Lilly03

I have been sober for 20 days, and during that time I was living with a roommate-- and now I live alone. Does anyone have any suggestions for staying clean while living alone?

I've thought about getting a dog because I love dogs and it would be nice to not be alone - not sure if this is a good idea since I'm so newly sober.

Thanks!

Dee74

Hi Lilly

I've live alone and been drunk - and I've lived alone and been sober too. The difference was, I think, I was really determined to stay sober - I had a lot of support than I could call on, I worked hard to change my life and take myself out of my bad old ways, and I made sure I always had things to do.

Remember that you'll always find support here - and reach out for it when you need it.

D

Sasha4

Well done Lily on your sober time.

You should be proud of yourself. Just keep looking after yourself - long bubble baths, nice food etc etc.

xx

SoberArtistGirl

Hi Lily, I think there are definite advantages to living alone. For one thing you can set up your house exactly like you want it in ways that are nurturing for you - plus you don't have to worry about anyone bringing alcohol home. If you find you get lonely you can always come here to connect. Also, it might seem weird but there's a pretty large recovery community on twitter and there's always someone around on there. Congrats on your 20 days!

Itchy

Lilly,
Read here every night, and we will read you too. I know that I have had my thoughts bouncing around in the last 32 days and have learned to take a deep breath and do one thing at a time, including not obsessing over a little anxiety one day or some frustration. It isn't the cravings but my physical deterioration from drinking and smoking that is getting better all the time, but has been ignored for too long. Your living alone can be resolved by getting another roommate or a dog but a dog has a lot of needs too. Only you can decide what is best. If it works for you in your sobriety great! Just take each major step slowly and think on them all the way through now. Let your mind and body catch up with the pace and rhythm of sobriety. Congrats on your 20 days!!!!!

Toronto68

Lilly, what did you do while the roommate was with you? I don't want to use a cliche on you, but I think you just have to take it one day at a time. I live by myself and I have been OK so far for just over 11 months. Some people would probably be concerned about or critical of the amount of time I spend by myself, since it isn't good for alcoholics to isolate themselves.

Everybody has their own likes and dislikes, but there is a thread in one of the "sticky" sections that has ideas on how to keep yourself busy. You could click through some of those ideas.

In my case, I needed to clean up my act at home and create new habits. So that is one thing that has been good for me, not because it had a magical effect on my alcoholism, but because it was part of an attitude put to action. Another thing that has been important to me is walking. There's all kinds of details I keep discovering in my own neighborhood.

I don't know if it is the same for everyone, but it's nice to be able to have new rituals. A lot of people would also say that this is not enough and that you should include something like AA too, and that's something you can think about.

When it comes to the dog, I would say you should think about whether you are ready for the responsiblity, and that would apply whether you were just giving up alcohol or not, obviously. If you thought you were being whimsical for some reason, you could give yourself a little more time to think it through. Only you can decide whether a dog would make you feel less alone at home.

Lilly03

Thanks for all the support everyone

When my roommate was with me sometimes we spent time together, but I did spend a lot of time alone. It was nice to have someone else there- I come from a big family and I like to have people around.

As for the dog, I've had dogs before and loved it and the responsibility - but I think I read somewhere you shouldn't get a pet or be in a relationship right after you get clean? Not sure if that's true or not. (I'm not looking for a relationship because I'm too fragile right now, I'd rather get a dog haha)

I feel like I'm trying to balance not isolating myself and being OK just being by myself with my thoughts. Is it OK to distract myself with a dog? I feel like getting a dog is part of me having a life? I'm so confused...aaah.

Also, I am not in NA or AA or anything but I am seeing an addiction counselor.

tjp613

I remember hearing that you should start by getting a plant....and if you can keep the plant alive for 3 months, then you graduate to getting a fish. If you can keep the fish and the plant alive for 3 months then you can have a gerbil....etc, etc., At the end of the year if your plant, fish, gerbil and whatever (kitten?) are still thriving, then you can move on to a relationship.

Made sense to me!

Toronto68

Well, if you think you have it in you to get the dog, you could go for that. I have heard about the guideline about staying away from relationships for a good year before, but I don't remember that applying to a pet too. I suppose there is merit to the idea of caution in general, because it's probably normal for people to reach too high after they quit. But it's also true that a pet can be good for the soul.

Balance is good.

LaFemme

Hello! Want one of my dogs. .lol:-) I also hate being alone which is why I think being alone is actually kind of Good for me now. I am Also nothing any groupsbbut the dogs do get me out and social which is good.

Stang

If you get a dog be 100% committed because we don't need anymore dying in shelters. It is a living thing not a recovery tool.

yeahgr8

Its a terrible idea! Why bring another person/animal into this again? Concentrate on finding a program of recovery that suits you, get to know yourself which alone time will force you to do (there are lots of groups out there to get social requirements fed) and really change then you will have something to share with another being, just my opinion...congrats on 20 days:-)

Lilly03

oooh no I know. I had a dog for 5 or 6 years that passed a way a few years ago. It's more of I want a dog but I don't want it to compromise my recovery. (i.e. spend time with a dog at home rather than go out and meet people). I refuse to get a dog that is not a rescue.

I was thinking it could be beneficial in getting me out of the apartment and on walks.

nytecomm

Good job on your sobriety Lilly. Have you considered going to AA meetings? I do not live alone, however because of my wifes and my conflicting work schedule, I often find myself alone. When I'm at a meeting I can be around other people like myself and have great conversation. When I leave to go home I feel rejuvenated and less bored and lonely. Keep up your good work!

least

My dogs have been invaluable in my recovery. Their utter devotion to me is a huge reason to stay sober - so I can be the best dog mom possible and care for them properly.

I live alone too and I like it. But having a dog means I'm not really alone as they are living beings with feelings just like me and needs they depend on me to provide. As long as you are able to provide for them, financially and emotionally and physically, yes, do get a dog. Giving a loving home to a shelter dog is a wonderful thing.

CarolD

Lily......
Please check the lease agreement many do not allow dogs
or charge large pet fees.

I don't have pets in my apartment because it's an
expense I can't afford. Vet bills and food
would tip over my budget.
And of course....all pets need to be kept healthy.

How many hours do you have free to be a pet
parent? Won't a dog miss you while you work
go to classes.....become more social? Yes.

how about volunteering at your local shelter instead?

Well done on your sober time.....

I've lived alone most of my life by choice.
That has no bearing on either my drinking or recovery.
I have friends in and out of AA.....we do all sorts
of interesting things not related to alcohol.....

Lily....please give yourself time to discover if you
enjoy.....as I do....being on your own.
I love the freedom and independance.

Lilly03

That's what I was worried about! Maybe I need to learn to be content alone...Alone with my thoughts for a while. I think I'm going to work on myself for a little without a dog...Maybe I can get one at my 2 month mark?

I'm not worried about providing for the dog, or not being able to take care of the dog...I just think my recovery could benefit in the long run from me not getting one.


Also I'm not in AA. I've thought about NA, but I'm kinda scared to go. I live around a rough area (I live by a school and the surrounding areas aren't safe) and I need to find one that is in a better area.

SoberArtistGirl

Then I would agree with you - it's just not the right time. That doesn't mean you can't ever get one though and I'm sure you'll know when you're ready.

LawMama

Congrats on your sober time! I know that being alone can be tough in the beginning....I live with my 2 year old son, who often is with his dad so I am alone a lot. I find having a sponsor to call, AA meetings, this forum, and AA literature helps a lot. In the first 60 days I cleaned A LOT and smoked a lot of cigarettes (not that I'm recommending it lol, just sharing my experience).

As for the dog thing, that's a personal choice. I had a dog drunk and I have a dog sober. It does help with the loneliness but a dog is a big responsibility. Cats are a LOT easier. I have heard the "get a plant, if it lives get a fish, if it lives get a dog and if the dog does okay you can get into a relationship." I see the wisdom of it but I have a dog and a relationship and a two year old...they all are doing well but I can't keep a plant alive to save my life.

Anna

I'm glad you are giving a lot of thought to the idea of getting a dog.

It's a HUGE commitment of time, energy and money.

That said, my cats mean the world to me.