Are There Unhealthy Recovery Groups?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: ca
Posts: 25
Are There Unhealthy Recovery Groups?
hi everyone. ive poked around a little and hopefully will start sharing some of my problem on the christian part of the forum...
at the moment, tho, i would like to know if any have attended unhealthy recovery groups and what that would look like...what are the signs?
what would be signs of a healthy recovery group?
at the moment, tho, i would like to know if any have attended unhealthy recovery groups and what that would look like...what are the signs?
what would be signs of a healthy recovery group?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Germany
Posts: 2,058
I'm sure others will post with far more experience but I do counseling as part of my recovery and for me has been amazing. Now this particular counselor I see understands addiction and understands why I drank and what issues I am facing now adjusting to sober living. It works great.
Now, I did meet a counselor long before him and she and I did not connect and she had absolutely no experience with addiction and didn't understand the concept of recovery. Now after that....I kind of backed off from the counseling as I thought that was what the entire experience would be like but I found that it all depends on the person and to be willing to give it another chance.
All the best and I am sure other folks will be here soon to share with you.
Now, I did meet a counselor long before him and she and I did not connect and she had absolutely no experience with addiction and didn't understand the concept of recovery. Now after that....I kind of backed off from the counseling as I thought that was what the entire experience would be like but I found that it all depends on the person and to be willing to give it another chance.
All the best and I am sure other folks will be here soon to share with you.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Dallas, Tx
Posts: 2,405
I think a healthy recovery group is one that makes YOU feel healthy/comfortable. A group might be good for 1 person and bad for another. I only went to maybe a dozen AA meetings but I went to 3 different meeting places before I found the 1 that felt right to me and I can't say why it felt right it just did. I also went to 3 or 4 therapists before finding the 1 that worked for me and that doesn't mean anything was wrong with the ones I didn't like they just weren't the right fit for me, not much different than finding a mate in life.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: ca
Posts: 25
i thank you for the responses...i believe the particular group im in now is unhealthy...and i believe it was unhealthy 8 years ago...
so i would like specifics on how a healthy group functions...and if any have been to unhealthy ones, so that i can make a better determination.
for example, on another forum, a general one, there is a person who says to the effect, "i have discovered..." it comes across more as preaching at others under the guise of "i" messages. maybe, "shut up, dont talk about it" would be more accurate as to how it comes across.
so i would like specifics on how a healthy group functions...and if any have been to unhealthy ones, so that i can make a better determination.
for example, on another forum, a general one, there is a person who says to the effect, "i have discovered..." it comes across more as preaching at others under the guise of "i" messages. maybe, "shut up, dont talk about it" would be more accurate as to how it comes across.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Germany
Posts: 2,058
Perhaps they use the term "I" to reference their experience.
If you don't feel comfortable with what your doing then look into other options. For example, I enjoy coming to SR because their are folks with all different backgrounds and experiences who share. I have learned quite a bit coming here about program options, etc.
For me anything that doesn't advocate my addiction is a good thing and one that teaches/shows me ways to improve my life and helps me find positive tools to cope with lifes ups/downs is a something that is important to me.
May I ask what you are currently doing? What are you looking for yourself?
If you don't feel comfortable with what your doing then look into other options. For example, I enjoy coming to SR because their are folks with all different backgrounds and experiences who share. I have learned quite a bit coming here about program options, etc.
For me anything that doesn't advocate my addiction is a good thing and one that teaches/shows me ways to improve my life and helps me find positive tools to cope with lifes ups/downs is a something that is important to me.
May I ask what you are currently doing? What are you looking for yourself?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
teresaq: "Unhealthy" may be a somewhat controversial term. "Congenial" or "suitable" might be a better description. And what might be congenial for one person might not be so congenial or suitable for another. I agree with the post which suggested that you might try several groups and find the one where you are most comfortable. There are more choices in the large, metropolitan areas but even in smaller communities there are usually alternatives. And this website, SR, has many different resources and is well administered. Good luck on finding the one which is right for you.
W.
W.
dopeless hope fiend
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Here. Now.
Posts: 1,021
interesting take on the "I" statements. i much prefer when people make "I" statements, because that means they're speaking from personal experience. It's the "you" statements that i'm suspicious of. nobody likes being told what to do, especially addicts.
It's the whole experience, strength, and hope thing in the 12 step community. If I have experience in an area i'll share it. but i'm not going to give advice on a topic i haven't experienced and am not interested in hearing it from someone else. If i wanted preaching i'd join a church.
It's the whole experience, strength, and hope thing in the 12 step community. If I have experience in an area i'll share it. but i'm not going to give advice on a topic i haven't experienced and am not interested in hearing it from someone else. If i wanted preaching i'd join a church.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
I would second that being preached to would be an unhealthy support group...I think this because being told what to do and believe seems to take away being an active participant in recovery. This is just my opinion though...perhaps some people find this beneficial:-)
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Merritt Island, Fl
Posts: 1,164
There is a Group here in Cocoa that is just like a bar without the beer. I actually started in that group and thought that all that stuff was normal in recovery. Only when I tried another group did I see what sobriety was all about. I thank God for that.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: ca
Posts: 25
guess i pretty much have to go by my "gut". 
and maybe ask the christian side....
i understand that we are to use "i" statements..., but there have been, now, 2 people from different parts of the country, but same church, that i feel use the "i" statements to manipulate others.
when it is used appropriately, as to ones real experience i have found it can be quite beneficial to me.
interestingly both are the permanent facilitators of their groups, and i strongly suspect them both--no, i know--to be co-dependent, controlling individuals. that one has no members on the recovery part of the forum, and the other group has 3-4 members rather confirms my suspicions.
yes, i do believe i need to check out other groups...i have meant to join here for some time, but just 'lurked' for a while. from what ive seen its more in line with what i believe a group is about.
im going to provide a link to here when i find the right way to do it, on the forum i participate on...i assume thats permissible?
thank you for your "careful" comments.
and maybe ask the christian side....i understand that we are to use "i" statements..., but there have been, now, 2 people from different parts of the country, but same church, that i feel use the "i" statements to manipulate others.
when it is used appropriately, as to ones real experience i have found it can be quite beneficial to me.
interestingly both are the permanent facilitators of their groups, and i strongly suspect them both--no, i know--to be co-dependent, controlling individuals. that one has no members on the recovery part of the forum, and the other group has 3-4 members rather confirms my suspicions.
yes, i do believe i need to check out other groups...i have meant to join here for some time, but just 'lurked' for a while. from what ive seen its more in line with what i believe a group is about.
im going to provide a link to here when i find the right way to do it, on the forum i participate on...i assume thats permissible?
thank you for your "careful" comments.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: ca
Posts: 25
i went again to the meeting tonight and got a clearer picture of what is going on....
i think its 50-50. theyre in one place, im in another, for one thing...
the other is that the facilitator was confronted about the same problem i was having with her, in her job.
it may work out....
i think its 50-50. theyre in one place, im in another, for one thing...
the other is that the facilitator was confronted about the same problem i was having with her, in her job.
it may work out....
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Good luck on tour group...hope things work out in the best way possible. One thing "I" will share...I'm Christian but I don't think I need a Christian recovery group..."I'm" not in AA either. God has played a role in my recovery...but for me...he's also provided me with tools to get sober so that I can grow and be whatever I am supposed to be.
Hope you keep posting!
Hope you keep posting!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: ca
Posts: 25
thanks guys. i had been sharing less and less at those meetings and then just didnt go one night. at the meeting above i started sharing again and the facilitator jumped in with what she thought i was confessing. it wasnt. but it reminded me that id felt i had been labelled given some of her "i" messages while looking at me...and that i was being discussed-contrary to the rules.
but i have that avoidant thing, so by the grace of God im going to keep going back. i also have a judgmental condemning thing going on--hmmm, you think one ties into the other?-and i need to accept that they are where they are. that they are how they are.
if my perceptions are correct i dont have to run away, or hide in shame. i can stay and keep working-and learning to let others be wrong about me.
God the terror that paralyzes me is killing me! so what if they think wrong-and act on it? i survived the other times, the consequences may have even been for the best since molestation and rape were possibilities as a helpless child.
but i have that avoidant thing, so by the grace of God im going to keep going back. i also have a judgmental condemning thing going on--hmmm, you think one ties into the other?-and i need to accept that they are where they are. that they are how they are.
if my perceptions are correct i dont have to run away, or hide in shame. i can stay and keep working-and learning to let others be wrong about me.
God the terror that paralyzes me is killing me! so what if they think wrong-and act on it? i survived the other times, the consequences may have even been for the best since molestation and rape were possibilities as a helpless child.
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
IMO a Healthy Recovery Group is one that kind of expects you to change. The ones that let you remain a bar-fly for decades are more concerned about getting your dollars in the basket than about your quality of life.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
It sounds like you are uncomfortable in this group. Is there another group in which you would be more comfortable. The search for sobriety does not require that one must sit and grit one's teeth or suffer in silence. I hope you can find a group in which you feel happy, positive and welcome.
W.
W.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: ca
Posts: 25
im going to stay for awhile. there are a couple of people who are working on their own recovery...so as long as that is happening...
it seems like we can get to a place where we are "comfortable", until something comes along to knock us out of our comfort zone.
ive come across two recovery programs online, one that woos to Christ and another that is very indepth-very deep- which im using....sooo....
it seems like we can get to a place where we are "comfortable", until something comes along to knock us out of our comfort zone.
ive come across two recovery programs online, one that woos to Christ and another that is very indepth-very deep- which im using....sooo....
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