100 Days today!!!!! Am I "white knucklin" it?
 

So I feel REALLY good about making it to the triple digits!

However, I am feeling a little guilty about not attending AA meetings like I'm told I should. I hear these slogans "meeting makers make it" and others. AA has basically engrained in me the fact that if I'm not working the steps formally then I'm essentially a dry drunk. I'm not sure how I feel about this. It's definitely got me feeling guilty about accepting a 3 month coin at the meetings.

On the other hand, I don't feel like I've become complacent in any way with my recovery. I haven't been shy about telling others of my addiction and I still am under no impression that I have or would ever be "cured" from the addiction to alcohol. I've completely overhauled my life and have done a total 180 with my roles as a husband and dad. I have been on a exercise routine since leavin detox in July also.

Sooooo, I just wanted to hear others comments on if I should be feeling this way towards AA and not working the steps in the last month. The AA program has seen the facts and history repeat itself enough times to know what works and what doesn't I suppose. How many ppl here actually attend meetings and feel it's essential to their recovery?

Thanks All! Looking forward to finishing my 100th day "trick or treating" with my beautiful little girls tonight!

I don't think 'not attending AA' means you're white knucklinig it, by itself.

I've never used AA or NA in my recovery, but that doesn't mean I don't work a recovery program, if that makes sense..

If I were not working on my recovery, yes, I would consider myself white knuckling, which we all know how that usually ends up!!

I've learned a lot from AA but I don't go to meetings. I keep it fresh in my mind every day. Try to be a good human and be grateful for where I am right now. IMHO you sound like you are doing good - not white knuckling. AA is not for everyone although I am glad for what I have got from them if that makes sense.

Well done on your 100 days - excellent!

Stu.

Congrats on 100!

Recovery seems to be a lot like enlightenment...there are many paths that get you there. Sometimes I think my path is strewn with brambles...

I have a little more than half the sober days you have, clearhead, and did not go the AA route. Like what the others have posted, I don't think I just quit drinking. I've worked hard on getting my life in order. As for the steps...I can't relate. But then I'm not attending AA, so how could they. I may be wrong, but I figured the steps were for those whose lives were in such shambles, that they needed the 12 steps to make things right. Drinking messed up my life, but I'm not sure I need twelve steps; just the first one!

So am I a dry drunk? It's better than being the "wet" drunk I was two months ago.

My biggest fear is relapse. Should I slip, I'd have to consider AA. I am trying to find some form of relapse prevention counseling, but the only one I found requires attendance in a 12-step program. Why would I need relapse prevention counseling then? I thought that was was AA prevented.

Congrats on a 100 days,thats cool, Whiteknuckling to me is livin by the seat of your pants, alone with little or no support around, and being in or around ppl/drinking, triggers,
influences that mean you gotta be extra strong and vigilant to stay on track...thats what it means to me, dry drunk dont really get that! AA seems to work and help a lot of ppl, SR Online essential online support especially for White Knucklers :grouphug: well done.

For me (as someone in recovery but not in AA) I am not white knuckling it b/c I am truly embracing recovery. Not just 'not drinking' (which I've done before). Loving being sober =/= hating being drunk, KWIM?

It sounds like you're doing great. Congrats on 100 days!

Just don't drink is AA's main deal. I am a big AA guy and I hope if you start feeling bad or unconfortable you get to some meetings and bring it up.

by the way I know for me I would be cheating myself not to get everything out of AA and Give back to AA that I can. I have some stories to tell to help people and not going to AA meetings or telling what worked for you or didn't could help other people

Working the steps made a difference...i had a living problem as in needed a new way of living not just stopping drinking...the 12 steps are a design for living so one can be the person they could be and not just some messed up living life on will power alone version...they are for alcoholics but everyone would benefit from them alcoholic or not...AA really can change your life...as for who needs them i was in a very high paid job, home in spain, expensive car, circle of 'friends' (new ones are real friends) and girlfriend...so what its not what is happeneing on the outside the inside is what always sent me back to booze, changing externals is easy...

I got to about 150 days before going out again then rehab then outagain then AA...i felt absolutely brilliant during those 150 days and kept on saying i should go toAA, maybe i should work the steps etc...just my experience...

congrats on 100 days, hope that info helps...put it like this what have you got to lose by choosing door B...youve been down door A lots of times, take a risk:-)

I used to feel guilty if I wasn't doing what I thought I should be doing, but that guilt came from within, not from AA... The program is not meant to be a ball and chain, it's meant to release us from one... and it's not about the alcohol ;)

Accept your 3 month coin... that's awesome... show others just coming in that it can be done!

Meeting makers make it? IDK... probably they have a higher chance of makin' it, but it's not just because they occupied a seat in a church basement for an hour some weeknight... Go to meetings because you want to, not because you have to.

:)

Well done on the 100 days man! That's blinding work! :hug:

I guess the best way to look at it is there is good in all these paths we have taken and to cut something out that does have a postive effect would be silly. I just can't put too much stock into any one thing. As an alky, it's so easy for me to get sucked into 1 thing and focus completely on that. As part of my recovery I've been trying to do EVERYTHING moderately. The only thing I can feel comfortable obsessing about is not taking that first drink!

Hey congrats! That's awesome:-)

I like what mcribb said about sharing your experience with others. Maybe its when you are feeling at your best that You should go to meetings...to show others how Good life can be...you know?

That said...I am not in AA so I don't go to meetings...if there was a point in the future where I think it could help me grow as a human being, in ways that were not being addressed in my current program I would go.

As long as you are doing the work into growing as a person who does not drink that is most important...but that is just my opinion:-)

Congratulations on 100. I also did more than 100 days earlier this year and slipped.

I am back and nowdays, I make a resolution every night that I am not going to drink the next day no matter what. I reaffirm it in my mind when I go to sleep. When I wake up the next morning I reaffirm again, and again and again all trhu the day.

The only way I could slip today, is if I open my mouth and pour alcohol into it. Simple as that. As long as I have the resolve to live my life without the poison I will not let that happen.

Meetings, groups, steps, books, CDs etc. etc. are tools that we can rely on for strength and support. But it all really boils down to ME and nothing else. If that is white knuckling, then so be it.

Stay strong and enjoy the next 100.

Hi Clearhead Congrats on your 100 days :)

In meetings, I learn from others and offer my ESH. It's similar in that respect to SR.

Terms like "dry drunk" get thrown around a lot but they really don't matter. If you're happy with your sobriety, that's what's important.

I'm not in AA either...I do agree with Draciak tho - most of us know what it's like to struggle and trudge and white knuckle... and AA or not, we know when we're 'happy joyous and free'...

whatever way we get to that joy is a marvellous thing :)

Congratulations on your 100 days Clearhead :)
D

Congrats on the sober time.

I find things work best for me when I don't worry about what other people think I should or shouldn't do. That said, I do appreciate input from others. SR gives me some of what I need--the rest comes out of therapy and myself.

I couldn't stay sober without getting help for depression.

Things still aren't rosy, but it's a hell of a lot better than it was.

Congrats on 100 days

Im with Drackiak and Dee, also not with AA or any formal recovery program, 2 years sober. Worrying what others think is a problem of mine, not just what they think in relation to my drinking. Its been one of my biggest challenges to overcome - and im still working on that.

I actually found it useful to study recovery programs in general, and mould my own based on them - I didnt want to lose my 'freedom' in sobriety so to speak - the last thing I wanted was to feel obliged to meet with a certain group of people, then guilty for letting them down as id probably rather be doing other things.

Good luck and keep at it :D

I had to change who I was or the same me will drink again.

I also needed a design for living or else I would drink again.

AA provided both, but also a way of me giving back to the next struggling alky in line.

Also, when my Dad died, when the IRS came after me, when I was finally sentenced for my 2nd dui, then I was VERY grateful for the tools I learned in AA.

I don't think everyone needs to go to AA or that AA is the only way, but I do know it works for me and for that I'm very, very grateful.

You're always welcome to join or just go to meeting. Isn't that great!?

Congratulations on your 100 days!

I have been coming here to SR for many years and it has helped me so much.

I also found in early recovery, that I needed balance in my life. Every day I try to do some physical, mental and spiritual work on myself and it works for me.