artsoul

Welcome Sooty - I can relate so much to your description of hurrying through the evening with kids so that I could get to my drinking, and then wanting to be left alone all morning with the inevitable hangover. It really is pretty insane looking back on it all.

Be careful with withdrawals if you're drinking every night. The first couple days can be rough and lots of people need a doctor to get through it. I know it's scary to even admit we have a problem on an online forum, much less to a doc or family/friends, but we all do better if we get lots of support. There's no shame in realizing you have a problem and wanting to do something about it.

I didn't think I could learn to live sober (or would even want to - I even thought it would help me as an artist). BUT to my surprise, after 5 months it feels normal, and it actually feels good. I'm actually funnier now, my smile is sincere, I'm getting a LOT more done, and I'm not running around counting and hiding drinks.

Try it - you'll like it!!!:ghug3

LaVallette

G'Day from across the Ditch, Sooty.

I've had the pleasure of working with many Kiwi's in the Solomons, PNG and East Timor (that almost gave away what I do for a living! ) Great times, especially when a rugby game was on TV between our two countries!

Do you really want to end up like Jake the Muss? (Sooty'll know what I'm on about with this reference) Don't know if you're Maori or not, and it doesn't really matter, because one thing alcohol is, is a huge leveller. It brings everyone down to its level.

You can do this, and you are not alone!

Welcome and keep coming back!

Sooty

Thanks Artsoul. Everyone seems really positive about not drinking. I believe it can happen and I'm really hoping it happens to me. Anyway, I have made it through day one. Things were made a little easier by just being here with the kids - no visitors or friends and I'm still scared about handling that when it comes...but I'm on the road! Thanks to everyone - it simply would not have happened if I had not come here.

Sooty

Hello Cobber and thanks for the encouragement. Everyone has such great quotes and sayings here. I always thought I would never be an angry drunk but I must admit, looking back, and contradicting one of my earlier posts about being a happy drunk, over the last couple of years there has been a less happy side - me more argumentative or defensive with my wife and some pretty unhappy bedtimes. I guess sometimes I've been mean and hurtful actually. Off come the road coloured glases. Aah the ugly truth.

Sooty

Hi everyone. Well.....I didn't do so well - just two days in fact and now, I think, it's a week later. Nothing much to say.

LexieCat

And?

Did you think you were going to change your life simply by posting a couple of posts admitting that your drinking is out of control, while you go on to say how great it is to get a good buzz on?

What did you DO about your drinking? Did you throw out all of the alcohol in the house? Did you go to an AA meeting? Did you ask your family for their support?

It didn't sound from your first couple of posts as if you were doing anything more than musing about how you really shouldn't be drinking so much.

Except that it seems you can't live without it.

What is it you are trying to accomplish? Alcoholics cannot control their drinking. And it gets worse over time. The only solution is to quit, for good. It never sounded to me as if you were ready to accept that. Until you are, you've got a dilemma, my friend.

If you're ready to give it up, we can help.

Stang

Yea I was more "sociable" when I was drunk. Guess I was ...no I know I was more entertaining for other people. Well here's the thing about "other people". "Other people" will NOT pay your bills when you loose your job. "Other people" will NOT bail you out of jail, pay your fines, court cost, and outrageous insurance when you get caught driving drunk. If you hurt someone "other people" don't have to live with that and go to prison with you. When your liver is shot, you have ulcers, pancreatic cancer, heart disease...ect...YOU will be in unimaginable pain Not "other people". Get the point?
Best wishes for you and your family.

GettingStronger2

Well, I wouldn't call it a fail. I would think of it more as a false start. Not really a relapse after a week. You have made a decision to stop drinking. You have recognized that you have an issue with it. That is a start. It is not easy to quit drinking, and I dont' think anyone here will tell you otherwise.

Some people decide to quit, quit and never drink again. Others decided to quit, and start drinking again, and quit again, and repeat the cycle for quite a while.

You don't have to fail at it. You just have to put it down again. And find your resolve and your spirit.

Dee74

Welcome back sooty.

Aehmnms got it - you've made a start and you've reinforced the fact that you have an issue. I agree it's not a fail - most of us had false starts.

Lexie's right tho - it takes a lot of work to change our lives and to not only not drink, but stay that way - and be happy about it.

so, what's next, mate?
D

Sooty

Yes I agree I can see that it doesn't look like I am committed. But I am committed to change and I am battling to do it, but I guess part of my problem is I haven't worked out exactly what it looks like. No drinking ever? A glass when my wife and I go out for dinner? At my daughter's 21st. Normal drinking within prescribed limits? I know I have a problem with alcohol right now (and have for years) but I also know that I drink to drown out problems I have in real life. If I fixed those would I need alcohol? It seems that saying you are an alcoholic means drawing a line in the sand for the rest of your life - why does it have to be so black and white? Does anyone ever get healthy and go on to normal drinking? I'd like to believe that can happen.

Regarding AA, I respect people who have the courage to go but I don't really want to go that way. I don't believe in God (wish I did), or a higher power, which I understand is part of it. And being honest, I don't want to be a person sitting in a room complaining about my life. It's partly the way I am made - I'd like to attack things positively, set some goals and work it that way. I have a friend who is an alcoholic who tells me about the people at his meetings who drive him up the wall. I haven't even told him I have problems with drink - he wears his alcoholism like a badge of honour and often says things like "half of these people aren't even alcoholics and they don't really know what it is like to be one", and he regales stories of how much he used to drink and how pissed he'd be for weeks on end and the scrapes he got into. He has a pretty high standard.

I came on here hoping to talk to someone about my struggle and to find some inspiration really, to read people's success stories, and to see that I can do it too. I think I want to approach my problem from a goal perspective - and I'm not sure I never want to drink again. I collect wine. I have a cellar full of it. I'd like to still be able to have a glass of wine with a meal occassionally. I'd be happy if that was once a week. It sounds like that may not be an option for me - I don't know. I have read a bit about moderation management. Really I'm just a bit lost.

Perhaps even coming here is a weak option for me. Confessing on these forums is a lot easier than manning up with my family and frends isn't it?

Dee74

I think everyone wants to believe they can go backwards Sooty and drink normally again.

I tried for 20 years - fully 20 years - and I couldn't manage to drink normally, not consistently.

The best day of my life was when I gave up trying.

I realised I never drank normally - I always drank to get off my head, right from my first experiences with alcohol.

I started to drink for reasons too - but I out drank many of them and left myself with a nasty case of alcoholism.

You don't have to be homeless and drinking out of a paper bag to be an alcoholic. I always paid my bills, turned up for work, got things done...until I didn't, but that was many years later. I wish I'd confronted my problems sooner rather later.

So for me yeah - it means no drinking ever if I want to keep what I have now. Alcohol screws me over and makes me far less than who I know I can be.

I had to ask myself why was drinking so important to me - why did I want so much to keep this liquid in my life?

Does it matter that you might toast with a glass of coke at your daughter's 21st?
I wish you well with whatever you decide to do Sooty

D

CarolD

I went back and re-read this thread.
Good to see you again....

My input?
I've never met an adult child of drinkers who said
they were so happy their parents reeked of alcohol
Or that they were proud of their parents drinking behaviors.

I've never known a person who had improved their income
and business by making alcohol a partner.
Along that line of thinking....you may need that collection to sell
later down the road.

Only active alcoholics yearn to control their intake.
It's simply a non issue for most drinkers.

I sure hope you will find the willingness to abstain.
It's just not all about your future
you have loved ones to protect and guide.

Of course....you and your children may be the exception....I

SSIL75

I just read this whole thread and Sooty - I can relate so much to you I, too have kids and did it ever suck when my son started to pick up on skipping pages in books. Or the nights I'd be lying with one of them willing them to fall asleep. Wishing I was into that 'cry it out' thing so that I could get back to my glass.

And feeling like I was in a fog until I started drinking. But a couple of drinks in.. THEN I was 'alive'.

And not wanting to admit all this to my family. Not wanting to admit that the real reason it was a secret was because I didn't want to be accountable to anyone. As long as it was my secret, I could conveniently forget about it the next time I wanted to get drunk.

Despairing at the thought of no more alcohol, ever. But what about at a wedding? New Years Eve?

The introduction of a million complex rules for drinking. Breaking 90% of them and the other 10% of the time taking so much effort it ruined my buzz.

I get it, I really do.

I have been sober for 7 weeks or so. And something has clicked. I don't know how. Maybe I just got tired of my own lies. But the idea of not drinking forever is now a RELIEF. I'm going to everything I'm invited to and I realize that people really don't drink that much. I'm really present at an event (not eying the booze table. Wondering if anyone is counting). I'm sleeping well and excited to wake up every morning. My days are no longer a blur counting down to drinking time. They are busy and exciting and nights are for relaxing (REALLY relaxing. Not poisoning myself into believing I'm relaxed).

All the despair you feel at giving up drinking. It's hollow. It's the drug tricking your brain into getting its next fix. With real effort and an open mind you can find joy in sobriety. I've never felt this alive, ever.

FWIW I am not in AA or any formal recovery program. But I do work every day on creating my new life and protecting myself from relapse.

Keep posting Sooty. It took me years to get here. I've known I had a problem for YEARS. But I kept spinning my wheels trying to control my drinking. But when when people like you and me drink, alcohol is ALWAYS in control. Even if you manage to stick to your magic number for one night. I can almost guarantee that the amount of effort it takes for you to control it means that alcohol has had the upper hand all night, anyway. It's a Pyrrhic victory.

Sooty

Ouch. Those words hit the spot, as you may have expected - I'm kidding myself if I think I can manage my drinking, eventualy there will be consequences and well, obviously there have been consequences already. My problem has always been that I think too much, use my brain instead of my senses, and that's why alcohol is such a danger for me, you can 'think' yourself into anything, tell yourself that things will be ok, that tomorrow will be different when you plain KNOW that it won't be. The things I have rationalised to allow myself to drink lately have ben staggering. I've even reassured myself that, at least I have insurance and if it all goes to custard and I couldn't handle it I could top myself and the family would be looked after. That's how warped my thinking has been.

Your post made a difference. I haven't had anything for three days. Tonight (day four) I had one glass of one at my parents house. I didn't want that one, declined any other drinks and said I was on a diet to cover up. The disappointment when I announced I wasn't gonna have anything to drink before dinner was palpable in the room. I'm struggling to be able to fully announce quitting even if its what I'd like to do - you'll say it not me struggling to announce I'm quitting, its actually me struggling to quit - just leaving the door open a bit.

And of course, becasue I wasn't drunk, and wasn't Mr Relaxed I was tetchy with the kids over stuff I'd normally let slide, just reinforcing to them how they need to make sure I have a drink to relax next time. This is hard.

Sooty

Yes that's all me. I have had periods of not drinking (must admit not for a while) and when I have been sober and exercising and taking care of business I've felt a million bucks and I've looked at the mirror and wondered how I could be that other person and sworn I'll never be again. And then you reward yourself one night for a job well done - got a handle on my drinking! And then the next night you say to yourself, well last night was my celebration (fair enough) and now I need to start being good again but I'll strat on Monday coz if I have decent night tonight I'll have it out my system and be good after that...and the trap opens wider. After a few weeks I can't even look in the mirror. I shave looking at my chin and refuse to make eye contact with myself. I'l keep posting. I thought tonight (just one wine) was a minor victory but if I am honest I just chickened again.

Kmber2010

Snooty - getting sober and beginning recovery is about you. You can do this but I think focusing on that reflection in the mirror instead of what everyone else thinks of your drinking is the best bet don't you think?

Alcoholism is progressive as we all know and every drink continues the cycle.

What worked for me was quitting and getting into recovery. Having the support of SR has been invaluable and my life in sobriety is far more amazing then I could have ever imagined.

I suspect that down the road in sobriety.....many people might surprise you with what they really thought of you when you were drinking.

All the best.

tjp613

I hope you figure it out, Sooty.

The only time my dad ever showed me any affection was when he was drunk and I resent the HELL out of that. He died in an alcohol related accident when I was 8 years old. I never did learn to love him.

Just sayin...

LexieCat

Sooty,

For almost every one of us, alcohol was a HUGE part of our self-image. People knew us as drinkers. WE knew us as drinkers. On some level, we took some pride in that--up to a point, anyway. We were the "fun" people, the "cool" people--at least, in our grandiosity (another typical alcoholic characteristic). The thought of removing the booze was almost like the thought of amputating a limb.

Eventually, though, the cost becomes too great to continue. Most of us desperately tried to manage our drinking so we could occasionally have the festive glass of wine, the celebratory drink at the bar, the fine apertif offered with dinner. Guess what--it didn't work. Once you cross the invisible line into alcohol dependency, feeding the addiction AT ALL--even after months or years of sobriety--makes it roar back to life.

I hear very little moaning and complaining at my AA meetings. People tend to share about the solution, not the problem.

I get the feeling you aren't done with your drinking. For your own sake, and that of your family, I hope you get there soon. Once you are truly DONE, and are ready to cut it out of your life, you will find that there is a whole world out there that doesn't revolve around alcohol. It takes a lot of work to change your insides so you can appreciate life without alcohol, but it is so very worth it.

milwaukeeguy85

Your story is not boring and it is very unique because it is YOUR story. While all of our stories, experiences, thought processes, and actions have lead to similar consequences we still drink for different reasons, we still struggle with things differently, and we are still individuals.

There is no shame in admitting you have a problem and what causes that problem (regardless if others have a similar stories). The only shame lies in allowing that problem to continue with doing nothing about it.

Sooty

I've been away...and now I am back. For one month I was just living...and drink wasn't even in the picture. I didn't want a drink, I declined drinks sinply because I didn't feel like one and I found it easy to say no...and then I decided I wasn't an acoholic because it was just so easy once I decided to live differently. But then one night I decided I deserved to let my hair down and I did, and I was cool with it, and I still felt in control, but then I did it again the next night... and the next...and the next...and then I realised that I'll never ever be in control of this. I can't trust myself. I am sooooo ******* scared right now.

You were all right (Lexiecat) and I had to learn. I think I could stop if it was me on a desert island - on holiday I struggle to get pissed (just no need) - but dealing with life? How do I do it?: