A New Normal
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Richmond, VA
Posts: 6
A New Normal
Life used to be so easy. But I have found it to be more than I can comprehend/control at times over the past several years. I have known for years that when I drink too much I can become (not always) an angry drunk. I have verbally assaulted family/friends for various reasons. Letting out my resentment in bitter fashion instead of talking openly and honestly while not drinking. It is this "angry and drunk" issue that has landed me where I am today: convicted of DUI, court ordered into Intensive Education through ASAP as well as 16 weeks of AA meetings. God if there is anything I've ever disliked more it's being told what to do and now I really have to toe the line.
After seperating from my spouse, and getting arrested for DUI, I visited a friend over the Labor Day weekend. While there, I was browsing her library and found a book, The Purpose Driven Life. The very first page spoke to me and I asked her if I could borrow it. I took it home and began reading, taking note that the author wanted the reader to absorb the contents over 40 days. So I began to journal what I read and answer the questions it posed at the end of each chapter. Then one night I drank too much and verbally assaulted a very dear friend of mine while talking on the phone. Much of the conversation I don't remember, but I remember knowing I had said things I shouldn't have and felt remorse upon waking. It was that day that I wrote to AA. I received a very thoughtful reply back that day and when I read it I cried. For what I had explained to him was definitely a night of alcoholic drinking. But he said it was my best thinking that got me to send that e-mail. A month went by and again I found I had done the same thing, verbally assualted someone, browned out, felt remorseful the next day. I wrote AA again. The response was to get myself to a meeting, walk in and take a seat. I didn't do it. Instead, I went on line and downloaded a copy of the Big Book and read the entire book. The parallel between "The Purpose Driven Life and "The Big Book" was all too clear.
On page 60 of "The Big Book" it reads:
"The first requirement is that we be convinced that any life run on self will can hardly be a success."
On page 38 of "The Purpose Driven Life" it reads:
" If your time on earth were all there is to your life, you could indulge yourself in self centeredness b ecause your actions would have no long term consequences"
C. S. Lewis said:
"There are two kinds of people; those who say to God "Thy will be done" and those to whom God says "All right then, have it your way."
The Bible reads:
" Self help is no help at all. Self sacrifice is the way (God's way) to finding yourself, your true self.
So...
The court ordered my ASAP training and the ASAP case manager ordered Intensive Education and AA meetings. So I went to my first AA meeting on Oct. 28, 2010. I begin my Intensive Education program tonight. One of the requirements while I go through this 4 month process is to abstain completely from alcohol. I have asked God to lend me his strength to get through this process, learn and gain from it and come out a better, sober person.
After seperating from my spouse, and getting arrested for DUI, I visited a friend over the Labor Day weekend. While there, I was browsing her library and found a book, The Purpose Driven Life. The very first page spoke to me and I asked her if I could borrow it. I took it home and began reading, taking note that the author wanted the reader to absorb the contents over 40 days. So I began to journal what I read and answer the questions it posed at the end of each chapter. Then one night I drank too much and verbally assaulted a very dear friend of mine while talking on the phone. Much of the conversation I don't remember, but I remember knowing I had said things I shouldn't have and felt remorse upon waking. It was that day that I wrote to AA. I received a very thoughtful reply back that day and when I read it I cried. For what I had explained to him was definitely a night of alcoholic drinking. But he said it was my best thinking that got me to send that e-mail. A month went by and again I found I had done the same thing, verbally assualted someone, browned out, felt remorseful the next day. I wrote AA again. The response was to get myself to a meeting, walk in and take a seat. I didn't do it. Instead, I went on line and downloaded a copy of the Big Book and read the entire book. The parallel between "The Purpose Driven Life and "The Big Book" was all too clear.
On page 60 of "The Big Book" it reads:
"The first requirement is that we be convinced that any life run on self will can hardly be a success."
On page 38 of "The Purpose Driven Life" it reads:
" If your time on earth were all there is to your life, you could indulge yourself in self centeredness b ecause your actions would have no long term consequences"
C. S. Lewis said:
"There are two kinds of people; those who say to God "Thy will be done" and those to whom God says "All right then, have it your way."
The Bible reads:
" Self help is no help at all. Self sacrifice is the way (God's way) to finding yourself, your true self.
So...
The court ordered my ASAP training and the ASAP case manager ordered Intensive Education and AA meetings. So I went to my first AA meeting on Oct. 28, 2010. I begin my Intensive Education program tonight. One of the requirements while I go through this 4 month process is to abstain completely from alcohol. I have asked God to lend me his strength to get through this process, learn and gain from it and come out a better, sober person.
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,954
Welcome to the SoberRecovery Forums M00kie.Looks like you are well on your way to a life free from the chains of alcohol. Keep up the good effort.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Dallas, Tx
Posts: 2,405
Hi Mookie, welcome to SR. I read the "Purpose Driven Life" twice in my first year of recovery (took reading twice for a lot of it to sink in), and that book and the bible (which I also read for the first time that first year) have been the foundation for my new recovered self. God be with you on your journey to recovery.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
Welcome to our recovery family!
I'm so glad you're working on a better sober life. I was truly blessed that my drinking never got me into legal or physical problems. I was a chronic relapser who just couldn't seem to stay sober for very long without sinking back into the chaos of drinking and all the emotional and physical distress and destruction that alcohol brings. Thank God and my counselor and the wonderful people here who kept supporting and encouraging me to try again, try harder.
I am tickled pink to say that I'm nearly 11 months sober today and am living a happy life. I'd never thought such happiness was within my reach, but thanks to living a sober life I'm happier than I'd ever thought possible. My kids respect me again and, more than that, I respect myself again.
I hope you can get the help you need to live a sober happy life. It takes a lot of effort and changes, but the rewards are so worth it.
I'm so glad you're working on a better sober life. I was truly blessed that my drinking never got me into legal or physical problems. I was a chronic relapser who just couldn't seem to stay sober for very long without sinking back into the chaos of drinking and all the emotional and physical distress and destruction that alcohol brings. Thank God and my counselor and the wonderful people here who kept supporting and encouraging me to try again, try harder.I am tickled pink to say that I'm nearly 11 months sober today and am living a happy life. I'd never thought such happiness was within my reach, but thanks to living a sober life I'm happier than I'd ever thought possible. My kids respect me again and, more than that, I respect myself again.
I hope you can get the help you need to live a sober happy life. It takes a lot of effort and changes, but the rewards are so worth it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Richmond, VA
Posts: 6
Thank you for your encouraging words. Since I see that you are a dog lover, I will share with you how I came to use the user name of M00kieKnew2. Mookie was my himalayan that I cherished for 14 years and who in July of this year had to put her down because of health issues. One of the hardest days of my life to watch that beautiful little life drift away. In any case, I seperated from my spouse of 9 years in March of this year, and prior to doing so, every single day, day in and day out, Mookie would cry and cry and cry...loud whaling cries. And she would throw up day in and day out. I never understood it. Until I moved out. From the very first day of being out of what had become an emotionally toxic marriage, Mookie never cried or threw up again. Therefore I concluded that MOOKIE KNEW TOO. She knew how miserable things had gotten in my home and how miserable I had become and was crying FOR ME day in and day out. Feeling this was her attempt to communicate with me how sad she was for me breaks my heart that I didn't listen to her little voice. Thanks for letting me share.
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Good Luck!
Although you are being forced to go, with what you have already read and you mindset, you will most likely take what you can use and leave the rest. Which is what we all do, and then find that the essentials for all of us are still pretty much the same. Sanity doesn't come all at once, but it seems you have fertilized your soil, and your garden will grow.
Although you are being forced to go, with what you have already read and you mindset, you will most likely take what you can use and leave the rest. Which is what we all do, and then find that the essentials for all of us are still pretty much the same. Sanity doesn't come all at once, but it seems you have fertilized your soil, and your garden will grow.
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