87 days and ????
 

87 days and I feel worse than ever. don't feel connected to the meetings. working on step 2 and feel no spiritual connection to anyone or anything. Feel totally disconnected. Things are going good, just got my own place, school is going good, went on a few dates (know I really shouldn't) Just thinking I could get away with drinking a bit and there will be no repercussions, just need to escape myself. sure, that's what I said before and relapsed for a year after that.. ugh.. so, frustrating. What is the deal here… someone suggested I throw myself into my NA program, as far as service.. afraid to be accountable though….. thanks for reading.

Yeah, I was reluctant to take service jobs in my groups at first, too. And a lot of it was the accountability I didn't want. But after doing it for awhile, it starts to feel good that others can count on us for stuff. I know I spent a lot of time being irresponsible, and it's good not to feel that way anymore.

Keep pushing ahead--I think hitting a bit of a plateau now and then isn't so unusual. Push past it--and the people who are giving you advice might be right on the money.

Instead of making cups of tea for everyone i would strongly advise getting a sponsor, working the steps and getting a spiritual awakening which will solve all the issues you are describing:-)

I don't go to meetings but I knew for absolute certain that I needed to have a spiritual connection in my life. I knew I would never recover without that.

I hope you find something that works for you.

Are you depressed? I ask because I keep feeling depressed off and on- which makes feeling connected to anyone or anything really difficult. I get the same thoughts that drinking might be ok, and then I remember how miserable I was right before I finally stopped drinking. And I am also afraid of a long-term relapse.

I have been slowly finding things that interest me. That seems to help me a lot. I also see a counselor which helps. Long ago I read a book that I liked a lot ("Feeling Good" by David Burns). Lots of practical suggestions for feeling better.

I'm happy that you have several things going well in your life (school, getting your own place, and dating).

I really appreciate the posts about things not being perfect. Because I don't think the idea that one gets sober and life is perfect is realistic. It's easier for me to stay sober when I remember that life is life. And I can stay sober regardless of what happens.

I only go occasionally to AA meetings (so no sponsor and no steps). But, as someone else suggested, if you don't already have a sponsor, would it be helpful to get one? It would be someone to build a relationship with- even if you don't feel connected right away. Do the steps speak to you? Do you feel some sense that they fit for you? (I say this because trying to force myself to feel connected at meetings was not helping me. When I let go of needing to fit into a specific program, I felt a huge relief.)

Be gentle and kind with yourself.

87 days :c014:

There's a saying........."fake it until you make it"
I think as long as you continue to go to meetings you'll come around.
As far as this fear of being accountable don't you think going to meetings is a form of accountability?
As far as service work goes don't rush it I think some jump into it too soon.....give yourself time. Recovery has no time table....
just keep going and allow things to happen on there own..........you'll know when your ready.

...... I have had a sponsor for about 2.5 years now.. and I have had 18 months clean before. so, yeah.. I don't know about the being depressed, it just seems like since I worked this program before and failed miserably, i'm worried about a repeat of that.. does that make any sense? yeah, nothing is perfect is right, however, I was luckily able to turn some things around in a short amount of time. My sponsor would say lack of gratitude.. as far as how I am feeling right now. probably expecting too much in to little time.. same old story...... drinking feels good and yeah, I will forgot about some of this reality temporarily.......

Hi pete

I think the thing to do when you know you're on shaking ground is to throw out few lifelines...reach out, talk about it...get some opinions on what you need to do.

Like others have said hitting a plateau at 90 days isn't at all unusual...whether it's PAWs or not, this link has some good ideas about maybe getting past that plateau...

Post-Acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS) — Why we don’t get better immediately) « Digital Dharma