New and would like some support
 

Hi all, today is my first day sober of my own choice. As much of a good thing this is I just really wish what had to happen for this to be the case didn't happen. My partner of almost five years packed up and left me. I'm only 24 and have been an alcoholic for all my adult life and then some.

I just feel like I need a place to talk as being alone in this house with no real support hurts. I see now, after losing everything that I've chosen alcohol over my own happiness and wellbeing. My partner is staying at his parents and he doesn't know if he'll come back. I really wish I could take back all the pain and destruction I've caused... All I can do now is show that I'm serious this time. No more excuses. It's going to be a hard road but I need to live (a sober life). As I said to my partner today, he is more important to me than alcohol. I want to do this for myself and in the process help heal our relationship.

I really don't understand how I ever thought drinking until I pass out and pee myself and then wake up and keep doing it was ok. Sigh. It's a wonder I'm alive with what I was doing. That's so disgusting and not cool. I guess the more I drank the less I had to think about all the emotions of shame, disgust and hate for myself.

I've been on a waiting list for so many months now to see a psychiatist and I hope I can finally be diagnosed with something more than depression and anxiety. I've begged drs and therapists for so long for help and telling them there's something more, the meds never work and after a month of mania back in July is when I started drinking heavy again... Finally, on Tuesday I may get this help I've been wanting. Sigh. I've hated all this waiting. I can finally see my GP and get tests done to see if I've done any signifcant damage.

Sigh. Thanks for listening. I'm just really bummed right now and feel so alone.

Welcome Psy and you have our support.

I am glad that you are posting and I know too well as many of us do that feeling of being alone and I assure you that you are not. What I do know is that getting sober ultimately for anything or anyone but ourselves (the rest is a blessing) can make it difficult to take the journey. Sometimes those same reasons used to quit turn into reasons to drink again. Its an ugly cycle. While your relationship may have ended, I encourage you to not look at sobriety as a means of winning it back but as the beginning of new healthy, positive you. You deserve better for yourself. I know that am grateful everyday I am in recovery.

Hopefully you can get your health issues on track. I do urge you to be candid about your drinking since I found any med used while drinking was never really helpful. Also having a recovery plan in place such as AA or counseling, etc. is tremendous in helping us live an alcohol free life. Baby steps my friend.

Way to go and looking forward to your journey!

Welcome to the family!:hug:

Thank you for all your support and advice. The rest of my life has just begun..

Thank you for your support :)

welcome Psyrexa - always good to see another Aussie here :)

The great thing about SR for me was finding I wasn't alone at all - I hope that can be true for you too :)

D

hello
 

hello im new on here today too. I too feel less alone just finding the site!
I was drinking to try and escape from an anxiety condition that I have, perhaps we are all drinking to try and escape some form of internal angst, i guess.
Nice to be on here, probably see you on here lots, as we have both chosen today to change!
We have lots to look forward to im sure and not having a hangover will be just wonderful!
bye for now
is it pukka
x

Welcome Psyrexa,

You'll find tons of support here. I know you feel badly right now, but it will pass and you never have to look back. Forgive yourself and find the real you. I bet your a fine person underneath the alcohol. Medical support for your problems will make it easier. I wish you the best on your journey! happyface:

Welcome to you both!

I second the idea of checking out AA. A lot of people have found that with continued sobriety, many of their other issues, such as anxiety, either went away or were greatly lessened. I never HAD an anxiety issue until I started drinking alcoholically.

Of course, that isn't always how it turns out--sometimes there are psychiatric issues that must be addressed by a competent doctor or therapist. Hopefully you will find a doctor who is familiar with alcoholism and addiction.