Bamboozle

Had a lot of thoughts on my mind. Been having a lot of drinking dreams recently and that hadn't been a problem for a while. It's unsettling to wake up and wonder, 'did I drink?'

Still sober and would like to stay that way. I get scared when I think about the stories of people having sober time and relapsing. Relapse can happen to anyone. That's why I'm still here. I take breaks from SR every once in a while, but I find my way back. It's important for me to do what I must to stay on top of the negative thoughts.

Recognizing HALT (Hungry Angry Lonely Tired) helps tons when it comes to prevention.

Recognizing when depression is bad and addressing that helps as well.

What else do you do to prevent relapse?

bellakeller

I know when I start lying to myself and others (even white lies to my children) I am in danger of relapse. Even untruths that have nothing to do with drinking will just hand me back over to the mess. That's my biggest indicator that I need to shore up my resources and circle my recovery wagons.

least

The memory of my last relapse is still fresh and frightening to me. I was sick for days after drinking for a short time... Anytime I get a thought of drinking I relive my last relapse and the drinking thoughts go away. I never want to be so sick again...

Freedom1990

Bam, in addition to what you talked about, I also stay active in my home group.

I still have a drinking dream occasionally, and like you, I wake up unsettled because they seem so real.

I realize now they usually happen when I'm stressed out.

Thanks for starting this thread!

RobbyRobot

In preventing my possible relapse I get out of my own way by accepting alcoholism is an illness, and not something that is happening "just to me." I don't personalize my alcoholism illness, it is what it is for millions of other people too. I am not unique as an alcoholic drug addict.

My sobriety, on the other hand, I do personalize as much as I can day by day always looking for simple progression and not so-called perfection. Living as spiritually as I honestly can, I'm being sober and grateful for who I am today, where I have come from before, and where I'm going with my life now. The quality and responsibility of my sobriety is my own business, same as anyone else, and unique to me and my actions day 2 day, as I journey along.

Possible relapse is part of my illness, not my recovery. I am *recovered* from my alcoholism illness; my alcoholism is arrested; and yet my life continues to reap the continuing gifts of sober living. To keep what we have, we must give it away. Service to others is absolutely required for my sobriety to be fit and healthy. Life is good! Sobriety rocks!

Robby

NEOMARXIST

Thanks for the post!! I think for me then it's always being aware that I'm an alcoholic and recognising when depression starts to kick in and not pandering to it and acting on it. I know when my thinking needs addressing and I have to act.

Like today for example I felt terrible this morning and felt like crying. Stress that I have been feeling starts to lead to depressive thoughts which in turn lead to the resurfacing of other issues that I have suffered with and then the reaction of just feeling like crying and and emotional pain and frustration. I went to an AA meeting as I knew I need to do something and not let this stuff fester away.

I think with myself it's being mindful of my traits and stuff that I have and not pandering to the depressive thoughts that my mind can run away with.

AA and SR helps but most importantly I have to be willing to act upon the warning signs to nip them in the bud before they start to take hold.

Peace

yeahgr8

Keep an open mind, pray and be willing to change:-)

SSIL75

I find 'thinking through the drink' to be very powerful.

I am NEVER going to find one drink satisfying.
I am ALWAYS going to regret getting drunk b/c it gets in the way of my life.

My one last hurdle is my very occasional girls weekend. It's ages away (about 18 mos) and for now I'm just trusting that by then I won't want to drink. If I do, then I just won't go.

michelle01

With more than a year sober, I have many days where I am fine and my thoughts are clear, the obsession isn't there. I think I am past the impulsive thoughts and actions of addiction, but there are definitely days when it is still a struggle, and my thoughts start becoming screwed up.

My own early warning signs are when I begin to neglect self-care, stop sleeping as well, etc. I can even have a return to some of the symptoms of withdrawal I had in my first month of recovery. It can definitely be triggered by stressful events, which are impossible to avoid all of the time. However, I can have some control over how I react and respond.

I try to seek help before the early warning signs develop into full blown relapse mode. In early recovery I was provided with a list of numbers for mental health or addiction services, and I make use of them - that can often return me to more objective thinking.

There are times when I seem to begin sabotaging things in my life so that they go wrong... and ultimately it seems to come back to giving myself an excuse to drink, it is still the case even after this time sober. I have become much more conscious of that over the past year and fortunately can now see a few patterns which will alert me.

My worst struggle was the thought sometimes that 'surely now and then can't hurt that much, it's not going to take over my life again'. I still toy with the idea, but know deep down that a little is not enough for me and never will be. The mental health, social risks etc is not worth it. I still have these thoughts occasionally but they do pass and I get back on track. I have worked hard on accepting the nature of my problem.

Of course, it is up to each individual to search for and work an ongoing course of therapy or program for themselves. I do try to reflect on and assess how I am going in my sobriety regularly, day to day.

michelle01

p.s. I think that after a year, two years, or whatever it is natural to have such mind games, like 'I have all this time sober, maybe now I can handle my drinking better or control it' etc but it comes down to dealing with it as above.

Dee74

Thanks Bam

I find it helpful to remember I'm only one drink away from being back there.

I'm not scared of alcohol...but I relapsed for years on arrogance and complacency - I try always to have a healthy respect for my alcoholism now. I try to listen to others too - I don;t have all the answers - so it's important to keep reaching out and listening.

I'm a lot better at listening to myself now though - I know when I'm stressed, or angry, or hurt, or scared...I try to deal with things, not ignore them.

There's a multiplicity of options for any situation...I need to always remember that drinking or drugging is no longer one of them for me

D

DayTrader

I used to think it was because I was spiritually fit - and that's why I hadn't relapses. Then I came to understand that was just my false ego trying to trick me into slowing down. Then I realized that it's not necessarily just how fit we are spiritually but the "maintenance" of our spiritual condition that makes sobriety last. Before, I thought I could GET spiritually fit and I'd be ok....but when I realized it's the maintaining of that level of fitness, everything changed. For me, the best defense is a good offense. I've stepped my meetings up, I call more newcomers (I get THEIR #'s), I read more, I pray more, I get to meetings earlier and stay later to talk to new ppl or whatever, I downloaded a ton of open talks and listen to them...... I just made the principles a higher priority in my life....and it's making a real difference.

coffeenut

Relapse scares the crap out of me. I do NOT want to walk down that road.

I know that's why I stick close to SR. I think what I have learned....that if I even start thinking about it in any way/shape or form...to get my butt to SR and tattle on me. There is help...we just have to ask for it.

I have almost 2 1/2 years. I always, ALWAYS remember that I am not immune. It can hit again. And this time, I'm afraid I won't make it back.

artsoul

Coming here every day and reading the newcomer's posts.......I think that helps me as much as anything.

Draciack

Giving something back to the community, whether that's working with a newcomer, offering ESH, lending support...that's my preferred method

LaFemme

Great thread and responses...thanks! Like most the fear of relapse scares me...I am trying to keep a little of that fear because it helps me stay on guard...you know...I give the fear a poke every once in awhile to keep it going like the embers of a fire.

Lilly03

Thanks for this post - has helped me, I needed this tonight

I hope I can get to a point where I'm not terrified of alcohol or medicine. I'm going to be on one moment at a time for a while - but I hope I can get back to one day at a time soon.