrything I touch but feeling good about day in day out and nightly too.
2. Every day feeling better about things and not being miserable for at least part of every day and having to deal with my feelings and emotions.
For me I intend to find out the answer to your question, with the help of my HP. I may have some trials along the way, but I can't answer that question now. But for me, it is a lot better than drinking by miles already.
regretting what you wrote in the AM when you had a hangover and getting ready to drink again? We've all been there. How long it takes for you to feel comfortable in your own skin varies with each person. I am at day 43 and don't have that need you describe, just a reflex now and then, and I pop a mint and drink a glass of tea or lemonade and press on.
Desperate? Heck none of us would have quit had we not been beyond desperate. Every songle person here has been that kind of desperate. That is what it takes to change.
All of us felt the same as you do. I think I will be a recovering alcoholic for the rest of my life. My other option is to be a drunk and see how long the rest of my miserable will be.
All I can tell you is that for me, I intend to find out if I feel that way for the rest of my life, because I already did the alcoholic actively drinking and it only progressively got worse and worse.
If I keep feeling better every day as has happened thus far, with an occasional feeling of fear or a craving that is strong, the operative term is occasionally, that beats waking up every morning physically ill, emotionally fearful of what I did, and depressed that I did it again.
So my cost benefit analysis goes like this:
1. Every day miserable in the morning and messing up evrything I touch but feeling good about day in day out and nightly too.
2. Every day feeling better about things and not being miserable for at least part of every day and having to deal with my feelings and emotions.
For me I intend to find out the answer to your question, with the help of my HP. I may have some trials along the way, but I can't answer that question now. But for me, it is a lot better than drinking by miles already.
Dismember
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: The Mitten, USA
Posts: 1,641
LakeS,
"All things in time."
Confusion is always there in the beginning. So keep it short. Don't pick up a drink through the day, and then do that again tomorrow.
AA can be wonderful. You can just go to a meeting. You'll find people friendly and offering to help. We try our best to make things as easy for newcomers because we really truly remember what it was like for us. We've all been newcomers.
And don't worry about wanting to drink. That also comes with time. Those are cravings, everyone gets them, but knowing you don't have to act on them is key. And they will go away, on their own, or if you distract yourself with other things.
It's not easy, it wasn't for any of us, so do it bit by bit. It'll get easier faster than you might expect.
We're here for you.
"All things in time."
Confusion is always there in the beginning. So keep it short. Don't pick up a drink through the day, and then do that again tomorrow.
AA can be wonderful. You can just go to a meeting. You'll find people friendly and offering to help. We try our best to make things as easy for newcomers because we really truly remember what it was like for us. We've all been newcomers.
And don't worry about wanting to drink. That also comes with time. Those are cravings, everyone gets them, but knowing you don't have to act on them is key. And they will go away, on their own, or if you distract yourself with other things.
It's not easy, it wasn't for any of us, so do it bit by bit. It'll get easier faster than you might expect.
We're here for you.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome to the forum! I knew I had to quit, too, though I couldn't imagine actually doing it. I really didn't want to quit (what addict does?), but I also knew that continuing to drink was just going to make life harder and harder. One thing for sure about alcoholism - it only gets worse.
I guess I finally decided to give sobriety a try, mainly because I was SO tired of feeling sick and anxious, and obsessing over when/where/how can I get the next drink (all the while trying to live a "normal" life). Just trying to quit for a day or two (and usually being unsuccessful) was enough to convince me I really had no control over it anymore. I accepted the fact that I WAS going to continue to drink and stopped pretending like I could be a little smarter or stronger and just stop at a "few" drinks. Once I got started, I'd always have one more.
That's what led me here and a month later, I got up the nerve to post. From there, it was just deciding I really did want to live and lots of people here were telling me things really would be better if I gave sobriety a chance. I got through each day and didn't worry about not drinking "forever." Coming here was the best thing I've done for myself in a long, long time.
This place (if you use it) is like a lifeline. Just know you're not alone and that we all need a lot of support to do this. Hope you'll hang around!:ghug3
I guess I finally decided to give sobriety a try, mainly because I was SO tired of feeling sick and anxious, and obsessing over when/where/how can I get the next drink (all the while trying to live a "normal" life). Just trying to quit for a day or two (and usually being unsuccessful) was enough to convince me I really had no control over it anymore. I accepted the fact that I WAS going to continue to drink and stopped pretending like I could be a little smarter or stronger and just stop at a "few" drinks. Once I got started, I'd always have one more.
That's what led me here and a month later, I got up the nerve to post. From there, it was just deciding I really did want to live and lots of people here were telling me things really would be better if I gave sobriety a chance. I got through each day and didn't worry about not drinking "forever." Coming here was the best thing I've done for myself in a long, long time.
This place (if you use it) is like a lifeline. Just know you're not alone and that we all need a lot of support to do this. Hope you'll hang around!:ghug3
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 398
Pretty much that's it- just walk into a meeting. Guarantee you will feel much better after that 60 minutes!
The first thing to do is to find AA online and locate a meeting close to you. YOu can do this online or call the AA listing in the pohone book and ask them. They even have people who will come out and sit with you or take you to the meeting if you need- we have them here, anyway. It's part of the AA service work program to do everything we can to help the alcoholic who is still struggling.
Then go to the meeting- try to find an early one if staying sober until the meeting is an issue. Hang out on here, do housework- do whatever to keep sober until that meeting. When you get there, reach out to people for help. Get numbers! Take suggestions and keep going back.
The rest will happen in its own time...the most important thing is to find that first meeting and go! Good luck!
The first thing to do is to find AA online and locate a meeting close to you. YOu can do this online or call the AA listing in the pohone book and ask them. They even have people who will come out and sit with you or take you to the meeting if you need- we have them here, anyway. It's part of the AA service work program to do everything we can to help the alcoholic who is still struggling.
Then go to the meeting- try to find an early one if staying sober until the meeting is an issue. Hang out on here, do housework- do whatever to keep sober until that meeting. When you get there, reach out to people for help. Get numbers! Take suggestions and keep going back.
The rest will happen in its own time...the most important thing is to find that first meeting and go! Good luck!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Welcome Lakes! I also thought I couldn't contemplate life without alcohol. It took a lot of work but I am now completely happy with contemplating a sober life. Everyone has there own take on how to get sober, but AA is a great place to start. Just walk in. And don't just do this for your husband...do it for you:-)
Hugs!
Hugs!
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