joey8262

it's me-relapsed again so i'm going on a detox in approx 4 hours-the docs have told me i'm going to be basically out of it for a week and if i am coherent i will be talking crap-so if i don't speak to anyone for a week i'm still here trying-just a different way-and if i do come online and offend anyone then i apologise in advance-it's 5.40 a.m here in uk and have had no sleep because am so scared of what's coming-but i know i have to do it to get back to the old john-the one everyone liked-not the one that everyone has come to hate-see-am ranting again and i ain't even had a drink !! lol

i want sooooo much to be the old me-i dont want to be the monster i've become-not violent or abusive like others-i'm more of a girl than a girl is-i wouldnt hurt a fly-but i've managed to hurt all those who cared for me-i've lost all respect and i 110% intend to get it back.

again-sorry for the rant and give me a week before you start taking offence-whatever i say nasty in the next week it wont be me-it'll be the meds.

thanks for reading this and hope you all have a good and happy week.

john. lol

LexieCat

Best of luck, John.

We look forward to your sane return.

Lenina

Take care, joey! Please let us know how you're doing!

Love,

Lenina

Dee74

Good luck John

D

joey8262

bricking it but know there's no other alternative-thanks for the messages-the only thing thats making me smile right now is the fact the replies have all been from ladies :day6 am joking-just trying to keep my head straight !!! has anyone got any idea how crap night-time tv is here in the uk ? oh my god-no wonder i drank !!!

Lilly03

Good luck home to hear from you after. Also Dee is male!

Dee74

Thanks Lilly! LOL

sorry to spoil your lucky streak there John

D

xuse

Good luck

joey8262

awwwwww thanks for the good news-sorry dee-i thought i was on a roll there lol under 3 hours and counting lol

joey8262

brickin this detox-stayed up all nite so if the meds dont work then i can just av a good sleep anyway-and lilly-ur not me mate anymore-u spoiled my dreams then-bein surrounded by laides helping me out of the woods-it was good while it lasted lol.

john

julez

Joey, nice to see you can still joke and giggle with us. Take care of yourself, and we will be here when you get back!

SSIL75

good luck john. can't wait to hear how you get on.

joey8262

update-done the detox-took the meds etc-and when the course was done what happened ? u guessed it-it's 7.40 p.m here and i've been drinking since 5.30 a.m-it seems as soon as they gopt my meds sorted they just washed theior hands of me-i need more help and the more i ask fot it the more i'm hitting a brick wall-am actually thinking of having myself sectioned(nutty wing) tomorrow for 30 days-if thats the on;y way am going to get help[ then thats what i have to do-just dependent on what measures i have to resort to in order for me to get there because it's not just a walk in-you have to do something harmful in order to qualify-and right now i do-i feel like just doing it-ogt nothing to carry on for.

sorry for the downer folks and i hope you all have a good night.

john.

glitter

joey/john - wait! It's an absolute travesty that health care providers don't see alcoholism as suicide. IT IS! Instead of acutally hurting yourself, can't you call the police and tell them that you know you will if you don't get the help you need.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ease-read.html

I hope I'm not overstepping any boundaries here, but this message is disturbing.

Kmber2010

I just saw your update and I urge you to please reach out to your Dr. or get some help ASAP John.

joey8262

i feel like ive ive got no other way to go.i ask for help and i want it so desperately-and uit's the classic scenario here in th uk-unless you're a druggie then you go to the back of the queue-i give up.

Dee74

John

I also think you need to see your Dr. - be honest about how you're feeling and what lengths you're thinking of going.

Do check out that link Glitter posted, if you haven't before. Lots of good links and worldwide phone numbers there.

I recently updated the UK links here...when you get the chance please look here and see if there's anything that can help (down the bottom of post#1)

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

D

joey8262

thanks dee-been up since half 5 and drinking again-i'm trying to get hold of clinical nurse now to see if i can get on these new meds-they reckon it might be too dangerous for me to take them but right now i dont give a sh1t-am at rock bottom and theres nothing more i can do until they give me an answer-it's not as if i'm not TRYING-the support just isnt there for alcoholics like me-smackheads or crack heads get all the help they need and the withdrawal drugs(ie. methodone etc) and they abuse it-but someone who GENUINELY wants help can't get it-i'm at my wits end now-am willing to try anything to get me out of this dark hole and as for the consequences-i'll deal with them as they come.will keep you posted as to what happens-thanks for reading and helping me-i know you might not think you have but you all have for all the support guys.

Dee74

Here the NHS results for alcohol addiction help in Liverpool. If there's anything applicable on the list you haven't tried, now might be a good time?

http://www.nhs.uk/ServiceDirectories...ohol&JScript=1


If all else fails John, present at the local casualty/emergency dept.
Take care.

D

joey8262

i've just got home-after being in a police cell for going on 2 days-my ex-gf (enabler) came to see me the other day-basically, her motive is, get me drunk and then she gets her way-it's been like that for 6 years-basically, because i flipped and told her a few home truths-ie. she was at the bottom of me drinking-when i couldn't drink in my home she was more than happy to let me go to hers-as long as she got what she wanted out of it-and i don't mean a drink ! anyway, because i finally stood up for myself she has now gone to the police and made certain allegations against me-which are SERIOUS !!!!! i have solicitors and barristers on the case-even at this stage-her viewpoint on it is "well if i can't have you then nobody else is going to" and the police/legal services realise this-but they have protocol and procedures to follow-but i'm just wondering how much more i can take-i'm now on police bail until the end of jan next year-so i'm in for a great xmas and still no news on new meds either !!

am sorry if what i've just told you lowers your opinion of me but i'm 110% innocent-just a case of her not being able to get her own way anymore because i realised she was no good for me anymore-she was making things so much worse-she looked at her options and picked the one that would destroy my life and get me back on the drink, hence me going running back to her-which i vow i will NEVER do-i didnt realise a person could stoop so low.

anyway i hope everyone is having a good day

john.