Class of November 2010
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 1,149
Im glad to be still here on the same month anyway.
19 wonderful days but I blew it this weekend.
You all know the story.
I'm utterly powerless with this disease.
So thats step one right?
I need a HP to kick me in the ass.
Perhaps thats my problem?
Im looking in the wrong places, turning stones over and finding nothing.
Guess I'm ready to turn it all over, cuz what Im doing doesnt seem to be working.
Here we go again....just for today.
November children....seems like a black and white photograph huh?
Keep your sobriety going folks, just for today.
19 wonderful days but I blew it this weekend.
You all know the story.
I'm utterly powerless with this disease.
So thats step one right?
I need a HP to kick me in the ass.
Perhaps thats my problem?
Im looking in the wrong places, turning stones over and finding nothing.
Guess I'm ready to turn it all over, cuz what Im doing doesnt seem to be working.
Here we go again....just for today.
November children....seems like a black and white photograph huh?
Keep your sobriety going folks, just for today.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 39
Happy Monday friends! Day 11 here and am so grateful and happy to have made it through the long weekend without caving. Got some work deadlines in the coming weeks, one of which is a long time dream opportunity of mine. I also have several custom orders (I'm a designer) that would normally stress me out enough to make me drink, but I know that I can not get this work done if I do, and if I blow this opportunity, I might not get another chance, so for now, that is my driving force!
Hope everyone has a great, sober day!
Hope everyone has a great, sober day!
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 1,149
Nobody knows the struggle we go through.
My wife, my family, they all just say control yourself.
You can drink.
A glass of wine with dinner. Sure.
My very recent 19 days of sobriety opened my eyes a bit.
Nobody really gave a damn if i drank or not.
I didnt need to explain myself to anybody...nobody really cared if i drank or not.
Truthfully, I didnt care what they had in their glass either.
Personally, I think its about time to burst my bubble.
I cant drink. Period.
It's my problem. My orbit.
No one else gives a damn or could care less what im drinking.
This really shouldn't be such a struggle and I dont know why it is....but it is.
My wife, my family, they all just say control yourself.
You can drink.
A glass of wine with dinner. Sure.
My very recent 19 days of sobriety opened my eyes a bit.
Nobody really gave a damn if i drank or not.
I didnt need to explain myself to anybody...nobody really cared if i drank or not.
Truthfully, I didnt care what they had in their glass either.
Personally, I think its about time to burst my bubble.
I cant drink. Period.
It's my problem. My orbit.
No one else gives a damn or could care less what im drinking.
This really shouldn't be such a struggle and I dont know why it is....but it is.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: canada
Posts: 84
Don't worry, just get back up, brush yourself off and try again. Many people here have said as long as you don't give up and try again, that's all that matters.
Yesterday watching football, I had the BIGGEST urge to have a drink. I kept thinking, just have one, stop there and it won't be a big deal. My other voice said NO DON'T, Anyhow, I battled this for an hr, than it hit me, I still have a problem (9 days sober doesn't change this),and I always will, because if I didn't, I wouldn't have had an argument with myself for over an hr whether to have a drink or not. Another realization amongst many I have had, many I will have....
Yesterday watching football, I had the BIGGEST urge to have a drink. I kept thinking, just have one, stop there and it won't be a big deal. My other voice said NO DON'T, Anyhow, I battled this for an hr, than it hit me, I still have a problem (9 days sober doesn't change this),and I always will, because if I didn't, I wouldn't have had an argument with myself for over an hr whether to have a drink or not. Another realization amongst many I have had, many I will have....
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Australia
Posts: 39
Hi Hooped. Sorry to hear that you slipped - sounds like you've learned a great lesson though, one that I've only just managed to get a handle on myself after years of this nightmare: people like us just can't drink. At all. Ever. I feel some peace at seeing this and knowing I don't have to once again go through the pain of trying to find a healthy relationship with alcohol and drink like a regular person. It's never gonna work and that's just that. Best of luck getting back on the horse.
Thanks for a great thread everyone - glad to have made it into the class of November 2010 (5 days today).
Thanks for a great thread everyone - glad to have made it into the class of November 2010 (5 days today).
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Ohio, USA
Posts: 316
I appreciate all the recent posts about everyone's realizations that they truly cannot drink normally. I've started thinking that I can, and this is what I needed to hear. I'm trying to be logical with myself here: I have never been a normal drinker. Therefore I have no reason to think that I magically will turn into one.
I thought of this passage from one of my favorite memoirs (Madness by Marya Hornbacher). As a young adult being around friends who drink a lot, this resonated with me:
"But I'm drinking an awful lot. Not that I want to stop. I have, however, begun to notice the vast difference between the way I drink and the way everyone drinks. And everyone else in my life drinks quite a lot."
I thought of this passage from one of my favorite memoirs (Madness by Marya Hornbacher). As a young adult being around friends who drink a lot, this resonated with me:
"But I'm drinking an awful lot. Not that I want to stop. I have, however, begun to notice the vast difference between the way I drink and the way everyone drinks. And everyone else in my life drinks quite a lot."
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 1,149
It's way, way beyond being a 'normal' drinker for me.
I don't even know what that is....a 'normal' drinker....whats that?
I gave up going to bars years ago. Could never get my full share there.
I just drank at home....alone.
A miserable existance.
Friday night I hit the liquor store with 5 minutes till closing.
Bought an 18 pack of beer, like any 'normal' guy would.
Exchanged pleasantries witht he clerk...he knows me well but hadn't seen me recently.
When I got home with my box of beer I contemplated hard about what I was doing for a good 15 minutes before I cracked open the first one.
I even read a bunch of posts on this site.
Of course I drank the whole 18 beers and was back at the liquor store for the 9am Saturday opening.
Different clerk.
Drank all day and had to back at 8pm for more. Said hello to my original clerk again.
Absolute blurr on Saturday night.
No proper food all day, just nursing a beer bottle all night long.
Sunday morning I took all my empties to the bottle depot.
51 empties. Since Friday.
51.
Of course I picked up another 18 pack on Sunday morning.
Running a little low on Sunday afternoon, I went out for another 12 pack.
There was a new clerk on this time.
Didn't wait for my change. Didn't want the new clerk to see my trembling hands.
Excuse me...I'm gonna put on the dunce cap and go sit in the corner for a few days.
I'm not going to drink today though.
Just for today.
I don't even know what that is....a 'normal' drinker....whats that?
I gave up going to bars years ago. Could never get my full share there.
I just drank at home....alone.
A miserable existance.
Friday night I hit the liquor store with 5 minutes till closing.
Bought an 18 pack of beer, like any 'normal' guy would.
Exchanged pleasantries witht he clerk...he knows me well but hadn't seen me recently.
When I got home with my box of beer I contemplated hard about what I was doing for a good 15 minutes before I cracked open the first one.
I even read a bunch of posts on this site.
Of course I drank the whole 18 beers and was back at the liquor store for the 9am Saturday opening.
Different clerk.
Drank all day and had to back at 8pm for more. Said hello to my original clerk again.
Absolute blurr on Saturday night.
No proper food all day, just nursing a beer bottle all night long.
Sunday morning I took all my empties to the bottle depot.
51 empties. Since Friday.
51.
Of course I picked up another 18 pack on Sunday morning.
Running a little low on Sunday afternoon, I went out for another 12 pack.
There was a new clerk on this time.
Didn't wait for my change. Didn't want the new clerk to see my trembling hands.
Excuse me...I'm gonna put on the dunce cap and go sit in the corner for a few days.
I'm not going to drink today though.
Just for today.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 123
Hooped,
Even though my wife's father was an alcoholic and died at 60 yo, she sat down with me one night and said she was concerned about how much I was drinking. The best part is that she said that "i needed to moderate my drinking". I basically told her that was a problem for me - 1 or 2 always turned into 3-4 very strong cocktails.
Even though my wife's father was an alcoholic and died at 60 yo, she sat down with me one night and said she was concerned about how much I was drinking. The best part is that she said that "i needed to moderate my drinking". I basically told her that was a problem for me - 1 or 2 always turned into 3-4 very strong cocktails.
31/10/10
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 241
((hooped)) what an experience. I am sorry you put yourself through that. Hope it will help you stay sober just for today. Next time you are contemplating drinking and on SR - don't just read - post for help and wait for responses. That's what we classmates are here for!
vee
vee
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