So I finally made it to a meeting!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 176
So I finally made it to a meeting!
I posted last week about attempting to go to a Tuesday Closed Step and Tradition meeting, but no one was there. Well I went last night and the meeting was on, and it was in most ways really good! We went over Step One, which was good. Alot of people shared and I really could relate to some of their stories. I didn't realize till last night that a part of me still thought maybe I could control my drinking, and that was big. I also bought a Big Book. I'm really stoked about my recovery!
There were a couple things I didn't like though. For one thing, it was supposed to be a closed meeting, but this one guy (it was his first meeting) brought someone with him (girlfriend?) and I was less comfortable for that. I mean, maybe she's an alcoholic too, but she said she was "with him" and I assumed that meant she just came with him to the meeting to support him. THey were very young, especially the girl, and she kept giggling and whispering to him and even though I didn't speak I felt uncomfortable... it was like she was an audience.
Also, (and I realize this could have been my paranoia or imagination) but I felt like the group leader maybe didn't like me. I know that sounds crazy since we don't even know each other, but I kept noticing him glancing over at me with a scowl on his face. But he was very smiling and receptive toward the other new guy. And he didn't scowl at anyone else, I'm sure of that. At one point he looked at me and then whispered to the older woman next to him (he's older too) and she glanced at me and shook her head no to him and patted his shoulder in a reassuring way. Not sure what all that was about.
I also was hoping to get a 24 hour chip, but they don't do chips. The womens group I went to in this town doesn't do chips either. ???
OVerall though, I thought it was really good and I'm definately going back. I got a lot out of it.
There were a couple things I didn't like though. For one thing, it was supposed to be a closed meeting, but this one guy (it was his first meeting) brought someone with him (girlfriend?) and I was less comfortable for that. I mean, maybe she's an alcoholic too, but she said she was "with him" and I assumed that meant she just came with him to the meeting to support him. THey were very young, especially the girl, and she kept giggling and whispering to him and even though I didn't speak I felt uncomfortable... it was like she was an audience.
Also, (and I realize this could have been my paranoia or imagination) but I felt like the group leader maybe didn't like me. I know that sounds crazy since we don't even know each other, but I kept noticing him glancing over at me with a scowl on his face. But he was very smiling and receptive toward the other new guy. And he didn't scowl at anyone else, I'm sure of that. At one point he looked at me and then whispered to the older woman next to him (he's older too) and she glanced at me and shook her head no to him and patted his shoulder in a reassuring way. Not sure what all that was about.
I also was hoping to get a 24 hour chip, but they don't do chips. The womens group I went to in this town doesn't do chips either. ???
OVerall though, I thought it was really good and I'm definately going back. I got a lot out of it.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Somewhere out in the ether
Posts: 7
One thing I regret about my first year, not collecting those tokens!
Maybe 80% of the meetings I attend hand out 24 hour and 1-11 month chips, should be relatively easy to find a meeting that has this type of token system.
Don't be afraid to ask the meeting chair about policy. The chair should announce at the meeting opening, "Welcome to the ****** closed meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous".
Closed meetings are closed meetings, period. If I am sitting at a table and this happens-a 'visitor' or someone there to 'support'-I say something to the table leader.
Maybe 80% of the meetings I attend hand out 24 hour and 1-11 month chips, should be relatively easy to find a meeting that has this type of token system.
Don't be afraid to ask the meeting chair about policy. The chair should announce at the meeting opening, "Welcome to the ****** closed meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous".
Closed meetings are closed meetings, period. If I am sitting at a table and this happens-a 'visitor' or someone there to 'support'-I say something to the table leader.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 249
It's good you're reaching out for support. I think other people, even strangers, even those you disagree with or don't like, have a lot to offer in keeping one strong. Focus on the reason you are there, and the message of the meeting. Nothing else matters.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Ontario
Posts: 806
Originally Posted by Aurora80 
I posted last week about attempting to go to a Tuesday Closed Step and Tradition meeting, but no one was there. Well I went last night and the meeting was on, and it was in most ways really good! We went over Step One, which was good. Alot of people shared and I really could relate to some of their stories. I didn't realize till last night that a part of me still thought maybe I could control my drinking, and that was big. I also bought a Big Book. I'm really stoked about my recovery!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Ontario
Posts: 806
Originally Posted by Aurora80
I posted last week about attempting to go to a Tuesday Closed Step and Tradition meeting, but no one was there. Well I went last night and the meeting was on, and it was in most ways really good! We went over Step One, which was good. Alot of people shared and I really could relate to some of their stories. I didn't realize till last night that a part of me still thought maybe I could control my drinking, and that was big. I also bought a Big Book. I'm really stoked about my recovery!
There were a couple things I didn't like though. For one thing, it was supposed to be a closed meeting, but this one guy (it was his first meeting) brought someone with him (girlfriend?) and I was less comfortable for that. I mean, maybe she's an alcoholic too, but she said she was "with him" and I assumed that meant she just came with him to the meeting to support him. THey were very young, especially the girl, and she kept giggling and whispering to him and even though I didn't speak I felt uncomfortable... it was like she was an audience.
There were a couple things I didn't like though. For one thing, it was supposed to be a closed meeting, but this one guy (it was his first meeting) brought someone with him (girlfriend?) and I was less comfortable for that. I mean, maybe she's an alcoholic too, but she said she was "with him" and I assumed that meant she just came with him to the meeting to support him. THey were very young, especially the girl, and she kept giggling and whispering to him and even though I didn't speak I felt uncomfortable... it was like she was an audience.
Snarf Snarf
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: ATL
Posts: 835
Great that you went to a meeting, Aurora! I hope you're able to find one where you're very comfortable. I love meetings, but remember, the work is found in the Big Book. Read the stories, and marvel at how much of yourself you see in them. Every time I open my BB and read something out of it, I feel better than I did before. Remember, a meeting only last for an hour. Still gotta fill the other 23.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Yay!!!
Don't worry about the meeting leader. He might have been "scowling" trying to remember whether you'd been there before, or something. Maybe that's what he asked. Who knows, it most likely wasn't anything important.
Oh, and you can't carry it in your pocket, but here ya go...
Don't worry about the meeting leader. He might have been "scowling" trying to remember whether you'd been there before, or something. Maybe that's what he asked. Who knows, it most likely wasn't anything important.
Oh, and you can't carry it in your pocket, but here ya go...
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 1,591
I'm not sure if you're being over-sensitive about these things you noticed, but it does sound like it would stir a curiosity in a person. As for the giggling girl, well, maybe she won't be there next time. Since you have a positive attitude that exceeds all the rest, then you could, at worst, give that place a try again and then go for a different one if any of that happens again. I don't know if I am right, but I sense that you would have liked to share. If that's true, then I hope all the right combination of things are in place for you to be able to do that at a future meeting, so that you can keep a good thing going. That's what you're trying to do.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Aurora.....
The table/group leader should have asked that girl if she has a problem with drinking and, if not, booted her. Now make no mistake, that would have pissed her boyfriend off then HE'D be on here posting about how mean the leader was.....lol.....but they SHOULD have asked. Now maybe she'd been there before, has a problem, but just couldn't admit it. I dunno.
None of the meetings I went to gave out the <1yr chips either. I was kinda glad about that though. A year seemed like forever but I liked the idea of setting high goals......plus, looking around the meetings, I didn't see all supermen and superwomen. I just saw ordinary folks who had messed up lives.......and if THEY could make it to a year then so could I. I turned it into a challenge. In the early days of AA, they only passed out tokens at 1yr, 5yrs, 10yrs, 20yrs.
As for them talking about you......I think that way too. I could be in a crowd of 1000 ppl but if I see one person look at "me" (and, OF COURSE it's me, couldn't be the person NEXT to me....lol) and say something to someone else, I just KNOOOOOOOW they're talking $hit about me. hahaha. Now really, I've come to learn there's a 80% chance they're not talking about me and even if they are there's a 99% chance they're not saying something bad...... but I think they are. Why?? Because that's what I do... (well, used to do)....I'd talk about everyone, belittle them to/with my friends, and I'd feel better about myself. I've also come to see my thinking that way is just further self-centeredness - believing everything going on is somehow "about me." Partly, that thinking is a result of my past actions - getting what I dished out. Partly it's just my insecurity, fear, and my desire to feel in control. Recovery, through the 12 steps, is teaching me to feel content and peaceful even when I'm NOT in control. It's a process though, it doesn't always come in an instant.
Congrats on going and congrats on posting about it and congrats on being willing to look for some good rather than getting bogged down in what you didn't like. Us alkies seem to looooove to focus on the empty half rather than the full half sometimes.
REALLY cool that you bought a book too... I was too embarassed to buy one at my first meeting (I know....I know... what BETTER place to buy an AA book. lol. I was just too afraid to do it though). "The AA Program" is in the first 164 pages - so those are the KEY part to read - but DON'T skip the beginning pages - Read the "Forwards" and be sure to read the 2 "Doctors Opinion" sections in the pages with Roman numerals. I went through with a ruler and a pen - underlining slows my reading down and helps my retention. Some use highlighters.... I did the pen first, then went back through later with a highlighter, then again with another highlighter.....then again...etc. lol. The important part is to read it and (for me) to mark the parts I can identify with / agree with. I also marked the parts I DIDN'T agree with / didn't like and discussed it with my sponsor.
The table/group leader should have asked that girl if she has a problem with drinking and, if not, booted her. Now make no mistake, that would have pissed her boyfriend off then HE'D be on here posting about how mean the leader was.....lol.....but they SHOULD have asked. Now maybe she'd been there before, has a problem, but just couldn't admit it. I dunno.
None of the meetings I went to gave out the <1yr chips either. I was kinda glad about that though. A year seemed like forever but I liked the idea of setting high goals......plus, looking around the meetings, I didn't see all supermen and superwomen. I just saw ordinary folks who had messed up lives.......and if THEY could make it to a year then so could I. I turned it into a challenge. In the early days of AA, they only passed out tokens at 1yr, 5yrs, 10yrs, 20yrs.
As for them talking about you......I think that way too. I could be in a crowd of 1000 ppl but if I see one person look at "me" (and, OF COURSE it's me, couldn't be the person NEXT to me....lol) and say something to someone else, I just KNOOOOOOOW they're talking $hit about me. hahaha. Now really, I've come to learn there's a 80% chance they're not talking about me and even if they are there's a 99% chance they're not saying something bad...... but I think they are. Why?? Because that's what I do... (well, used to do)....I'd talk about everyone, belittle them to/with my friends, and I'd feel better about myself. I've also come to see my thinking that way is just further self-centeredness - believing everything going on is somehow "about me." Partly, that thinking is a result of my past actions - getting what I dished out. Partly it's just my insecurity, fear, and my desire to feel in control. Recovery, through the 12 steps, is teaching me to feel content and peaceful even when I'm NOT in control. It's a process though, it doesn't always come in an instant.
Congrats on going and congrats on posting about it and congrats on being willing to look for some good rather than getting bogged down in what you didn't like. Us alkies seem to looooove to focus on the empty half rather than the full half sometimes.
REALLY cool that you bought a book too... I was too embarassed to buy one at my first meeting (I know....I know... what BETTER place to buy an AA book. lol. I was just too afraid to do it though). "The AA Program" is in the first 164 pages - so those are the KEY part to read - but DON'T skip the beginning pages - Read the "Forwards" and be sure to read the 2 "Doctors Opinion" sections in the pages with Roman numerals. I went through with a ruler and a pen - underlining slows my reading down and helps my retention. Some use highlighters.... I did the pen first, then went back through later with a highlighter, then again with another highlighter.....then again...etc. lol. The important part is to read it and (for me) to mark the parts I can identify with / agree with. I also marked the parts I DIDN'T agree with / didn't like and discussed it with my sponsor.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 176
Originally Posted by LexieCat
Yay!!!
Oh, and you can't carry it in your pocket, but here ya go...
Oh, and you can't carry it in your pocket, but here ya go...
I am definitely going back to this same meeting. Firstly, I really did get a lot out of it. Second, Tuesday nights are the only nights I have someone to watch my kids. Thirdly, I have a feeling that girl won't be there next time.
I got to thinking about the leader scowling at me and stuff, and I was thinking maybe it had to do with me calling intergroup about them not having the meeting last week. Maybe intergroup called and gave him a hard time? Because I did ask when I got there if they always met at that same place and mentioned that I attempted to go the previous week... oh well, I'm sure if that's it he'll get over it.
Guest
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
Hi. I don't know if you're from UK but if you are from UK then AA meetings don't give out chips. Certainly not the meetings I've been to anyway and I've never heard any mention of them in any shares I've heard or from any memebers at the meetings.
In regards to the people at the meetings I wouldn't read too much into facial expressions or be overly paranoid. Just concentrate on yourself and how you can stay sober and grateful.
Meditation and people closing their eyes during shares was really strange to me but now I can find myself doing it too and not just at AA meetings!! It's amazing how much you change in regards to spirituality and stuff like meditation or even prayer. This was alien to me and something I didn't feel comfortable with and I had to let it come in its own time, if at all.
The great thing is that it's nobody elses recovery but your own so you can do what you feel comfortable with. If you're there for the right reasons then you should have a relatively positive experience.
Peace
In regards to the people at the meetings I wouldn't read too much into facial expressions or be overly paranoid. Just concentrate on yourself and how you can stay sober and grateful.
Meditation and people closing their eyes during shares was really strange to me but now I can find myself doing it too and not just at AA meetings!! It's amazing how much you change in regards to spirituality and stuff like meditation or even prayer. This was alien to me and something I didn't feel comfortable with and I had to let it come in its own time, if at all.
The great thing is that it's nobody elses recovery but your own so you can do what you feel comfortable with. If you're there for the right reasons then you should have a relatively positive experience.
Peace
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Dallas, Tx
Posts: 2,405
You can order those 24 hour chips online for a quarter I carried 1 with me for a long time and I'm not even an AA person
24 Hour AA Tokens, AA Recovery AA Medallions, Sobriety Chips as low as 25¢
24 Hour AA Tokens, AA Recovery AA Medallions, Sobriety Chips as low as 25¢
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Originally Posted by Aurora80
Oh I want one of these coins! I'm going to have to find a meeting where I can get one, that's all there is to it. I know I'm a dork, but I just have to have one, lol.
Anyone with enough time in AA to be opening/chairing a meeting better have the spiritual fitness to take whatever guff comes their way via a newcomer or they're in trouble anyway.
Maybe HP just used you as a channel to get those folks to look at / work on their acceptance levels.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Hey, I get it--there were a couple of meetings I stuck with specifically so I could get my coin, lol.
It reminds me of getting a gold star from the teacher in grade school--it just made me happy to walk up and get one and have everybody clap.
Of course, the REAL rewards of sobriety are intangible--but it's nice to have a shiny little reminder in your pocket!
It reminds me of getting a gold star from the teacher in grade school--it just made me happy to walk up and get one and have everybody clap.
Of course, the REAL rewards of sobriety are intangible--but it's nice to have a shiny little reminder in your pocket!
i've done my almost
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 1,934
Congrats!
It sounds like an alcoholic ego run wild! Trust me when I say we're not nearly as important as we think we are
Maybe that woman was a drunk? How do you know? It's so easy to judge OUR insides to someone else's outsides, isnt' it? Sort of makes us feel better than, instead of less then.
You did great and alot of these "crazy" thoughts will start to go away on their own. These steps are incredible! ...and will change you life. Are you ready for the ride of your life? Grab on to the winners and hold on - you're new life is about to begin!
Keep us posted.
It sounds like an alcoholic ego run wild! Trust me when I say we're not nearly as important as we think we are
Maybe that woman was a drunk? How do you know? It's so easy to judge OUR insides to someone else's outsides, isnt' it? Sort of makes us feel better than, instead of less then.
You did great and alot of these "crazy" thoughts will start to go away on their own. These steps are incredible! ...and will change you life. Are you ready for the ride of your life? Grab on to the winners and hold on - you're new life is about to begin!
Keep us posted.
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