NEOMARXIST

Hi there. You did the right thing by reaching out before you picked up!! That's half the battle, particularly in early recovery.

Once you accept that you have a part of your brain which is effectively another creature living in your brain cells then you can get to lessen it's power. That used to really mess with my head thinking of it like that but that's effectively what the addict mind is. It wants it's fix and will start to lie to you and whisper stuff in your ear to try to get it's fix. It loses it's power over time and can become quite amusing at times once you recognise it. It is a great feeling of knowing what the score is and that it's perfectly normal as an alcoholic/addict to consider rationalising drinking again, just for today never take that first drink!

I truly believe that an alcoholic only stops drinking when they're truly ready. But even then recovery has to be the most important thing in your life or else that alkie mind will start telling you it's OK now to have the odd 'session' here and there and you can always get back into recovery tomorrow. Very unlikely don't you think once you are bang back on it again?

Renee65

hey June, yeah I have and they do really help. I think I have to find a few different ones. The couple I've been to are great but I notice a disconnect when I'm asked how long I drank and how much (during fellowship, not during the meetings) Most everyone drank for 20 years+ and hit rock bottom. Because of this, they have amazing recovery, but someone actually said to me "You were just getting started huh?" In another conversation someone asked me at what point did I start drinking in the morning. I never did drink in the morning but I find myself trying to qualify by saying "I was headed in that direction" Which is true but I feel a little bit like I have to say "HEY, I'M A DRUNK TOO YA KNOW!

This all kinda leads to me thinking "I wasn't that bad, even the people in AA question me." Ah, the sickness. I'll look out for other meetings. I really get so much out of them, I guess I just want to feel like I belong there. I need to stick around to hear my story. Thanks again everyone...I'm living day 14 because of all your help.

wpainterw

Thanks for this post Renee. I'd ignore what your "mind" is trying to tell you. Your "mind" is responding to your body and your body wants to get that alcohol back in its system since it's grown used to that. It's not a question of whether you've "hit bottom" or whether you "qualify" as an alcoholic. It's not a question of whether you've had your "slip." It's only a question of whether you (not your "mind", which you can't trust right now) want to stop drinking. If you want to do that there are lots of folks on this SR website, in AA meetings and in other support groups, who are eager to help in any way they can. Good luck.

W.