crzylilmndfreak

i am jsut curious what it was that brought you to AA to begin with, what was your "breaking point? experiences, etc. My "bottom" was I basically had No other choice, i lost my son due to my drinking, and if i had continued i would lose the rest of my family. I did such horrible things while drinking, things i barely remember/things i cant recall at all.
crys

augustwest

hopelessness, confusion, despair, self hatred. couldn't live with or without drugs and alcohol. Had already done jails and institutions more than once. Finally decided i didn't want to die.

caribbean

Thanks for starting this thread at this time.

Curiously, my bottom wasn't after any of the many, many times when I did something I really regretted after drinking, which almost always involved taking off all my clothes and fooling around with somebody who wasn't my partner -- whether or not my partner was present -- and not always in a private setting, either! And I would love to tell you this happened only a few times. Truthfully, when I tried to count them, I kept coming up with more... who knows how many there are that I'm not recalling....

It wasn't after feeling so sick I wanted to die, because I rarely got hangovers, not even after my multi-day bender in July -- I felt tired, but not ill.

It wasn't after trying to hang out with some people I really admired, when I was trashed and they were sober and I was obviously no kind of company for them. And I realized this at the time and was ashamed.

It wasn't after all the times I drove drunk, even on a motorcycle, seriously risking my own life and others'.

It was after I realized that for the last 10 years, when I took an honest, no-excuses look at my life, I had either started or ended almost every single relationship (friendships as well as romantic partnerships) because of alcohol. And I could see the future -- and I could see it was never going to change unless I got sober.

Not a very impressive "bottom," but I am hoping to avoid a more dramatic one!!! I haven't been fired, sent to jail, or become homeless.... YET. I haven't been to the hospital because of alcohol, although I can think of at least two times when I was either ill or injured enough that I probably should have been, and once when I could have died... that wasn't enough to do it for me at the time, though. I am fully aware that if I go back to the drinking path I was on, all of those things are very, very real possibilities for me, as much as I was in denial about the possibility before.

I now know my choices are to be alone forever and destroy myself with alcohol, keep drinking and have more destructive and hurtful relationships with other people for the rest of my life, or get sober and choose what I want for my future.

There are already some things I can't repair that I wish I could... but I am getting sober so that I can avoid more damage.

DayTrader

Which bottom? The one that got me here or the dozen of so I've hit since I got sober?

Yanno, nobody ever told me that there might be more to be revealed!! Actually they did, I just didn't believe any of them cuz I knew it ALL when I was getting sober.

As for the bottoms though......and all the bottoms I've hit so far.........ALL those bottoms are exactly the same: I can't take my ego, my desire to be in control, my management, my will-power, etc for ONE SECOND LONGER! I've done EVERY single solitary thing I can think of in this or that particular area, I've lost over and over, so I have to face my powerlessness - I finally give in - I surrender........and then I ask for HELP!

All our bottoms are really the same (if you're recovered). The events that led up to that bottom will vary from person to person but the actual 'bottom' will be identical for all of us: surrender followed by asking for help.

LaFemme

Well I'm not in AA, and although my last time drinking made me feel really ill physically I wouldn't call it a "bottom" it was however enough, It was past time in fact to quit. I had tried a hundred times before but this time I just lacked the will to keep doing harm to myself. I believe that God gave me that realization and then I am in charge of making that moment and my life, worth something.

LexieCat

I think a "bottom" is whereever the pain of continuing on as you are outweighs the pain of changing. For me, it wasn't all that dramatic. I was sick enough from withdrawals that I had to have someone drive me home. All I could think of is that this is how the rest of my life would look unless I quit drinking for good.

That's it--not much drama involved. Of course, there was a lot of pain (physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual) along the way before that day. I just saw, in my moment of clarity, it would never, ever end unless I did something drastic.

Incidentally, my sponsor always says, "Every bottom has a trap door."

flutter

I'm not in AA either, but I know that I consider my 'bottom' the day I finally was faced with more pain in my life than getting sober would have ever brought. I stood to lose my job, my husband, and probably my life very soon. I am very lucky that I didn't wait for those things to happen.. I don't think anyone needs to reach any sort of bottom to recover. I think just once we feel that getting sober is more important than staying drunk, it clicks. Unfortunately that doesn't always happen to people.

leo21

Hmmm......for me it was about my health - fear of just falling apart eventually. It's inevitable that if we keep it up we will have the pleasure of a horrible death and probably way too young. The biggest reason was $$.

I got so tired of running thru my cash instead of being responsible and just paying bills, living normal. No savings, digging through change jars, getting loans at the pawn shop over and over just to buy booze. The breaking point was me just jumping online and getting payday loan after payday loan to keep up. It's a vicious cycle. For a guy that used to know where every penny went and loves money - it was overwhelming to be doing that payday crap, paying outrageous fees and still being broke.

When I quit on September 1st - I closed my account, got a new one. Yeah they call, but getting things right with ME is number one. I'd rather have judgements against me as long as I'm sober. I did those loans with those shady companies in an alcoholic state of mind. It is what it is - collateral damage - the aftermath of my drinking days.

Now I'll have to face the long road of repairing my credit. Can't get a loan to save my life these days.

SSIL75

I'm not in AA either and this is very true for me. When I quit, I was not at my bottom. Things had been way, way worse for me before. I quit slowly really. Just a dawning realization that my life was not going where it needed to go. It COULDN'T go where it needed to go as long as I was drinking.

joey8262

my bottom-when i was in bed absolutely zombied out after a hard night-my son went over to his nan's because he couldnt wake me up-she had to do his tie etc-and then when i woke up i was in a frenzy-couldn't find him-only to find out he was ok and in school-never again.am seeking help now and want to take whatever i can get.

MissYouSis

Today is only my first day but my "bottom" happened on 8/2/2010 when I went to wake my sister who was only 39, only to find that she must have gotton sick in middle of night... she awoke but was foggy for a lack of a better word.. talked a few in coherrent words... I tried to walk her to the shower to get cleaned up and we didnt make it, she fainted and the Ems only took 3 mins but it was TOO LATE.. the past 2 months have been HELL.. she was not only my sister but my best friend.. we did everything together.. I have never felt so alone no matter how many people that surround me... I have been taking inventory of myself and I want to STOP, could have very easily been me.. So today is day one.... flushed every pill I could find and am gonna do it.. I admit the cold turkey scares me... But not as much as my son finding me in the same condition as I did my sister.... Pray for me please.... ~Sherry

least

My bottom wasn't dramatic at all, it was just waking up hating myself every damn day. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired all the time and knew it was time to quit drinking for good.

LaFemme

Sherry, I'm so sorry for your loss...you are in my thoughts and prayers...you can do this!

Juneof44

"I've been down so dirty d**n long, that it seems like up to me."

My bottom was just a long continuous serious of arguments, neglect, and bad decisions. My life was a roullette wheel and it was only a matter of time before I made that one heinous mistake that would totally destroy my life, my family, my entire world. Driving drunk to pick my son up from school. Late night yelling matches with the wife. Living in constant fear of what I might do in my next blackout. More than one occasion of alcohol poisoning. I guess my "bottom" wasn't one instance, but just a long downward trajectory that showed no signs of halting until my family is standing around my casket. Thank God I stopped before that.

I think one day I just had a "moment of clarity". I saw my life as something worth salvaging, polishing, and hanging on the wall as an example of possibility, of hope. My son laughs with me more. My wife tells me she is proud of me. And I, for once in a long while, am happy.

jamdls

I'm not in AA either but my bottom put me in the hospital for a week with liver failure due to a hole in my liver caused by a prescription drug overdose that I don't even remember taking because apparently I was drunk (as usual) and I don't even remember taking the first drink that day. Course that was after many years of making a fool of myself and destroying every relationship I came upon.

getr345

At the age of 38, I saw my past and my future VERY clearly and realized that if I continued to drink and party like I was I would not have a future, or at best I'd have a miserable one. Energized by some very important and powerful outside influences, as well as inside ones; I took immediate and urgent action to PREVENT the terrible bottom in my life I could envision if I continued drinking...preventable illness, perpetual addiction, full blown alcoholism or maybe something like a car crash where I hurt or kill an innocent person or someone I love while DUI. Something awful. So I quit drinking and came to SR.

tjp613

Thank you all for sharing your stories.

I didn't really have a 'bottom' either -- just finally a desire to stop making an ass of myself while drunk, stop pushing the envelope on driving while intoxicated, stop making stupid decisions that affect my teen daughter, and tired (REAL TIRED) of waking up hungover and ruining my weekends.

Evon

My bottom was not drastic either, but everyone has their own personal bottoms. I had finally come to terms with my problem when I knew I wasn't being the person I knew I was deep down inside without the alcohol. I also hurt the person closest to me physically and emotionally and that caused our relationship to disintegrate. I realized a lot about myself then, and realized that alcohol was the root of the problem. I had to be humble and ask for help, because for a long time, pride wouldn't let me, I thought I could do it myself and look where that got me.

gettingsobernow

My bottom was when my mother came to town and I didn't reconize her. It had been a year since I had seen her but I should have known my own mother. I also couldn't remember last Christmas and the last 2 years were really foggy.

PrimalScream

I never really reached a "bottom" but I could see where I was heading if kept living like I was. I got sick and tired of waking up in a pool of sweat from monday to thursday, or until I could binge again. Was tired of hangovers preventing me from doing what I wanted. Got scared I was turning into a cliché. I was heading down the wrong road and decided to pull a U-turn. It's not my first U-turn, but each time I pull one I get better at it.