Big breath...here I go.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 10
Big breath...here I go.
I'm on day 3.
It feels scary. It feels good. It feels surreal. But I guess what is the most important is that I feel.
I turn 38 in a couple weeks, so that's 30 years drinking and 25 of very hard drinking. I have always been a highly functioning alcoholic, combining any drugs that I thought were necessary throughout to continue on what is really the only path I have ever known.
I saw my 6 year old last weekend in Chicago and is she growing. My second daughter (another marriage) will be born on my birthday here soon. That is when it hit me.
I blacked out for part of the night Saturday, woke up early Sunday and drank a bottle and half of wine (5 min flat) before I had breakfast with my daughter and ex prior to my flight. I spent several minutes of my time in the bathroom throwing up and most of the morning is a blur. I scurried to the airport and was able to drink before the flight and quite a bit on the flight. I drank into Sunday when my wife picked me up (which I don't remember). I drank all day Monday because of my actions from the prior days.
Wash, rinse, repeat. Sound familiar?
I don't have it in me anymore. I have lost my entire life savings now twice (Commodities trader). This past time was last month and we were to buy our house in California as I had a few more years of work, before doing chosing something less stressful and to where I could give back. I am now at square one and have yet to tell anyone. But I am still here, and scared as hell.
This is where I would drink. The emotional spigot is running fast, but I must remain here; with a fully intact consciousness.
'What is a human being, then?'
'A seed.'
'A... seed?'
'An acorn that is unafraid to destroy itself in growing into a tree'
How can I get from A to infinity now?
My approach may or may not be unique. I have become an introvert during the past decade which only alcohol could cure. I will regain my mind and my internal body back and shun any prespricptions to numb this effect. I am utilizing my knowledge to create a lifestyle program to include 1) nutrional therapy 2) stress management 3) exercise therapy 4) pharmacology (cognitive-enhancement medications).
More later on my program. This is truly more emotional than I anticipated...I need a walk. Thank you for listening.
It feels scary. It feels good. It feels surreal. But I guess what is the most important is that I feel.
I turn 38 in a couple weeks, so that's 30 years drinking and 25 of very hard drinking. I have always been a highly functioning alcoholic, combining any drugs that I thought were necessary throughout to continue on what is really the only path I have ever known.
I saw my 6 year old last weekend in Chicago and is she growing. My second daughter (another marriage) will be born on my birthday here soon. That is when it hit me.
I blacked out for part of the night Saturday, woke up early Sunday and drank a bottle and half of wine (5 min flat) before I had breakfast with my daughter and ex prior to my flight. I spent several minutes of my time in the bathroom throwing up and most of the morning is a blur. I scurried to the airport and was able to drink before the flight and quite a bit on the flight. I drank into Sunday when my wife picked me up (which I don't remember). I drank all day Monday because of my actions from the prior days.
Wash, rinse, repeat. Sound familiar?
I don't have it in me anymore. I have lost my entire life savings now twice (Commodities trader). This past time was last month and we were to buy our house in California as I had a few more years of work, before doing chosing something less stressful and to where I could give back. I am now at square one and have yet to tell anyone. But I am still here, and scared as hell.
This is where I would drink. The emotional spigot is running fast, but I must remain here; with a fully intact consciousness.
'What is a human being, then?'
'A seed.'
'A... seed?'
'An acorn that is unafraid to destroy itself in growing into a tree'
How can I get from A to infinity now?
My approach may or may not be unique. I have become an introvert during the past decade which only alcohol could cure. I will regain my mind and my internal body back and shun any prespricptions to numb this effect. I am utilizing my knowledge to create a lifestyle program to include 1) nutrional therapy 2) stress management 3) exercise therapy 4) pharmacology (cognitive-enhancement medications).
More later on my program. This is truly more emotional than I anticipated...I need a walk. Thank you for listening.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 73
fatheroftwo
first of all..welcome! you're amongst a group fo wonderfully, understanding, caring and supportive people...
secondly..it is emotional..its farm emotional than I think we think it would be once we decide to get sober..but its the best gift you can give yourself...
i'm only on day 9..so i dont have any real words of wisdom..but I will send a hug, a prayer and some good thoughts your way...
hang in there...just get through today..
first of all..welcome! you're amongst a group fo wonderfully, understanding, caring and supportive people...
secondly..it is emotional..its farm emotional than I think we think it would be once we decide to get sober..but its the best gift you can give yourself...
i'm only on day 9..so i dont have any real words of wisdom..but I will send a hug, a prayer and some good thoughts your way...
hang in there...just get through today..
i've done my almost
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 1,934
Welcome and day 3 is tough...so congrats on getting this far.
I read your plan and I only want to caution you on the fact that it was your thinking that got you here. Do you really think your thinking will get your out of it too? It's been my experience that it won't.
My humble advice is to latch on to a recovery program that works and don't look back.
Kjell
I read your plan and I only want to caution you on the fact that it was your thinking that got you here. Do you really think your thinking will get your out of it too? It's been my experience that it won't.
My humble advice is to latch on to a recovery program that works and don't look back.
Kjell
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Las Vegas
Posts: 31
Fatheroftwo,
You have so much to get sober for. Firstly, I think a human's life can be infinite with choices and possibilities. Sometimes our illness hides that from us. Being buddhist, I've come to believe that is life suffering but that in no way means we need to make ourselves suffer. A human life starts as a 8 celled blast then a heartbeat and we grow. I feel our growth never ends but that is part of our journey. A journey with choices and sometimes great reward. As your wife brings a new life into this world what kind of world will you help to create for your daughter. I pray you choise to live rather than self destruct.
One thing I have learned is that I couldn't overcome my addiction on my own. I've been told that I was weak and had no self control but that's not so. I tried time and time again to fix it by myself but failed. Reach out to whose who love you. You are not alone.
You have so much to get sober for. Firstly, I think a human's life can be infinite with choices and possibilities. Sometimes our illness hides that from us. Being buddhist, I've come to believe that is life suffering but that in no way means we need to make ourselves suffer. A human life starts as a 8 celled blast then a heartbeat and we grow. I feel our growth never ends but that is part of our journey. A journey with choices and sometimes great reward. As your wife brings a new life into this world what kind of world will you help to create for your daughter. I pray you choise to live rather than self destruct.
One thing I have learned is that I couldn't overcome my addiction on my own. I've been told that I was weak and had no self control but that's not so. I tried time and time again to fix it by myself but failed. Reach out to whose who love you. You are not alone.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Dallas, Tx
Posts: 2,405
Hi Fatherof2, welcome to SR. Congratulations on making a very very wise decision the freedom of a sober life is within reach and the benefits far outweigh the struggle to obtain it. God be with you.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: midwest
Posts: 30
Thank you for sharing and welcome. Congratulations on day 3 and on your soon to be arriving bundle of awesomeness. While sobriety can't be for them, my kids are beacons of light or flashing neon signs that show me the reality of humanity's spirit.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 10
Thank you everyone for a gracious welcome.
-fandy. "i hope you discuss it with your physician and your family".
i do foresee opening up to everyone as a difficult hurdle.
-kjell. "Do you really think your thinking will get your out of it too? It's been my experience that it won't."
I am not sure what exactly you mean by this. I admit I was vague on my overall approach as was noted. But I'll start to detail this here in a few seconds.
-kjell & -gettingsobernow. "latch on to a recovery program" "I couldn't overcome my addiction on my own"
I have tried routes before such as AA, Hazelden, psyche ward but was not ready or it did not fit me. Though I do believe I cannot do it without my family!
Once again, thank you everyone and am happy it's day 3.
-fandy. "i hope you discuss it with your physician and your family".
i do foresee opening up to everyone as a difficult hurdle.
-kjell. "Do you really think your thinking will get your out of it too? It's been my experience that it won't."
I am not sure what exactly you mean by this. I admit I was vague on my overall approach as was noted. But I'll start to detail this here in a few seconds.
-kjell & -gettingsobernow. "latch on to a recovery program" "I couldn't overcome my addiction on my own"
I have tried routes before such as AA, Hazelden, psyche ward but was not ready or it did not fit me. Though I do believe I cannot do it without my family!
Once again, thank you everyone and am happy it's day 3.
Bob
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Cleveland, Ohio
Posts: 41
Hi fatheroftwo,
I'm also a father of two, and close in age to you (turning 40 in a month), and am currently on day 5.
I agree that it feels scary, good and surreal all at the same time.
I have faith that in the long run, it will feel nothing but good.
Welcome to the October 2010 group of quitters!
I'm also a father of two, and close in age to you (turning 40 in a month), and am currently on day 5.
I agree that it feels scary, good and surreal all at the same time.
I have faith that in the long run, it will feel nothing but good.
Welcome to the October 2010 group of quitters!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 10
Thanks rcinstalldev!
As mentioned earlier, these are 4 components of what will aide in my recovery. In each, I feel there are areas for all roles needed. While it may seem vague and incomplete, I have many ideas to put in each component with a goal of all the ideas creating a synergistic effect.
Please feel free comment.
1) nutritional therapy
2) stress management
3) exercise therapy
4) pharmacology (cognitive-enhancement medications)
I am going to start with #4 now as the first 3, while not detailed, have begun implementation on a small scale to say.
So, I'll be taking supplements/nootropics for neurotransmitter support (explained below), relaxation/anti-anxiety, mental focus and liver repair.
My alcohol consumption (and withdrawl) has a direct effect on the brains neurotransmitters, in a conceptional way as do opiates. Assumming a neurotransmitter dysfunction/imbalance (there is) through alcohol abuse and chronic stress my goal then, through various nootropics is to 1) is to replace the accustomed brain activity caused by alcohol 2) repair the damage/imbalance.
Without a liver profile, I will be taking these in smaller dosages then recommended, except for the GABA:
GABA/ZMA complex
Tyrosine
n-acetylcysteine
Arginine
Taurine (with BCAA's)
L Pyroglutamic Acid
Alpha GPC
In writing this, it has all been a conceptual idea, and most likely, an unconventional one at that. I will however, be complete in my approach. More later.
As mentioned earlier, these are 4 components of what will aide in my recovery. In each, I feel there are areas for all roles needed. While it may seem vague and incomplete, I have many ideas to put in each component with a goal of all the ideas creating a synergistic effect.
Please feel free comment.
1) nutritional therapy
2) stress management
3) exercise therapy
4) pharmacology (cognitive-enhancement medications)
I am going to start with #4 now as the first 3, while not detailed, have begun implementation on a small scale to say.
So, I'll be taking supplements/nootropics for neurotransmitter support (explained below), relaxation/anti-anxiety, mental focus and liver repair.
My alcohol consumption (and withdrawl) has a direct effect on the brains neurotransmitters, in a conceptional way as do opiates. Assumming a neurotransmitter dysfunction/imbalance (there is) through alcohol abuse and chronic stress my goal then, through various nootropics is to 1) is to replace the accustomed brain activity caused by alcohol 2) repair the damage/imbalance.
Without a liver profile, I will be taking these in smaller dosages then recommended, except for the GABA:
GABA/ZMA complex
Tyrosine
n-acetylcysteine
Arginine
Taurine (with BCAA's)
L Pyroglutamic Acid
Alpha GPC
In writing this, it has all been a conceptual idea, and most likely, an unconventional one at that. I will however, be complete in my approach. More later.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
sounds good on paper, BUT, you may want to consider visiting your doctor and telling him/her about your plan. have a CBC and LFT to assess your liver enzymes....how is withdrawal/de-tox going if you have some serious symptoms?
one thing i am confused about in your initial posting....you say you are 38 YO? and you have been drinking for 30 years? please tell me this is a typo. best of luck.
one thing i am confused about in your initial posting....you say you are 38 YO? and you have been drinking for 30 years? please tell me this is a typo. best of luck.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Hi Father of Two,
Very interesting approach. We aren't allowed to discuss medical information on this site, liability issues and what not I guess. Your approach reminds me a little about a book I read called 7 Weeks to Sobriety...which advocated similar nutritional aids to recovery.
I've incorporated a lot of that into my own recovery. I have yet to see any proof that a person can't think their way out of a drinking problem, but I know many people who swear by recovery programs and so I support that as well. We all got sick in our own way, we will all get well in our own way.
Just my opinion.
Me, outside of SR I'm doing this on my own, and I know several people who have done it that way with a great deal of success.
Very interesting approach. We aren't allowed to discuss medical information on this site, liability issues and what not I guess. Your approach reminds me a little about a book I read called 7 Weeks to Sobriety...which advocated similar nutritional aids to recovery.
I've incorporated a lot of that into my own recovery. I have yet to see any proof that a person can't think their way out of a drinking problem, but I know many people who swear by recovery programs and so I support that as well. We all got sick in our own way, we will all get well in our own way.
Just my opinion.
Me, outside of SR I'm doing this on my own, and I know several people who have done it that way with a great deal of success.
i've done my almost
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 1,934
Originally Posted by fatheroftwo 
Thank you everyone for a gracious welcome.
-fandy. "i hope you discuss it with your physician and your family".
i do foresee opening up to everyone as a difficult hurdle.
-kjell. "Do you really think your thinking will get your out of it too? It's been my experience that it won't."
I am not sure what exactly you mean by this. I admit I was vague on my overall approach as was noted. But I'll start to detail this here in a few seconds.
-kjell & -gettingsobernow. "latch on to a recovery program" "I couldn't overcome my addiction on my own"
I have tried routes before such as AA, Hazelden, psyche ward but was not ready or it did not fit me. Though I do believe I cannot do it without my family!
Once again, thank you everyone and am happy it's day 3.
-fandy. "i hope you discuss it with your physician and your family".
i do foresee opening up to everyone as a difficult hurdle.
-kjell. "Do you really think your thinking will get your out of it too? It's been my experience that it won't."
I am not sure what exactly you mean by this. I admit I was vague on my overall approach as was noted. But I'll start to detail this here in a few seconds.
-kjell & -gettingsobernow. "latch on to a recovery program" "I couldn't overcome my addiction on my own"
I have tried routes before such as AA, Hazelden, psyche ward but was not ready or it did not fit me. Though I do believe I cannot do it without my family!
Once again, thank you everyone and am happy it's day 3.
Hi Fatheroftwo-
I just know that for me (and again, I can only speak of my experience) all the planning, talking, and even the execution of my own thinking...we'll...I always ended up drunk again. It wasn't until I stopped fighting it, admitted it, and got professional help (outpatient therapy) and AA (which I plan on being a life-long member) that I begin to change who I was.
Changing who I was. This has been painful and even awkward at times, but I beleive the same me will drink again so this was/is a important point in my recovery thus far.
Best of luck to you and if I can be of any help...please drop me a line.
You're doing great and keep up the good work!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: dayton, oh
Posts: 487
Fatheroftwo
Since you are in Ca and you have your four steps I think you would really like and benefit from the alternative treatment center I went to Malibu. They addressed all of those things and it was very small with lots of individual therapy. Max 12 people. It sure helped put me in the right direction physically and mentally.
SH
Since you are in Ca and you have your four steps I think you would really like and benefit from the alternative treatment center I went to Malibu. They addressed all of those things and it was very small with lots of individual therapy. Max 12 people. It sure helped put me in the right direction physically and mentally.
SH
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 10
-fandy. I will get a full panel liver function test done! As far as the withdrawls are concerned, I feel better than I have when I tried to start by "taking a couple of days off". I started my whole regimen beginning Tuesday morning.
Not to get too far ahead of detailing my program, but this has included, but not limited to the aforementioned nootropic regime, supplement regime (not listed yet), cognitive behavioral therapy, meditation AM/PM, weightlifting, walking etc which I feel are complementing each other quite well.
-fandy. -lafemme. Yes, I did start when I was 8 years old. With two older brothers, an alcoholic father, a mother who worked nights, and a predisposition...
-lafemme (and others). I hope I have not crossed any lines in my approach. Please let me know if I have.
-kjell. Thanks for the encouragement and I'm looking to get to where you are!
-stanleyhouse. I am actually here in Houston right now and will be in S. California in Feb. Would you mind PM'ing me the place you're writing of?
Not to get too far ahead of detailing my program, but this has included, but not limited to the aforementioned nootropic regime, supplement regime (not listed yet), cognitive behavioral therapy, meditation AM/PM, weightlifting, walking etc which I feel are complementing each other quite well.
-fandy. -lafemme. Yes, I did start when I was 8 years old. With two older brothers, an alcoholic father, a mother who worked nights, and a predisposition...
-lafemme (and others). I hope I have not crossed any lines in my approach. Please let me know if I have.
-kjell. Thanks for the encouragement and I'm looking to get to where you are!
-stanleyhouse. I am actually here in Houston right now and will be in S. California in Feb. Would you mind PM'ing me the place you're writing of?
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