sail554

I am new as of today. 2010 has been horrible for me. Make it short, was with a guy for 29years 1/1/2010 was the day he left me, my daughters. I am having a very hard time dealing with this. I drank before, not a lot, but since he has left I have done more drinking and other things I don't care to remember. I do try not to drink when the kids are home, they don't like it. Halloween he was at my house, i took kids out they get treat/grown ups drinks. When I saw him back at my house, everything hit me all at once. All my anger, hurt, him sitting in my hse like it was his. The booze magnify it out, I had a break down. Not only that but in front of my children. I yelled, I pushed him to get out, I told my kids nothing is ever going to get better. They were crying. I have tried to avoid this from every happening. Now that it did, I know now I went as low as I could. I cannot let this one person change me. I don't eat right, I don't sleep without taking something, I quick the gym (18 years going). I need help to be a better person, realize this man can't control me, and my poor kids who I love with all my heart, needs their old mom back. Anyone dealing with separation,divorce please give me something that will work.

eremc08

When I got divorced in '07, it was my choice because he was physically abusive and had a substance abuse problem. So my situation is a little different. All I can tell you is that you need to move on and only time will heal your pain. Alcohol will not. It will only create another problem you have to deal with in the future. I learned that the hard way. I had 10 years of being abused that I was drinking away and my kids didn't really have their mom there when I should have been.

I didn't want anything to do with my ex husband.. I didn't have a problem moving on from him. Your children are way more important than any man.. you will find happiness within yourself, and your kids. When you do find internal happiness then I would say, it's safe to start dating again but right now you need to move on and get better for yourself and your children.

You can do it!

scared1

I can totally relate to you Sail. My boyfriend (kids father) of 17 years went to jail 12/12/09 so my 2010 has been so angry, lonely, stressful and sad as well. My drinking has totally gotten out of hand and my poor innocent kids see it too. you will be in my prayers. I have not advice because I am dealing with this demon myself. Good luck and try to be strong.

Dee74

Hi Sail

Welcome to SR.
I know you'll find support hope and encouragement here

Have you thought about seeing your Dr? You seem to be rather down and not taking care of yourself - reaching out to a professional might help you in that respect?

He or she may be able to advise you about your drinking too - have you considered something like AA or some other recovery group?

Many of us have been where you are.

I started drinking after a partner left me too - I wish now I'd asked for help and dealt with my pain rather than trying to block it out.

I wasted 18 months of my life (which I still can't remember) and I started myself on the road to alcoholism.

Seek help ad break the cycle now Sail
D

sail554

ty, i have spoken to my dr and they increased my depression pills, i am also seeing a therapist but feel that i just keep repeating myself over & over with no results; this is my 4th therapist. Anyway, it is like when I am good, it is awesome. then once a month I freak. I was hoping to do aa on line, i think I am ashamed of myself, ashamed at my failed marriage, i would be embarrassed & ashamed to go to aa, that is why I am trying this.

Anna

I'm sorry for your pain.

I hope that you can look at yourself and find the peace in your life that you would like.

Hollyanne

I am sorry sail but the antidepressants won't work while you are drinking. You should go to AA if only to see that they are all just like you! They are mostly just normal people who got caught in a cycle of drinking too much and now have lost control or are working on getting back the control.
You were married a long time. You have kids. Of course you are devastated! But you will not move one inch while you are "drowning your sorrows". You deserve better. Forget the rant. Who knows? He may have had it coming to him. But the children don't need that in their lives. I know people say you have to want to give up yourself but try going to AA for the kids and stay for yourself. Call up the AA people and ask if anyone could meet you and go with you. It is amazing just to get the kindness. You might be blubbering for a while but they will not judge.
Meantime, come here and join us. Big hugs.

least

Welcome to the family!

tjp613

Sail, I can think of 3 women right off the top of my head in my AA women's group who have stories just like yours and they are soooooo good now! They give all the credit to the AA program and the fellowship they found there. Please, please give it a try. I think you'll be surprised.

bunnyfungo

Sail,

I won't pretend to know exactly how you feel. But I have gone through divorce. We were together for 6 years and no children, luckily. But it was drinking that pushed us apart and then more drinking that led to me coming here. I know that it can be very difficult to move on. 2 years later and I still think of him everyday, I can't imagine how hard it must be for you after 29 years and children together. Just remember that there are people out there that care about you. If you need to, come here and vent, and seek help. I know that your heart won't heal quickly but I suggest talking to someone. And just take everything one day at a time. One day not drinking is a one day victory.

<3 Emma