Friend of an H addict...
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 19
Friend of an H addict...
Hey all,
My name is Jay. I was going out with a woman who I thought to be the "one." We went out for 2 yrs...and last yr she stole money from my house...a place I trusted her to be. She lied about it for 2 days & finally came clean and told me that she took the money. I stopped talking to her for months and then started talking to her again. A couple months ago I found a small bag of what looked like brown cocaine. I've never used coke or heroin before in my life, but I don't think I'm a stupid man either. She told me that the drugs weren't hers, but why would they be hidden in a tissue box in 'her' bathroom? I also noticed a change in her behavior as well as frequent trips to the bathroom; spending a good amount of time. I've noticed that a few times, she would be wide awake and then start to nod, sitting up, with her mouth wide open, and constantly drops the cigarette in her hand burning holes in her couch. A few weeks later I confronted her about my suspicions and she denied all of it. She soon stated that she would submit to a drug test. When I did, she refused to take it, then told me I could test her 2 days later. I used a HairConfirm test. The results came to me a couple days later...The results came up POSITIVE for cocaine and heroin...more on the heroin. She said I could check her for tracks, but I know from friends who have used H in the past that it can be smoked or snorted...leaving no tracks. I'm 90% sure she's snorting it...She said that she wants to stop, but has not displayed any visible signs of withdrawal; which leads me to believe that she's still using. While it's true that I've never been addicted to any hardcore drugs such as coke or heroin, I have lost people in my life who I cared about to drugs; as a lot of people have. She doesn't want to go to an inpatient facility...because of her new job. Her parents don't know either nor any of her family...I told her that she has to tell them. She tells me she will when she is ready...I've heard that from someone else before and it never happened...Should I tell her parents / family ? Can anyone give me some advice/help?
My name is Jay. I was going out with a woman who I thought to be the "one." We went out for 2 yrs...and last yr she stole money from my house...a place I trusted her to be. She lied about it for 2 days & finally came clean and told me that she took the money. I stopped talking to her for months and then started talking to her again. A couple months ago I found a small bag of what looked like brown cocaine. I've never used coke or heroin before in my life, but I don't think I'm a stupid man either. She told me that the drugs weren't hers, but why would they be hidden in a tissue box in 'her' bathroom? I also noticed a change in her behavior as well as frequent trips to the bathroom; spending a good amount of time. I've noticed that a few times, she would be wide awake and then start to nod, sitting up, with her mouth wide open, and constantly drops the cigarette in her hand burning holes in her couch. A few weeks later I confronted her about my suspicions and she denied all of it. She soon stated that she would submit to a drug test. When I did, she refused to take it, then told me I could test her 2 days later. I used a HairConfirm test. The results came to me a couple days later...The results came up POSITIVE for cocaine and heroin...more on the heroin. She said I could check her for tracks, but I know from friends who have used H in the past that it can be smoked or snorted...leaving no tracks. I'm 90% sure she's snorting it...She said that she wants to stop, but has not displayed any visible signs of withdrawal; which leads me to believe that she's still using. While it's true that I've never been addicted to any hardcore drugs such as coke or heroin, I have lost people in my life who I cared about to drugs; as a lot of people have. She doesn't want to go to an inpatient facility...because of her new job. Her parents don't know either nor any of her family...I told her that she has to tell them. She tells me she will when she is ready...I've heard that from someone else before and it never happened...Should I tell her parents / family ? Can anyone give me some advice/help?
Hi and Welcome and I am sorry for your situation.
No, you should not tell her parents/family.
That is something that she should do, or allow the family to see the situation for themselves.
And, she will seek treatment when she decides that she has had enough.
I think that you should seek support for yourself with NarAnon and/or on these forums in the Friends & Families area.
No, you should not tell her parents/family.
That is something that she should do, or allow the family to see the situation for themselves.
And, she will seek treatment when she decides that she has had enough.
I think that you should seek support for yourself with NarAnon and/or on these forums in the Friends & Families area.
Welcome to SR flip.
Cocaine and heroin is a dangerous combination, and has killed many people way before their time.
I have learned through my own experience that you cannot change someone. She will need to be ready to make a big, positive change in her life. Unfortunately there is not much you can do until she is ready. It sounds like she is in denial and not ready for change.
You will probably alienate her by telling her family, and probably will not go well. She may cut you out of her life and continue using if you do this. You probably have a better idea how she will react, but addiction is powerful and relentless.
I would recommend that you get her to talk to a doctor and be open about her problem. The doctor may be able to get her on suboxone or something to stop the cravings. Also, see if she will go to NA and offer to go with her. If she is not willing to do either of these things, then you should brace yourself for a long hard ride. It will not be easy for you. The heartbreak of taking a backseat to her addiction can be tough.
Cocaine and heroin is a dangerous combination, and has killed many people way before their time.
I have learned through my own experience that you cannot change someone. She will need to be ready to make a big, positive change in her life. Unfortunately there is not much you can do until she is ready. It sounds like she is in denial and not ready for change.
You will probably alienate her by telling her family, and probably will not go well. She may cut you out of her life and continue using if you do this. You probably have a better idea how she will react, but addiction is powerful and relentless.
I would recommend that you get her to talk to a doctor and be open about her problem. The doctor may be able to get her on suboxone or something to stop the cravings. Also, see if she will go to NA and offer to go with her. If she is not willing to do either of these things, then you should brace yourself for a long hard ride. It will not be easy for you. The heartbreak of taking a backseat to her addiction can be tough.
I know everyone knows someone who knows someone who had things like this work out but man. Not married? No kids and you find yourself having to drug test your partner for heroin? I'm thinking this is a 'run, don't walk' kind of situation. And some counseling for you, too to figure out how you got here.
Head over to the F&F forum and get a glimpse of the ghosts of christmas future.
Head over to the F&F forum and get a glimpse of the ghosts of christmas future.
I know everyone knows someone who knows someone who had things like this work out but man. Not married? No kids and you find yourself having to drug test your partner for heroin? I'm thinking this is a 'run, don't walk' kind of situation. And some counseling for you, too to figure out how you got here.
Head over to the F&F forum and get a glimpse of the ghosts of christmas future.
Head over to the F&F forum and get a glimpse of the ghosts of christmas future.
I had a girlfriend who made me look at my habits a few years back. I quit for a little while, learned a little about sobriety, and realized how destructive my problems were. I was not ready to call it quits, but I gained a lot of insight and scrutinized my behavior in the time since then. I probably would not be ready to attempt sobriety if those events did not occur.
Protect yourself...addicts habitually lie and steal.
I lost my 26 yr old son to relapse of H + cocaine this summer.
You are well-aware of the possibility.
If your offer for help is turned-down, set your boundaries and stick to them.
Most addicts must hit some pretty low bottoms bef. they're willing to change.
I lost my 26 yr old son to relapse of H + cocaine this summer.
You are well-aware of the possibility.
If your offer for help is turned-down, set your boundaries and stick to them.
Most addicts must hit some pretty low bottoms bef. they're willing to change.
You must take care of yourself or you can do nothing to help her. Here is the link to the friends and families forum. Please take a look. You must know that you can really 'do' nothing for her, it's up to her to decide to get clean for herself. You can support her if she wants to get clean, but don't let her take advantage of you and don't allow yourself to enable her addiction.
Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Welcome Jay
I agree with Anna that there are things your gf needs to do for herself in order to start her journey to recovery, and that you need to be looking after yourself as well - I hope you go down and take a look in the Family and Friends section
D
I agree with Anna that there are things your gf needs to do for herself in order to start her journey to recovery, and that you need to be looking after yourself as well - I hope you go down and take a look in the Family and Friends section
D
She has already stolen from you ...leave her! I had a friend years ago, a friend not an intimate relationship. I finally had to cut ties with him. He would steal, lie, get violent, you name it. I feel like I hadn't slid into my own alcoholism yet at that time. He was a full blown alcoholic with basically no morals. I saw him right before I sobered up after 10 years. He's a bum living on the street. Had I not cut ties I might be dead , in prison, or on the street with him.
Xflip, I am glad you are here and also suggest that you looking into the family/friends forum here on SR.
Addiction is a very ugly thing and there isn't really anything you can do for her other then be supportive, wish her well and seek help for yourself.
As much as she may care for you as I did for my partner....well....I still drank and it consumed me. If I didn't stop and reach out for support....I assure you I would still be drinking or dead at this point.
I think you know what you have to do here. Is testing your partner for drugs a healthy thing in a relationship? If she is asking for help and guidance to get clean then I understand but it seems she is still not ready to accept and get help. Not much you can do for her and it isn't your burden to bear.
Wish you well and I urge you to take care of yourself.
Addiction is a very ugly thing and there isn't really anything you can do for her other then be supportive, wish her well and seek help for yourself.
As much as she may care for you as I did for my partner....well....I still drank and it consumed me. If I didn't stop and reach out for support....I assure you I would still be drinking or dead at this point.
I think you know what you have to do here. Is testing your partner for drugs a healthy thing in a relationship? If she is asking for help and guidance to get clean then I understand but it seems she is still not ready to accept and get help. Not much you can do for her and it isn't your burden to bear.
Wish you well and I urge you to take care of yourself.
Welcome to Sober Recovery, Jay. This site can be warm and fuzzy, it can be a splash of cold water, it can be a ton of heartache. We are all in this recovery thing together, and you will find lots of support here.
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 8
Loving someone with such a strong addiction is a very hard thing to do. I dated a guy who was addicted to crack and crystal meth for almost 2 years. It took alot out of me by trying to make him change, or at least make him want to. However at the end of the day I realized you cannot change an addict, they have to change themselves. I am an alcoholic and I have pushed away many good people in my life before I actually WANTED to change. I feel for your situation, because I have been there. Best of luck to you, and to her.
Hey! Welcome to Sober Recovery, Wackness!
I think you'll find you can get a lot of strength and support from this site
BEST to you on your new-found sobriety, and please, stop by as often as you like.
I think you'll find you can get a lot of strength and support from this site
BEST to you on your new-found sobriety, and please, stop by as often as you like.
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