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14 Days

Old 11-02-2010, 12:53 PM
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14 Days

Hi All,
I've begun the work and feeling overwhelmed today, not by obsession but I simply did not expect the depression. I literally feel like my entire life is turning like a roladex in front of me.

What the hell is going on?

Rarely has a day transpired without alcohol for the last fifteen years. On average I was drinking around 5-7 drinks daily, fairly often going through a large bottle of tequila or scotch on my own over a weekend. When I decided bar hopping in San Fran was the most important activity for my daughter's
15th birthday celebration, I realized with the strong nudging of my family, that the time to change is now.

While "maintaining" professionally, getting through college and grad-school and raising my daughter fairly darn well, I have been far from healthy and increasingly dependent on alcohol. I simply was not willing to live without it and made drinking my favorite hobby- day in and day out.

My story is so uneventful- no DUI's (thank God!), no criminal records etc.
No major incidents, though my daughter may have a different perspective on that!

I have wondered if because I have no major story to tell - I may not be a real alcoholic... perhaps it's only when I have truly paid my dues to the disease should I put so much effort into this most difficult life change.

But you know what? I don't want to get there!!! The alcoholism on either side of my family has provided enough drama to last a few generations! I don't need to give the wheel a whirl. No thank you!

I'm grateful to have entered AA after contemplating attending my first meeting for years. I've found my home group (on the beach!) and I'm going to just continue one day at a time.

My issue right now is- this is physcially exhausting! The anxiety I've always had is majorly increased and my long-term depression is increasing quickly. I will be consulting my doctor soon (should have already- I know!)

But I just needed to reach out and say that I am grateful to be suffering, however the physical affects of not drinking has been beyond what I imagined.

I feel like I can literally feel my brain cells growing back and my body cells rehydrating- Ouch!
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Old 11-02-2010, 12:59 PM
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Hello and welcome. Your story sounds much like mine. NO DUI's, never fired from my job, etc. But my marriage was almost over before I sought help. Like you, I found a 12 step meeting, worked the steps and made friends, and through the grace of my higher power have been sober one day at a time for 14 years. The early days are a struggle! I remember all kinds of thoughts, feelings, etc. that I hadn't felt in a long time. Alcohol was my best friend, and when I lost that best friend, I felt lost for a while. Of course, that best friend was actually my worst enemy. Anyway, welcome!!
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Old 11-02-2010, 01:53 PM
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Welcome!!
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Old 11-02-2010, 03:19 PM
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Welcome to this wonderful forum, keep posting and reading , we are all here for each other...We all wear the same T-Shirt ! xx
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Old 11-02-2010, 03:32 PM
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hi sheslovinlife

Welcome to SR

It's very normal to feel both exhausted and depressed, but I'm glad you're seeing your doctor

good to have you with us - you'll find a lot of support here
D
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Old 11-02-2010, 03:35 PM
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Welcome to the family! YOu are being smart to quit drinking now before something really bad happens. I'm glad you found us and joined us. You'll find a lot of support and useful information here.

Early sobriety has its ups and downs but will smooth out with time. If you continue to feel bad/depressed/anxious please see your doctor to rule out physical causes for feeling bad.
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Old 11-02-2010, 06:59 PM
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Welcome to SR

The first month I had about as much energy as a snake after swallowing a rat.

It took awhile to readjust, but when my body got back to normal, my energy was off the charts.
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Old 11-02-2010, 08:26 PM
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Welcome aboard!
Day 41 here and I named myself itchy because my skin got extremely dry and I got dandruff for the first time, my memory has all gone to heck, and I have had a few days with a case of the nerves for a few minutes to an hour since becoming sober.

I also haven't gotten up swollen and feeling like I got beat up, run over by a truck and whipped in a blender. No puking and phlegmmy mornings, no headaches, no restrictions and isolation because I don't drink and drive, no snap decisions out of alcoholic apathy, and no running away from problems. I taste more, feel more, hurt more, rejoice more, relax more, regret more, do more, love more, forget more, itch more, and in general have to learn more all over again.

When the withdrawal pains seem to be a lot I just chant my mantra that in six months to two years these minor aggravations will be gone. Maybe less as it varies with each. And remind myself to go workout, walk, walk the pups, wash the truck and car and scooter, work on the projects left half done or barely started in my drinking days, read a good book, and slowly but surely I will emerge different, better I hope but that is really up to me.

Comfort is a luxury of the alcoholic me, because I just didn't care as long as I was anesthetized to dealing with life, I just coasted along making sure my alcohol supply was insured, and my schedule never intruded on my buzz.

Until the short, medium, and long term power of the drug ethanol's withdrawal effects go away, it will send us what discomfort it thinks will make us come back for that comfort. We have to see it for what it is.

Congrats on your current sobriety. Your long term depression was there before and you might need a doc to help with that, but at least you don't have to be depressed about being alcohol dependent in every sense of that word today.

It takes awhile for the body to undo what the alcohol changed and the mental changes are the most difficult for some, the physical for others.

If it was easy to quit we wouldn't have any alcoholics would we?

If you need some medical support get it.

And hang in there. I will hang in there too
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Old 11-02-2010, 08:52 PM
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Welcome! I just wanted to say that you might also want to see a therapist who specializes in addiction--this has helped me greatly, especially because I also take meds (prescribed by a psychiatrist who specializes in addiction) for depression and anxiety. Best to you! You are on the right path!
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