nytecomm

Hi all. Today is my 4th day sober. I've tried this in the past and have been to AA in the past. I have an issue with asking for help for some reason. I feel that AA would be such a better place for me with a sponsor. For some strange reason I am terrified to ask someone. It drives me crazy as in life I am a very outgoing person especially with my job in sales I thought I would never be terrified to ask for anything. I guess I don't know how to go about it. I went to my first meeting last night now that I am back in the program. Some guy gave me his number and said use it. He talked to me for a short time and told me if I ever need anything to call him. I just don't understand I guess how someone that has known me for 26 seconds can really mean call me. I'm babbling on here. Any suggestions on how to approach prospective sponsors?

Thanks

Dee74

I'm not in AA but I meet dozens of people everyday and I really mean it when I respond to them on the basis of one post here

AA members will have suggestions I'm sure but whats wrong with following up on the number you have, nytecomm?

D

Bobby

I'm sure he meant it when he said "call me if you ever need anything " give him a call , it just might be the best phone call you ever made :-)

blackstrat6

Welcome back to SR Nyte.. Congrats on your 4 days, that is huge!
I can see how being in sales could hinder asking for help, I have done a lil sales in the past and its all about controlling the conversation.
The person who offered you their number might possibly benefit more than you by being able to be there for you. A lot of times we gain more by giving to another.

I like to think its not so much an AA thing but more a decent human person thing to be there for your fellow men and women in their time of need.

Anna

Nytecomm, I'm not in AA either, but I do believe that there are people who sincerely want to help others. I see that here at SR every single day. For those of us who have walked through the fire and survived, we know how difficult it is and we want to help.

Congratulations on your sobriety!

Kablume

The basis of AA is one alcoholic helping another alcoholic. I can't keep it if I don't give it away. We definitely want you to call! It's how it works.

LexieCat

Yup, it makes my day when a newcomer calls me.

The way you find a sponsor is you listen at meetings for someone who shares about recovery using the Steps, who seems happy about his recovery, and you go up after the meeting and ask whether he'd be willing to sponsor you. Some people might have to say no for one reason or another, but in that case, ask if he can suggest someone for you to ask.

We make it into a big deal in our heads, but it doesn't have to be.

ClosetExtrovert

I found a woman I admired and asked her to be my sponsor. See if you can find someone who has what you want. And then ask. All they can do is say no. Then you ask someone else.

LaFemme

Not in AA either but I take people at face value...if the dude said to Call...you should feel free to call.

DayTrader

yup! Kablume and Lexi hit the nail on the head


Nyte....everyone of us....EVERYone of us....has been there. We get it. THAT'S why we want you to call.

Call that number you have and listen to how the guy says hello.....then see if you can pick up whether he's happy it's YOU or not once you tell him who you are. I'll bettcha $20 he lights up when he figures out who you are.

AA is a "we" program but you have to get into the crowd, yanno? Just call the dude, say hi, and tell him thanks for caring enough to give u his phone number.

As for a sponsor....maybe that guy who gave you his # is "the one for you," maybe he's not. Hit a lot of meetings, listen intently while you're there, get there early and stay late (the meetings before and after "the meeting" are always the best part - and they're where you really get to know the real person), and MOST IMPORTANTLY --> it will really help to ask whatever God you may or may not be sure is out there to give you a hand in the sponsor department. Keep an eye out and don't ask just anyone - I did a pretty fair amount of askin God for help before the right one showed up.

BadCompany

He said call if you need anything, you need a sponsor. Call him and ask him to sponsor you.

augustwest

identify someone who is modeling the recovery that you would like to have and then walk up to them and ask them to be your sponsor.

CarolD

Before looking for a sponsor...i alwways suggest
people read this.....

Alcoholics Anonymous : Questions & Answers on Sponsorship

I'm always pleased when someone reaches out to me

Itchy

NYT,
I agree with all who said to call him.Were it me I'd open the screen and tell him that you were terrified to call, and posted here asking and admitting that terror. If it were me I'd tell him let me read you what I posted:

"I have an issue with asking for help for some reason. I feel that AA would be such a better place for me with a sponsor. For some strange reason I am terrified to ask someone. It drives me crazy as in life I am a very outgoing person especially with my job in sales I thought I would never be terrified to ask for anything. I guess I don't know how to go about it. I went to my first meeting last night now that I am back in the program. Some guy gave me his number and said use it. He talked to me for a short time and told me if I ever need anything to call him. I just don't understand I guess how someone that has known me for 26 seconds can really mean call me."

Then I'd ask him that if he was offering to be a sponsor, or just some support until I found one. You see he might be perfect for you, or you may see someone else that has what you want.

I went to my first ever AA meeting last Sunday. A young man hung around after, he was the one who ran the meeting that night. He said we have a lot in common, and we did, as I did tell them that I had already quit almost 30 days before, was just shopping, had never attended an AA meeting before ever, and might try a few groups out before settling into a home group.

To let you know how green I was he gave me his number to call if I ever needed anything and now I don't know if that was an offer of sponsorship or just a casual support thing. At the time it never occurred to me it could be anything dealing with sponsorship.

From reading here I took it that you want to attend a few meetings and select the sponsor by finding one who seems to have what you want. I hope he is there next Sunday as unless I find another that suits me I might just bring it up to him. And let me tell you that at 30 days today, (I double checked the math this time) I need alll the help I can get. Oh I have the cravings down pat and haven't had but fleeting habit moves instead of emotional ones. But I am having attention span issues, memory issues, and a bit of the jitters now and again and I never had any of that sober or drinking past the normal. Especially anxiety! Never had anxiety much in my life, and had severe anxiety last Monday. It was a frustration issue, but I never wanted a drink or a smoke, but did think about how that was how the old me would have dealt with it. But after thinking the drinking and smoking withdrawals were beat or that I was emotionally stable, it seems I have to learn all new coping techniques and ride out the bumps in the road.

I am looking forward to the bumps as well as the smooth stretches of this path. The operative part of a-void-dance with booze is dancing in a void.

Oh sure I could tough it out alone and not come here or go to AA. I could read books, and/or go into therapy. But then I'd miss all the wonderful people I have met here and at AA, and help me even when they didn't know it by their sharing. So it's time for the ultimate journey into myself, to come out of my self control with better coping skills and conflict management, as a result of letting go the control to my HP.

I asked for some help before this started and the most remarkable coincidences started to happen and I just took them as they came and ended up on the other side of the initial problem, quitting. Now I'll need a sponsor simply because sometimes I need to hear what I "need" to hear, instead of what I "want" to hear. But your post made me realize it is time to up the ante, and that asking for help is an issue for me too. Guess it makes me feel less in control, as I may out of the blue have to return it. That is the old me talking. The new me is a work in progress. The operative term is work.

Good luck with finding out if you have already been found by a sponsor, or need to look for one. Maybe they do it that way because they felt the same when they started.

bellakeller

Yup. If you call me it probably helps me much more than it helps you. SO the more calls I get, the better off I am. Don't ask me how I just know what works for me so I'll keep doing it - I am selfish that way.

Isaiah

I concur with everyone else. You can absolutely call if you want. I've given my number to people just like that and I 100% mean they can call.

When I asked about sponsors I just said I was looking for a sponsor, would they consider it or talk about the possibility.

If you're approaching someone who's had a lot of time in AA they will not see anything odd in your request. Sponsorship is the cornerstone of AA and anyone with time and experience is going to see your request as normal as sunshine and rain. Often they will say they have too many sponsors or other reasons to say no. That would be the time to ask them if they know anyone in the program who is available.

nytecomm

Wow everyone thank you do much. I'll update as soon with an outcome..

jhay

The only way to keep what we have is by giving it back to others. I'm positive that he was sincere in asking you to call him anytime. It is hard to seek out help, we are a prideful stubborn bunch. :P But it could be the very thing that saves your life. All you need is willingness and an open mind. I say give him a call!

Snarf

It's true, nyte, some people really do want to help! I get so excited when I see someone begin trying a new way of life, one free of the burden of alcohol. I don't push my recovery on anyone, but if a friend or even a stranger at a meeting says they need help to quit drinking, I'll bend over backwards to do anything I can to provide help. I know the pain of living through alcoholism, and I don't wish that on anyone. I'll do whatever I can to help someone stop those destructive behaviors and learn to live a life free of the booze.