BurningChrome

This not the best post to put just after the previous post (Day13), But here I am, back on Day 1 (I have lost count of my "day 1's"). It's just so darn easy to "slip" (and that's a weak word to use, I know, _No one_ forced a bottle into my hand, I reached out and Took it of my own free will). And once that happens there's 1,000 excuses just pounding on my door as to why it Ok to continue. But, I wouldn't be reading virtually every post on here daily if I did not deep down, know I can do this. So... Here I go again.
...Mike

Dee74

Hi Mike

I did that too - a lot. It was auto pilot, but even when I came back to my senses and knew what I was doing I still didn't put the bottle down.

I was still thinking drinking was the more viable option than the alternative.

Work out what you're drinking about Mike - be it stress relief, pleasure, to fit in, anger, the Eff IT factor...or maybe there's no reason beyond alcoholism?

There's always other ways to deal with it, whatever it is.

Do you think it's time to call in some back up?

Maybe it's time to do something different?
you might just benefit from some face to face support...

D

SSIL75

Sorry to hear that. We're here to support you. Hang in there.

BurningChrome

Thank you Dee, the more I stand back and think about my past behaviour, I believe you are correct on a number of points! Thanks for bringing them up,

..Mike

least

I had more day Ones than I'd like to remember, but I finally made it out of the mire. Hope you can too.

Bobby

Mike, When you get sick and tired of being sick and tired thats when you'll knowwww you had enough .. keep coming back

Fandy

what excuse did you make up for yourself? it's time for a different answer....i am the Queen of excuses, but I stopped believing myself when my little brain brings them to the surface....I just do not want to trade in my sobriety for some bullsh! i try to tell myself.

Hisako

Oh believe me I completely understaand, two days ago was a "new day one" for me. I work in a high stress job and after getting no sleep for the last two days and working I was making every excuse in the book why I just shouldn't give in and get a bottle today. Then I logged on here and realied I'm not alone in this. And while it's only been barely two days, well heh, when was the last time I could say I've been completely sober for two days... Kind of a bright side to me.

tjp613

See, I think the real beauty of recovery is when a person keeps coming back. The Intention is present and alive. In my belief system that is incredibly important.

Just keep coming back! (((Hugs)))

Hollyanne

Burning,
13 days is very good!
Lots of us stopped and started. It gets to you in the end.
I got to day 15 and suddenly, the really strong urge went so do it until that feeling kicks in.
Am on day 18 today. Still think of drink but less strong urges. You still gave your body a 13day break though. Do not write off your days, they are hard-earned.
Hugs, do not be hard on yourself.

NEOMARXIST

Hey man. Sorry to hear that you picked up that first drink. You obviously can;t be enjoying the booze all that much or you wouldn't be back on a recovery website for alcoholics and addicts. So next time maybe reach out and tell on yourself before you pick up!! It is crucial in early sobriety.

I know that going regularly to AA really helped me in the early days and months and having other alcoholics to get to know and talk to on a face to face basis can be invaluable. It certainly was to me anyway.

Reach out on SR also man before you pick up, it's hard but worth it because drinking obviously ain't something that is working out for you. But the alkie mind is insidious and I needed and continue to need all the help and support I can get.

All The Best

24hrsAday

i Must second this.. the Drinking game was a no win situation for me!

Jamison

I had 15 years of day 1's.

I couldn't take living like I was and I finally realized that I can't fight this battle alone, so I started addictions counseling and AA.

I am on day 23. I went dragging & kicking to AA, but the more I go and listen, I know it is right for this alcoholic.

Just being around others going through what I am and not being isolated is such a relief.

Not pushing nothing, this website is GREAT...just sharing what helped me.

All the best.

Carrie36

Time to try somehting new in your recovery! Good job coming back and asking for help and support!!

BurningChrome

Thank you everyone for your kind replies, _All_ are appreciated! A common thread I see for myself since I keep going back, dispite the damage I do to myself and those I love, is something isn't changing... My wife is Asian and not saying this in a bad way, but due to her personality, she is an enabler, who would rather cover for me than smack me over the head. We had a _Long_ talk the other day and I as kindly as possibly asker her to stop being an enabler, don't let me get away with this unacceptable behavior. We have a nice house, all bills get paid, but one day, I'm going to burn myself so bad, that may stop happening. I showed her _all_ my "hiding places", including the location of the last bottle in the house and asked her to please just go pour it out for me. This will become a much more "open topic" between us that it ever has in the past. We'll speak of it daily and how I am feeling about things and why. She cannot drink (due to heart medication), so that will make it much easier for me having No drinkers in the house.
Thank you again everyone here, I So appreciated this site and its members!
..Mike

Kmber2010

Hang in there. You will get it! I found adding support and making change was what I needed to get sobriety to stick.

It is achievable...do it different this time.

We are here to support you!

LexieCat

Mike,

Your wife's behavior didn't make you drink. Your alcoholism did. It isn't her "job" to police you and/or to make you suffer the consequences. As long as you look outside yourself for the reasons you drink, you haven't truly accepted the reality and scope of your alcoholism. Changing your wife's behavior won't help you. Only changing YOU will help you.

If I were you, I'd seriously consider getting to an AA meeting so you can start taking responsibility for your own life, and get down to "causes and conditions."

SSIL75

Agree. Stop putting her in that awful position. Send her to Al Anon!

Anna

Hi Mike,

While I agree that it's good to talk openly about your addiction with your wife, it's not her job to check on you. It's up to you to make the changes in yourself that you need to live a sober life.

BurningChrome

Did not mean to put my wife on the spot or blame her in anyway for my own personnal behaviour! Not by a long shot! It's just that until our recent talk, from where she is from, from a cultural perspective, daily after work drinking is perfectly fine with her. I just wanted to be sure she understood that I am well past "this is fine behavior". I know it is not her job to police me, but I'd like to be able to talk more openly with her about it and now I feel I can do that, we're on the same page of music so to speak. But I do undertand the thoughts and sentients expressed here and thank you for your honest and up front opinions, I know all of you speak from experience!
Thank you again,
..Mike