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AA or Bust - Really?

Old 10-01-2010, 07:25 PM
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AA or Bust - Really?

Am I reading AA wrong in that it seems like some people have hit such a hard bottom that they honestly feel that if they do not go to a meeting every day that they will pick up again? There is a man in my meetings that has been going nearly every night for 22 years or something like that...and sober the entire time. Is it for real in his mind that if he misses a couple of meetings he will drink again?

Then there are some that I have only seen at 1 or 2 meetings in the last month and they don't have that belief, that they have to be there or they just can't do it. Are these people so insecure that they believe that they have to go or lose their sobriety? I don't feel that way, I feel that it is a useful program of support and that I will eventually get through my 12 steps but that life also must go on outside of AA. Most that are there that much and for so long have no family, have no kids, all they have is a job (some not even that) and the meetings. I don't feel that is any kind of a life, maybe I am not with it about that but that is not going to change if all that they do is sit in those rooms, imo. It seems really sad to me. I find it a bit disheartening from time to time in the meetings because I never want to be one of those people who have to be at a meeting 2 or 3 or 7 days per week for fear that I am not strong enough on my own to control myself otherwise.

I completely agree with working on the steps and looking beyond the here and now in order to stop, but every day...seriously?? The last 2 meetings that I went to all I really took in were these people saying over and over again, person after person, "if it weren't for these meetings I'd go back out and drink", and the people saying it are there every day, some 2 and 3 meetings per day.

I need some other opinions on this matter because I have really felt down after the last 2 and I am going to keep going, but why is there such a dependence on it? I know it works, it is helping me already, but I can't imagine having such a low sense of self control that I would have to be there that much. I was trying to do as many in as little time as possible but then a light went on and in that short time I had missed so much of my own life outside of work and meetings.

Are these people not just trading their addiction to alcohol for an addiction to meetings?

A little input would be greatly appreciated.

Donna
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Old 10-01-2010, 07:35 PM
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but why is there such a dependence on it?

for me, why was there such a dependence on alcohol? I spend a lot less time at meetings in sobriety than I did drunk when I was drinking. I still go to as many meetings as I can (about 5 or 6 a week) but now it's not because I need to, it's cause I want to. It helps me feel better; it gives structure to my day; it allows me to meditate when I wouldn't normally take the time to.

Meetings went from putting in lip service to my friends and family to "me time". I don't know how or when that changed but it just did at some point. I feel better after every meeting I go to, whether I heard what I wanted and/or needed to hear or not. Sometimes a meeting even cured a headache or fatigue I'd been feeling prior to attending the meeting. I don't know why that happens to me; it just does. Maybe if I went to church or something it would have the same effect as an AA meeting.

I dunno. But I don't want to mess with it right now. The program of AA is the only thing that has helped me stop drinking. But that's just me.
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Old 10-01-2010, 07:41 PM
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I don't go to AA but I will say the concept of going to a meeting every day, or close to it, for the rest of my life was one of the reasons I didn't go to AA. So I look forward to hearing. What proposal have to say.
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Old 10-01-2010, 07:43 PM
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Donna......

There are lot's of people in AA....I have no idea why or what
keeps them coming to AA.

Me? I no longer attend meetings daily....usually 3 weekly keep
me connected to AA and appreciating my lifestyle.

With 21 years ....I now find much pleasure in assisting others
interested in following the AA program.......thus I go to AA.

Why would I not? Tat's where they are.


I assure you I have many other interests
my life is full and joy filled.
I'm an AA recovered alcoholic.

Last edited by CarolD; 10-01-2010 at 09:03 PM. Reason: Typo
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Old 10-01-2010, 07:53 PM
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There is no rule about how many you go to. I go twice or three times a week.... Because I want to. The fellowship supports my program in so many ways, and sometimes I get to maybe help someone else... Some go everyday because they need to, some because they want to.

Find out what works for you.



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Old 10-01-2010, 08:22 PM
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Last time i put the drink down i shifted my focus from doing tons of meetings to doing step work through the book with a sponsor..

Quickly i learnt that the 12 steps IS the program of recovery.......id missed the "elephant in the room".....i presumed the more meetings i did the sober i would get..........trouble was i couldnt string together more than a few weeks with meetings alone.

Some gain huge benefit from doing lots of meetings.......thats great.
but the programme of recovery is the steps...until i engaged in the work, i kept getting drunk.

thats my experience.
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Old 10-01-2010, 08:28 PM
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To each their own. Some people need more meetings than others. Sometimes people go for other reasons; either out of routine, to help out, or to socialize.
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Old 10-01-2010, 08:35 PM
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You cannot worry about what works for others, you have to find what works for you. I go 2 times a week because I enjoy being with the group and it is helping me. However if I went 20 times a week I dont think I would get anymore out of it then I do now. Everybody is different, go with what makes sobriety work in your life. Quality over quantity. Slow and steady wins the race.
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Old 10-01-2010, 08:55 PM
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I guess it's natural to look around and see what other people are doing, and wondering why, and am I doing it right, are they doing it right, especially in the beginning.

What I'm seeing, two years in, is that the meeting/fellowship part of AA isn't what's crucial to recovery. I think it's good to go to a lot of meetings early on, because there's a lot to learn. And it's only by going to a lot of meetings that you start to sort the wheat from the chaff--what's important from what's not as important. People who tend to go to a LOT of meetings (as in, every day or close to it) after several years of sobriety, tend, in my observance, to be either folks who are doing meetings in lieu of the Steps ("can't stay sober unless I go to a meeting every day"), people who have the time and dedication to devote a great deal of time to "carrying the message" to newcomers, or people who just enjoy the fellowship and choose to spend their time with others in AA. The first group I kinda feel sorry for--it must be a burden going to all those meetings just to keep from picking up a drink. For people in the other two groups it's a matter of personal choice.

I nearly always make at least two meetings a week. Sometimes I go to three or four--if I'm having a rough time (meetings almost always pick up my spirits) or just feel like being there. Sometimes I go on a speaking commitment to another group. I feel like it's the right amount for me right now. Eventually you will find the right amount for you. Meantime, don't worry what other people are doing. I think having a home group is important, just so you can do service work. Beyond that, the number of meetings people attend is up to them.
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Old 10-01-2010, 09:55 PM
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Here is todays reding from the AA book
As Bill Sees It...

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post2726114

Perhaps that will clarify for anyone who is interested
why many AA members continue to attend.
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Old 10-01-2010, 10:27 PM
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Donna- The dependence on AA bothers me too. I left AA the first time because my sponsor wanted me to go to more meetings per week and because people at meetings kept saying AA was the only way to recover (and I don't think any way is the only way).

Now I stay away from meetings where that kind of dependence or rigidity is prominent. It does not help my recovery to listen to it. I'm lucky to have very alternative AA meetings nearby and lots of other recovery programs too. I swear I live in the mecca of recovery programs. (Although I don't agree with much of the 12 steps) To each her/his own!!!
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Old 10-01-2010, 10:55 PM
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For some folks having sobriety and a job is a great life compared to waking up sick. Finding serenity and not having to worry about legal troubles, job troubles is a great life. Not dealing with judges, courts, ankle scram bracelets, not having probation officers, mandated rehabs... I can think of a great deal worse things than going to a meeting a day.
I don't go to a meeting every day but I did do 6months of meetings daily and then I maintain with 2-3 meetings a week. If I felt like I needed one daily because I enjoyed the format, I met with friends or I wanted to help someone else out that was new to the program I probably would go. Getting sober has some choice, we all get to choose if we get sober, when we get sober and what our program will be. I am not going to judge how someone else finds sobriety. I think 22 years is awesome and he found something that worked for him.
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Old 10-01-2010, 11:16 PM
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Different strokes for different folks, just because someone walks Path A to get to the goal doesn't mean that it's the only viable path. They may have replaced one addiction with another and if they have its a healthy addiction that doesn't cause harm to themselves or others. There is really no wrong way to get sober, finding what works for you is crucial and maintaining it is key. (Points taken away from some AA older timers, the good kind that don't say 'my way or the highway')
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Old 10-01-2010, 11:20 PM
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I've got a friend who came into AA same time as me...he still goes to 6 meetings a week, chairs a couple and sponsors a few people...they all go for meals and coffees after and most of the time coffees before meetings...

He has started going to fewer meetings last couple of months...coincidentally around the time of his last amend...why? (cue big gasp from members who haven't worked the steps)

Well he has a new GF, been abroad a few times, got a new hobby...still goes to a few a week but has now started making non-AA friends too.

I was taught AA is a bridge to "normal" living...sure you have, for many reasons, IMO a responsibility to help out the next Donna once you have recovered (finished steps to spiritual awakening) as i have to be there for the next Cliff but unless you have time to go to a meeting a day and the want there are no hard rules as to meeting attendance.

It helps me to bear in mind that life will throw a few curve balls at us along the way and we are very lucky to have meetings available to us...i can almost guarantee that in my life i will at some point be back to 4+ meetings a week not to stay away from a drink but at that time im just going to plain need the support and company of a room full of drunks like me:-)

Working the steps towards a spiritual awakening meant that i started to rely on a power greater than me, call it a higher power or God, that loves you, won't let you down ever and has been waiting for you to just "wake up" to remove the obsession for alcohol from you...keep a close contact with the higher power of your understanding and you never need drink again ever...the rest of the journey is up to you, i.e. you can get as much happiness, peace and serenity as you want with work...the sky's the limit...well actually there is no limit but you get the point;-)
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Old 10-02-2010, 01:01 AM
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I know a guy with 42 years who goes to a meeting everyday. I asked him while back why do you go everyday are you afraid you'll get drunk agin if you dont? His answer was I could never attend another meeting and be OK I think but someone was here for me when I needed help and thats why I come if I can save one person its worth an hour of my life everyday.
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Old 10-02-2010, 02:48 AM
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Thx for posting the question Mama. I enjoyed reading this thread....I feel good.
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Old 10-02-2010, 03:20 AM
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I must admit that I dont go to meetings only because I am a Home Bird and enjoy My Television and Computer too Much. I know people that go and Get a great deal from it..

Maybe if I didnt have this Forum to look into I might still be drinking..Oh dear, the thought of that turns my Stomach!
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Old 10-02-2010, 05:32 AM
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Kind of a weird analogy, but I kind of wonder the same thing about people who watch TV every day. How can anyone be so dependent on staring passively at a screen for even one hour every day, much less more than an hour? I guess it's all a matter of how you're going to spend your time...an AA meeting is one hour of my day, plus another half hour or so if you add in the time I drive to and from the meeting...not really a huge percentage of my time.

I also think that one of the main reasons why people with long-term sobriety keep going to meetings is that AA suggests that working with and being there for newcomers is an important factor in our own sobriety. It's not so much that our insecurity or lack of willpower keeps us going to meetings, it's that crucial element of reaching out and interacting with others that helps us have not just a sober life but a pretty fulfilling one. I'd rather spend an hour of my day interacting with other recovering/recovered alcoholics that watch an hour of television any day. Just my opinion.

So it is often asked if replacing drinking with attending AA meetings is simply a matter of trading one addiction with another...I would actually say that maybe it is...but is that necessarily bad? I don't think so. Daily attendance at meetings will not kill you or ruin your life, daily drinking (for an alcoholic) might very well.

Alcoholism is a disease that can't be cured, only managed. Going to meetings for an alcoholic is something I consider to be similar to daily insulin injections for a diabetic. If you're a diabetic you could be depressed over the idea of having to take insulin for the rest of your life, or you can - like most diabetics I've known - adapt to the idea that insulin needs to be part of your life from now on in order for you to stay healthy. Not a bad thing...and attending even the worst AA meeting is probably better than having to stick a needle in my arm.
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Old 10-02-2010, 06:04 AM
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Originally Posted by mama36 View Post
Am I reading AA wrong in that it seems like some people have hit such a hard bottom that they honestly feel that if they do not go to a meeting every day that they will pick up again?
It's not that they have hit such a hard bottom, mama, it's that they never recovered from it.

I do think some in AA live in fear of that next drink. Meetings provide a place to feel better, to get through that next day. Living that way, avoiding a drink one day at a time, is the result of not being recovered. I also think it's a substitute for an outside life for some. Not attractive in my opinion. And completely optional.

AA Big Book gives precise and specific directions for how to get real freedom from alcoholism, not just how to hide from it.
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Old 10-02-2010, 06:25 AM
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I do absolutely believe that AA becomes a substitute addiction for many...but I also don't think that's such a bad thing. Frankly, since I define addiction as a way to regulate my feelings from the outside, and avoiding being in touch with my insides....depending on outside stuff to make me "feel good," I think nearly everyone in our culture has been conditioned to some sort of dependency. I think AA is one of the healthier ones. Plus....the actual 12 step program served to lead me out of the need to be dependent on people, places and things to feel good, and into finding that spiritual center within me that empowers me to take responsibility for myself without blaming anything else for my thoughts, feelings or behaviors.

I went to daily meetings for my first six months, and in retrospect, I now understand that alcoholism, being essentially a "brain disease," my brain needed reprogramming. I needed to build new neuropathways and allow my prefrontal cortex to resume its healthy development. This take time. Frankly, I think it usually takes anywhere from one to three years to develop those new "sober" neuropathways. And paths are created by repeatedly walking in the same direction, over and over. Meetings were essential for me, both in terms of the support (love) of the fellowship and the guidance in the 12 step process.

I don't consider AA meetings a lifetime sentence, but I can understand the motivation to attend in order to be of service to others. And I myself still attend a few meetings a week, mainly because I like them....I like to be available to the newcomer....and nearly all of my friends are sober. It's just as much a social activity for me as anything else. I mean...what a great thing to know I can go somewhere where "everybody knows my name," besides a barroom. I love the sense of community.

And I've seen too many "meeting makers" who didn't make it....because they thought they could absorb recovery via osmosis by simply sitting in meetings.

As far as I'm concerned, AA is not a no drinking program. It is a design for living program that works better if I don't pick up a drink.

blessings
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