LexieCat

Um,

Just to be clear, I didn't mean that AA was the only "healthy recovery program that includes a design for living," though I think my hastily-composed post reads that way. What I meant was that you need to have a PLAN, which somehow addresses the living problems that we face, so you can have a happy, fulfilling recovery.

Obviously, AA is one way (one that I like), but there are a lot of people here with solid recovery who used another recovery program or constructed their own that include many of the same or similar elements. The point is not to be miserably white-knuckling it.

Apologies to the many here I respect who have recovered without using AA. No "dis" intended.

BurningChrome

T1pp,
If you want/need to change, you will have to be uncomfortable for a short time and do w/o alcohol. That whole concept sucks.... but there is NO other way! You just HAVE to put the bottle down and get on with LIVING! DAMN hard to do, I KNOW, but many peolpe here have done it and you can too!!
Best Wishes,
...Mike

SSIL75

My father is an alcoholic but has gone through various iterations over the years. Now he is a white knuckling 'controlled' drinker (where 1.5 bottles of wine split over the course of a day is the definition of control).

But when I was a teen he was a binge drinker. He'd go on business (high stress job) and hole up in a posh hotel room for 3 days getting drunk.

After a particularly bad period he came home with his tail between his legs. He looked like a shell of a man, really. In my 19 year old ignorance and bravery I asked him why he didn't just quit. He said "What would be the point then in living? Without even a drink at the end of the day?"

It really shocked me that he thought of alcohol with such... LOVE I guess. I thought it was pathetic.

So imagine my despair 14 years later when I had the exact same thoughts myself? Knowing I was a shell of a mother and wife. Holding on to sanity by the tips of my fingers. Despairing at the thought of losing nightly wine? What would life be without the thrill of that first glass? The ecstasy of the 8th?

It's a LIE. It's alcohol talking. It is just not true that life is better when you can drink every night. I knew it was a crock at 19 and thankfully I know it again at 35. It's a kind of insanity we can all relate to think that you're better off doing something that is killing you.

Stick around. I read here for years (literally, years) before I put any serious work into recovery. FWIW I am not in any formal program.

T1pp

I want to thank everyone for your support and posts. I'm swamped this morning but planning on posting a few more thoughts this afternoon. Thanks again everyone!

BurningChrome

SSIL75, Thank you so much for your post... I am sure it was tough to write; but it helped to inspire me and I am sure many others.
Thanks again,
..Mike

jamdls

Alcohol was my "best friend", and often my only friend, for many years I couldn't imagine nor did I want a life w/o my nightly wine. I didn't want to quit but I had burned a hole in my liver and was denied a transplant and was told "if you continue to drink the way you have you will die a slow painful death" I didn't really care if I lived or died but I knew I didn't want the death to be slow and painful. When I quit drinking I had no idea what to do with all the free time I had so what did I do? I got to know ME, and the funny thing is, I grew to love myself-- the same person that for years I rather despised. The insecurities, depression, low self worth that I used as a reason for my drinking went away in recovery.

Don't waste any more of your life recovery is waiting.

SSIL75

I'm glad it spoke to you. I'd never really thought it out before so it was helpful to me, too!

yeahgr8

Before getting into AA...i spent years trying to work out why i was so miserable and felt so alone...to the outside world i was a cool guy with lots of money, flash car, nice place and could go anywhere and do anything...lets just say the inside did not match the exterior!

A few days before i stopped drinking a new counselor i had started seeing me asked me if i wanted to stop drinking twice...the first time i said nothing then said not really i just want the pain to stop...the emotional pain that is!

I changed on the inside and life started to look a lot better and i haven't felt alone since doing the suggested work in AA.

16 months later and i have friends in and out of AA and am married...wow! And this from somebody who thought that everyone would be better off to stay away from him before...luckily for me the rest of the world never shared that point of view:-)