99zeros

Greetings

I have just over 30 days sober My wife and I are separated, and I am currently staying with family. I have been working hard on my recovery, I completed a 20 day outpatient therapy program. I have been attending AA meetings, found a sponsor and am just starting to work the steps. I have been working out a lot, and have been doing really well starting to repair my life.

I have been looking for some self help books on healing my marriage. There are a MILLION of them out there, but most of them are of the “Dump your alcoholic Husband” variety. Can anyone point me in the direction of help towards saving a marriage from the recovering alcoholic schmuck’s perspective?

Much Appreciated.

Dee74

Hi 99zeros
Welcome

I don't know of any books, sorry. Maybe others here will...

I do know that, in my case, I couldn't force the pace of my redemption.
I didn't get to set how long gaining forgiveness and regaining trust might take, or if it might happen at all.

People had to see I'd changed. Sometimes that took a while for me to get there and for them to see it.

Focus on your recovery first and hopefully everything else will fall into place behind that 99zeros.
I worked hard to get sober and as a consequence I've had a lot of people forgive me and trust me again.

I hope you'll have the same experience

I wish you luck - you'll find a lot of support here

D

LexieCat

Congrats on the great start in your new life!

I think to the extent books like those you are looking for exist, they probably all stress putting your recovery as the number one priority in your life. Do that, or you have no life to offer anyone else.

Actions speak louder than words. Get yourself recovered. She will either take you back or she won't. Either way, you will be more likely to have a civil relationship in the future (esp. important if you have children). And even if she doesn't take you back, you will be a better partner to someone else.

stephnc

I actually called my sponsor to ask for her input because she recently separated from - and later reconciled with - her own alcoholic husband (they are both alcoholics; he relapsed.) She responded, with zero hesitation, "The Big Book." She said that working the program of recovery in AA - both her and her husband working the program - caused a psychic change in both of them that enabled each one to see their own part in their marital issues and repair damage that had been done before and after his relapse.

So I would agree with that, plus add the only relationship book I've ever found to be worth a dammmn - "Getting the Love You Want" by Harville Hendrix.

Best of luck to you.
Stephanie

Anna

I think that you will need to be patient and allow your wife to see the changes in you. It might be an idea for you to try couples counselling, if you both want that.

Gary Zukav wrote a book called 'Spiritual Partnership', in which he talks about the spiritual aspect of close relationships.

leo21

I don't know your beliefs or faith, but google "marriage on the rock".

augustwest

maybe focus on saving yourself for now. by the time we get sober we've made a million promises that we didn't keep. i had to let my actions in recovery speak for me.

Vanilla28

There are a MILLION of them out there, but most of them are of the “Dump your alcoholic Husband” variety

sorry, i dont have any suggestion, but that line made me laugh. haha

sunshine1969

Check out marriagebuilders.com or any book by Willard Harvey:
His Needs Her Needs
Lovebusters

It's amazing stuff!