Starting Today
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: IL now
Posts: 218
Starting Today
Hey all, I've been reading the forum for awhile, and always thought to myself, "Wow, I can beat this, I can stop whenever I want, no problem.."
That all is just lying to myself, of course. I have been to AA, found it wasn't really for me, but I am going to give it another chance, at a different location.
Today is my sober Day 1, and I will have many more to come, I've promised myself.
My story is an interesting one.. I really wasn't a heavy drinker, more the social drinker for several years, never had cravings for alcohol, just had a little bit here and there. Of course I went nearly 5-6 years from 19 to 25 or so, drinking, driving, clubbing, all the stuff I thought people did normally. Never got caught, and there were several times I told myself, "Wow, I shouldn't be driving."
Eventually, it catches up with you. I was still doing the occasional drink, going out with friends. Then, my grandmother passes away.. My grandmother basically raised me, so it was very hard on me. I learned she passed on a Thursday, and decided to booze it up on a Friday with some friends to numb the pain. I drove to a bar and met a friend, played some pool, drank a bit.. On my way home, I get stopped at a checkpoint. Of course, I was above the legal limit here in Cali, not by much, but I was above. This is when it all started spiraling downhill. The year before, I had married the most beautiful, awesome girl I could've asked for. She stood by me as I went through the lengthly DUI process.. I hired a lawyer, which was a good waste of money. I did my classes, I lost my license for awhile. This timeframe, the DUI, the funeral, everything, began to add up. I became fearful of driving, so I stayed home. I was bored at home, so I picked up a bottle. I would drink myself quietly to sleep, and it has been that way for the past 2.5 years almost every day. My liver is sore sometimes, my kidneys as well.. my body is complaining every day from the alcohol consumption, yet in SoCal, where everyone drinks, my mind says it is ok. The very program and punishments which California and most every other state put in place to 'teach me' about abusing alcohol, was the very program that kept me at home scared to leave, and my drinking increasing. I was going to this program with people that have their 3rd and 4th, some their 6th and 7th DUI. They made me feel invincible again against alcohol, and their stories were all of 'the good ole days'. It made me want to keep drinking, but fearful for losing my job I stay at home and drink, with myself, with other friends, whatever... The system is definitely flawed, but the fault is my own for my actions.
I've been very fortunate to be encouraged by the people on this forum.. I drank a bottle of wine last night, woke up this morning feeling terrible, I had hallucinations last night around 3AM and lasting until 5AM.. It really scared me into taking another dig at being completely sober, as I realize now that, that is the only direction I can go. I am completely powerless when I drink, and I can't drink 'just one glass' of wine, I need to feel the instant comfort of nearly a bottle.. I don't want to get buzzed, I want to get drunk..
I still have my beautiful wife, I still have an awesome job.. but both are probably at their wits end on what to do with me. My work suffers, and my wife is just tired of it..
Today, September 27th, 2010, I am making a promise to myself and to all of you, to stop.. I hope to report back how things go for my first week, and we'll see what tomorrow holds! Thanks everyone for posting your stories of battle and success.
That all is just lying to myself, of course. I have been to AA, found it wasn't really for me, but I am going to give it another chance, at a different location.
Today is my sober Day 1, and I will have many more to come, I've promised myself.
My story is an interesting one.. I really wasn't a heavy drinker, more the social drinker for several years, never had cravings for alcohol, just had a little bit here and there. Of course I went nearly 5-6 years from 19 to 25 or so, drinking, driving, clubbing, all the stuff I thought people did normally. Never got caught, and there were several times I told myself, "Wow, I shouldn't be driving."
Eventually, it catches up with you. I was still doing the occasional drink, going out with friends. Then, my grandmother passes away.. My grandmother basically raised me, so it was very hard on me. I learned she passed on a Thursday, and decided to booze it up on a Friday with some friends to numb the pain. I drove to a bar and met a friend, played some pool, drank a bit.. On my way home, I get stopped at a checkpoint. Of course, I was above the legal limit here in Cali, not by much, but I was above. This is when it all started spiraling downhill. The year before, I had married the most beautiful, awesome girl I could've asked for. She stood by me as I went through the lengthly DUI process.. I hired a lawyer, which was a good waste of money. I did my classes, I lost my license for awhile. This timeframe, the DUI, the funeral, everything, began to add up. I became fearful of driving, so I stayed home. I was bored at home, so I picked up a bottle. I would drink myself quietly to sleep, and it has been that way for the past 2.5 years almost every day. My liver is sore sometimes, my kidneys as well.. my body is complaining every day from the alcohol consumption, yet in SoCal, where everyone drinks, my mind says it is ok. The very program and punishments which California and most every other state put in place to 'teach me' about abusing alcohol, was the very program that kept me at home scared to leave, and my drinking increasing. I was going to this program with people that have their 3rd and 4th, some their 6th and 7th DUI. They made me feel invincible again against alcohol, and their stories were all of 'the good ole days'. It made me want to keep drinking, but fearful for losing my job I stay at home and drink, with myself, with other friends, whatever... The system is definitely flawed, but the fault is my own for my actions.
I've been very fortunate to be encouraged by the people on this forum.. I drank a bottle of wine last night, woke up this morning feeling terrible, I had hallucinations last night around 3AM and lasting until 5AM.. It really scared me into taking another dig at being completely sober, as I realize now that, that is the only direction I can go. I am completely powerless when I drink, and I can't drink 'just one glass' of wine, I need to feel the instant comfort of nearly a bottle.. I don't want to get buzzed, I want to get drunk..
I still have my beautiful wife, I still have an awesome job.. but both are probably at their wits end on what to do with me. My work suffers, and my wife is just tired of it..
Today, September 27th, 2010, I am making a promise to myself and to all of you, to stop.. I hope to report back how things go for my first week, and we'll see what tomorrow holds! Thanks everyone for posting your stories of battle and success.
.
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Tn
Posts: 48
I can understand what you mean about being in California, because I'm from Los Angeles, and it was normal to go to the club completely trashed and see other people the same way. I moved away and when I would go back, I'd see how much it was different here and I saw a change in me (this made me think I was better, I wasn't). I would drink alone like you and even though I wasn't out drinking crazily at the clubs, I was still being self destructive at home.
Like Julez said I also hope your week goes well and it's good you are gonna give AA another shot.
Like Julez said I also hope your week goes well and it's good you are gonna give AA another shot.
EntertheSticks
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 139
Welcome so cal. Dealing with sobriety can be an up and down challenge, but it was a good step to come on the boards and recognize that you need to change your life.
I personally think Driving check points are ridiculously unconstitutional and state mandated treatment programs are designed more to profit the companies administering the treatment than to help the person that is having difficulties, and reading all the stuff you went through genuinely struck an angry nerve with me. It has been statistically shown that giving addicts ample treatment programs does far more than threatening them with jail and high lawyer fees. You are yet another victim of the government trying to soak up every dime they can.
With that being said, you need to find appropriate means to help you with your problem . Starting here is a very good start. I was also raised by my grandmother and the thought of anything happening to her (her health is deteriorating) breaks my heart ahead of time so I know how you feel. Keep working at it and good things will happen. I am happy you have a supportive woman in your life, but you should make sure that this change is internal, I have learned that leaning on others for sobriety can be extremely dangerous.
I personally think Driving check points are ridiculously unconstitutional and state mandated treatment programs are designed more to profit the companies administering the treatment than to help the person that is having difficulties, and reading all the stuff you went through genuinely struck an angry nerve with me. It has been statistically shown that giving addicts ample treatment programs does far more than threatening them with jail and high lawyer fees. You are yet another victim of the government trying to soak up every dime they can.
With that being said, you need to find appropriate means to help you with your problem . Starting here is a very good start. I was also raised by my grandmother and the thought of anything happening to her (her health is deteriorating) breaks my heart ahead of time so I know how you feel. Keep working at it and good things will happen. I am happy you have a supportive woman in your life, but you should make sure that this change is internal, I have learned that leaning on others for sobriety can be extremely dangerous.
Phormer Drunk since AVRT
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: California, USA
Posts: 47
Here's another supporter from California. I'm on day 2 and pretty much did the same as you. Stayed home, drank myself to sleep for close to 6 years. It's not worth it. I already feel like I've woke up in a different, much better world. All the best to you and keep posting.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by SoCalDude 
Today, September 27th, 2010, I am making a promise to myself and to all of you, to stop.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: IL now
Posts: 218
Thank you everyone for the welcome and kind words. Good luck, Renee65! I'm only a private message away if you need someone to talk with. It's hard to quit in California, everyone is alcoholics, haha..
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Montreal
Posts: 19
Wow
I just joined this forum today and your story sounds so familiar! I cant believe your liver hurts I thought that was all in my head !
I too sit at home and drink alone at first it was becasue I didnt want to get caught drinking and driving but it became very comfotable for me to just sit at home and get blitzed by myself. Its just getting worse and worse ,more drunks nights than sober .
I want to have the will to quit I am just not sure if I am there yet but I am finally starting to give it some serious thought
Maybe its not the way to do it but I am thinking of just starting to NOT drink during the week to start off with
Anyone ever have any luck by doing something like that ?? You know start by cutting down then cutting out ??
I too sit at home and drink alone at first it was becasue I didnt want to get caught drinking and driving but it became very comfotable for me to just sit at home and get blitzed by myself. Its just getting worse and worse ,more drunks nights than sober .
I want to have the will to quit I am just not sure if I am there yet but I am finally starting to give it some serious thought
Maybe its not the way to do it but I am thinking of just starting to NOT drink during the week to start off with
Anyone ever have any luck by doing something like that ?? You know start by cutting down then cutting out ??
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,313
hi SoCalDude 
A lot of us live in heavy drinking societies - I'm Australian - so it's good to know where you'll always find a sober support 24/7.
I recommend you see a Dr too. It's always a good first step especially if you have aches and pains
Welcome to SR
D
A lot of us live in heavy drinking societies - I'm Australian - so it's good to know where you'll always find a sober support 24/7.
I recommend you see a Dr too. It's always a good first step especially if you have aches and pains
Welcome to SR
D
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,313
Hi and welcome to you too One Way
Tapering or trying to limit never worked for me - and I tried for 20 years.
If you're that worried about going cold turkey, and you're having pains as well, I definitely recommend you detox under medical supervision, whether that be a Dr or a detox centre or whatever.
Feel free to start your own thread to introduce yourself too. You may get a little buried here
D
Tapering or trying to limit never worked for me - and I tried for 20 years.
If you're that worried about going cold turkey, and you're having pains as well, I definitely recommend you detox under medical supervision, whether that be a Dr or a detox centre or whatever.
Feel free to start your own thread to introduce yourself too. You may get a little buried here
D
Last edited by Dee74; 09-27-2010 at 03:50 PM. Reason: clarity
Hooligan
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Snowy North-Eastern U.S.
Posts: 321
Today is my day one as well after a binge last night but I'm already going to my first meeting this week I am not even scarred but excited. Last night is the last night I will Ever drink again. I'm doing it for me and my family. Stay strong friend
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: IL now
Posts: 218
Thanks Dee74!
OneWay, You're not alone.. at first I just thought I had eaten something bad, but then started noticing it was only after major drinking binges... however, I still chose to ignore it for the last few months... because well, drinking made it feel better (numbing the pain).
I also agree with Dee74, that, if I do a weekend binge, I will go right back to daily binges.. for a lot of people, its either all or nothing.. I am putting myself in that category more often now, realizing I need to quit, not slow down. Whatever works for you, you have all of us as your backup, I'm hoping day 2 will be better, because it's 3:00PM and I'm already starting to get that 'excited feeling' about going home and having a drink to relax..
None for me though
OneWay, You're not alone.. at first I just thought I had eaten something bad, but then started noticing it was only after major drinking binges... however, I still chose to ignore it for the last few months... because well, drinking made it feel better (numbing the pain).
I also agree with Dee74, that, if I do a weekend binge, I will go right back to daily binges.. for a lot of people, its either all or nothing.. I am putting myself in that category more often now, realizing I need to quit, not slow down. Whatever works for you, you have all of us as your backup, I'm hoping day 2 will be better, because it's 3:00PM and I'm already starting to get that 'excited feeling' about going home and having a drink to relax..
None for me though
EntertheSticks
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 139
Moderation just opens the door for relapse. When I first started therapy about 3.5 years ago (i had other serious issues going on but alchohol was amplifying their effects) my psychologist put me on an 8 drink per day count. The only reason he did that is he knew that I couldn't be reasoned with. It took me about 1 day to break it, and my drinking ended up getting worse because I tried to justify it with a "drink count" that i would always cheat with anyway.
The hard part about quitting is filling that void that drinking took up. The time, the friendships, etc are all part of the sacrifice in order to actually live this new life that you desire. That is something a lot of us struggle with and will probably struggle with for quite a long time.
The hard part about quitting is filling that void that drinking took up. The time, the friendships, etc are all part of the sacrifice in order to actually live this new life that you desire. That is something a lot of us struggle with and will probably struggle with for quite a long time.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: IL now
Posts: 218
That's the thing... I really have no big reasons to drink. I've got a cool wife, a great job, its just I kind of fell into it when I got the DUI, and haven't figured a way back out.. My neighbor is inspiring as well, as he had the same type of problem, but ended up in jail for several years because of it. Now he has a beautiful family, a great life.. everything I strive to achieve, but he took a much harder road. I hope to learn from mistakes of others, and also realize that where I'm at is just the tip of the iceberg, when it comes to how far alcohol can really take you down in life.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Hi SoCal and welcome! Sounds like you have a solid commitment and a good attitude (learning from other's mistakes is a great way to avoid all those nasty consequences, too).
I found this site when I was ready to quit too. It's been a lifesaver for me and I'm glad you've decided to join us. There are bumps along the road (the same as "normal" people experience) but there are SO many rewards too!
I found this site when I was ready to quit too. It's been a lifesaver for me and I'm glad you've decided to join us. There are bumps along the road (the same as "normal" people experience) but there are SO many rewards too!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: IL now
Posts: 218
Made it through day 1! It was tough, football game, wife went out drinking with her friend.. I was home bored except for the game..
I feel quite a bit better this morning though! Working on Day 2
I feel quite a bit better this morning though!
Working on Day 2
Phormer Drunk since AVRT
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: California, USA
Posts: 47
Way to go So Cal...I'm on day 2...It's amazing how much better I feel this morning. I swear I haven't felt this good in years. Just waking up without that feeling of total defeat is worth it right now. Thanks for posting.
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