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EaglesNest 10-16-2010 11:21 AM

Don't know where to start?
Never thought I would be looking for help but here I am. guess you all have heard that before...

I have been reading the internet about my problem and found this site. Now I am overwhelmed about how to start. guess you've heard that before too...

My problem started with back pain from an auto accident, now three surgeries and 16 years later I still have back pain and found another herniated disk. The real problem began 2 years ago when a doctor prescribed Oxycodone and Oxcycontin. Wow I thought now I can go back to life! What a first year it was. But you probably knew that huh?

Well the second half of year two was not as great as I started to realize this is not a great life and I am addicted! Can't even get a nights sleep without waking up in the middle for a pill...

So I tried to stop the Oxy spiral of doom, to late, wow I have never felt so bad in all my life so instead I tried the weening process... it didn't work either... as the title says I don't know where to start... I am lost... really lost... if I stop taking Oxy I die mentally and I still have the back pain but I don't know which is worst at that point.

So where do I start? What should I do?

I think if I could get through withdrawals I would be able to live life again.

I know I have left a lot out but from reading here I think you all know most of the story and I need help and guidance.

I guess my real question is if I try to get off the Oxys will I survive or does the deep dark depression go one forever? the most I have ever been without since the beginning was two weeks and most of that was horrible, I thought it was supposed to get better after 5 days? Does anyone ever survive and live life again? Or should I just keep taking more till I die?

I am lost!

kargy 10-16-2010 11:37 AM

"We do recover"

I'm struggling with myself recently, but I have known sobrity in the past. I'm sure many others with more experience will jump in shortly, but your last couple of sentences scare the hell out of me. It does get better! I'm an alcoholic, but makes no difference. You need to find help NOW. Can you call your doctor and explain your situation? If that's not feasible right now you may need to go to an emergency room and explain to them. Killing yourself is a permanent solution to a short term problem. You need to find people that can help you and you need to do it now.

Anna 10-16-2010 12:55 PM

I believe that you will survive.

And, if the deep, dark depression continues, then maybe it's time to talk to your dr about that depression. But, it might lift once you get off the medication.

Kmber2010 10-16-2010 01:24 PM

Welcome Eagles and glad you posted. You have our support.

I do not have experience with oxy as I drank but can say that when I took those pills for an injury that anxiety/depression was triggered. Mostly because of my years of drinking but my experience was quite negative.

Certainly others will have more input on this but I wanted to say that there is life beyond our addictions and we are living healthy, clean, positive lives. We are better people but we each had to do the work to change.

I would think your best bet here is to reach out to your Dr.

You can do this. Looking forward to the journey!

least 10-16-2010 02:39 PM

I'm just an alkie and don't know about pill addiction. We have a great substance abuse forum you might want to look at/post in. Can you ask your doctor for help in getting off the pills? I'd start there.

Welcome to SR!:welcome

Dee74 10-16-2010 03:05 PM

Hi Eagles Nest :)

I'd certainly start with my doctor - be honest and open.

Getting off something is never easy - but then living the kind of life we end up with isn't easy either.

You'll find support here - and in recovery groups like NA or SMART or some kind of counselling if you face to face support.

You can do this - many other folks have - go check out the substance abuse forum link too :)

Welcome aboard :)

EaglesNest 10-16-2010 03:52 PM

Originally Posted by kargy (Post 2739000)
but your last couple of sentences scare the hell out of me.

It does scare the hell out of me too! I am 50 and have never in my life felt hopeless and have never suffered from depresion...


Thanks for all the encouaging words, you would not beleive how much this has effected my hopes already...

I think something else is wrong though, along with the Oxy addiction... In the past I have taken Oxy before during and after surgery but short periods and felt some withdrawls but nothing like this time!!!!

Because of my back injuries I have neuopathy (nerve damage) and the doctor told me to take Cymbalta, an antidepresent although I had no depresion. He said the drug also relives neuropathy. And it did. I lost a lot of weight on purpose and was dropping medicine like crazy. Mostly for type 2 diebeties and cholesterol and blood presure. All good news and was great for the back. But then I stopped taking the Cymbalta too without the doctors knowledge and never noticed it. But then the depresion started every time I tried to back off the Oxy. I went up and down on Oxy for a year and a half as the back popped in and out. I truely only took what I needed to get by knowing it was addicting. But the last time I could not, as I backed off the depresion came like I have never seen in my life, very very bad...

So I told my doctor and he said to start taking the Cymbalta again and I did but even after a month no signs of the depresion stopping when I backed off the Oxy. I was stuck taking the Oxy to function mentally... without it I would just cry... and feel like I was dieing inside with no hope. I had nightmares of being in hell... and when I was awake I felt like I was dieing mentally with no hope... and just cry...

I was honest with my doctor and he said it was just withdrwls that I would get over it, just stop taking it. That's when I made it two weeks without. Most of which was spent sleeping or crying, I never left the bedroom or bathroom. I then gave up and took some Oxy and became mentally functional. Called the doctors office for a refill and they called back and said no... I then knew it was true, I was in hell and there was no hope... I called and called but all I got was no... then a certified letter discharging me from his care, his reasoning was I told him I was taking Oxy for depresion and it was only for pain. You have no idea how bad I felt at this point that I kew there was no hope and this is the end I was going to die and spread out my last few pills to try and taper down, as I tapered down I just slowly sank into a deeper darker depresion...

I took my last 30mg pill and went to the emergency room seeking help and I thought they were going to help, then the doctor came in and said he had talked to my doctor (of 8 years) and he told them I was a drug addict seeking drugs! Needless to say I exploded!!! It was quite a scene as I was crying and screaming that I was not a drug addict I needed help... they threatened to arrest me if I did not leave peacfully... but did give me a prescrition for remeron to this point my nightmare of hell was still continuing and I felt so alone with no hope and have been that way for months while I tried to get help but unless I was useing needles no where around here has a plan for me unless I could come up with $20,000. for treatment... I have been selling everything I own to purchase small quantities of Oxy to stay alive... maybe I should use some of my old needles I think I still have for insulin I don't use anymore... I'm sure know that the doctor is pariniod he will be sued and is covering his ass. I would sign a waiver in a heartbeat to get some help as I don't think he did anything wrong untill he dropped me from his care.

As I read this I can not belive this is happening. This morning when I got up I did as I usually do, look for help and hope I find some before these last few pills are gone... can it really be this bad to get off Oxy? Am I awake? Is this real? Or is this part of the nightmare? I don't know what is real anymore, this can't be happening to me...I just re read what I typed, I can't beleive it... why would you? Just re-enforces my feelings of no hope... it's also the only time in my life I have felt God was not with me? What did I do? Where did he go?

Dee74 10-16-2010 04:06 PM

I suggest again that you need good medical supervision.

I've never taken oxys - but from what I've read here in our substance abuse section and seen elsewhere they're a nightmare to get off.

I encourage you to some reading down there - use the link least provided - and hopefully those with some experience will check in here as well.


wow1323 10-16-2010 04:15 PM

I don't what to say. i'm sending lots of love and prayers your way/ hang in there/ It is going to be okay. You will get through this.
virtual hug

artsoul 10-17-2010 12:43 AM

I'm sorry you're having so many problems (it's rather sad that your doctor refused to see you after starting you on the medication). Maybe there's a silver lining, and you'll find another doctor that can help you. Are there any pain clinics in your area?

I hope you'll find some good advice in the Substance Abuse section - you shouldn't have to go through detox with help and support.

Sending prayers and hugs......

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