People in Bars Are Sad
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome back SFM - I came here 5 months ago thinking I had little chance to quit drinking (again). This is my third time getting sober and I wondered if should just resign myself to an alcoholic life. But geez, it's so much trouble..... being half sick all the time and either getting buzzed or coming down..... having to worry about who can tell I'd been drinking..... having little motivation...... and the obsession - wow. Aside from the fact that it kills us slowly and painfully, it's just not worth living that kind of life.
Don't give up on yourself. I used AA the first two times, but am just relying on SR this time around and it's been my best "sober" yet. I think the trick is getting some kind of daily support.
Hang in there and take it one day at a time.:ghug3
Don't give up on yourself. I used AA the first two times, but am just relying on SR this time around and it's been my best "sober" yet. I think the trick is getting some kind of daily support.
Hang in there and take it one day at a time.:ghug3
Tryin Hard To Think Clear
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Stuck in the middle of nowhere again.
Posts: 157
Well, having shunned religion for most of my adult life, in the face of growing up in a religious household, I can honestly say I understand where you are coming from, Sober...The church has always been an institution as corrupt as Monsanto in my eyes. (That is no disrespect to followers and practitioners of religion, btw). When i search for meaning and a "higher" power, it's always been in a secular fashion. It's hard for me to swallow the Catholic guilt, suck it up, and "give myself to God". I find myself asking from time to time, what does that even mean? Surrender? I hate the idea of not being in control of my own life; of turning that control over to someone or something else.
Except when i turned it over to alcohol. That came pretty easy.
i actually chuckled when you posted about watching depictions of people doing coke and slogging Beam while doing 90 on the Interstate. You say "Damn, I want to do that.", but I watch it and think "Damn, I wish I hadn't done that." Giving up something I thought was great for me and my psyche was like tearing a part of me away and trying to rebuild it with clay or putty - it still isn't the same...there's something missing. But I'm beginning to see where I thought I was incomplete, I'm actually becoming more whole than I was since I started 16 years ago.
So let's forget about AA for now. What can you do for yourself to help mend the wound that using has caused? Does your partner support you in your effort to quit? Like REALLY support you? If they are backing you up on it, then you are already ahead of the game because you have an anchor right there immediately within your reach. You're an entertainer, she runs a non-profit; of course you help people. But in order to help others, perhaps you should help yourself first. I know, it's a cliche and it sounds selfish, but from what I read, you deserve it, because you seem to honestly want to quit. Heck if you can go 8 months, you're strong enough to go 8 more and beyond! (please let me know if I sound too full of sunshine and unicorns, because typically, I'm a pretty disillusioned cat). I could totally relate when you spoke of having a gig not go as well as you expected. When I was playing in bands, if I thought I sounded like s**t, you could bet that a righteous binge was sure to follow. Now that I DJ more than I play with others, and I'm trying to live sober, I'm making an honest attempt to forgive my shortcomings from time to time rather than punish them by drowning.
But I digress, this isn't really about me - see me being selfish there? Sorry. The point is, we have a problem with the stuff, and I just hate to see a talented person beat themselves up over that problem. You seem very strong-willed and very self-assure. I guess now all that's left is to find out for yourself whether or not you think that the drink and blow and whatever else is really a part of you, or is it just covering up the you that you REALLY are, and that's something that only you will know. But I tell you what, if you ever need to chat about it or just need a sounding board or a good set of ears (ok, eyes - it IS the interwebs after all), I am MORE than willing to be that person. Feel free to IM me or whatever.
OK, I'm through. I guess I was rambling too haha.
Except when i turned it over to alcohol. That came pretty easy.
i actually chuckled when you posted about watching depictions of people doing coke and slogging Beam while doing 90 on the Interstate. You say "Damn, I want to do that.", but I watch it and think "Damn, I wish I hadn't done that." Giving up something I thought was great for me and my psyche was like tearing a part of me away and trying to rebuild it with clay or putty - it still isn't the same...there's something missing. But I'm beginning to see where I thought I was incomplete, I'm actually becoming more whole than I was since I started 16 years ago.
So let's forget about AA for now. What can you do for yourself to help mend the wound that using has caused? Does your partner support you in your effort to quit? Like REALLY support you? If they are backing you up on it, then you are already ahead of the game because you have an anchor right there immediately within your reach. You're an entertainer, she runs a non-profit; of course you help people. But in order to help others, perhaps you should help yourself first. I know, it's a cliche and it sounds selfish, but from what I read, you deserve it, because you seem to honestly want to quit. Heck if you can go 8 months, you're strong enough to go 8 more and beyond! (please let me know if I sound too full of sunshine and unicorns, because typically, I'm a pretty disillusioned cat). I could totally relate when you spoke of having a gig not go as well as you expected. When I was playing in bands, if I thought I sounded like s**t, you could bet that a righteous binge was sure to follow. Now that I DJ more than I play with others, and I'm trying to live sober, I'm making an honest attempt to forgive my shortcomings from time to time rather than punish them by drowning.
But I digress, this isn't really about me - see me being selfish there? Sorry. The point is, we have a problem with the stuff, and I just hate to see a talented person beat themselves up over that problem. You seem very strong-willed and very self-assure. I guess now all that's left is to find out for yourself whether or not you think that the drink and blow and whatever else is really a part of you, or is it just covering up the you that you REALLY are, and that's something that only you will know. But I tell you what, if you ever need to chat about it or just need a sounding board or a good set of ears (ok, eyes - it IS the interwebs after all), I am MORE than willing to be that person. Feel free to IM me or whatever.
OK, I'm through. I guess I was rambling too haha.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 196
Originally Posted by Juneof44 
So let's forget about AA for now. What can you do for yourself to help mend the wound that using has caused? Does your partner support you in your effort to quit? Like REALLY support you? If they are backing you up on it, then you are already ahead of the game because you have an anchor right there immediately within your reach.
OK, I'm through. I guess I was rambling too haha.
She was with me the whole 8 months before and has told me she preferred me sober. She has also said her job is to support me if I drink or not. I really don't want to send her to al-anon after dealing with my drunk ass for years.
You right, I do need to take care of myself. I am very self-assured, but I have a God complex (an alcoholic with a God complex? You are KIDDING me.) and I have a hard time not taking care of people. I guess if I get there, step 12 won't be the hard one. My problem is going to be the other 11.
I was watching intervention earlier, and this guy is drinking and taking pain killers and I thought (for the first time, I might add) "I'm just as bad as that guy". I somehow have hidden it better, but the same.
I have a amazing entertainer community here, I'm very very very blessed to have a wonderful roommate and partner around me and you're right, I did it for 8 months. 2 months isn't that long to lapse. I realized tonight at the ballet that I already have the skills to get sober, I just have to start using them again.
and of course, come here and learn about my disease. And claim it and avoid thinking that other alcoholics are not me. Because they are. Only you guys can understand why I would drink to the point of drinking anything in sight and ruining my life to do it.
I might take you up on that IM too. Thank you for the offer.
Sober
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Germany
Posts: 2,058
Sober - Welcome to SR and know you have our support.
Alcoholism is quite baffling and I also believe that since it is quite sneaky and since I didn't fit any norm for an alcoholic that it was this thinking that kept me in denial. I didn't just wake up one day and say hey....I am alcoholic. So many non alcoholics have had a night of excessive drinking or perhaps drank in the morning while on vacation.
For me....it was why I drank and what it made me feel or not feel. It was progressive and overtime it took me to a dark place where I felt it was hopeless.
I didn't know sobriety was possible until I finally did it. I quit and I got support. Support was key in helping me make the positive changes necessary. There are many options available and you find the one that works for you. End of story.
Counseling has been tremendous in my recovery and of course I do the daily work. I changed up my lifestyle in terms of diet, exercise, etc.
Sobriety is amazing and it is there for you. You can do it.
We are here for you and looking forward to your journey.
Alcoholism is quite baffling and I also believe that since it is quite sneaky and since I didn't fit any norm for an alcoholic that it was this thinking that kept me in denial. I didn't just wake up one day and say hey....I am alcoholic. So many non alcoholics have had a night of excessive drinking or perhaps drank in the morning while on vacation.
For me....it was why I drank and what it made me feel or not feel. It was progressive and overtime it took me to a dark place where I felt it was hopeless.
I didn't know sobriety was possible until I finally did it. I quit and I got support. Support was key in helping me make the positive changes necessary. There are many options available and you find the one that works for you. End of story.
Counseling has been tremendous in my recovery and of course I do the daily work. I changed up my lifestyle in terms of diet, exercise, etc.
Sobriety is amazing and it is there for you. You can do it.
We are here for you and looking forward to your journey.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Sweden
Posts: 1,649
SoberforME:
Sorry to hear you are feeling bad. I would have to echo what most others have said here: try and find a program. It sounds like you have been trying to do it on your own and although many people do manage to do that, others need some kind of structure and support.
I started with an outpatient addiction center and an addictions therapist. I eventually found my way into AA. As others have also mentioned, it is not the only game in town. You might check your area for outpatient programs, there is smart and there are things like the Minnesota method, which is not faith based but is based on the 12 steps.
In the beginning of my time with AA I thought the words "religion", "church" and "spirituality" were synonyms: I didn't see the difference between them. I too have a negative background with organized religion.
However while working step 1 and 2 in AA, I understood for the first time in my life that spirituality can be an individual journey, on my terms and according to my definitions. I felt a great sense of freedom when I finally completed these steps, because I never had that before, my choice to meet God, my higher power, the great spirit of the universe, etc....according to my perceptions.
Just one little point about anonymity in AA: if someone outs you...you have to remember, they are outing themself at the same time. Anonymity is extremely important in AA and I have rarely, in fact never, heard of anyone breaking someone's anonymity.
That said, although I use AA, I don't recommend it as the only place to get sober. The most important thing is having some kind of program, whatever you feel comfortable with.
Sorry to hear you are feeling bad. I would have to echo what most others have said here: try and find a program. It sounds like you have been trying to do it on your own and although many people do manage to do that, others need some kind of structure and support.
I started with an outpatient addiction center and an addictions therapist. I eventually found my way into AA. As others have also mentioned, it is not the only game in town. You might check your area for outpatient programs, there is smart and there are things like the Minnesota method, which is not faith based but is based on the 12 steps.
In the beginning of my time with AA I thought the words "religion", "church" and "spirituality" were synonyms: I didn't see the difference between them. I too have a negative background with organized religion.
However while working step 1 and 2 in AA, I understood for the first time in my life that spirituality can be an individual journey, on my terms and according to my definitions. I felt a great sense of freedom when I finally completed these steps, because I never had that before, my choice to meet God, my higher power, the great spirit of the universe, etc....according to my perceptions.
Just one little point about anonymity in AA: if someone outs you...you have to remember, they are outing themself at the same time. Anonymity is extremely important in AA and I have rarely, in fact never, heard of anyone breaking someone's anonymity.
That said, although I use AA, I don't recommend it as the only place to get sober. The most important thing is having some kind of program, whatever you feel comfortable with.
Thriving sober since 12/18/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 3,115
I just wanted to welcome you, and tell you that I (like many here) completely understand your fear, your anxiety, and your desperation to find something that WORKS.
For me, that wasn't AA, but that didn't mean I was going to continue drinking, or almost worse.. quit drinking without addressing all my other 'stuff' in life that kept me stuck.
I totally get you on the "God talk" in AA. I tried, and tried to ignore it, but every group I went to, every single time, I also felt like I was in church. It simply wasn't what I could FULLY invest in, to save my life. That only meant I had to go on a mad search for what could, because I sure as hell couldn't do it myself.
I ended up with a wonderful counselor, who specialized in addiction. To my surprise, only about oh.. 2 sessions had anything to do with my drinking, the rest was the really hard stuff. I've typed about my counseling experiences before on here, and I'm sure a few people are sick of my blabbing about it, but it really helped me save my life.. when I didn't know what else to do.
Welcome, this forum, and chat, have also been mini-lifesavers for me.. it's so good to feel connected to the recovery community. To gain strength, provide support, and make 'friends' with people that get it.
For me, that wasn't AA, but that didn't mean I was going to continue drinking, or almost worse.. quit drinking without addressing all my other 'stuff' in life that kept me stuck.
I totally get you on the "God talk" in AA. I tried, and tried to ignore it, but every group I went to, every single time, I also felt like I was in church. It simply wasn't what I could FULLY invest in, to save my life. That only meant I had to go on a mad search for what could, because I sure as hell couldn't do it myself.
I ended up with a wonderful counselor, who specialized in addiction. To my surprise, only about oh.. 2 sessions had anything to do with my drinking, the rest was the really hard stuff. I've typed about my counseling experiences before on here, and I'm sure a few people are sick of my blabbing about it, but it really helped me save my life.. when I didn't know what else to do.
Welcome, this forum, and chat, have also been mini-lifesavers for me.. it's so good to feel connected to the recovery community. To gain strength, provide support, and make 'friends' with people that get it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 196
So I'm just going to use this thread as my blog space. I'm on day 3 (YAY ME) and I feel good. I still feel shaky, almost as if I have been working out for hours and then stopped, but I'm feeling ok. Tired, slept for 12 hours yesterday. The one thing that I am having problems with is concentration, already not good for me with ADD and that I met a friend for coffee who's deaf and my ASL was really shaky.
Then I realized, I don't sign sober. Most of my Deaf friends in adulthood have been party people, like me, and so I usually have a couple of drinks in me before I begin to sign. This friend is a new friend and so I also was meeting her one on one, at a coffee shop. I felt so clumsy!! Luckily she teaches sign, so she bore with me.
I went to a vigil for the 6 Gay kids that have committed suicide in the last week, and I left in the middle. I just didn't have the concentration and emotional energy to be a rock in my community right now. I said 'hello' to a lot of folks and stayed through most of it. I just was done and needed to get home. A lot of the kids that spoke were talking to the audience about things that also happened to me when I was outed in the 9th grade (taunting, bullying, gay bashings). Thank god for having a supportive community. I just feel a bit raw and I know that's because there isn't vodka waiting at the end of the vigil.
Now, I have ice cream, a hot cup of coffee and SR and all is good.
More about the suicides: Fifth Gay Teen Suicide Sparks Debate - ABC News
Then I realized, I don't sign sober. Most of my Deaf friends in adulthood have been party people, like me, and so I usually have a couple of drinks in me before I begin to sign. This friend is a new friend and so I also was meeting her one on one, at a coffee shop. I felt so clumsy!! Luckily she teaches sign, so she bore with me.
I went to a vigil for the 6 Gay kids that have committed suicide in the last week, and I left in the middle. I just didn't have the concentration and emotional energy to be a rock in my community right now. I said 'hello' to a lot of folks and stayed through most of it. I just was done and needed to get home. A lot of the kids that spoke were talking to the audience about things that also happened to me when I was outed in the 9th grade (taunting, bullying, gay bashings). Thank god for having a supportive community. I just feel a bit raw and I know that's because there isn't vodka waiting at the end of the vigil.
Now, I have ice cream, a hot cup of coffee and SR and all is good.
More about the suicides: Fifth Gay Teen Suicide Sparks Debate - ABC News
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