SSIL75

John - Sorry to hear things have taken a turn for the worse. I don't know if you have clarity yet that as long as you engage with the drama you're going to be stuck in it. It's hard, especially if you grew up in turmoil, to have a real appreciation of calm life. But you've got to get there man if you're going to want to stay sober.

She is NOT at the bottom of you're drinking. She's a red herring here, IMO. As long as you give her that power then how are you going to have the strength to quit?

Kmber2010

Wish you well John. The only thing I can suggest at this point is truly work on taking accountability for your actions and acceptance for your drinking. I know this is a tough situation for you and I noticed that it was entirely focused on your girlfriend, etc.

What I learned the hard way and what has allowed me to get solid with my recovery was to stop directing blame at others for my drinking. All that does is justify our actions with excuses. Once I said....no matter what it was MY choice to pick up the drink....then I got real with myself.....hear what I am saying?

You can do this but until you accept what you are and stop focusing on others for your drinking....well I forsee much head banging my friend. I say this because I did the same thing for many years.

joey8262

i've got the clarity-but it's the price that i'm paying to get that clarity-to get rid of the one that was helping me to drink has opened a whole can of worms-in her eyes i've dropped her and she's got nobody now-so, in turn, she's going to make sure my life is a complete pile of sh*t over xmas etc-twisted little girl she is-and she's 32 years old-old enough to know better.

keithj

I'm going to throw out a crazy idea and suggest that it's might not be new, more, or different meds you need. They have their place in a safe, medical detox.

Lasting sobriety is not a thing I take or a thing I find. It's a change that occurred in me on a very fundamental level. That change required some dedicated and disciplined action on my part. It doesn't come just by wanting it to change.

Itchy

John,
I can see that you're angry and that is valid. Probably a good thing to get away from anybody that drinks for a while. I can tell you this though, I never needed nor had anybody that "helped" me drink. That I could do all by myself.

Dee74

Hi John

Sorry to hear your life's taken a turn for the worse - mine did too...not only did I have to deal with my drinking and the direct fallout of that, but I made some very bad decisions as to what I did and who I hung around, who I listened to...

It'll take some work, but you can stop it all John. Any time you like.

D

joey8262

i've done the librium thing-now the doc has given me another course-plus he wants me to take thiamine for a month-has anyone got any experience of it-thiamine i mean-any info would be great.

thanks guys

Dee74

There have been a number of threads on this recently and all ended abruptly so this seems a good time to remind everyone: we can share our experience and support here, but medical advice should not be asked for, nor given.

Our definition of medical advice is here.

If you have any specific concerns about this new treatment, please ask your Dr, John.

D

joey8262

all i meant was has anyone been on it and how did they feel-i started 100mg ones today and to be honest i dont even feel like a drink-feels weird because all i've done for 20+ years is drink

joey8262

just to update-just had the best night's sleep i've had in years-no sweats, shakes,cravings-NOTHING !!!! i feel like something has changed in me-i don't know if it's pscyhological or the thiamine working but normally i'm awake at 4.30 a.m hunting round for a drink-i can honestly say-i haven't even THOUGHT about one-and i won't be now-the only thing you'll catch me drinking is tea !!!!!

just to let you know.

Kmber2010

I'm glad to see the update John. I personally found nothing helped me feel better and remove the desire to drink then the work I have done in recovery and all of the amazing support I have gotten. Support was the key piece I was missing over the years

Keep it going!!! Recovery is an amazing journey!!

joey8262

hi folks-am on day 4 now and still on meds-i feel like a totally different person-i know the librium wass only to calm me down so i couldnt be bothered drinking-the thiamide actually fills the void in the brain that alcohol normalls fills-i've google it over and over and some of the side effects/reactions when used with alcohol are as scary as hell-one of the most extreme is death ! i, for one will be staying on the meds and will be steering WELL clear of alcohol.end of I actually went for cigarettes the other night to the local off-licence, i had enough money on me to get a good few beers-and you know what-I NEVER EVEN THOUGHT ABOUT IT-and that, for me, is a MAJOR milestone-i'm not expecting a pat on the back but given my track record of drinking(20yrs+) I think i actually am more than halfway through the tunnel-and there's NO WAY i'm turning back now.

sorry for the long winded rant folks but i needed to get it out of my system

hope everyone's having a good day-and to those who aren't then pick yourself up and start again-you can't change yesterday-only tomorrow.

Miela

Congratulations, that's fantastic news and gives me so much hope

Take care of yourself.

M

Dee74

good to hear you're doing well John

D

artsoul

It's great that you're feeling so good and staying sober! Congrats on day 4!

joey8262

feeling good isn't quite the way i'd express it-i still feel like i've betrayed people and let them down-BUT at least now i can look them in the eye and admit my faults-instead of hiding in the bottom of a bottle/can-i'm facing, and tackling, life head on now-i feel so much stronger-and if there's one person i would have bet against doing it-it was me-the alcohol brings on such a defeatist attitude which sends you further down and gets you drunker and drunker-which is where i ended up-only through presenting myself at a&e and doctors begging for help did i actually get there-the last time i attended hospital i asked to be admitted but was told no beds available-by the time i got home my new g.p had my new meds ready and waiting for me-i started them the next morning and haven't looked back-so the moral of this one is-persistence DOES pay in the end-just stick with it.

good luck to all the newbies and keep on going for all the regulars-i'm sober now but i still keep coming back here-it inspires me to keep my head up and keep going.

thanks guys.

John.

Stevie1

Wow, this thread is a roller coster...I really admire you for being so persistent and hope the new meds continue to help!

Kitey

Keep Going John and get your life back. Your a Liverpudlian and made of Strong Stuff! ( Best accent in the world, I love it )

If some-one told me back in July I would get to 4 month without a drink I would doubt them. I would wake up every morning thinking about Drink, I thought I wouldn't do it coz I have an addictive personality but look at me now...

Everyone is so proud of me, my Daughter actually enjoys phoning me now because I am not slurring down the Phone or telling her to Mind her F****** Business if she got on to me for Drinking, I must have been Evil sometimes, My son said he loves it that they have all got me back and not the Drunken Hungover wreck I'd become!
I'm a good person and would do any favour for anyone, Full of love for fellow man and I love to laugh even about the daftest things ( Blowing my own Trumpet here ) But all that had gone when I become an alcoholic, thank god I am "Me" again, and I love it!

I wouldn't change this life I have now for all the money in China. I never think about Drinking now because I have accepted that I cant, it wrecks your life when it gets a grip.

Keep up the good work up and keep posting, I would still be drinking now if I didn't get the support from this amazing forum. Its lovely to hear from people saying I look amazing for 53 yrs (now) I looked like an old Hag when I drank!

Make us proud of you and don't drink because of the troubles your ex has put on you, they don't go away because you've had a skinful, you can tackle it much better being Sober!

Remember...One Day at a time turns it into weeks then Months then your on your way to a happier constructive life!

Best of Luck! xx

SSIL75

I'm so glad you're feeling well. If I can share some of my own experience here: try to use this 'good' time to build your toolbox for when you inevitably feel not so good. What are you going to do when you have a bad day? When the high of sobriety dulls? Having an 'in case of emergency' toolkit is very helpful to me.

But I will say that ENJOYING sobriety. That first period where I actually enjoyed being sober? That was something I never got back from. I didn't stay sober but I never drank the way I did before that time. (it took me about 6 mos more to fully quit). I'm so happy you're experiencing it, too

Itchy

Sounds like you're getting your self respect and dignity back.
Keep coming back because you inspire others too, especially as hard a case as you made initially. Stay connected, you made my day with your post.