glasgowboy

I have finally realised that I have a problem and I have to do something about it. I am a binge drinker.

I have been on off drinking since i was 13 and my relationship with it has grown and become more embedded in my routine as i have grown older. I m now 26 and my last night out was on Friday 26th September, where i blacked out and didnt come home until 9am. I dont remember exactly how i got home and there are a lot of blanks.

Why i drink, I have always been the louder than life character, the soul of the party. I am also like this sober however when i am out with my friends, i feel like i need to keep up being the soul of the party and i end up drinking more and more, downing anything that i can and regularly spending £100 a night on a night out.

I feel amazing at the time however its the crash and burn scenrio and the hangover and now the blackouts i cant handle anymore. There are a lot of scenarios that my drinking has caused over the last few years, which would not have happened had i not been drinkin in such excess.

I've fallen out with best friends, i have been locked up in a cell overnight, i have wasted so much money, i have really hurt those close to me when they worry if i am alive or lyin in a ditch one night when i dont come home.

I need to stop...my problem is i am easily influenced. I have tried to stop before however it is always the same cycle.

One bad night, done something stupid, regret it so i decide to stop. Then i still go out as i dont lke missing out on things which i feel i shudnt miss out on, eg going out socialising. So i still go out and have a few weeks where i dont drink at all and have a good time. Then i go out and maybe have one or 2 pints only, controlling the drinking and esuring i am in control. However this always leads to drinking more and more and eventually i am out of control again.

I want to put a stop to this cycle, i have never looked for support before and i have phoned a local alcoholics councillor for a meeting, further i have joined this site to look for help/support for those in a similar boat.

Im a good guy, have a good life, a good job and an amazinf family. Why do i keep ruining things because of drink. I need to stop.

Sorry about the massive post...

Mcribb

I thought I was the life of the party, then after I sobered up many people asked "who are we going to hang around that makes us feel better about our drinking" People flocked to me because I was a loudmouth that guys could say "atleast I'm Not that guy" and the wives were like "atleast I am not married to that guy"

jamdls

Hi Glasgow, welcome to SR. Most of "keep ruining things because of drink" because we can't help it. I don't think there is any medical evidence to prove it but I think those of us that have drinking problems have something in our DNA/genes that causes us to drink excessively/uncontrollably I think we are born this way. There are people who say they have learned how to moderate their drinking but I think if you are an alcoholic that's not possible and if you are blacking out and drinking when you don't plan to then you very likely have a problem. The fact that you are recognizing this problem at such a young age is very commendable, unfortunetly getting control of the problem would most likely limit your social life for a period of time. You just have to decide what's more important, your health and your future, or partying in the present?

NEOMARXIST

Hey man. For me then 1 drink is too many and 100,000 never enough. I was a heavy binger too and I can relate to the scenarios you talk of created by excessive alcohol intake.

I realised and truly accepted to my innermost core that I am more than just a binge drinker and I am in fact an alcoholic. So for me the only drink I have to never take is the first one 'just for today'.

I used and continue to use AA, SR and much wisdom from elsewhere too. Coming up on 15 months sober 'one day at a time'. I'm from England and 24 so I know the score in regards to drink and drug culture all too well.

All The Best.

glasgowboy

mcribb - your right there, i never thought of it like that. my friends made me feel guilty like whos going to be my number 1 drinking buddy now. Not going to be the same without u etc etc. Then they tell me about the good times and reminisce and then soon enough im back on the drink. I guess i need to be more stronger myself and ensure i dont forget the bad times and why i have to stop in the first place. I think this is where the knowledge i will learn here and also from future meetings will help me.

jamdls - i certainly feel this way at times, like i know there is an element of planning involved in going out, but for example the night out i had on friday was supposed ot e simply going to the cinema. Then because the cinema was fully booked, me being the 'follower' i can be sometimes, when someone mentioned lets go to a bar, i never said no. I thought i could have one and chill like befor. But then i was downing constant doubles with my mates, competing with them who can drink the fastest. This is another problem for me, downing the drinks the fastest, being the one who comes out on top. but really im only hurting myself and adding to me problems later on.

I think my social life is more revolved round going out and drinking with the lads, i am somewhat bored of this recently but i find it hard to find alternatives and especially when working hard at work all week. WHen it comes to fri/sat nights, i can get the feeling i should be out there, or craving a pint.

Its hard as Glasgow is such a drinking city, i know that sounds lame, but its like i dont know anyone else that wud do anything else other than going out at the weekend. I need to find new friends/clubs to join which will keep me busy and stop me from going out.

Its not going to be easy, thanks for your kind words, i just want to be a good person in the future and someone who my family and friends look up to for the right reasons. I guess safety is another reason 2.

So much on my mind, its a hard one.

glasgowboy

neomarxist, thanks for your words mate. Its good u have kerbed it at 24, impressive.

I have tried and tried but always end up coming back to it. The longest i stopped for was 10 months, best 10 months of my life if i think about it really...felt healthy, felt good, money in the bank but something drew me back. Ive alwys found it hard to get back on the straight and narrow once ive verged off course....this goes for a lot of things in my life, not just drink.

So i need to ensure i stay away for good...what do u do with yourself now mate. Do you still go out, do u have the same friends. I guess one of the reasons i used to go out so much was looking for miss right. Ive been single for around a year and i think i go out thinking ill meet her. But lets face it, the way i am when im out, i just spend the whole night at the bar, not a very attractive quality for any prospective lady friend lol

Im determined to sort it out for good now..this site looks really good

Mcribb

I had to sit down and see who were really my friends, maybe one of them was. The rest just want me around to make themselves feel better. I only had one person ever care enough about me to ask me to get help.

FrankBarone

Hey Glasgowboy, I can identify with everything you've said there. The drinking culture in Scotland and our attitude towards drink is a national embarrassment. We live in a shameless society where being absolutely f###ed out of your face is no big deal.

Joining SR will be one of the best things you do. The support here is phenomenal. Stick around. Good luck, man.


F.

NEOMARXIST

Alright mate. Realistically if you're an alcoholic then change is the thing that you have to strive for. Change in people, places and things that you hang out and associate with and also, most crucially, change in your thinking and attitude. I went to AA meetings regularly and really 'lived' my recovery from alcoholism. SR was of massive help to me to. For me anything other than 100% total commitment to my recovery from my alcoholism would have led to failure i.e- picking up that first drink. That to me would have lead to prison, mental institute or death.

By the time I got sober then my drinking binges would last 2/3 solid days and consist of £100's worth of Coke and pills too, anything I could get my hands on to get more wrecked. I used to drink super-strength 9% as my prefferred poison. But I was still only a binge-drinker though, not a daily 24/7 drinker, though it would have ended up that way.

My life was in the gutter and I was unemployed and had lost my dricing license through drink driving. However I still would go out and drink in pubs, though to be honest spent most time drinking alone, my drinking always ended up alone as I would get back from town after a Friday night out and start drinking Saturday morning as soon as the cornershop opened about 7.30am.

I blacked out everytime I drank. Basically my recovery has given me a new life now. I'm going to University next week and this wouldn't have happened without my recovery. I have rediscovered my love for music and my guitar again in recovery, so I spend a lot of time listening and playing music.

I don't live a life like I used to before mate or hang around with the same people anymore, I'm a recovering alcoholic and addict. I wouldn't trade my life for anything now man, peace of mind, happiness and clarity of thought.

For me then I have spent the past 14+ months rebuilding my life 'one day at a time' and my life is unfolding nicely. I don't really go to pubs anymore mate, occassioanlly, but they don't hold the appeal now that I don't drink or take drugs.

I'm a totally different person now to what I was when i finally got sober, that is fundamentally what keeps me sober. I have to actively live my recovery each day and practice the core principles in all of my affairs. It's well worth it mate, drink will just take you to the gutter if you're an alcoholic and continue to drink. I had to truly accept myself as an alcoholic to stand any chance though, especially in a culture of binge-drinking being the social norm.

All The Best mate.

milwaukeeguy85

Glasgow-

first of all welcome. I am a 25 year old young professional (in the states) and I am facing a lot of the same fears/dilemnas you do. I tend to also be the life of the party, which usually holds true, until I cross the threshold in to embaressing *******. I used to make a living going to bars "looking for ms right" and all I ended up with is a couple terrible relationships and a bunch of one night stands.

you are correct on that assesement about not being a good prospect for any self respecting lady. Time and time again I found myself involved with women that were not any better than myself aka drunken losers. Those are the type of women that have no loyalty and will eventually put the bar over your relationship (just got out of a 9 month relationship and that is basically why it ended). It is tough to learn how to build sober relationship building skills, but the onyl way to learn is to be sober.

In fact i was engaged to a girl that absolutely stole my heart from me she was my entire world and we blew it over drinking. it still kills me to this day, and we randomly talk (she is engaged again but hasn't had a drink in 2 years) about how our relationship would have been so great WITHOUT drinking, but we have been apart so long that it is impossible to reconnect on the level that we used to, thanks booze!

What I am trying to say is that: Odds are you aren't going to find mrs. Right at a bar or club yet we always keep going back looking to fill that void, especially if something bad has happened to us with the other sex. To me it sounds like you are in the same position I am.

Young and single, you feel like you are missing out by not going out since that could be the night that you meet that woman you are looking for, and whenever you try to stop that is what draws you back. Its a tough issue to deal with, but it is something that needs to be tackled or recovery is next to impossible. Have a great day man, and keep posting.

KellySad

I can totally relate to you, GlasgowBoy.

Whenever I drank, I couldn't stop...once 1 beer was in my system...off to the Moon.

I wish I could control the cravings. AA promises that the desire to drink will be lifted, but I can't see how.

Kelly

Evon

I've been told over about people, places, and things. If you are actively around people who's main goal it is to drink and get out of control then it's highly unlikely that you are going to get sober. I know that I don't surround myself with people who I know just want to get me drunk, because that's how they know me and don't understand or want me to change. That's also another thing I've learned is some people won't want you to change, because you are the one they can compare to in order to make themselves feel better.

I was also a heavy binge drinker, that didn't drink 24/7 and that kept me saying for a long time, well I don't have a problem, I'm not like them. Yet no matter what I told myself that I'd only have this much, I'd always get out of control. Yes, granted it wasn't every time I drank, but it was always in the back of my mind, is this going to be one of those nights I do something ridiculous? I've noticed since being sober, I don't have to worry about things like that. I don't have to worry about picking up the phone at 3-4am,drunk, calling my ex or family. Also, I don't wake up in the morning from a bad hangover or wondering what I did, or doing something I wouldn't do sober.
I'm grateful ,I got out of that mentality that just because I'm not as bad of a drinker as another person, doesn't make me any better or does not make me less of an alcoholic, because to me an, alcoholic is an alcoholic.
I hope you keep on posting because it's been a couple of days since I've joined and I've already read so much useful information from other peoples experiences and stories.

04Hdcp

Glasgow, I can totally relate to your situation, as I too was a binge drinker. Although I am relatively new to sobriety I have come to realize that I don't have a drinking problem, it is more of an addiction problem.

I was sitting in an AA meeting last night and kind of had an epiphany. Step ONE of the 12 steps is to admit that we are powerless over alcohol and that our life has become unmanageable. Well the second part came easy for me as my life was unmanageable. It was that first part that got explained to me and I really understood finally.

The average person can drink 1-2 drinks and it doesn't really effect them. For me 1-2 drinks is like crack. It makes me felt great, YIPEE and the party is about to get started, and my mind tells me to keep drinking and chasing that high. As someone else stated one drink is too much and 100 isn't enough. I would chase that high until I blacked-out or threw up and was asked to leave, or taken home. If I was lucky this happened on a Friday, so I could afford to do it again on Saturday.

I could control everything in my life, my business, my financial situation, even my family life (until recently) It was the alcohol that I couldn't control. I finally admitted to myself and my HP that I was POWERLESS over alcohol.

Like you, I thought I was the life of the party. As it turns out I was the entertainment and/or embarrassment of the party. Waking up the next day, trying to piece together just what in the hell had happened.

As for friends, your true friends will encourage and support your decision to take the next step. The rest are merely associates and/or acquaintances who will only drag you back into the abyss.

I am glad you are taking the next step, and talking to a professional. You may want to try to attend and AA meeting or two. I know that they have helped me to understand my situation, like nobody else could.

I hope this helps. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

glasgowboy

thanks everyone for all your responses, dont think ive ever had so many words of encouragement and support and everyone willing to share their storie so openly, big thumbs up to all of you guys.


mcribb - yes i think your right there, most of my friends are more 'going out' friends without any real substance..i am lucky though i have a very supportive family and they have all realised i need help and i hav realised too. to be honest i have probably known this for a long time deep down but never done anything serious about it. I just put it down to the whole student going out lifestyle but now doing the same thing at my age, is not the best way to move forward. Frankie,you got it spot on there. Us scots have a really bad attitude, u cant do anything these days without either being drunk, stoned or high on something else. Im ready to move on, i really am

neo - thanks for sharing your story mate. you've done really well getting thru that all, now your at uni, it'll give you another focus to get stuck into and after that the worlds your oyster. you;ve given some really good advice there, this is just the start of the road for me...but its good to see theres some light at the end of the tunnel.

milwaukee guys, you sound like the double of me lol. i dont think ive had one 'good' relationship from meeting girls on my nights outs. you'd think id learn but i dont, its the confidence building ability of drink is another reason why i hit it so hard. thinking the more i drink, the more confident and charming ill be, the more chance of meetings mrs. right. but its never quite worked like that. your right it is a tough issue, its one that ive not really thot about/appreciated before but yea im def doing it.

kelly - the cravings are bad, i only get them once every months but the longer i hold out, the bigger binge i go on...i guess we'll have to learn self control

evon - this site does seem really good, think it'll help me keep me on the right path
i think i have caught my problem before it got realy really bad, but at the same time its still a big prolem, a problem i need to sort out

DayTrader

Right there with ya.... several years ago anyway.

No way it would work, didn't see how it could work, didn't make any sense that it would work, etc etc etc....

As an analogy, think about this: Can you specifically explain why, if the earth is spinning round and round really fast.....why don't we "feel" the spinning? And why doesn't everything get flung off of it? Gravity right...well explain how we have gravity then...

Here's another. You get cancer. Doc prescribes chemo. How do those chemicals know to specifically target just the cancer cells and not rot your brain, or you leg, or your hands, etc?

I tried to pick "hard" ones.......things that we have "faith" in but don't necessarily understand the why. AA's like that. You do get the understanding but it's only through practice.

Understanding is nice......knowing THAT a particular thing IS or WILL is far more useful. They (AA) call 'em the promises for a reason.....and believe me, alkies like me would LOVE to prove that old book wrong - I'd be like a hero to alkies everywhere. Truth is, I didn't believe any of it but "I took the medicine**/I trusted gravity" and it works -- as baaadly as I wanted to prove it doesn't....it works.


** by "taking the medicine I don't mean I thought about "doing" AA..... I got in there and TOOK it.... I did it....I worked the program because I knew my life depended upon it. Failing to recover from alcoholism (and my sponsor was a 'binge drinker - alcoholic" too) isn't just "woops" or "maybe next time" - it's "you're gonna die.......maybe this time....maybe another time....how many chances do you want to take?"

and those "cravings".....that's death knocking. I wouldn't recommend letting him in.

KellySad

Glasglowboy:

I just wish I could wave a magic wand, and get rid of these cravings.

I'm good at work, at the office, but when I get home in the past, I just self-implode, self-destruct, and jump into the fridge for beer.

AI YI YI.

I am seeing my doctor on Thursday, I shall discuss this with him, as well as my high blood pressure.

Welcome to SR.

Kelly

milwaukeeguy85

Glasgow-

I actually posted a thread about this issue a couple weeks ago when i first started coming here and people gave me some really good advice/ thought processes I need to consider.

I just shared with you what really stuck with me and that is that the type of women that guys like us attract are just as messed up or even more messed up than we are. It is not so much us as the bar scene in general, but it is tough. I mean i really feel bad for the people on this site that have to deal with problems regarding their marriage, children, etc but they are more in salvage mode in regards to their relationships. You and I on the other hand are dealing with the scariness and uncertainty of trying to find a relationship. We haven't been married etc, dont have kids (i assume), and it is a really scary feeling. However the thing that has been holding us back from finding what we want and feel that we deserve is our drinking problem. It is a quick fix, gets you laid, etc, but it is no way to start a mature meaningful relationship. At our age it is really time to consider putting all that behind and put our attention to reaching our potential in regards to being quality sober human beings first and foremost. The rest will fall in to place.

Dee74

Hi Glasgowboy

Lot of good advice here.

I tried many ways to be the guy who has a couple on a Friday night - I never even got close...in fact I became a daily drinker.

In the end I realised the only way to be really free of the problem was walk away from drink entirely.

Giving up the drink is a massive change - but it's one I've never regretted.

You'll find a lot of support here GB - welcome!

D

OneWay

What a great thread so much good information and really made me not feel so alone with how I am feeling about so many things

Thanks to all for sharing all your struggles and strife

And thanks to you who have worked so hard to be sober (where I want to be ! ) for your positive vibes

least

Welcome to SR. I hope we can help you as much as this site has helped me.