How Do you
 

How do you handle being around people that drink when you don't want to be. The reason I ask is becomes sometimes it is very hard to exclude yourself for activities that involve drinking especially when you are married to someone that does not have a drinking problem. My husband does not have a problem with drinking, he can have a drink or two and be done and not drink again for a long time. I don't feel it is fair to him to NOT GO to places he wants to go or even in our home if a friend of his wants to stop over and have a drink I don't think it is right of me to say NO.. How do you guys cope with it without becoming a nag or a stay at home stick in the mud? How did you, do you, do it?

Hi meblonde :)

I've found that most people don't care and if I don't make a big deal of it, then no one really notices. I order water mostly, sometimes coffee.

It's tough to avoid alcohol. Thankfully, it doesn't have to come down to that.

I would assess the situation, if it were going to be a big problem, I wouldn't go. I know my counselor has told me, when I asked her how I'd approach the situation, if there were people around me that didn't know I had a problem. She told me I didn't have to tell everyone my whole story (I don't like doing this because I don't want to sound preachy), she said you can just let people know, I had a problem with alcohol and choose not to drink. Simple as that. If it doesn't come up then there needs no mention.

I deal with it by telling myself that I'm the one with the problem and because I've made the right decision for me,anyone else's decision regarding alcohol is their business as long as it's not affecting me.If I'm feeling a certain way (bad feelings), I wouldn't want to be around drinking. I'd first make sure that you aren't threatening your recovery by putting your self in high risk situations. For some high risk situations are different, I can go to a club while another person would never want to step in one again for fear of drinking. I know for me ,the more I'm around the drink in a comfortable surrounding and not wanting to drink, the more I am able to say, I dont need to drink and I can have fun without it. The reason is, it is more rewarding for me to be sober than it is to be drunk.

I stayed away from situations where alcohol was being served for quite awhile. It took me a long time to feel comfortable. I don't mind being around alcohol now, but I still choose not to, if possible. If alcohol is the focus of the gathering, then I won't be there.

We never have alcohol in our home, nor do we ever serve alcohol. That's just the way it is in our home.

When I first quit I found it very hard to be around alcohol. I was very nervous/jittery. It's only been about 2 months for me but I don't mind anymore (for now, I guess we'll see how that evolves).

I do notice though that people don't drink nearly as much as I thought they did (cringing at how I must have stood out!). And the people who do seem under the influence are kind of dull.

I found that when I stopped looking at others and their way of life, and just focused on my own, it got a lot easier.

Everybody has the right to do what they want in life, drink, smoke, do drugs, whatever, and I have the right not to.

so it´s all good...

Meblonde, I know what you're talking about, and I sympathize. Here are my rules:

1. I won't sit in bars or go to places where drinking is the main event. I will, however, drop off my husband and pick him up when he's ready to come home.
   
   Example: My husband is going to an event at a local micro-brewery. This event includes dinner, a commemorative beer stein, and all the beer you can drink. When my husband mentioned it, I suggested he invite one of his friends and said I'd drive them.
2. I don't mind if people come to my house for a drink. As long as my guests are respectful to me, I hang around and visit. If it turns into an interrogation about why I'm not drinking, I think of an errand I need to run that just can't wait.
   
   Example: My husband is into homebrewing. He has a friend who comes by about once a week to drink homemade beer. Sometimes the guy gets a little tipsy, but he's always so nice to me. He never shoves his drinking in my face or belittles me for not drinking. He brings me fancy coffees and desserts to try. He babysits my dog when I'm out of town. His visits are pleasant to me.
3. I never complain or act judgmental about my husband's drinking. My drinking problem is my drinking problem. It has no bearing on anybody else. I think I'm not being a stick in the mud. If my husband disagrees, I don't know what I can do differently.

If your husband is not an alcoholic, but understands that you are, it is likely he'll sympathize with your struggle. I recommend honesty. When you feel uncomfortable, speak up.

When I am uncomfortable, I just change what I am doing. If that means leaving my house for a cup of coffee or some people watching at the mall, I do it. If that means telling my husband I won't go in the liquor store to buy his booze or won't sit in a bar with him, I do it. I make a point not ask anyone else to change. I do what I can to ensure my husband can still enjoy his drink -- while not endangering my sanity.

Everybody has his or her own way of making it work, though. There is a book put out by AA called Living Sober. In this book is a chapter specifically devoted to being sober in a world full of drinkers. Educate yourself. Have a support system and a backup plan in place. Know your limits.

And, remember, you'll learn as you go. I've been at this sobriety business for 2 years and 9 months. I still learn something new almost every day.

Yesterday I went and hung out with some friends that were drinking. I have some relapses, but I am no stranger with not drinking and hanging out with people who are drinking. I told my sponser I felt crappy at the end of the day. He said that going back into a situation like that without completing a program is like boxing a nemisis without behing about to throw a punch. Of course I am going to feel not "spiritually filled" I didn't drink, but until I am sober and working a program for awhile, I am just going to grin and bare it.

4 months of outpatient therapy and working the steps of AA for over a year and I'm still learning to be around alcohol without being uncomfortable.

It's going to take time, practice, and a good, solid, recovery program.

Thank you Great advice. You know just what I mean!!!