Aa Issue
EntertheSticks
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 139
Aa Issue
Ok- I have finally found an AA group that I really enjoy but then........ One of my one night stands walked in. This seems like it is going to be a major issue as we both know who each other are, yet for the life of me cannot remember her name. I could completely tell she knew who I was but I guess the question is....
What the heck do I do from here?
Part of me wants to just go up to her, apologize for what happened, and let her know that we are all here to recover and that the past is the past.
On the other hand- I kind of just want to pretend she doesn't exist (it was a very weird sexual encounter to say the least) and would probably embarrass her if I brought it up.
Very conflicted right now, not even sure I want to go to this meeting anymore.
What the heck do I do from here?
Part of me wants to just go up to her, apologize for what happened, and let her know that we are all here to recover and that the past is the past.
On the other hand- I kind of just want to pretend she doesn't exist (it was a very weird sexual encounter to say the least) and would probably embarrass her if I brought it up.
Very conflicted right now, not even sure I want to go to this meeting anymore.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Germany
Posts: 2,058
Hang in there Mil. I am sure plenty of folks who work AA will be able to support you on how to handle this.
What I do say is that why give up something that is so good for your recovery? I am sure there is a way to work this one out but again....no matter what happens...we must make our sobriety #1.
Wish you well.
What I do say is that why give up something that is so good for your recovery? I am sure there is a way to work this one out but again....no matter what happens...we must make our sobriety #1.
Wish you well.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: the high desert
Posts: 887
For what's it worth, here is my take on it. . ..
First I am glad you found a meeting you like! That is a good thing.
As for your one night stand. . .well, you are both in recovery, or attempting to be. If you both decide to take the program seriously, your past will be your past, and whatever amends you need to make to each other will come to pass in time. We all have a past, and those of us who are alcoholics, well, some of us have more colorful pasts than others. Both of you were involved in the tryst, and both of you are now working on getting sober. Neither of you should have to find a new place to go.
In time, who knows, maybe you can be comfortable being in the meeting with her. I know there are sometimes people at my meeting who make me a tad uncomfortable, not because of a past, but simply because of personalities. no matter, there is room for all of us.
In the event you feel too uncomfortable to pay attention and be present in the meeting, well, then you will have to decide what to do. If you are too focused on how to deal with her, whether she is uncomfortable or whatever, you are not going to benefit from the meetings regardless. If that becomes the case, then you may have to pursue a different meeting. But no need to worry about that at this point.
Good luck. Keep going for now and see how it all unfolds. You don't know what will happen.
First I am glad you found a meeting you like! That is a good thing.
As for your one night stand. . .well, you are both in recovery, or attempting to be. If you both decide to take the program seriously, your past will be your past, and whatever amends you need to make to each other will come to pass in time. We all have a past, and those of us who are alcoholics, well, some of us have more colorful pasts than others. Both of you were involved in the tryst, and both of you are now working on getting sober. Neither of you should have to find a new place to go.
In time, who knows, maybe you can be comfortable being in the meeting with her. I know there are sometimes people at my meeting who make me a tad uncomfortable, not because of a past, but simply because of personalities. no matter, there is room for all of us.
In the event you feel too uncomfortable to pay attention and be present in the meeting, well, then you will have to decide what to do. If you are too focused on how to deal with her, whether she is uncomfortable or whatever, you are not going to benefit from the meetings regardless. If that becomes the case, then you may have to pursue a different meeting. But no need to worry about that at this point.
Good luck. Keep going for now and see how it all unfolds. You don't know what will happen.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Great White North
Posts: 212
chances are if you had a 'weird' one night stand...you were both probably drunk? lol now you are both in recovery. i bet she probably felt just a weird seeing you there and you did when you saw her.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I like Amy's advice. If you feel too distracted by her presence, find another group. She will probably do the same if SHE feels too uncomfortable.
It's only an issue to the extent you make it one.
It's only an issue to the extent you make it one.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,921
Keep going since you found a group you like. I wouldn't bring up the past right now, just be polite and treat her like another person in recovery. You are there for your recovery, she is there for hers, At some point in the future you may even end up making amends to each other (not to be a smart ass, but you will learn her name when she say's "I'm xxxxxx, and I'm an alcoholic").
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
My second AA meeting...there were 6 people I knew....
3 current customers and 3 ex lovers......
So much for anonymity.
While I did take the time to say Hi...there was no need
to get involved with any of them....
I've often run into people I know in meetings.
I've not found it to be a problem for them or me.
May not be possible...I don't know how large this
meeting is....but
If you are going to be distracted .
..move around the room where you can't see her.
Good to know you found a group you like.
That was vital for me too.....
3 current customers and 3 ex lovers......
So much for anonymity.
While I did take the time to say Hi...there was no need
to get involved with any of them....
I've often run into people I know in meetings.
I've not found it to be a problem for them or me.
May not be possible...I don't know how large this
meeting is....but
If you are going to be distracted .
..move around the room where you can't see her.
Good to know you found a group you like.
That was vital for me too.....
No pity. No remorse. No fear
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 183
I don't know the full story behind your tryst (and have no wish to!); but if it's a case of "she knows, that you know, that she knows you know" then clear the air between you both and move on with your individual recoveries (Even if you both decide to stay in the same group). Better to acknowledge the elephant in the room than let it interfere with your recovery.
Just my $0.02.
Just my $0.02.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: my room in ct.
Posts: 58,110
mil are you sure about that?
or the alcoholic pride and ego?
she might have been so sloshed, she doesn't remember,
or better stil,
she might think your the guy that rotated her tires a month ago!
I could completely tell she knew who I was
or the alcoholic pride and ego?
she might have been so sloshed, she doesn't remember,
or better stil,
she might think your the guy that rotated her tires a month ago!
EntertheSticks
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 139
Thanks for the advice folks. I think my plan of action will be to leave things be for now and not "stir the pot" so to speak.
As far as her remembering me: All I know is that I am a salesperson for a living and am pretty good at reading people. We both made eye contact and she immediately looked straight at the floor and turned bright red.
As far as the meeting goes: I will keep attending. I hope she does as well, but it may sound selfish but at this current time in my life her recovery is not really my problem, nor am I going to let drunken mistakes dictate another minute of my life.
There may or may not be an elephant in the room but I would rather not bring it up just in case she really forgot about it (like rusty suggested may have happened) and it would be counter effective to both of us.
As far as her remembering me: All I know is that I am a salesperson for a living and am pretty good at reading people. We both made eye contact and she immediately looked straight at the floor and turned bright red.
As far as the meeting goes: I will keep attending. I hope she does as well, but it may sound selfish but at this current time in my life her recovery is not really my problem, nor am I going to let drunken mistakes dictate another minute of my life.
There may or may not be an elephant in the room but I would rather not bring it up just in case she really forgot about it (like rusty suggested may have happened) and it would be counter effective to both of us.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 385
Originally Posted by milwaukeeguy85 
Thanks for the advice folks. I think my plan of action will be to leave things be for now and not "stir the pot" so to speak.
As far as her remembering me: All I know is that I am a salesperson for a living and am pretty good at reading people. We both made eye contact and she immediately looked straight at the floor and turned bright red.
As far as the meeting goes: I will keep attending. I hope she does as well, but it may sound selfish but at this current time in my life her recovery is not really my problem, nor am I going to let drunken mistakes dictate another minute of my life.
There may or may not be an elephant in the room but I would rather not bring it up just in case she really forgot about it (like rusty suggested may have happened) and it would be counter effective to both of us.
As far as her remembering me: All I know is that I am a salesperson for a living and am pretty good at reading people. We both made eye contact and she immediately looked straight at the floor and turned bright red.
As far as the meeting goes: I will keep attending. I hope she does as well, but it may sound selfish but at this current time in my life her recovery is not really my problem, nor am I going to let drunken mistakes dictate another minute of my life.
There may or may not be an elephant in the room but I would rather not bring it up just in case she really forgot about it (like rusty suggested may have happened) and it would be counter effective to both of us.
chances are probably pretty good that if i regard any interaction with someone as a "drunken mistake," especially one that involves intimacy or sex, I probably owe an amends even if I don't remember her name.
I wouldn't saddle myself with her emotions or embarassment/anger, etc, but I know that simply by being aware, my recovery would lead me to take action. Seldom have I had a problem or a conflict disappear just because I've neglected or ignored it. But I nearly always come away from making an amends feeling pretty good....no matter how the other person responds. Under the heading of "cleaning MY side of the street."
blessings
zenbear
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
$10 she's thinkin' the same things about you. 
(including yer name, what to do/say around you, and how to handle u being there considering how odd YOU are...lol)
Principles before personalities my friend. Work on your connection with a power greater than yourself and your sobriety....I'll promise you "more will be revealed" and you'll intuitively know how to handle situations which are currently baffling you.
(including yer name, what to do/say around you, and how to handle u being there considering how odd YOU are...lol)Principles before personalities my friend. Work on your connection with a power greater than yourself and your sobriety....I'll promise you "more will be revealed" and you'll intuitively know how to handle situations which are currently baffling you.
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