Binge drinking is wrecking my life
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 127
Originally Posted by NEOMARXIST 
Hi there. You sound like you may be from UK? I relate to your title. Binge-drinking was wrecking my life too. I can relate to much of what you say and I knew that if I didn't stop drinking then prison, Insitution or death were the only outcomes for my life. A pretty shocking state of affairs really, all things considered.
I have 15+ months sober now and got sober at 23. My recovery has given my life a new purpose and direction which I am truly grateful for. MY real breakthrough came in truly accepting myself as an alcoholic. Thus for me then one drink is too many and 100,000 never enough! I would always be after just one more! I was a blackout binge-drinker like yourself and became a different person in blackouts, not violent but more erratic and bizarre behaviour. I developed tourettes almost for the last while of my drinking and used to shout swear words and random stuff to myself.
Basically fundamental to my acceptance of my alcoholism was my acceptance that most people aren't alcoholics. For me I had to lay it on the line to those who needed to know or else I would just go back taking that first drink again when i felt better a few weeks down the line. I pulled no punches to the reality of my situation of it needed to be pointed out as I had to make sure that when things got settled again and a little mundane then nobody would be willing to offer me drinks without knowing that I'm an alcoholic. Most people know anyway and are just glad that you finally accept it, in my own experience anyway.
I went to AA and incorporated it into my life. I used SR and incorporated it in my life and I also found much inspiration elsewhere too and incorporated that.
The quitting dinking is the easy part, it's the staying stopped which is the difficult part. For me it required massive changes to people, places and things that I associated with and hung around and also a profound alteration to my attitude and outlook on life. This is where working a recovery program can be so valuable.
Recovery is a totally new way of life and thinking and it's a daily work in progress for me. I take it all 'one day at a time' and remember that in relation to not drinking then it's 'just for today'. Though the compulsion for drinking left me a long, long time ago and I am ever grateful for that. I used to get to 2 weeks without a drink and be gagging to get wasted. It was like the devil on one shoulder and the angel on the other, if you like. I knew drinking would end badly but I couldn't not get wrecked as it was all I had to look forward to and live for. I am ever grateful for that horrible feeling being removed.
It's hard to explain but it really isn't to do with willpower, for me anyway. People always remark to me about "you must have good willpower" but it isn't at all like that. I surrendered and ceased fighting as my own willpower would have never kept me from a drink. I developed a spirituality in recovery which was fundamental to my contentment and gratitude for remaining sober. It comes with time, work and recovery but at the base level just make sure you never take that first drink 'just for today'. Once you take it again then your life will just continue to go downhill, if you're an alcoholic. Only you can decide if you're an alcoholic. For me personally without my total acceptence of being an alcoholic and addict then I wouldn't stand a chance of staying gratefully sober and clean, especially being young and just started University. I know what the UK's drinking culture is like and I have to know that I'm bodily and mentallly different to most others when it comes to drink and drugs. Or else drink would kill me and take evrything I love and hold dear with me, I know and accept that.
All The Best
I have 15+ months sober now and got sober at 23. My recovery has given my life a new purpose and direction which I am truly grateful for. MY real breakthrough came in truly accepting myself as an alcoholic. Thus for me then one drink is too many and 100,000 never enough! I would always be after just one more! I was a blackout binge-drinker like yourself and became a different person in blackouts, not violent but more erratic and bizarre behaviour. I developed tourettes almost for the last while of my drinking and used to shout swear words and random stuff to myself.
Basically fundamental to my acceptance of my alcoholism was my acceptance that most people aren't alcoholics. For me I had to lay it on the line to those who needed to know or else I would just go back taking that first drink again when i felt better a few weeks down the line. I pulled no punches to the reality of my situation of it needed to be pointed out as I had to make sure that when things got settled again and a little mundane then nobody would be willing to offer me drinks without knowing that I'm an alcoholic. Most people know anyway and are just glad that you finally accept it, in my own experience anyway.
I went to AA and incorporated it into my life. I used SR and incorporated it in my life and I also found much inspiration elsewhere too and incorporated that.
The quitting dinking is the easy part, it's the staying stopped which is the difficult part. For me it required massive changes to people, places and things that I associated with and hung around and also a profound alteration to my attitude and outlook on life. This is where working a recovery program can be so valuable.
Recovery is a totally new way of life and thinking and it's a daily work in progress for me. I take it all 'one day at a time' and remember that in relation to not drinking then it's 'just for today'. Though the compulsion for drinking left me a long, long time ago and I am ever grateful for that. I used to get to 2 weeks without a drink and be gagging to get wasted. It was like the devil on one shoulder and the angel on the other, if you like. I knew drinking would end badly but I couldn't not get wrecked as it was all I had to look forward to and live for. I am ever grateful for that horrible feeling being removed.
It's hard to explain but it really isn't to do with willpower, for me anyway. People always remark to me about "you must have good willpower" but it isn't at all like that. I surrendered and ceased fighting as my own willpower would have never kept me from a drink. I developed a spirituality in recovery which was fundamental to my contentment and gratitude for remaining sober. It comes with time, work and recovery but at the base level just make sure you never take that first drink 'just for today'. Once you take it again then your life will just continue to go downhill, if you're an alcoholic. Only you can decide if you're an alcoholic. For me personally without my total acceptence of being an alcoholic and addict then I wouldn't stand a chance of staying gratefully sober and clean, especially being young and just started University. I know what the UK's drinking culture is like and I have to know that I'm bodily and mentallly different to most others when it comes to drink and drugs. Or else drink would kill me and take evrything I love and hold dear with me, I know and accept that.
All The Best
You are right, I am from the UK, and I suppose in the UK the drinking culture is such that it is socially acceptable to get wasted off your nut regularly. I suppose some people can do that once a week, get a taxi home at 1am and not worry about having behaved in a wreckless, dangerous manner the night before. Unfortunately I do not fit into that category.
I am four days sober today. I don't feel like that is any kind of achievement, as I still don't have a lot of faith in staying sober indefinitely. I damn well want to though, and am going to do everything I can to focus and stay away from the alcohol.
I might well have lost partial sight in my right eye permanently after my escapade last weekend. Well if so, then I suppose that is the real wake-up call I needed to stop drinking. I feel pretty depressed about my situation, but I also know that after a couple of weeks of sobriety, I will re-gain some much needed self-respect.
Coming on these forums and reading about the horror people have gone through with their addictions, and reading how they have overcome them really gives me inspiration, and I realize that wallowing in self-pity is nothing short of pathetic, negative thinking, and will get me nowhere.
Thank you all so, so much for sharing your opinions, experiences, and above of all being accepting and encouraging. I hope someday to be able to give as much back as I'm sure I will take from this forum, and quite inspirational group of people that you are.
My sincere thanks once again.
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
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I think you're being very candid and open about your situation and admire you for that. What I would do if I were in your shoes would be, first to do what you've just done, keep in touch with the fellowship here on this website. They've got lots of insight and are eager to help you if they can. Second, do what I wish I had done rather than what I did, that is binge drink, in my case for all of 40 years. What I wish I had done is to seek out some support group of recovering alcoholics, AA, or if you have issues with that program, then some other program or place where you can go to talk to others who have been where you are now and who may be recovering. If you do that I think you will right away start to feel better about yourself and hopefully can start building a recovery. Good luck.
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