AmericanGirl

hi Dallas! I read your posts here and found them moving. I skimmed some of the replies so I'm sorry if I'm restating anything, but you mentioned in your first post that you felt like you were writing in a journal, so I was wondering, do you do that? I think we have some things in common, and I know for me sometimes it's hard to know what I "want" unless I put it in writing (and I feel like I know more about how I "am" if I've been keeping a journal). So, that is how daily journal-keeping has helped me in the past and maybe it could help you in the same way.

Freedom1990

My name is DeVon, and I am powerless over mood-altering men.

I did the same thing you are doing, Dallas. I did it over and over the first 4 years, and finally ended up drinking again.

Don't cheat yourself out of recovery. Ask God for help in the area of women/sex/dating as you did with your alcoholism.

RobbyRobot

Hey, I'm not saying not dating won't give results. But purposely not going on dates hoping that alone would be the best thing I could do for my sobriety when it came to the ladies and I simply never worked. I just didn't have that kind of a dating problem that I had to look for dates like i was trying and failing, you know. And from what I'm getting from your posts, there are plenty of ladies willing to date with you. So dating is not a problem for you to be solving if you follow me where I'm going with this.

What I did do that was different on my now sober dates, back when, was spend some honest time sharing with my dates what was really going on with my sobriety and my life. It really helped with staying sober, and kept the experience above board for me and my dates.

Having said that, sure date or don't when you see fit, but don't create resolutions with the expectation that simply not doing something is more valuable than doing something properly and rightly. Not saying you're expectations are off the wall, just saying some alcoholics do promise themselves the moon, and it dosen't work well in sobriety has been my personal experience, lol.

I was way to lonely to not date, and frankly, I had been on so many dates while drinking, that dating simply was not my problem to overcome. Not being honest while dating, well, that was a real problem, you know what i mean? And so, I solved that with honest dating, not so hard really, and sure beat being lonely for no good reason. But that was me.

Anyways, to each their own, Dallas. You'll figure this out as you go, like you say, you're learning how to live all over again, finding out who you really are sober. Keep at it!

Rob

1_day@_a_time

I think my problems are much more than just a drinking problem.

Alcohol is not the problem, it's the solution. Once the solution is taken away, I am solution-less.

For me, I must find the path in life, sober, in active formal recovery with the application of the steps, as a way of life.

The answers are all very clearly outlined for me.


When I stop drinking, I'm confronted with life and don't know how to do it well.

The application of the steps as a way of life provides me with the solution. Learning how to be comfortable, being a bit uncomfortable. It's a process.....I must be willing to get started.

but I can't talk of these things, for I know no one to talk with about these issues.

Are you sure Dallas?


Centered and balanced as I have learned:

Physically relaxed

Emotionally calm

Mentally focused

Spiritually aware

Draciack

You know, it's okay to not know who you are. To stand tall in that uncertainty demands incredible courage.

Great post, man.

LaFemme

This is an amazing and inspirational thread...thanks D!

Re: dating....when I first quit I had no intention o not dating. Now I realize how important workinbon myself is and while I haven't made an absolute promise not to it would take someone jealous special for me to reconsider.

Re: the onion. I have been trying to reconnect to the me I was as a child, before all this crap. That was my authentic self and she might be immature but at least she was real.

Lilly03

I love this thread - it's currently where I am right now. Terrified of what I'm going to find underneath the addiction. I think I've always thought I have some sort of "monster" or something to be terrified of inside of me that's going to take over. In reality I think it's a vulnerable person who was scared and covered everything wish using. It's making me feel incredibly vulnerable and sensitive right now, but I must keep going.

mama36

Dallas, you are a good man and you have to open up the old steamer trunks and let that **** outta there. You may do well to have a counsellor and take a look at life and the life that you ultimately should/could have. I have read your posts...about food mainly...but about this chasing love and women and all that stuff. You deserve a good relationship and could very well be the best friend that anyone ever had...but you never will be if you don't give yourself a chance. I'm obsessive too, I am not always comfortable in my own skin but I am out there getting the help that I need to not only repair that, but to figure out what the hell happened to make it so. You know, we can all look at our past and say "this made me that way or did that to me", but until we really deal with it or look at it things won't get better. Knowing something is wrong and dealing with that are two different things.

Stick and stay and make it pay!!!!

P.S. Why the hell is it always about food with you...now were talking onions...later it'll be pizza...food food food!

Donna

Toronto68

Maybe I could learn something from you in a professional way, Firestorm, because you have a way of marketing yourself even while pointing out your faults.

Meeting yourself halfway with the 6 months sounds like a reasonable idea to me, but you don't have to quote me.

Boleo

This is where a self inventory is critical. It releases you from these fears. Behind every fear is a kernel of delusion.

coffeenut

Thank you for sharing. Looking at all the crap in your closet is scary. But, once you clean it out, it's not so scary.

I'm a 30 year drinker/drunk, too. What I'm finding....is the longer I'm sober, the more comfortable I am with it. The more I embrace it. And...I have crap in my closet, too.

I'm reading a memoir by Mary Karr. It's an old book, The Liars Club. Worth a look. Kinda lets us know, any family with more than one member, is dysfunctional, according to the author. I agree with her.

Great Thread!

firestorm090

mama36, this is too funny, I was eating a hotdog while reading your reply, and I didn't plan it that way, lol. Too much!!

So, what did I learn today?

For starters, I know that SR is one great group of people and I'm lucky to be here.

Another thing is I've got to slow down and just learn to live life one day at a time, and work on cleaning up the wreckage over some time, however I must get started. Now would probably be a good time, don't ya think?

And I'm gonna dedicate myself to being friends, first with myself and then with as many people as life sends my way, especially the lady folk, lol. I've never really had a female "friend", it was always more than that to me, or at least that's what I wanted, but for now, I'm just gonna be friends, that's all, maybe a kiss goodnight, oops, there I went again. No, no kiss goodnight, lol. We'll see how it goes, wish me luck.

And I know that counseling is in the near future for me, just gotta find the right fit, if possible. I'm tired of dragging these gunny sacks behind me, so I'm gonna dump them off somewhere, hopefully not near any of you, lol.

Work seems to be the message of the day, and this change is going to be similar to a bathroom I'm remodeling for a couple. At first, it was simply to pull out an old vanity and install a new one, but then it grew, changed and continues to transform into a total bath remodel. I'm beginning to see the end, but it's still a few days away. That's probably how this lifechange will be, a small project initially, but will gather more steam and depth as time progresses. That's ok, because the alternative of drinking just doesn't work.

Love to all.
D

Lilly03

What do you mean, like false beliefs?

DayTrader

Sometimes it's an entire field of kernels that I secretly go out and fertilize, water, and care for..... :rotfxko

Never thought of myself as delusional before....amazing what you can find when you really start to look huh?

Summerpeach

Dallas, great post. Talking it out, realizing it and trying to find solutions will get you the peace you want.
As for "chasing the ladies", it's all just part of the avoidance of seeing who you truly are.
You're worthy of true love, not the "one minute" love you get from "dating" around.
It just weakens you more.

My ex was always looking for his next "lady" fix when him and I would fight or break up. And now that we've been over for 3 months, I cringe when I think about how many women he must have tried to find to fill his emptiness since he's been sober for 2 yrs.
It's a lonely place to be. Decide you are better than this.

You're doing great :-)