ChavaMama

Hello everyone!

I've been drinking since I was 15 (now 30). I haven't had a drink since last Sunday. I've stopped drinking before and preferred to be sober. However, I've ran into problems. I learned to incorporate drinking with so many things and events in my life that I'm not exactly sure how to handle them without alcohol. I'm not even exactly sure that I actually LIKE the things/events in my life where alcohol is/was involved! And that makes things difficult when I've built an entire life around certain people and certain things that all involve alcohol in one way or another.

But I can deal with it. I know that I prefer to have a fresh, alert and clear mind. I prefer to be active & healthy and I prefer to be a good role model for my children. When I drink, I am not being active, healthy, or a good role model. So what's the point in drinking? Just a waste of time and money.

Even tho I know and understand all the reasons why I no longer drink, the people around me don't get it (except for my husband - who is the best guy ever). His family and some of my friends expect me to be a certain person and act in a certain way....and, of course, to do so involves me drinking alcohol. They can't understand why I choose not to drink. I tell them it's because I'd rather be healthy and active and I don't want my kids to think it's okay to drink all the time for any given reason (that's just what everyone is brainwashed to believe). But once I tell someone that, they respond by saying things like, "Oh, you can have ONE glass of wine!" or "You can still be active and have a drink occasionally if you want to." It's really annoying. Why do they care so much if I drink or if I choose not to drink? I CAN'T have just ONE glass of wine - it will turn into MANY MANY more! And I CAN'T be active AND a drinker at the same time - I KNOW that when I'm hungover I have no motivation! Sometimes I think that my NOT drinking makes them feel bad about THEIR drinking, and by trying to get me to drink, it makes them somehow feel better about their own drinking. Does that make sense? And these are the same people that will make comments about the fact that they can't believe I drank so much or will comment on how drunk I got - yet they want (EXPECT) me to drink with them whenever they feel like drinking! And if I decide to do something really good for myself, like join a gym & go on daily basis, they think that I am obsessed and that something is wrong with me! But apparently there is nothing wrong with the drinking! What the hell is that? I just don't get it. But oh well! I could go on and on! Does anyone know of a message board about the topic I just discussed? It would be nice to talk to other people who are having similar problems.

Thanks for listening!
ChavaMama

Dee74

Hi ChavaMama
Welcome to SR

We discuss topics like that all the time LOL.

My experience was I always used to get 'pulled back in' to drinking by the expectations of other drinking buddies and my discomfort at 'being different' or 'letting them down'...

I finally realised that I was 40 not 14, my drinking was killing me and, if they couldn't understand that, I had to distance myself from those hard drinking friends....

I did and I've never regretted it.
So many more good people have come into my life

You'll find a lot of good people here too - hope to see you 'round some more
D

ChavaMama

Thanks Dee!

You hit the nail on the head - being 'pulled back in' to drinking by the expectations of the other drinkers! That's exactly how I use to feel when I would try to quit drinking or cut back. Thankfully now, I realize all the reasons why I went back to drinking in the past. I won't make the same mistakes.

And I hope I can meet some people that don't drink - or at least people who won't make a big production out of the fact that I'm NOT drinking!!

LexieCat

You might enlist your husband's support on this--maybe when someone is giving you the "third degree" on why you aren't drinking, he could speak up and tell them he's proud of you and would appreciate their minding their own drinks. Or words to that effect.

ChavaMama

He does and he has! But I can still see the looks that people give me. They look at me like it must be a joke or they give me a look of pity - like maybe I have a deep dark secret and that's why I'm not drinking anymore. But it's just plain and simple. I prefer to be sober. It keeps my mind fresh and alert. And it keeps me doing the things that are important in life. Why do people assume that if you stop drinking than something really serious has happened? EVERYONE who drinks has a problem with alcohol - some of us just realize that before others.

LexieCat

Weeellll,

Not sure I agree with that. Most people I know can have a couple of drinks, or, on the rare occasion, a whole lot of drinks, and have no problem with it.

*shrug*

I ain't them, though. And whether I drink or not is really nobody else's business.

Frankly, it's probably the novelty that has piqued their interest. Soon enough, it will be old hat. "Chava doesn't drink, remember?" "Oh, right. How 'bout them Yankees?"

ChavaMama

I read Allen Carr's The Easyway To Stop Drinking and part of the philosophy is that everyone who drinks has a problem with alcohol. It makes sense in the book. But I can see how the statement would seem a bit far-stretched. I'm buying into it tho!!

You're right tho - eventually the amazement at my NOT drinking will wear off on people. I'm looking forward to that day!

LexieCat

Yeah, I'm familiar with it. Don't agree with it, personally, but it's helped some people, so if the concept helps you, go with it.

Bobby

I remember when I was only about 3 months sober , this guy offered be a beer and I kept it simple and said .. no thanks I'm not drinking today and he said .. ohh come on dude just 1 and I said nahhh I just can't have 1 and he said why not . I said because if I just drink 1 I'll want another one and believe me you won't want to be around me after that lol so he stopped asking me after that lol

CarolD

Welcome....
Yes...early sobriety is a confusing time
for most of us.

Glad to see a new member

ChavaMama

I've had similar experiences, Bobby! My husband and I were out and about one day when we bumped into some friends who were drinking. They noticed that I was not drinking and asked me why. I told them that I was trying to be healthy. Then they offered to buy me a shot! When I turned them down, they offered to buy me TWO shots!!! People are strange!

Bobby

Yeaa i knowwww , i just didn't knowww how strange some were till after i stopped being stranged lol

sunshinebaby

Welcome! I have just rejoined here after a long time away...You sound a lot like me...I want to be fit and healthy and a positive role model for my kids.....PM me anytime if you want to chat xx

Kmber2010

Welcome! Glad you are here. SR was invaluable to me as it was comforting to have others who understood me.

Lots of support here and good info

All the best~!

artsoul

It's really insane when you think about it, but people are always encouraging each other to drink. It's like no one can be a part of a celebration or party without having to imbibe along with everyone else. I noticed that after I stopped drinking. At a restaurant it's no big deal if you have tea or coffee, but at a drinking event, it's almost expected.

I have a variety of answers in my repertoire. My favorites: "I just quit because it was starting to become a problem for me" and "I really want to quit smoking but I knew I couldn't do it if I still drank." Both are true for me. I actually like the first one better, just because you never know when the person asking has a real problem themselves.