coffeenut

I am an alcoholic. One drink will turn to fifty.

Took me a looooong time to figure that out. Not messing with it again.

LexieCat

I always feel the need to comment on MM and Audrey. I am still connected with MM, which, in fact, supports complete and total abstinence for people who are unable to moderate after attempting to do so. Like many people, however, I continued the moderation "experiment" WAYYYY too long--and that was because I wasn't being honest with myself. I was NOT improving--over time, I was getting worse.

Audrey founded MM, and she left the group and joined AA when she found she was unable to moderate long-term. She was a member of AA when she drank and drove and killed two people.

It wasn't MM and it wasn't AA that caused Audrey to drink and drive. It was alcoholism. Relapses occur among members of every recovery program. It's a fact of life. Some people don't recover and some don't recover right away. It could happen to any of us if we don't recover.

This isn't to absolve Audrey of responsibility, and she went to prison for what happened. But her relapse had nothing to do with what program of recovery she was pursuing.

tmarshall

Thats the story of my life, scheduling my drinking.
It's all I dwell on on my "days off"

smacked

That's when I really knew I was an alcoholic.. the obsession grew when I wouldn't drink as often. Normal drinkers don't even think that way.

All that obsession lifted in recovery, though.

TacoDude

For years, I drank only on weekends, sometimes not even heavily. Then things shifted, and many weekends were binge drinking nights, then I started drinking one night a week, then 2 nights a week. By the time I was drinking 4-5 nights a week heavily, I knew I was out of control. The only way out was to STOP. Moderation was not possible anymore...

GlasgowGirl

Yeah,I've done that countless times, 'I'll only drink at weekends', 'I'll only drink when I'm out', 'I'll stay off it when I'm working the next day' (I only work part time). Then it was I'll stay off the spirits' etc etc.

I've been saying these things for years now. I know now that I'm incapable of controlling it, so just trying to face facts that I need to quit altogether.

Hevyn

I was the same - started out only having drinks on Fri. & Sat. Once I discovered the "hair of the dog" trick, I would drink on Sundays to cure my hangover. Drinking late into the night on Sunday, I needed something on Monday or I'd shake. In the end, I had alcohol in my system round-the-clock, keeping one by my bedside to sip on when I woke up shaking & jittery. Lovely.

That's where it will take us if we let it - if we don't acknowledge that we can't touch the stuff. Sadly, it took me many years to come to that conclusion & I was so determined to make it be fun and manageable again, I almost killed myself in the process.

I'm thankful you all are wiser than me - you're getting help and seeing the light before your life is torn apart.

childofnite

This was EXACTLY what I was doing (when I wasn't drinking) after I first decided to stop in June, all the way until a few days ago. I told my husband yesterday on our drive home that even if I WASN'T drinking, my mind acted like it was - in fact, when I would go *into* a beer store, I would start feeling fuzzy, and slurry!!! My mind was hepped up on endorphins THINKING about it!! This is the key to my being sober right now - to completely cut loose that thought, that little niggling thought at the back of my mind that says that I 'might' drink again someday. It needs to be squashed. In a BIG way. In a "Monty Python massive foot coming down and obliterating it" kind of way!!!!!

Thank you for that!!!

OneWay

Thank you all for your thoughts and experiences on this ..... much appreciated !!