bellakeller

The best advice I got early in sobriety is "Don't believe what you think."

Freedom1990

My best thinking almost killed me!

Kmber2010

Ere- I have been back and forth about what to post here but I think in the end you have so far 3 pages of solid experience and input.

All I can say is that I do not do AA and I see my old self in your post here. This whole I chose to do it and I can recover and one day be able to have a drink. That at least seemed to be the bottom line. I tried that again and again and couldn't get back to that social drinker I once was. I was self destructive when I drank and my life was out of control. I remember getting angry and defensive at the thought of having to fully give it up like somehow I had no say in it. Truth is I didn't. I was controlled and I was a slave to it. I could and still do control picking up that first drink but the insatiable urge to continue and drink and drink with all the negatives is not healthy and its not what the non alcoholic does. End of story. I drank alone, when others left the party...I was the last one standing - staggering around to be honest and I had no problem continuing drinking when I went home. Who in their right mind drinks a rum and coke for breakfast? Took me 10 years of wheel spinning to understand this and I don't care about labels or any of that. My mind was driven by drinking and I had crossed a line a long time ago that I associated coping, dealing, you name it with drinking. I will never be that person again.

I enjoy my life and I am not missing out on anything but have only gained in every aspect of my life. I don't even question myself and why me really anymore. I have worked my arse off in recovery and continue to make my life as positive and meaningful as I can. That was my choice. My choice was to get sober, kick booze to the curb (hellllooooo it alters the mind) and got my life together. Yes, I am quite proud of myself and anyone who rises above their addiction and takes control of their well being. Why would I ever want to touch alcohol again. I mean seriously here. I am blessed everyday.

I wish you well in whatever it is your seeking. I only offer help and support but I will not encourage a hope to drink attitude and that addiction is choice. I politely disagree. It is risky and highly unhealthy.

Take a look through your posts and your journey. I am very proud of you and I really hope you find support (there are so many options) and give yourself time to enjoy sobriety and make some positive changes and then you can clearly compare your life with and without the bottle.

For me your current thinking sounds like more head banging. I hope it isn't.

All the best.

jamdls

Erem, check out the Secular Free Speech forum it's non AA but anything else goes including no program

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ee-speech.html

firestorm090

There are exceptions to every rule.

Alcoholism is patient.

Disease or not, it kills several people each year.

Anything that works to keep you alive and off the booze sounds good to me.

SSIL75

All I keep thinking is - only an alcoholic would fight this hard for the promise that maybe, some day they might be able to drink again.

I fought tooth and nail to control my drinking because the alternative (giving it up) was so awful to me.

FWIW I do not believe in the disease concept of addiction.

least

I don't understand this at all. Patients wanted to be reimbursed... for what and with what?? Call me slow but I just don't get that... And what is it that the medical community didn't feel the need to "pay them back" for unless it was classified as a disease??

Carrie36

this thread literally made my head hurt..lol


I wish you the best in whatever it is you are seeking.

Kjell

Ok, I've gone from confused to angry. Please be careful with your words as people die from this disease.

This whole post reeks of alcoholism in denial and blaming others. I'm sorry, but that's how I see it and that's been my experience (not just my thoughts).

If your new found thought pattern works for you, great! That's all that matters, but you can't put your thoughts out there and then get defensive just b/c the majority of us don't agree with you. Now you're taking it to another level.

getr345

Since you have not gotten better yet and you're really not even close, "your way" is no "way" at all, in fact it's pretty common that people come here and sound just like you do. It's more a symptom of what you're suffering from than any wisdom or knowledge you currently possess. Then hopefully what happens is you end up listening (reading) a little (OK, a LOT) more and typing a little less and you realize that you're actually completely clueless about what it takes and what it's gonna take YOU to get sober and stay sober. At least you're here tho, that's a start. Then you learn.

Fandy

me too! i feel like your avatar!

erem, i can understand your frustration with trying to get your point across;
but I'm willing to bet that you may entertain several different views in the next few months.

I don't follow a specific program myself, but I don't lock it out of my mind for the future if i will need it either.

I try to be very positive and grateful for discussions, wisdom and all of the great people here extend themselves towards me. They have helped me more than anyone in real time....(even when I disagree with them).

tmbg

These policies were developed in 1987 in part because third-party reimbursement for treatment was difficult or impossible unless alcoholism were categorized as a disease.

Just to clarify, this "third-party reimbursement" quoted refers to the payment of medical professionals treating the "patient." What followed as a result of this formal diagnosis of alcoholism was a tremendous growth in treatment/addiction centers, for better or worse, depending upon your side of the fence. Likewise, the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) changes over time.

Good luck, Eremc08!

Dee74

Just a reminder to everyone to keep it cool - SR is about peer support... it's our job to share our experience.

D

Toronto68

Eremc, I don't feel like the exchange went that well for me here. Maybe I will spot you in a different thread and a better conversation can flow another time.

I noticed an indication that my "this is with me for life" statement induced unsettling reactions and also more messages from you that you are perceiving a one size fits all mentality from everybody or just about everybody, and that's just not the case. I mentioned the thing about "this is with me for life" because that was like a key to accepting and moving on for me. Sorry if that seemed like sermonizing. There can be a different version of how that acceptance plays out for other people, and your acceptance was worth exploring further for me, based on what I have learned about myself and others over the last few months.

And when it comes to AA, I don't know whether you find I was tooting its horn too much (even though I don't go to meetings), but I'll say again that there are messages worth listening to in different places. Obviously you can exercise some choice in which things to take in. Even aside from my version of openmindedness, I'm simply glad that AA has saved people's lives, people that I get to talk to now.

I'm not alone in seeing here some disagreement with certain issues within the larger topic, but I don't let that fizzle out the gladness I have that you are working on your new page and moving on from drinking.

julez

Hi Erem,
I do not do AA. I do not think of alcoholism as a [I]disease[I] however I do believe that people who are unable to drink normally do physically have a different way of dealing with the effects of alcohol.
When I first joined this site, I felt just like you do now. But in time, after a few slips, I realized that while I may be able to moderate my drinking some of the time, I couldn't do it all the time. Think of the slip ups you've had. Did you think you'd end up wasted, or blacked out, or feeling absolutely horrible the next day? Nope. You ended up that way, not because you CHOSE to, because you couldn't control your drinking. The only solution is to not risk it and even try. Unless for you it isn't that bad, or you don't self loathe, or you don't have guilt that its affected time with your children. Then, feel free. But I know when I slipped, I was horrified, ashamed, defeated. And so I'm going to TRY my BEST to not slip again. If I do, the only important thing is that I learn from it and try harder next time, as all successful recovered alcoholics have had to do.
I have nothing but the best wishes for you and your family.