Hello from Sooty
Just starting
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Wellington, New Zealand
Posts: 13
Hello from Sooty
Hi everyone
I've just joined today. I'm a bit lost these days so have decided to seek help. Really just need someone to talk to about my drinking. I know I'm not in control at the moment.
Only time for a short post right now as I am heading out (I'm in New Zealand where its 5.10 pm) to my parents place. Unfortunately we always drink a lot - you'll laugh at this - my mother who drinks little or nothing makes a point of making sure I get pissed as she sees how it relaxes me and I seem happier (and I am). It's really hard to say no and I know my Dad and others in my life (e.g. my wife) would hate not to be able to drink with me, its so ingrained in our way of life - I'm a happy fun interesting loving drunk but a boring introspective cynical sober person.
There's a lot more but I need to run. Perhaps I will log on when I get home.
Sooty
I'm out of balance and I have been pissed now every night almost for years
I've just joined today. I'm a bit lost these days so have decided to seek help. Really just need someone to talk to about my drinking. I know I'm not in control at the moment.
Only time for a short post right now as I am heading out (I'm in New Zealand where its 5.10 pm) to my parents place. Unfortunately we always drink a lot - you'll laugh at this - my mother who drinks little or nothing makes a point of making sure I get pissed as she sees how it relaxes me and I seem happier (and I am). It's really hard to say no and I know my Dad and others in my life (e.g. my wife) would hate not to be able to drink with me, its so ingrained in our way of life - I'm a happy fun interesting loving drunk but a boring introspective cynical sober person.
There's a lot more but I need to run. Perhaps I will log on when I get home.
Sooty
I'm out of balance and I have been pissed now every night almost for years
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,369
Hi Sooty
I'm an Aussie so it's no surprise I had similar familial pressures...you're not having a good time without a drink...it's rude not to accept even....and friend pressures...expecting me to drink with them...building afternoons around coming over with a few 'tallies' in fact.
But they didn't see the despair I was in, and they didn't see many disasters that drinking caused me...or if they did, they explained it away as me getting carried away 'that one time'.
but I knew it wasn't good for me - I knew it was consuming me - and I knew I wasn't reaching my potential.
I had to make some decisions about my priorities and find the strength to do right by myself.
I got a lot of help here. I hope you will too
D
I'm an Aussie so it's no surprise I had similar familial pressures...you're not having a good time without a drink...it's rude not to accept even....and friend pressures...expecting me to drink with them...building afternoons around coming over with a few 'tallies' in fact.
But they didn't see the despair I was in, and they didn't see many disasters that drinking caused me...or if they did, they explained it away as me getting carried away 'that one time'.
but I knew it wasn't good for me - I knew it was consuming me - and I knew I wasn't reaching my potential.
I had to make some decisions about my priorities and find the strength to do right by myself.
I got a lot of help here. I hope you will too
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Germany
Posts: 2,058
Welcome!! You have plenty of support here.
I knew what alcohol was doing to me but I don't really anyone knew the true damage it really was doing to me physically, mentally, etc.
I found many just thought I should cut back....not drink so much. Whats wrong with you....I got that one a lot.
I quit and got help for me because of the person I had become. I didn't like who I was and I wasn't the person I knew I could be.
There are so many of us here who have gotten sober and living positive lives.
Look forward to your posts and the journey my friend.
I knew what alcohol was doing to me but I don't really anyone knew the true damage it really was doing to me physically, mentally, etc.
I found many just thought I should cut back....not drink so much. Whats wrong with you....I got that one a lot.
I quit and got help for me because of the person I had become. I didn't like who I was and I wasn't the person I knew I could be.
There are so many of us here who have gotten sober and living positive lives.
Look forward to your posts and the journey my friend.
Just starting
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Wellington, New Zealand
Posts: 13
Thnaks
Thank you, you kind people who responded to my first post. I don't know where you are in the world or waht time it is. But I'm humbled. Who cares about the guy from New Zealand? Awww that sounds wanky. Let me just leave it at humbled.
ok. Turned out as I said. Dad bought out a nice wine 2003 (try this son) and then another one. I came home feeling great and was the best Dad putting the kids to bed. This is my main problem - I am the best version of me when I am moderately drunk, I'm spontaneous ( but not stupid), I have the greatest ideas and inspirations, I "feel". Too drunk and I hate myself but when I get it right this family is the happiest place...........but I know its not real and I know tomorrow I will hate myself. For me drink brings out the depths of my personality and I'm such a flat-limer otherwise that I like the guy with a few drinks more than I like the guy without.
So boring to most of you I'm sure. All these newbies with the same story. All the same I'd like to tell mine.
I'm all over the place. Must be honest. Am not sober right now. Sorry. I so respect what everybody here is doing, Sorry.
ok. Turned out as I said. Dad bought out a nice wine 2003 (try this son) and then another one. I came home feeling great and was the best Dad putting the kids to bed. This is my main problem - I am the best version of me when I am moderately drunk, I'm spontaneous ( but not stupid), I have the greatest ideas and inspirations, I "feel". Too drunk and I hate myself but when I get it right this family is the happiest place...........but I know its not real and I know tomorrow I will hate myself. For me drink brings out the depths of my personality and I'm such a flat-limer otherwise that I like the guy with a few drinks more than I like the guy without.
So boring to most of you I'm sure. All these newbies with the same story. All the same I'd like to tell mine.
I'm all over the place. Must be honest. Am not sober right now. Sorry. I so respect what everybody here is doing, Sorry.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Ireland
Posts: 1,641
Well, hello from Ireland! You are not boring! You are in a difficult spot because drinking is such a normal way of life for a lot of people. You could just say you are not one of the people who can drink away and be able to live life with no worries. The fact that you are here is saying, you are done. Tell your family individually and while you and they are sober, that you feel you are slipping out of control with the drinking and would they just give you a break on the drinkfests for a while. If everyone is having a nice time at a family "do", they don't need you to be the entertainment for the day. If everyone was loud and gregarious, the world would be very odd. So what if you are quiet or not doing a jig on the table. They probably don't have a clue that this is even an issue with you.
Your family love you and your mother would definately not want to hurt you. mothers and there baby boys and all that. Take a break from family things for a couple of weeks and spend one on one time with people where drink is not an issue.
Your wife is the first person to talk to. Just say, you are not saying "we" need to cut down but that it is not good fun for you anymore. She will understand. Good luck, and be your own man, it is your body and mind after all.
Your family love you and your mother would definately not want to hurt you. mothers and there baby boys and all that. Take a break from family things for a couple of weeks and spend one on one time with people where drink is not an issue.
Your wife is the first person to talk to. Just say, you are not saying "we" need to cut down but that it is not good fun for you anymore. She will understand. Good luck, and be your own man, it is your body and mind after all.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Here Sooty, I fixed this for ya. I added the bold parts 
Suffice it to say, I identified with everything you wrote (in yer real post and in my edited version - lol). Half-in-the-bag was the way I "enjoyed" feeling and when I was happy, it seemed easier to be pleasant to everyone around me.....which I mistakenly believed made everyone else happy. Truth is, they knew me for who I really was......a coward hiding behind alcohol.
If that wasn't bad enough, my drinking picked up steam. I drank progressively more and more, the drunk nights got more frequent, and somewhere along the way I crossed that "invisible line" and couldn't stop and stay stopped.
Sounds like you've got some thinking to do but I'll tell you this for sure: being a sober recovered alcoholic is WAY more enjoyable than being a persistent drunk - and NOW....ppl in my life really ARE happy when I'm around.
My false ego tells me I am the best version of me when I am moderately drunk, it tells me I'm spontaneous ( but not stupid), I have the greatest ideas and inspirations and I'm foolish enough to believe it, the sedative effects of alcohol produce a euphoric effect that I really like and I "feel". Too drunk and I hate myself but when I get it right this family is the happiest place when they let me play God and I do what I want when I want - everyone is pleased when I am happy first...........but I know its not real and I know tomorrow I will hate myself because the delusion of my folly from the night before will be made apparent to me - my eyes will be opened to what is really happening. For me drink brings out the depths of my personality and I'm such a flat-limer otherwise that I like the guy with a few drinks more than I like the guy without but then again, I've never tried recovery and I've never been recovered so really I'm just scared to try something different.
If that wasn't bad enough, my drinking picked up steam. I drank progressively more and more, the drunk nights got more frequent, and somewhere along the way I crossed that "invisible line" and couldn't stop and stay stopped.
Sounds like you've got some thinking to do but I'll tell you this for sure: being a sober recovered alcoholic is WAY more enjoyable than being a persistent drunk - and NOW....ppl in my life really ARE happy when I'm around.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Dallas, Tx
Posts: 2,405
Hi Sooty, welcome to SR. I drank for 30+ yrs in large part because I thought I was so boring w/o my wine, I had so much fun drinking it nearly killed me-literally. I had no idea who the heck I would be sober, but discovering myself has been a great journey and I love this me more than I hated the old me. We're here for you any time of day or night.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: NC
Posts: 1,737
Sooty - what you describe is identifiable to almost all alcoholics. I've been reading Drinking, a Love Story by Caroline Knapp, it is a memoir of her journey to sobriety.
Your post reminded me of a section I recently read, which describes how many alcoholics begin their "love story" with drink:
“It turned me into someone I liked.” A woman named Louise said that at a meeting (Alcoholics Anonymous) during my first month’s sobriety. She was teary when she spoke, a trace of grief in her voice, as though she was reduced to nothing without that special math, unlikeable to herself and others. She said, “All that sh!t I feel – when I drank, it just went away.”
For a long time, when it’s working, the drink feels like a path to a kind of self-enlightenment, something that turns us into the person we wish to be, or the person we think we really are. In some ways the dynamic is this simple: alcohol makes everything better until it makes everything worse. And when drinking makes things better, it does so with such easy perfection, lifting you, shifting you – just like that – into another self.
…This is such a common sensation to a drinker. My friend Meg says she felt like the “real” her was trapped somewhere inside, locked up in a cage beneath her ribs. When she drank, that version was freed. “For years,” she says, “it felt like the road to truth.” She smiles and adds, “In vodka veritas.”
Needless to say, that particular vertitas is a false truth, one we latch onto which allows us to rationalize our drinking. The way I see it, alcoholism is a conflict in our lives that keeps returning with ever starker consequences until we either realize we can't beat it, or die trying.
Welcome to SR Soot. Pardon the gloom, but it's a necessary starting point. There are a lot of good people here to lend a hand - you can do this!
All the best,
Edd
Your post reminded me of a section I recently read, which describes how many alcoholics begin their "love story" with drink:
“It turned me into someone I liked.” A woman named Louise said that at a meeting (Alcoholics Anonymous) during my first month’s sobriety. She was teary when she spoke, a trace of grief in her voice, as though she was reduced to nothing without that special math, unlikeable to herself and others. She said, “All that sh!t I feel – when I drank, it just went away.”
For a long time, when it’s working, the drink feels like a path to a kind of self-enlightenment, something that turns us into the person we wish to be, or the person we think we really are. In some ways the dynamic is this simple: alcohol makes everything better until it makes everything worse. And when drinking makes things better, it does so with such easy perfection, lifting you, shifting you – just like that – into another self.
…This is such a common sensation to a drinker. My friend Meg says she felt like the “real” her was trapped somewhere inside, locked up in a cage beneath her ribs. When she drank, that version was freed. “For years,” she says, “it felt like the road to truth.” She smiles and adds, “In vodka veritas.”
Needless to say, that particular vertitas is a false truth, one we latch onto which allows us to rationalize our drinking. The way I see it, alcoholism is a conflict in our lives that keeps returning with ever starker consequences until we either realize we can't beat it, or die trying.
Welcome to SR Soot. Pardon the gloom, but it's a necessary starting point. There are a lot of good people here to lend a hand - you can do this!
All the best,
Edd
Just starting
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Wellington, New Zealand
Posts: 13
You are right of course
Originally Posted by Hollyanne 
Well, hello from Ireland! You are not boring! You are in a difficult spot because drinking is such a normal way of life for a lot of people. You could just say you are not one of the people who can drink away and be able to live life with no worries. The fact that you are here is saying, you are done. Tell your family individually and while you and they are sober, that you feel you are slipping out of control with the drinking and would they just give you a break on the drinkfests for a while. If everyone is having a nice time at a family "do", they don't need you to be the entertainment for the day. If everyone was loud and gregarious, the world would be very odd. So what if you are quiet or not doing a jig on the table. They probably don't have a clue that this is even an issue with you.
Your family love you and your mother would definately not want to hurt you. mothers and there baby boys and all that. Take a break from family things for a couple of weeks and spend one on one time with people where drink is not an issue.
Your wife is the first person to talk to. Just say, you are not saying "we" need to cut down but that it is not good fun for you anymore. She will understand. Good luck, and be your own man, it is your body and mind after all.
Your family love you and your mother would definately not want to hurt you. mothers and there baby boys and all that. Take a break from family things for a couple of weeks and spend one on one time with people where drink is not an issue.
Your wife is the first person to talk to. Just say, you are not saying "we" need to cut down but that it is not good fun for you anymore. She will understand. Good luck, and be your own man, it is your body and mind after all.
But I have decided to do it anyway and I'll let you know how I get on. Thanks for the advice.
Just starting
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Wellington, New Zealand
Posts: 13
Originally Posted by DayTrader
Here Sooty, I fixed this for ya. I added the bold parts
Suffice it to say, I identified with everything you wrote (in yer real post and in my edited version - lol). Half-in-the-bag was the way I "enjoyed" feeling and when I was happy, it seemed easier to be pleasant to everyone around me.....which I mistakenly believed made everyone else happy. Truth is, they knew me for who I really was......a coward hiding behind alcohol.
If that wasn't bad enough, my drinking picked up steam. I drank progressively more and more, the drunk nights got more frequent, and somewhere along the way I crossed that "invisible line" and couldn't stop and stay stopped.
Sounds like you've got some thinking to do but I'll tell you this for sure: being a sober recovered alcoholic is WAY more enjoyable than being a persistent drunk - and NOW....ppl in my life really ARE happy when I'm around.
Suffice it to say, I identified with everything you wrote (in yer real post and in my edited version - lol). Half-in-the-bag was the way I "enjoyed" feeling and when I was happy, it seemed easier to be pleasant to everyone around me.....which I mistakenly believed made everyone else happy. Truth is, they knew me for who I really was......a coward hiding behind alcohol.
If that wasn't bad enough, my drinking picked up steam. I drank progressively more and more, the drunk nights got more frequent, and somewhere along the way I crossed that "invisible line" and couldn't stop and stay stopped.
Sounds like you've got some thinking to do but I'll tell you this for sure: being a sober recovered alcoholic is WAY more enjoyable than being a persistent drunk - and NOW....ppl in my life really ARE happy when I'm around.
I do want to stop. I know I am ruining my life. And I might be a fun Dad at bedtime after a few drinks but actually I am a crap Dad in the morning when I bite the kids heads off or barely listen to them because I have a hangover. And I'm a crap Dad when I want to hurry and finish their bedtime story because I need to get another drink in before dinner or I won't get enough of a "shine" on before food slows me down.
I haven't been to work in two weeks and I've made up horrendous lies to cover my tracks. I'm self employed so financially I am ruining things big time.
Thanks for your post.
Just starting
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Wellington, New Zealand
Posts: 13
Originally Posted by Eddiebuckle
Sooty - what you describe is identifiable to almost all alcoholics. I've been reading Drinking, a Love Story by Caroline Knapp, it is a memoir of her journey to sobriety.
Your post reminded me of a section I recently read, which describes how many alcoholics begin their "love story" with drink:
“It turned me into someone I liked.” A woman named Louise said that at a meeting (Alcoholics Anonymous) during my first month’s sobriety. She was teary when she spoke, a trace of grief in her voice, as though she was reduced to nothing without that special math, unlikeable to herself and others. She said, “All that sh!t I feel – when I drank, it just went away.”
For a long time, when it’s working, the drink feels like a path to a kind of self-enlightenment, something that turns us into the person we wish to be, or the person we think we really are. In some ways the dynamic is this simple: alcohol makes everything better until it makes everything worse. And when drinking makes things better, it does so with such easy perfection, lifting you, shifting you – just like that – into another self.
…This is such a common sensation to a drinker. My friend Meg says she felt like the “real” her was trapped somewhere inside, locked up in a cage beneath her ribs. When she drank, that version was freed. “For years,” she says, “it felt like the road to truth.” She smiles and adds, “In vodka veritas.”
Needless to say, that particular vertitas is a false truth, one we latch onto which allows us to rationalize our drinking. The way I see it, alcoholism is a conflict in our lives that keeps returning with ever starker consequences until we either realize we can't beat it, or die trying.
Welcome to SR Soot. Pardon the gloom, but it's a necessary starting point. There are a lot of good people here to lend a hand - you can do this!
All the best,
Edd
Your post reminded me of a section I recently read, which describes how many alcoholics begin their "love story" with drink:
“It turned me into someone I liked.” A woman named Louise said that at a meeting (Alcoholics Anonymous) during my first month’s sobriety. She was teary when she spoke, a trace of grief in her voice, as though she was reduced to nothing without that special math, unlikeable to herself and others. She said, “All that sh!t I feel – when I drank, it just went away.”
For a long time, when it’s working, the drink feels like a path to a kind of self-enlightenment, something that turns us into the person we wish to be, or the person we think we really are. In some ways the dynamic is this simple: alcohol makes everything better until it makes everything worse. And when drinking makes things better, it does so with such easy perfection, lifting you, shifting you – just like that – into another self.
…This is such a common sensation to a drinker. My friend Meg says she felt like the “real” her was trapped somewhere inside, locked up in a cage beneath her ribs. When she drank, that version was freed. “For years,” she says, “it felt like the road to truth.” She smiles and adds, “In vodka veritas.”
Needless to say, that particular vertitas is a false truth, one we latch onto which allows us to rationalize our drinking. The way I see it, alcoholism is a conflict in our lives that keeps returning with ever starker consequences until we either realize we can't beat it, or die trying.
Welcome to SR Soot. Pardon the gloom, but it's a necessary starting point. There are a lot of good people here to lend a hand - you can do this!
All the best,
Edd
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Ireland
Posts: 1,641
Hey Sooty, I am so happy for you. If you read from your first post to the last, the self discovery is stunning. I tend to bawl like a baby at the moment. We can be hardasses, but you meet so many kind and caring people in recovery they just get to you don't they?
I told my mother about my drinking. My siblings thought I was nuts! But she was so supportive. I have not told her that I fell off the wagon and the fact that I was staggering around the house and stumbling around their room(Moved from USA recently,confusion understandable when pissed as a fart) in the middle of the night and making lots of noise wasn't mentioned!! I am actually laughing to myself right now. The denial in some families is outrageous, but that is why YOU have to bring it up.
I do not involve my family in my detailed recovery though, as I have had the day count and relapses thrown at me in frustration, by one of my sisters and one of my brothers.
They are scared and trying to control it. They have backed off now and are leaving me to it. Sorry for rambling on. There is just so much good stuff out there to help us!
Good luck and a hug for you.
I told my mother about my drinking. My siblings thought I was nuts! But she was so supportive. I have not told her that I fell off the wagon and the fact that I was staggering around the house and stumbling around their room(Moved from USA recently,confusion understandable when pissed as a fart) in the middle of the night and making lots of noise wasn't mentioned!! I am actually laughing to myself right now. The denial in some families is outrageous, but that is why YOU have to bring it up.
I do not involve my family in my detailed recovery though, as I have had the day count and relapses thrown at me in frustration, by one of my sisters and one of my brothers.
They are scared and trying to control it. They have backed off now and are leaving me to it. Sorry for rambling on. There is just so much good stuff out there to help us!
Good luck and a hug for you.
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