AA or Bust - Really?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 218
Happy 30 days!!!! Like everyone said, you have to do what works for you so you can stay sober. You can take what you get out of AA and leave the rest....there are LOTS of people there who do that, or who pop into meetings when it fits in. It sounds like you are on a really good path!
I have experienced a lot of the feelings you are expressing, fwiw. I think part of that is just early sobriety, where we have to start to feel our feelings again. It is a mixed blessing, I think....
I have experienced a lot of the feelings you are expressing, fwiw. I think part of that is just early sobriety, where we have to start to feel our feelings again. It is a mixed blessing, I think....
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I've hit spots, myself, where I kinda chased my tail and had all kinds of internal debate about whether I was just being stubborn and close-minded, or whether other people were. Turns out it wasn't entirely either one. But I could only control my own mind, not theirs, so I adjusted my thinking a bit and started to realize I was the only one keeping me "stuck".
They talk a lot in AA about letting go of old ideas. Some of those don't go down without a little kicking and screaming.
Today, I trust that the right path will be shown to me. Not always right when I want it.
They talk a lot in AA about letting go of old ideas. Some of those don't go down without a little kicking and screaming.
Today, I trust that the right path will be shown to me. Not always right when I want it.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Hi Donna and congrats on 30 days!!!! I felt quite funky (a mix of depression, anxiousness, I don't know) at 30 days and again at 60. I was afraid it wouldn't pass but it did.
It's taken me a good 45 minutes to get through this thread (lol)! I'm amazed at all the thoughtful people we have here. Just wanted to add my experience (for what it's worth): I did AA "by the book" (pun intended) the first two times I got sober. A meeting every day for 90+ days, worked the steps, sponsor, etc...... I'm glad I did it, just as I'm glad I went through inpatient. This time I'm getting sober without inpatient and without AA but with the help of SR.
I feel good about my sobriety today because I feel that this time I have learned new things and developed a new strength that wasn't there the first two times. I understand exactly what you were saying. During the time I went to AA, I was also scared about not going to meetings and/or working the steps "completely" for fear that I'd relapse if I didn't. I thought it was the only way I'd stay sober. I don't feel that way anymore. I can't explain it, but I think I'm working "smarter" these days on my recovery. Like it's coming from me, rather than something outside me. Does that make any sense?
At any rate, just wait until the 30-day blues subside, and I'll bet you'll feel better all the way around. Hugs going out to you!:ghug3
It's taken me a good 45 minutes to get through this thread (lol)! I'm amazed at all the thoughtful people we have here. Just wanted to add my experience (for what it's worth): I did AA "by the book" (pun intended) the first two times I got sober. A meeting every day for 90+ days, worked the steps, sponsor, etc...... I'm glad I did it, just as I'm glad I went through inpatient. This time I'm getting sober without inpatient and without AA but with the help of SR.
I feel good about my sobriety today because I feel that this time I have learned new things and developed a new strength that wasn't there the first two times. I understand exactly what you were saying. During the time I went to AA, I was also scared about not going to meetings and/or working the steps "completely" for fear that I'd relapse if I didn't. I thought it was the only way I'd stay sober. I don't feel that way anymore. I can't explain it, but I think I'm working "smarter" these days on my recovery. Like it's coming from me, rather than something outside me. Does that make any sense?
At any rate, just wait until the 30-day blues subside, and I'll bet you'll feel better all the way around. Hugs going out to you!:ghug3
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: CA desert
Posts: 1,599
Wow, I go out of town for a couple days and the fireworks start.
Way to go Donna on 30 days!! I'm still right behind ya, so keep up the good work.
I haven't had time to read this entire thread, and am just unwinding from spending hours behind the wheel with a bunch of roadrage boneheads, so I'm still trying to calm down, lol.
One of the great things about recovery is we are all open to try whatever we feel works for us, be it AA, NA, CBT, CPR, or EKG. I don't believe in the "one size fits all" philosophy, nor do I think everyone is at the same stage or station in life, so what works great for one may not be what works for another. That's exactly the way it should be, for if we were all on the same road at the same time, can you imagine how crowded it would be when you stop at a rest stop and need to use the washroom, lol.
I like the idea that "recovery is discovery" and each of us can proceed at our own pace, so while some are rushing headlong down the main drag, others are on the roadside watching the sun set.
My biggest fear is not that I would pick up and drink another drink. It is that by having a drink, I may begin to think that's it's ok for me to drink, then shortly thereafter I'd be right back in the hell that I'm desperately trying to escape. That's why I come here to SR, and go to AA meetings, because I can learn from others who have fought the same battles, been down the same roads, and many have made the same mistakes as I in trying to learn a new way to live without drowning my emotions in a bottle of booze.
I sincerely hope you find a combination that works for you. I'm with you 100% and am proud that you are doing as well as you are. Keep asking the tough questions.
D
Way to go Donna on 30 days!! I'm still right behind ya, so keep up the good work.
I haven't had time to read this entire thread, and am just unwinding from spending hours behind the wheel with a bunch of roadrage boneheads, so I'm still trying to calm down, lol.
One of the great things about recovery is we are all open to try whatever we feel works for us, be it AA, NA, CBT, CPR, or EKG. I don't believe in the "one size fits all" philosophy, nor do I think everyone is at the same stage or station in life, so what works great for one may not be what works for another. That's exactly the way it should be, for if we were all on the same road at the same time, can you imagine how crowded it would be when you stop at a rest stop and need to use the washroom, lol.
I like the idea that "recovery is discovery" and each of us can proceed at our own pace, so while some are rushing headlong down the main drag, others are on the roadside watching the sun set.
My biggest fear is not that I would pick up and drink another drink. It is that by having a drink, I may begin to think that's it's ok for me to drink, then shortly thereafter I'd be right back in the hell that I'm desperately trying to escape. That's why I come here to SR, and go to AA meetings, because I can learn from others who have fought the same battles, been down the same roads, and many have made the same mistakes as I in trying to learn a new way to live without drowning my emotions in a bottle of booze.
I sincerely hope you find a combination that works for you. I'm with you 100% and am proud that you are doing as well as you are. Keep asking the tough questions.
D
dopeless hope fiend
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Here. Now.
Posts: 1,021
Originally Posted by stanleyhouse 
A few passages from Under the Influence: James R Milam, Ph.d and Katherine Ketcham 1981
Despite it's moralistic foundation, however, A.A. worked as no other approach to alcoholism had before, and as a long-term sobriety maintenance program, there still is not even a distant rival. Thus A.A. stands as a colossal paradox. The fellowship has undoubtedly been the most powerful force in getting society to accept alcoholism as a treatable disease. Yet at the same time, it has become a powerful obstacle to accepting the otherwise overwhelming evidence that biological factors, not psychological or emotional factors, usher in the disease.
Virtually all the effective programs have in common the understanding that alcoholism is a disease that can be arrested but not cured and that the cornerstone of full recovery must be continuous total abstinence from alcohol and substitute drugs. Nearly all these programs also usher their patients into A.A for long-term sobriety maintenance after treatment. But unfortunately, even these programs, which are relatively successful, base their treatment philosophies and stategies on the A.A belief that the alcoholic disease begins with a character flaw or other psychological inadequacy, and this belief is the major shortcoming among otherwise effective treatment programs everywhere.
By treating the psychological problems as primary rather than the physical disease and addiction, programs which could otherwise help 80+ percent of their patients make lasting, high quality recoveries instead can only claim recovery rates half that high and a relatively poorer quality of sobriety for their patients. These programs typically underestimate or miss completely the long-term effects of toxicity, malnutrition,hypoglycemia, and even the withdrawal syndrome in causing or aggravating the alcoholics psychological problems. Instead, the recurring psychological problems are mistaken as evidence that the alcoholic is, at bottom, an inadepuate, depressed, anxious, and self-destructive personality. This view of the alcoholic's character and personality, as stressed throughout this book, reinforces the sick alcoholic's character belief that he is responsible for his disease, increases his guilt and shame, intensifies his anxiety and resentments, and stiffens his defensiveness against both the diagnosis of alcoholism and the proposed treatment. These aggravated symptoms than loom up as the major problems to be "diagnosed" and treated rather than as the symptoms of an underlying physical disease.
If you are considering an alternative treatment center I can give a good reference, please send me a pm.
SH
Despite it's moralistic foundation, however, A.A. worked as no other approach to alcoholism had before, and as a long-term sobriety maintenance program, there still is not even a distant rival. Thus A.A. stands as a colossal paradox. The fellowship has undoubtedly been the most powerful force in getting society to accept alcoholism as a treatable disease. Yet at the same time, it has become a powerful obstacle to accepting the otherwise overwhelming evidence that biological factors, not psychological or emotional factors, usher in the disease.
Virtually all the effective programs have in common the understanding that alcoholism is a disease that can be arrested but not cured and that the cornerstone of full recovery must be continuous total abstinence from alcohol and substitute drugs. Nearly all these programs also usher their patients into A.A for long-term sobriety maintenance after treatment. But unfortunately, even these programs, which are relatively successful, base their treatment philosophies and stategies on the A.A belief that the alcoholic disease begins with a character flaw or other psychological inadequacy, and this belief is the major shortcoming among otherwise effective treatment programs everywhere.
By treating the psychological problems as primary rather than the physical disease and addiction, programs which could otherwise help 80+ percent of their patients make lasting, high quality recoveries instead can only claim recovery rates half that high and a relatively poorer quality of sobriety for their patients. These programs typically underestimate or miss completely the long-term effects of toxicity, malnutrition,hypoglycemia, and even the withdrawal syndrome in causing or aggravating the alcoholics psychological problems. Instead, the recurring psychological problems are mistaken as evidence that the alcoholic is, at bottom, an inadepuate, depressed, anxious, and self-destructive personality. This view of the alcoholic's character and personality, as stressed throughout this book, reinforces the sick alcoholic's character belief that he is responsible for his disease, increases his guilt and shame, intensifies his anxiety and resentments, and stiffens his defensiveness against both the diagnosis of alcoholism and the proposed treatment. These aggravated symptoms than loom up as the major problems to be "diagnosed" and treated rather than as the symptoms of an underlying physical disease.
If you are considering an alternative treatment center I can give a good reference, please send me a pm.
SH
It was several years later before i achieved any lasting clean time, but my Milam experience and education was incredibly valuable, and i use a similar holistic approach to my recovery today.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 207
Mama - You go girl and so fantastic on your 1 month!!! That is so good. You sort out what recovery program works best for you and as others have said, it is different for each of us to find and work. If you are sober that is what is all about. If you are finding yourself and your path to a full life then that is also what it is about - sober. All you can ask is go in with an open mind and with a mind to opening your life to the possibilities it offers now that you are not consumed by drinking!
I am picking up activities slowly that are making my life feel full again - things I enjoy. I am trying to expand in my activities. Yes, it takes energy and effort but for me it is fantastic. As my body feels lighter and healther it is much easier to moblize myself. I take parts of programs that feel right for me. Ultimately only I can control my sobriety - no matter what the program what works comes from within.
I am picking up activities slowly that are making my life feel full again - things I enjoy. I am trying to expand in my activities. Yes, it takes energy and effort but for me it is fantastic. As my body feels lighter and healther it is much easier to moblize myself. I take parts of programs that feel right for me. Ultimately only I can control my sobriety - no matter what the program what works comes from within.
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 318
Thanks Sweet...you are a great friend! I think I am on a less confusing track and I am feeling really good today. I am happy and I am feeling relaxed tonight. Some sort of emotional train wreck on that 30 day mark...lol.
It is great to be getting healthy, isn't it? I can't wait to feel even better, but for now I feel great.
Donna
It is great to be getting healthy, isn't it? I can't wait to feel even better, but for now I feel great.
Donna
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