Kjell

I’m a “low bottom” alcoholic. By the time I realized I had a problem, it was too late and the progression of the disease had its hold on me. I was in for a ride over the next few years.

At the end, I was literally having problems in all facets of my life – broken relationships, financial debt, health, mental, and spiritual problems, blackouts, getting fired, getting broken up with, fights, car accidents, duis – all this within just a short period of time (2 years or less).

Yes, I’m a low bottom alcoholic. I’m not proud of what happened, but I’m thankful I’m here, sober, and most importantly, willing to listen to others who have long-term-healthy sobriety. I believe I am willing b/c of the pain and consequences it took to get me here.

My recovery is strong, but I have a lot of work to do b/c of the consequences caused by my alcoholism and poor decisions on my part.

How about you? Are you a “low bottom” or “high bottom” alcoholic? …and how do you view the pain and consequences it took to get you here (no matter how high or low)?

Kjell

bellakeller

For me my bottom was low. It had to be. Maybe comparing with others' it was high. But the only reasons why my bottom might be considered high is because there exists programs of recovery, because there were those around me who loved me enough to help me get help when I was still in denial about my disease and by the grace of a higher power.

I think if there were no programs of recovery, every bottom might be a low bottom.

Mcribb

I lost friends, but I never really had much. too busy drinking to buy stuff or strive for anything. I actually felt so crumby that I was tired all the time. Felt bad because I had no way of coping with anything other than drinking.

SSIL75

I guess I'd be considered 'high' because I was functioning from the outside perspective. But the further I walk into recovery the more I see how low it was, if that makes sense. It was a shell of an existance.

Fandy

I never really thought about high and low bottoms, but it is interesting and a helpful topic.

I guess from the outside it was a high bottom, I dragged into work, paid my bills...but i was suffering so much internally i felt like the stuff you would scrape off your shoe. I knew I could go up or down. I knew I had pushed my health to the limit and i was killing myself. if I kept drinking it was only matter of time before i would lose everything and if I kept drinking I would no longer care.

as SS said, the more I live in sobriety and recover my old self, the more i realize how i it was a shell of existance. I am happier and so grateful that i chose to stop drinking.

least

I guess I was blessed to be a 'high bottom' alcoholic as I'd not had any legal or health problems... but... I had no self respect, felt like sh!t all the time, hated myself, lost the respect of my kids, and knew at the end that if I didn't do something I could lose everything.

They say God looks out for fools and children... well I was both: a foolish childish person living on the edge of a cliff. It took me a long time to crawl out of the hole I'd dug myself into but I'm blessed to have gotten out alive. I can't believe the difference in myself then and now. Sobriety is my number one priority - without it I have nothing.

mygirlchandler

I'm not an alcoholic, but my bottom was high. I had been taking xanax for 2 years. I realize now that I don't remember a lot of it. I wasn't taking more than prescribed so I thought I was OK. But I wasn't. I was suffering miserably with the pain of migraines, fibromyalgia, and TMJ. I was taking anything a doctor would give me. That turned out to be toxic for me.

I could have lost my job, easily. I think I was getting close to a drug test (which I would have passed because I wasn't taking anything that wasn't RX'd to me). I know that managers were hawk eyeing me. I had been prescribed Topomax for my migraines and I was a mess. I couldn't remember anything. My words were slurred. I sounded intoxicated (and I guess I was).

I am a trainer, and I got pulled out of my class for the above things. The manager on duty made me go home. I was so angry. I felt wronged and misunderstood. I was misunderstood, that manager didn't know that I was depressed, suicidal, and in severe pain every second of the day.

But he gave me my life back. He caused me to think. Over the course of the month I decided I had to quit my xanax and my other meds. I did. And I thanked him in person about four weeks after I returned to work. I didn't tell him about going to detox, but I shared with him that he was the reason I began to notice my actions and I wanted to change. I think he was stunned. He was almost in tears and I was crying. This is a man that is all buisness, no ******* around. I'm so thankful that happend.

It was bad enough. I spent too much money when I was taking xanax because I didn't care. We've had to withdraw from my 401K to pay off some debt. I don't feel too badly for that since I'm paying it all back to myself.

But in treatment I learned to release myself from guilt. I carried around a big stick to beat myself up with every day. Every minor mistake caused me to abuse myself horribly. I was that way my entire life.

My anxiety is gone. My depression is gone. My pain is (mostly) gone.

Thanks for reading. That was long winded, sorry!

LexieCat

Mine was what many would consider a "high bottom" in the sense that externally, I was still pretty much holding it together.

Inside, however, I was a complete mess, with a lot of scary physical symptoms and constant feelings of dread and hopelessness. Not to mention that I could have had serious legal and employment problems that were escaped through sheer luck.

It makes no difference where your "bottom" was--I think for all of us it's the point where the pain of continuing as we have been exceeds the perceived pain of making the necessary changes.

Juneof44

Every day drinking for me was a "bottom". I still have valleys and peaks in my life, but dealing with them sober....well, at least now I'm dealing with them and not covering them up with the bottle.

Kitey

Nearing the end of my Drinking I was a Low Bottom. I forgot things Constantly, Missed appointments because I felt so drained and depressed, my Kids ( 31, 30 &19 yrs ) were sick of me being Drunk and having conversations with me slurring away.

I had to stop and Im pleased I did. The Best thing I have ever done!

kelsh

Hi Everyone,

I was a low bottom with 24 years of drinking & the last four years everyday after work & all day on the weekends.

Now I have 22 years of Sobriety & every time I write that down or think about it I feel so glad I was able to ask for help and follow through with it on a continuous basis. I did not have trouble with the law but had lost myself in a muddle of mass confusion.

My family always stood by me to a point but my husband told me to quit drinking or move out. He said nothing about his drinking though so I did eventually move out & then we divorced.

Here I am now 70 years old & still sober & my first husband is sober & we remarried after we were retired from our careers. It has been worth everything I went through to stay sober.

So I was a latestage alcoholic 48 years old when I asked for help. I also asked for help for my life-long depression & it worked so well getting help for it at the same time with separate counselors for each. :day6

kelsh

loveon2legs

I would have to say that the last few years of my drinking I was a looooowwww bottom......didn't feel good about myself....rarely did my hair or makeup...fights with hubby and family...hanging around other low bottomers....then my dui....that changed my life...the consequences I am still dealing with but I do think it saved my life....I doubt I would have ever quit otherwise....

LaFemme

I don't really believe in bottoms but I had to say I love Kelsh's story about her and her husband, I love a happy ending:-)

LawMama

I was pretty high-bottom from an outside perspective, although I ruined a lot of relationships, got arrested once while drunk, and wanted to die every other day while drinking. But I am pretty successful outwardly so I guess that is somewhat of a mid-grade bottom lol.

Just curious, LaFemme, what do you mean?

lildawg

I'd have to get your definition for low bottom and high bottom to give you an answer.

I will say this: I ruined my life. There's no way I could go back and pick up where I left off when I started drinking. I've had to start over with everything.

Some days, I really question whether I will ever be able to make my life something I'm proud of again. Possibly not. This is what I did, though, and living with the consequences is part of growing. Growing hurts.

LaFemme

Hi law mama...I believe 1) the whole concept of a bottom is dangerous because people believe they have to be down and out (whatever that means to them) to hit bottom and therefore get help, I believe the pervasiveness of this concept in society prevents people from getting help earlier when the disease is easier to treat, and 2) there is a saying "every bottom has a trap door" which means there is no such thing as a true bottom, with the possible exception of death.

I KNOW I have the potential to go much, much lower than where I was when I stopped...since I never hit bottom does that mean my sobriety wont stick? Not in my opinion. But I have a lot of strange thoughts about a lot of things;-D

Kjell

I would say that regardless of what you call your bottom (meaning, what was your lowest point(s) that helped you to say enough is enough) it sure enough brought pain, shame, remorse, etc... for us all.

I also agree that we can always go lower. This falls in line with the thinking that we are either moving towards another slip or away.

MrsPepper22

Hmm this concept of a bottom is interesting. Especially when trying to apply it to yourself and evaluate it. During the worst years of my K addiction my very close friend was addicted to heroin and shooting it everyday, doing whatever she could to get it including some very illegal and immoral things. She went to detox and we went to some meetings together and she had very little in life that meant much to her. Her low was LOW.

Watching her addiction, I rationalized my own. It wasn't as bad as hers I thought, she had it worse and I could help her.

I went to visit her in detox one day and the conversation turned to my drug use. She asked me how much I was doing. I said about a gram a day which is $50 or so. She was shocked. She said she did less heroin then that in a day, and it cost less. She asked me why. Why are you doing that. I couldn't believe it. She knew that it was ******* up my life and my head.

She was definitely a low bottom, I don't know what my bottom is.

All I know is that I've done enough damage. A 25 year old like me shouldn't want to look back on the last 5 years and cry.

tmbg

I totally agree with the "trap door" idea. The first time I quit, I was still functioning well and bounced back quickly, which led me to fall into the thought that it would always be so. Eight months later, not so.

No, I haven't lost my child or had a DUI, but it could very well have been the next thing that happened. In my experience, alcoholism is most definitely a progressive disease.

Dee74

I don't subscribe to the idea of low or high bottoms.

A bottom is a realisation, an acknowledgement of reality to me, not an event.

I had many events that could, and maybe should have sparked my bottom - accidents, embarrassments, hurting those I loved - but I kept going.

My bottom was the night I realised I couldn't live that way anymore and that anything, even sobriety, as terrifying as it was to me then, was my only real alternative, my only real choice.

D