This is day 2 with no Ketamine
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Vancouver
Posts: 4
This is day 2 with no Ketamine
I am a Ketamine and alcohol addict.
I have not been sober for at least 7 years. I have made the challenge to try and quit after skidding along in a pit of guilt and shame for what seems like an age. I have been to a few NA meetings locally to find some support, but I don't think this is a viable route for me because I am agnostic and do not feel like I would fit into the group because of my resistance to the religious aspects. I am currently going to counselling and this has been great.
I am working through a lot of shame and embarrassment, I am that person at the party with the dark circles and the smeared make-up slurring and passing out. I am that person with the white ring constantly around my nostrils. I am that person constantly broke can't afford busfare. I'm the person talking to myself rocking back and forth stumbling down the road.
I've lost so many friends. I don't want them to see me like this.
It's about time I see what sober feels like.
Hopefully.
I have not been sober for at least 7 years. I have made the challenge to try and quit after skidding along in a pit of guilt and shame for what seems like an age. I have been to a few NA meetings locally to find some support, but I don't think this is a viable route for me because I am agnostic and do not feel like I would fit into the group because of my resistance to the religious aspects. I am currently going to counselling and this has been great.
I am working through a lot of shame and embarrassment, I am that person at the party with the dark circles and the smeared make-up slurring and passing out. I am that person with the white ring constantly around my nostrils. I am that person constantly broke can't afford busfare. I'm the person talking to myself rocking back and forth stumbling down the road.
I've lost so many friends. I don't want them to see me like this.
It's about time I see what sober feels like.
Hopefully.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Tucson, AZ
Posts: 650
What religious aspects do you speak of? NA is a spiritual, but not religious, program. This means that you do not have to have the same perceptions of a higher power (God, as they often call this power, for simplicity's sake) as anyone else. NA does not discriminate based on many things including religion or lack of religion. All you have to do is admit that you are not the greatest power in existence. Many agnostics choose the program, the group, the universe, or the collective power of mankind as their higher power. I know a lady whose higher power was Glenda, the good witch from the Wizard of Oz. Another guy said his higher power was Charmin because it kept his @$$ clean!
So go ahead and be creative-- if there is a God, what would you want he/she/it to be like? The only requirements for a higher power is that they be loving and forgiving, and stronger than yourself and your addiction.
Good Luck!
So go ahead and be creative-- if there is a God, what would you want he/she/it to be like? The only requirements for a higher power is that they be loving and forgiving, and stronger than yourself and your addiction.
Good Luck!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Vancouver
Posts: 4
Thanks for the advice but NA is not for me. I don't really believe in any higher power, and I don't want to invent one. I'm not interested in joining NA. Thank you for your input though.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Germany
Posts: 2,058
Welcome Pepper! Glad you are here and you have our support.
I am not familiar with ketamine as I am an alcoholic.
Whatever our addictions are, we can get help and we can get clean/sober and have new beginnings.
I found having a program of support to be key. There are many options available so the best advice I can give is to get help.
I also found too that options I didn't think were for me turned out to be really what I needed once I looked in to them.
Glad you are with us.
I am not familiar with ketamine as I am an alcoholic.
Whatever our addictions are, we can get help and we can get clean/sober and have new beginnings.
I found having a program of support to be key. There are many options available so the best advice I can give is to get help.
I also found too that options I didn't think were for me turned out to be really what I needed once I looked in to them.
Glad you are with us.
Guest
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
Hi there. I'm an alcoholic and also an addict. Whilst Ketamine certainly wasn't my drug of choice I did visit deep into K-hole numerous times. The only time I ever managed to wake up with beers left over was when I was doing Ket. I would be just locked into my seat or bed for what seemed like an eternity but was usually about 45 minutes. I found ketamine to paralyse me too much so that I wasn't even able to get more drink down my neck or spark a ciggy. It was a unique trip and pretty intense and so much more intense when dark and no lights and I remeber the colour green being the most prominent. I found it a bit lacking compared to acid but that's personal experience from back in the day. I imagine doing Ketamine everyday must seriously f*ck your head up and can appreciate how hard it must be to try to get your mind back together again.
For me then the only way I could make sure I didn't take drugs again was by quitting drinking. I went to AA, SR and gained much wisdom from elsewhere too. I ain't religious but spirituality has nothing to do with religion. I have to connect with a spiritual side or else I would just be still the same person minus the booze and drugs thus unhappy. This can be just practicing peace and love to people and appreciating the beauty of nature. This came with time with me though in realising I was actually doing it and I made sure I looked after the basics at first ie- don;t take the first drink 'just for today' and then the other stuff gradually made sense and fell into place 'one day at a time'.
One thing is for sure then I couldn't stay sober without help. I had to get as much help as I could.
My life as a recovering alcoholic is far more rewarding and gratifying than the crap existence as an active alcoholic.
I had to truly want to get sober though. I then had to do what it took to enable me to live happily sober 'one day at a time'. I have to live honestly and be open minded to suggestions and be willing to implement them to see if they help me.
All The Best
For me then the only way I could make sure I didn't take drugs again was by quitting drinking. I went to AA, SR and gained much wisdom from elsewhere too. I ain't religious but spirituality has nothing to do with religion. I have to connect with a spiritual side or else I would just be still the same person minus the booze and drugs thus unhappy. This can be just practicing peace and love to people and appreciating the beauty of nature. This came with time with me though in realising I was actually doing it and I made sure I looked after the basics at first ie- don;t take the first drink 'just for today' and then the other stuff gradually made sense and fell into place 'one day at a time'.
One thing is for sure then I couldn't stay sober without help. I had to get as much help as I could.
My life as a recovering alcoholic is far more rewarding and gratifying than the crap existence as an active alcoholic.
I had to truly want to get sober though. I then had to do what it took to enable me to live happily sober 'one day at a time'. I have to live honestly and be open minded to suggestions and be willing to implement them to see if they help me.
All The Best
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 73
Mrspepper..welcome!
Lots of amazing people and amazing support here. I wish you strength and peace just for today..day by day is how most of us get through it.
If you need anything, come here and most of us will be as supportive as we can.
hugs
Lots of amazing people and amazing support here. I wish you strength and peace just for today..day by day is how most of us get through it.
If you need anything, come here and most of us will be as supportive as we can.
hugs
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
For what it's worth, AA and NA were designed for Agnostics. There's a whole chapter in the Big Book devoted to Agnosticism - 13 pages out of 164 to that one subject. It's (the 2nd step) the 2nd biggest section in the whole book.
I've come to have a new understanding and respect for what "shame" really is - and it's completely different than guilt. And lemme tell you....I don't believe there's any way to effectively deal with it without help from someone who's trained in it or has experience with it. Anyway, I've spent the better part of the last 3 years in recovery understanding, learning about, and working on shame and while that's beyond the scope of this thread, the ONLY solution I found that had any lasting effect on it was in those darn 12 steps.
And I was NOT a 12-step fan when I got started - HATED the idea of the programs, as a matter of fact. Heck, I hated therapy, hated therapists, thought it was all a racket and I thought the 12-Step groups were half Bible-thumpers / half cult. I didn't even WANT those two routes to "work." I darn near would have rather stayed the way I was than admit I had to go to see a therapist and was in AA. Practical real world experience in actually applying the work to my life yielded real results that were just undeniable and, as much as I hated to admit it worked, it worked.
I'm sure you'd come to the same conclusion if you tried working it.....and by working it I mean working the steps - not just going to meetings and talking about it like most of us have tried.
I've come to have a new understanding and respect for what "shame" really is - and it's completely different than guilt. And lemme tell you....I don't believe there's any way to effectively deal with it without help from someone who's trained in it or has experience with it. Anyway, I've spent the better part of the last 3 years in recovery understanding, learning about, and working on shame and while that's beyond the scope of this thread, the ONLY solution I found that had any lasting effect on it was in those darn 12 steps.
And I was NOT a 12-step fan when I got started - HATED the idea of the programs, as a matter of fact. Heck, I hated therapy, hated therapists, thought it was all a racket and I thought the 12-Step groups were half Bible-thumpers / half cult. I didn't even WANT those two routes to "work." I darn near would have rather stayed the way I was than admit I had to go to see a therapist and was in AA. Practical real world experience in actually applying the work to my life yielded real results that were just undeniable and, as much as I hated to admit it worked, it worked.
I'm sure you'd come to the same conclusion if you tried working it.....and by working it I mean working the steps - not just going to meetings and talking about it like most of us have tried.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Tucson, AZ
Posts: 650
Whether you choose to work a program or not, one thing that is essential in recovery is open-mindedness. I had a lot of preconceived notions when I first decided I wanted to get clean. (If it matters to you, my drug was a dissociative like ketamine too) I tried and failed, tried and failed. Finally decided to try some outside resources, and made it to NA, where I continued to struggle, so I went to rehab. Came back to NA, and kept relapsing. Got a sponsor, worked the steps, prayed, meditated, talked to other addicts, made myself of service, EVERYTHING I was supposed to do... and still relapsed.
I don't know what else to do, but I am keeping an open mind. When I first tried to get clean about 6 months ago, I figured I would try SOMETHING. Now here I am, the one month wonder, at 2 weeks clean and sober, and I am willing to try ANYTHING.
Sorry, not meaning to hijack your thread...
Point being, nothing works for everyone every time. Open your mind to anything others have had success with. I am not clean for any amount of time yet, but I continue to search, and will not stop searching. One of the greatest things said to me about my relapses was "Relapse is not failure. Giving up is failure."
Whatever path you choose, don't give up!
I don't know what else to do, but I am keeping an open mind. When I first tried to get clean about 6 months ago, I figured I would try SOMETHING. Now here I am, the one month wonder, at 2 weeks clean and sober, and I am willing to try ANYTHING.
Sorry, not meaning to hijack your thread...
Point being, nothing works for everyone every time. Open your mind to anything others have had success with. I am not clean for any amount of time yet, but I continue to search, and will not stop searching. One of the greatest things said to me about my relapses was "Relapse is not failure. Giving up is failure."
Whatever path you choose, don't give up!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Vancouver
Posts: 4
Thanks for replying everyone. I haven't really ever made it 3 days without K or a drink so it feels really good and its also really hard.
My life on K is a whirl, its confusing and its like a cartoon or movie sometimes. At times my brain would feel like a giant throbbing muscle.
I love the feeling of numbness and unreality.
Now I'm getting back to "real life" or some version of a "reality" of my normal consciousness and its boring and filled with anxiety.
I am very appreciative of the support. I am very shy and have not been able to share my story with a lot of people.
I do, daytrader hope to one day understand and work through that "shame" and the profound effect it has on our lives and the way we see the world.
Thanks.
My life on K is a whirl, its confusing and its like a cartoon or movie sometimes. At times my brain would feel like a giant throbbing muscle.
I love the feeling of numbness and unreality.
Now I'm getting back to "real life" or some version of a "reality" of my normal consciousness and its boring and filled with anxiety.
I am very appreciative of the support. I am very shy and have not been able to share my story with a lot of people.
I do, daytrader hope to one day understand and work through that "shame" and the profound effect it has on our lives and the way we see the world.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Germany
Posts: 2,058
Pepper, I too felt very confused and anxious when I first got sober. I honestly didn't know what to do with myself. I didn't how to feel and if I did it caused anxiety, heck I had a lot of anxiety in the beginning but that was just having something I leaned on as a crutch removed from life.
I had to learn to live again and man oh man is it possible. I see you are doing counseling which I am doing as well. I didn't find immediate answers in those first sessions but they helped me with tools that I needed to stay sober and had me doing a lot of thinking.
I found that as my sessions went on that I learned more and more to me has been tremendous in my recovery.
Keep it going and one thing I found to be true is baby steps. You can do it!~
I had to learn to live again and man oh man is it possible. I see you are doing counseling which I am doing as well. I didn't find immediate answers in those first sessions but they helped me with tools that I needed to stay sober and had me doing a lot of thinking.
I found that as my sessions went on that I learned more and more to me has been tremendous in my recovery.
Keep it going and one thing I found to be true is baby steps. You can do it!~
Thriving sober since 12/18/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 3,115
Hi MrsPepper! I'm glad you're here. I don't know much about ketamine, but I know heaps about alcohol, and trying to recover from addiction. I'm glad you're getting some help, I also found that counseling was really great for me, to help me look at my life, and my future with a little guidance of a pro who could teach me the way. I also look back on my drinking days, and feel some shame, remorse, sadness.. and really, the only way I can amend that at this point is living my life in such a way that I never return to my old 'ways', and growing, and thriving. I'm glad you found 'us', and as you have probably read,there's no 1 way to do this thing.. we all have to find our own way.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Carlisle, PA
Posts: 2
I think I'd like some counseling but don't know what kind of doctor to see. Any help with finding one? I also have a problem with AA - I'm going to go but if there's no "religion" than why are there no meetings on Sunday? Around here anyway.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 8,326
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...iscussion.html
The opening post is over 10 years old and the poster is no longer with us. If you aren't interested in AA/NA, maybe Rational Recoveery will be helpful for you. I posted the link that will take you to the first part of the AVRT thread.
Rational Recovery works for me. Read the lthread and see if it makes sense to you.
Love from Lenina
The opening post is over 10 years old and the poster is no longer with us. If you aren't interested in AA/NA, maybe Rational Recoveery will be helpful for you. I posted the link that will take you to the first part of the AVRT thread.
Rational Recovery works for me. Read the lthread and see if it makes sense to you.
Love from Lenina
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
