Day 4 has come to a (nice) end, and the beginning of my story
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Buffalo, NY
Posts: 6
Day 4 has come to a (nice) end, and the beginning of my story
Hi All,
First post, been poking around the site the past couple days. Lots of good things to read here. So my story is a long one but I'll try to condense it. Just feel like i need to get it out to someone. I am 32 and have been drinking heavily since I was about 18. VERY heavily for about the past 5-7 years. Was recently up to a half liter of rum per day and a little bit of diet coke. Have been drinking pint glasses with ice and rum almost all the way up, then just a spalsh of diet coke
I would call myself a highly functioning alcoholic. I went to college and graduate school, recently wrote my PhD dissertation, found an excllent job with great bebefits, and my beautiful healthy daughter was born last September. She is now an adorable one year old. Looking back, I can't believe how much I was able to accomplish while drinking so much. I dont remember the last day I went without drinking. 90% of those days would end up in blackouts, emails and texts sent, TV watched, phone conversations that I didn't even remember. But since I drank heavily from the time I got home (at 4pm) until I passed out at 8pm, I was still able to get up at 5am and make it to work.
Slowly though, I found myself pushing even more on my wife to deal with the baby -- as if she didnt already do everything. Those 4-5 hours in the evening were mine! How else was I supposed to relax? I didn't even see it happening, but booze was making me feel like it was ok to get smashed every single night instead of sitting on the floor and watching sesame street with my little girl, or going to bed early with my wife so we could read our books together. I started thinking about these things, but largely ignored them for several more months. My baby's first birthday came and all I could do that morning was make sure there was beer on hand for the "adults". I had about 8 (there was no rum) before we sang happy birthday. Almost awakening, but not quite.
My cousin recently drank himself to death. Something I always thought was hard to do. He was only 10 years older than me and lived much the same lifestyle. The doctors said his internal organs were so swollen that many of thm, including his heart, failed at the same time.
So this rang a HUGE bell. For the past 3-4 months I've been dealing with uncomfortable abdominal pain. I'm not a heavy person, but I've been feeling incredibly bloated up under my ribs. Also, I don't smoke all that much, but my nails were getting a yellow fungus under them and crumbling, This is not only extremely painful, but also really embarassing -- as I said I hold a very good job, nice car, nice house, wonderful wife and children. My whole family had urged me to quit for many years, but I always wanted to keep the one-man-party going.
So the chronic physical changes and pain got too much. While changing the battery out of my car, I lost a thubmnail to a simple bumb on the sheet metal. Yup, OUCH. Went about drinking, woke up the next day (Saturday thankfully) couldnt remember what happened and why the hell did my thumb hurt so bad. Took me the better part of two groggy hours to discover what I had been up to from 8-11pm the night before. Went through my phone. Dam, I called lots of people, family too. And I don't even remember my little one-year old being put to bed. A complete and total mess, though still with a job, car, house, wife, child, and dog. I made one of the biggest decisions of my life: I have a great life, but I don't live a great life. Its there for the taking but I've been blind. Well not anymore.
This is the end of day four as I put the little one to bed and am laying in bed with the wife typing on my laptop with a gass of water by my side. Detox has been a little rough, but every symptom makes me more angry. Thinking how much money I spent on all the booze, and other things that come along with being a drunk! Not anymore.
I hope to be a regular here. I hope my day count turns to weeks, months, and years. I want to see my little girl grow up. I want to be a loving, caring husband to my wife. And I want to REMEMBER each special evening and weekend that I spend with them. I am so thankful, while I did some serious damage to my health and my family's trust, I can work to get those things back. I still have a job tomorrow and a house to come home to. Thank God I'm making this decision in time.
One more day in the books. Goodnight.
First post, been poking around the site the past couple days. Lots of good things to read here. So my story is a long one but I'll try to condense it. Just feel like i need to get it out to someone. I am 32 and have been drinking heavily since I was about 18. VERY heavily for about the past 5-7 years. Was recently up to a half liter of rum per day and a little bit of diet coke. Have been drinking pint glasses with ice and rum almost all the way up, then just a spalsh of diet coke
I would call myself a highly functioning alcoholic. I went to college and graduate school, recently wrote my PhD dissertation, found an excllent job with great bebefits, and my beautiful healthy daughter was born last September. She is now an adorable one year old. Looking back, I can't believe how much I was able to accomplish while drinking so much. I dont remember the last day I went without drinking. 90% of those days would end up in blackouts, emails and texts sent, TV watched, phone conversations that I didn't even remember. But since I drank heavily from the time I got home (at 4pm) until I passed out at 8pm, I was still able to get up at 5am and make it to work.
Slowly though, I found myself pushing even more on my wife to deal with the baby -- as if she didnt already do everything. Those 4-5 hours in the evening were mine! How else was I supposed to relax? I didn't even see it happening, but booze was making me feel like it was ok to get smashed every single night instead of sitting on the floor and watching sesame street with my little girl, or going to bed early with my wife so we could read our books together. I started thinking about these things, but largely ignored them for several more months. My baby's first birthday came and all I could do that morning was make sure there was beer on hand for the "adults". I had about 8 (there was no rum) before we sang happy birthday. Almost awakening, but not quite.
My cousin recently drank himself to death. Something I always thought was hard to do. He was only 10 years older than me and lived much the same lifestyle. The doctors said his internal organs were so swollen that many of thm, including his heart, failed at the same time.
So this rang a HUGE bell. For the past 3-4 months I've been dealing with uncomfortable abdominal pain. I'm not a heavy person, but I've been feeling incredibly bloated up under my ribs. Also, I don't smoke all that much, but my nails were getting a yellow fungus under them and crumbling, This is not only extremely painful, but also really embarassing -- as I said I hold a very good job, nice car, nice house, wonderful wife and children. My whole family had urged me to quit for many years, but I always wanted to keep the one-man-party going.
So the chronic physical changes and pain got too much. While changing the battery out of my car, I lost a thubmnail to a simple bumb on the sheet metal. Yup, OUCH. Went about drinking, woke up the next day (Saturday thankfully) couldnt remember what happened and why the hell did my thumb hurt so bad. Took me the better part of two groggy hours to discover what I had been up to from 8-11pm the night before. Went through my phone. Dam, I called lots of people, family too. And I don't even remember my little one-year old being put to bed. A complete and total mess, though still with a job, car, house, wife, child, and dog. I made one of the biggest decisions of my life: I have a great life, but I don't live a great life. Its there for the taking but I've been blind. Well not anymore.
This is the end of day four as I put the little one to bed and am laying in bed with the wife typing on my laptop with a gass of water by my side. Detox has been a little rough, but every symptom makes me more angry. Thinking how much money I spent on all the booze, and other things that come along with being a drunk! Not anymore.
I hope to be a regular here. I hope my day count turns to weeks, months, and years. I want to see my little girl grow up. I want to be a loving, caring husband to my wife. And I want to REMEMBER each special evening and weekend that I spend with them. I am so thankful, while I did some serious damage to my health and my family's trust, I can work to get those things back. I still have a job tomorrow and a house to come home to. Thank God I'm making this decision in time.
One more day in the books. Goodnight.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,760
Welcome to the best recovery site everywhere.
You are wise to stop before you lose it all. I quit for good ten months ago and my life is steadily improving. I commend you for choosing sobriety and life over misery and death. You'll find a lot of support and useful information here. 
You are wise to stop before you lose it all. I quit for good ten months ago and my life is steadily improving. I commend you for choosing sobriety and life over misery and death. You'll find a lot of support and useful information here. 
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Hey Enzone and welcome!!!! Congrats on making the best decision of your life. Everyone will tell you to check with your doctor and to have a plan. Both help but I did neither...I'm kind of winging it which works for me but I don't recommend it for others.
Enjoy your family and watching your little girl grow up!
LaFemme!
Enjoy your family and watching your little girl grow up!
LaFemme!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Between Serenity and Despair
Posts: 522
Hello and welcome. I think you're doing a great thing for yourself. Like you, I found myself able to quit when I finally figured out some reasons for doing so.
Keep reading and posting here at SR. I didn't find this place until I was more than 2.5 years sober, and I wish so much I'd found it sooner. SR has helped me a whole big bunch.
I look forward to reading more of your posts.
Keep reading and posting here at SR. I didn't find this place until I was more than 2.5 years sober, and I wish so much I'd found it sooner. SR has helped me a whole big bunch.
I look forward to reading more of your posts.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Cary, NC
Posts: 715
Hi Enzone Welcome to SR
Some people say alcoholism is an elevator going straight down, but we can get off whenever we want.
It's great you made the choice to get off now.
Stick around. You'll find a lot of support here.
Some people say alcoholism is an elevator going straight down, but we can get off whenever we want.
It's great you made the choice to get off now.
Stick around. You'll find a lot of support here.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,279
Originally Posted by Enzone11 
I have a great life, but I don't live a great life. Its there for the taking but I've been blind. Well not anymore.
Great to have you
the above /\ quote really stood out for me, you can do this 
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome to the forum, Enzone! Glad you got through the initial first days - Congratulations on making the decision to be free from this addiction. You have a lot to live for, as I did when I got sober, and it only gets better from here!
Take it one day at a time. I found that when I got urges to drink, this forum was SO helpful in reminding me why I quit and where the road would take me if I started again.
Look forward to having you around SR!
Take it one day at a time. I found that when I got urges to drink, this forum was SO helpful in reminding me why I quit and where the road would take me if I started again.
Look forward to having you around SR!
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